FANFICTION Staff Fanfiction by Staff for Staff

[rissa]

Can i just have a bite of everyone...

 

[Jorick]

Can i just have a bite of everyone...

pls no cannibalism

 

[~Happily.Ever.After~]

 

[Elle Joyner]

Well heck... 0-O now I REALLY want cupcakes...

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

Kitti actually making these cupcakes and shipping them to us when??

 

[firejay1]

Who else thinks kitti needs her own cupcake?

 

[Greenie]

Who else thinks kitti needs her own cupcake?

ME!!!

Great minds think alike!

O.O But what sorta cuppy cake would she be? Hmm....

 

[The Mood is Write]

I wanna say lemon meringue or maybe toasted marshmallow. :o

 

[~Happily.Ever.After~]

I wanna say lemon meringue or maybe toasted marshmallow. :o

i was thinking that exactly!

 

[Falcon]

 

[The Mood is Write]

I uh

totally didn't groan with lust for that cupcake

really

 

[Kitti]

Iwakumas 2017​

The winds outside of the Iwaku lounge had been growing increasingly cold over the past few days and one morning, they all arrived to find that the windows were frosted in a delicate patina of ice. It was only a matter of time until the first snowflakes began to fall outside onto barren tree branches and burrows of animals tucked away for the winter. The thought of the approaching holidays buoyed Diana's spirits and she thought fondly over how nice it would be to have the staff in a festive mood once again.

As she went down the hallway to her office, however, she caught a snippet of conversation from the lounge where Joan and Scripturient were sipping coffee and nibbling on cookies.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just not feeling it this year," Joan said, biting the head off of a reindeer-shaped sugar cookie. Scripturient nodded understandingly and took another sip of her coffee before replying.

"I don't think the members even notice all the Iwakumas events anymore. Maybe it would be easier on the event people if we just skipped them."

Pulling back in surprise, Diana couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not excited for Iwakumas! Easier to skip it! Her fingers clenched around the hem of her skirt. She couldn't have staff without Iwakumas cheer so close to the holidays! There had to be a way to bring the childlike wonder back into their eyes.

Quick as a whistle, she was in her office and slamming the door shut in her haste – the sound caused Joan and Scripturient to jump so much that they spilt a dash of coffee onto their laps. Snatching up the phone from its cradle, Diana punched the speed dial and waited.

"What'd you break?" came a sleepy reply over the phone as Jared picked it up at last. Diana huffed at the implication.

"Nothing! No, really! Nothing is broken," she argued with him indignantly. "I have something I need you to help me with. Get here as soon as you can!"

Several days later, the Iwakumas holiday party was running… way behind schedule, quite frankly. The party was supposed to be held that evening and the decorations were still tucked away in the basement of the building, presents still to be wrapped hidden in a broom closet that none of the staff dared go near anymore after Diana heavily implied it to be the final resting place of a particular lecherous piece of toast, and it was well past the time that someone should have started preparing dinner, given how long it would all take to cook.

"Diana, get out here and help already," Astaroth grumbled, knocking aggressively on the locked office door. There was a long silence, which was never a good sign. After a minute with no answer, he tried the handle again but it stayed fast. Before he could resume complaining, a breathless voice finally responded, though not satisfactorily.

"Go start getting everything ready! I'll be done in a minute!"

Astaroth rolled his eyes but left in search of Kitti and Jorick, who were double checking the batteries in their flashlights and revisiting protocol for what to do should someone end up lost in the labyrinthine archives that stretched onward further than the eye could see.

"Right, and remember, Jorick: if you accidentally wake any of the owls, cover your face as fast as you can," Kitti concluded, Astaroth nodding solemnly as he approached. Another flashlight was handed over and the trio descended the stairs, the darkness slowly engulfing their silhouettes until all that could be seen from the top of the staircase were three pinpricks of light.

Meanwhile, staff members began to arrive. Some wanted to be early to help, some wanted to see if they could manage to booby trap the stockings again this year, and some of them simply had nowhere else to be but the end result was the same – a steady trickle of incoming staff until they were all sitting around the fire eating sugar cookies in the shape of bunnies. It was just as Diana had hoped as she peeked out of her office at the animated conversations keeping them all distracted.

