H
Hatsune Candy
Guest
Original poster
I'm just a little unsure of myself as of late, I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I've kinda lost the motivation to find out. The majority of my days are spent just on the Internet or playing video games and it's making me feel empty inside.
Some of you might already know this, but I've been suffering from depression these past few years, due to a variety of events having a largely negative effect on my life as a whole. When I lost my closest friend several months ago, that was pretty much my lowest point. Since then, things have been improving somewhat. But it occurs to me that I still don't feel too great. While I've forgiven myself for most of my past mistakes, I still lack a lot of confidence in my ability to make decisions and my motivation is just as sparse as before. I've been struggle to fall asleep at night and I lack energy during the day, even at times when I actually do get the sleep I need. And a good chunk my time is consumed by this feeling of worthlessness, that I lack potiental for anything good.
I think part of this has to deal with being rushed into college by my parents. I was 'lucky' enough to get thrust into this program in 5th grade that would provide me with free tuition at the nearest community college, but only if I attended the year after I graduated high school. I was in 5th grade, in no way was I old enough to make such big decision; even if I was, it's not like they had asked for my consent anyways. Even so, at anytime I could have opted out of the program, no questions asked. Except my parents insisted, nay, forced me to stick with it. At the time, it didn't really bother me, because they had me convince that it was the best thing for me, but never once did they consider whether or not I actually wanted to go to college.
And so the first semester was a nightmare. It was stressful, exhausting, nerve-racking, and just down right awful. I was put under so much pressure that I just couldn't take it; I dropped out of every single one of my classes, except for one, which I failed horribly. Despite the strain that it was clearly putting on me, my parents still insisted that I attend the next semester, putting me under even more pressure. They were so sure that it'd go better that the mess called last semester, there was simply no convincing them. I find myself dreading the days I have to attend class; even now, as I type this, I'm mainly doing so with the intent of avoiding the next day for as long as possible. Really, because after all of that, plus what I've had to deal with inbetween, I just feel completely drained.
I deviated quite a bit from what I originally wanted to say, so I don't feel like that I addressed the problem I wanted to address, but my point is that I'm a little stuck. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I thought I did, but it turns out I was wrong; and as sad as it may be, I have no where else to turn to but here. I'm not asking for advice, necessarily, as I don't expect any one to be capable of solving my dilemma; but I kinda just really wanted... someone to know how I feel right now.... Especially since I don't have any real friends to talk to about it.
Some of you might already know this, but I've been suffering from depression these past few years, due to a variety of events having a largely negative effect on my life as a whole. When I lost my closest friend several months ago, that was pretty much my lowest point. Since then, things have been improving somewhat. But it occurs to me that I still don't feel too great. While I've forgiven myself for most of my past mistakes, I still lack a lot of confidence in my ability to make decisions and my motivation is just as sparse as before. I've been struggle to fall asleep at night and I lack energy during the day, even at times when I actually do get the sleep I need. And a good chunk my time is consumed by this feeling of worthlessness, that I lack potiental for anything good.
I think part of this has to deal with being rushed into college by my parents. I was 'lucky' enough to get thrust into this program in 5th grade that would provide me with free tuition at the nearest community college, but only if I attended the year after I graduated high school. I was in 5th grade, in no way was I old enough to make such big decision; even if I was, it's not like they had asked for my consent anyways. Even so, at anytime I could have opted out of the program, no questions asked. Except my parents insisted, nay, forced me to stick with it. At the time, it didn't really bother me, because they had me convince that it was the best thing for me, but never once did they consider whether or not I actually wanted to go to college.
And so the first semester was a nightmare. It was stressful, exhausting, nerve-racking, and just down right awful. I was put under so much pressure that I just couldn't take it; I dropped out of every single one of my classes, except for one, which I failed horribly. Despite the strain that it was clearly putting on me, my parents still insisted that I attend the next semester, putting me under even more pressure. They were so sure that it'd go better that the mess called last semester, there was simply no convincing them. I find myself dreading the days I have to attend class; even now, as I type this, I'm mainly doing so with the intent of avoiding the next day for as long as possible. Really, because after all of that, plus what I've had to deal with inbetween, I just feel completely drained.
I deviated quite a bit from what I originally wanted to say, so I don't feel like that I addressed the problem I wanted to address, but my point is that I'm a little stuck. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I thought I did, but it turns out I was wrong; and as sad as it may be, I have no where else to turn to but here. I'm not asking for advice, necessarily, as I don't expect any one to be capable of solving my dilemma; but I kinda just really wanted... someone to know how I feel right now.... Especially since I don't have any real friends to talk to about it.