"Hurry!" she hissed, watching Jared try to drag the hefty metal machine. When it barely budged, she gave in and helped move it into the hallway, hopefully close enough to everyone to hit them all. With great anticipation, she rubbed her hands together, resisting the urge to touch some of the shiny buttons herself as Jared turned on the machine. The pair were standing together behind the screen, watching the loading bar slowly fill.

"Childlike wonder in three… two… one..."

A bright light like the intense flash of a thousand paparazzo all trying to capture the same shot at once illuminated the whole room, leaving everyone momentarily dazzled and blinded. A sound not unlike the blowing of a fuse echoed the flash, followed by the faint smell of smoke.

It took a few hard blinks before Diana could see properly again but when her vision finally cleared, the first thing that she noticed was that the screen on the machine had gone dark. The second was that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

Fortunately for Diana, a handful of minutes later she heard the unmistakable creaking of the staircase into the basement as the admins returned from their decoration-gathering mission. Their arms were loaded with teetering stacks of boxes, their arms and faces bearing a variety of scratches and peck marks, but they had returned – everyone alive this time, too.

With their arms so full they couldn't see around the boxes, the three didn't immediately notice that anything was amiss. That is, until they heard a frantic scrambling and the sound of something heavy scraping over the floor. When the words "I can fix this!" followed, it took a great deal of self-restraint to not drop the boxes and investigate at once. Warily, they placed their finds on the ground to survey the scene.

"Dammit, one of those stacks of boxes fell on me and this is hell, isn't it?" Astaroth spoke first, breaking the stunned silence. Kitti was surreptitiously pinching different patches of skin. And Jorick just started laughing. Standing in front of them were thirty pint-sized staff members.

Astaroth was back at Diana's office door so quickly he was practically a blur, pounding on it again with gusto.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I can fi-" a disgruntled noise interrupted Diana, "well, we can fix this! Probably. Keep them from dying while we fix the machine."

Kitti ushered the miniature staff away from Jorick, who was still laughing and had shifted drastically from being the one handling it best to possibly having a mental breakdown. They needed to divide and conquer, and quickly, she realized as she saw a few stragglers already trying to break away and wander off.

"Astaroth, maybe you can get some of them to help you put up decorations," Kitti suggested cheerfully, sweeping an eager looking pair, Tarieles and Kimberlyn towards him. Reina was right behind, eyes bright. Astaroth looked between Diana's door, the boxes of decorations, and the small volunteers.

"I guess it couldn't hurt..." he decided, waving them over to the nearest stack. Seemingly from out of nowhere, Herzi was at his side with little hands outstretched for decorations. Astaroth looked away just long enough to dig out a few of the less breakable shiny baubles but when he turned around again, he nearly tripped over Instrusive and Crystal, who were contentedly nibbling little cone-shaped cakes stuffed to the brim with whipped cream.

"Jorick, can you finish the wrapping?" Astaroth called over, depositing decorations in the waiting hands held out around him as the children tumbled over themselves to get the choicest locations for their respective items.

Having stopped laughing at last, Jorick took a deep breath and rolled up his sleeves. He set off in the direction of the closet until he heard the poorly concealed sounds of laughter from behind him. He glanced back at Kitti and Astaroth, both of whom had clapped their hands over their mouths to stifle more giggling.

"What?"

All they could do was point down. He followed with his eyes to find a little row of staff tidily lined up behind him like ducklings. Peregrine and Fiery had on determined expressions that might have not have been noteworthy before but only served to make them look cuter as it were then. Behind them, Falcon and Pahn were also lined up, looking a little more aware of their mischief.

"We want to help," Fiery started, lifting her chin defiantly and gesturing at Peregrine.

"Us too!" Pahn chirped, practically bouncing with excitement.

"Well you can't" Jorick told them flatly, quirking an eyebrow. He had to work hard to keep a straight face when their faces contorted with indignation. Almost at once, he was surrounded by a small throng arguing about why he should let them help. He glanced up at the other two but they were conveniently not meeting his eye.

"Maybe you can help with… something" he sighed at last. Then did a double take, as the group was now nearly doubled in size.

"You don't need to worry, boss, we'll do our best" said Sen, giving a little salute. Behind her, Click was nodding fervently.

"I can write the names on tags! And Nemo can lick them." Winter was behind him, holding up a pen.

"What? No, no, you don't lick them. They're not envelopes," Jorick sounded dismayed, practically buried beneath his growing pile of eager helpers.

From the couch by the fireplace, Kitti had gathered a number of the rest around her with the promise of reading stories. EJ and Greenie were seated on either side of her with rapt attention, the first two to be drawn in by the idea. On either side of them, Moody and Poet were happily doodling but still glancing over every so often.

As Kitti held up the story, a festive book that had been packed away with the decorations called "The First Iwakumas", Nav and Dipper wandered over to sit in front and listen along. Kitti had barely opened to the first page, however, when Eru came sliding toward them. At first Kitti was concerned that he seemed to be being propelled by an invisible force until Fire poked her head out from around his side.

"Go on, ask!" she poked Eru in the side.

"Can we listen too?" Eru said shyly, avoiding another poke aimed for his side.

"Of course! Maybe you can sit with Dipper and Nav."

No sooner had they plopped down than Dipper was holding out one of the plates of cookies to them, Nav already happily munching away at one.

"Look, Poet! I drew a bear! And he lives in a field of poppies and he can see the future with the help of his magic emerald," Moody said, proudly holding up her drawing.

Patting Moody on the head, Kitti held up the first page of the book's illustrations for all of them to see. It featured rabbits looking very cold in a field of snow.

"It was the coldest, snowiest day of the year..."

"KIIIIITTIIII! RISSA HIT ME!"

Without warning, a small form bolted for the couch, looking furious. Despite the voice having clearly been Shizuo, the angry little face belonged to Rissa.

"I did! But only because he said I'd been bad and wasn't gonna get nothin' and they were gonna give all the presents to him."

"You know you can't just hit Shiz, Rissa. And Shiz, you're not supposed to be being mean," Kitti started wearily chiding.

"Sure I can. And I did," Rissa had crossed her arms over her chest. From the arm of the couch, Shiz stuck his tongue out at her. Kitti sighed.

"Shiz, why don't you go over and see if Astaroth needs more help with the decorations?" Kitti suggested, scooted him in that direction, "Rissa, you can sit here with Fire, okay?"

Shizuo and darkflames approached Astaroth almost simultaneously and he looked suspiciously at them both.

"Shiz, if you hit anyone else, I'll lock you in the basement with the owls," Astaroth warned, waggling a finger at him before turning his attention to darkflames.

"I told Nemo and Nemo told me to tell Jorick and Jorick told me to tell you… I saw Diana!" whipping his head around to see, Astaroth saw that Diana and Jared had indeed emerged from the office and were dragging the machine with them once more.

"Get them all gathered up again," Diana instructed, gesturing at the scattered staff. Each admin herded their charges forward toward the machine but from behind Jorick, Turtle was protesting.

"We're missing someone!" she said, counting sternly on her fingers.

The admins looked at one another before exclaiming simultaneously.

"APPLO!"

A sleepy little head poked up from one of the empty decoration boxes, stretching and yawning.

"That's all of them, hurry up before they move," Diana tried to touch one of the buttons but Astaroth smacked her hand away.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave them like this? They are kind of cute, and they do have childlike wonder..." Jared started, trying to feign innocence.

"Next Iwakumas, let's not do anything," Jorick suggested, pushing Happily back into the cluster as she tried to slip away in the direction of the decorations.

"Or we make Diana do everything," Astaroth said, smiling wickedly.

"Oh, speaking of which... did anyone make dinner?" Kitti was frowning, "Maybe we'll just have to eat leftover cupcakes..."

 

[Astaroth]

I don't get it. What did Diana's contraption do to the Staff? Everything seems normal to me.

 

[Nav]

You got my love of cooking munching down perfect.

 

[Greenie]

I loved it! Thanks for indulging XD

 

[firejay1]

So Much Cutes.

 

[rissa]

BEAUTIFUL

 

[CrystalTears]

Crystal, who were contentedly nibbling little cone-shaped cakes stuffed to the brim with whipped cream.

Kitti, I didn't know you knew me so well! xD <3

 

[firejay1]

BEAUTIFUL

She liked being able to hit shiz, I think. And him getting warned by Star even though she was the one doing the hitting. xD

 

[Pahn]

"Us too!" Pahn chirped, practically bouncing with excitement.

Captured my spirit 10/10 would let write fanfic about me again XD