Sometimes I wonder

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LunaValentine

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I've been trying to lose weight....took me a month to lose 10 lbs and in FIVE FUCKING DAYS I gained half of it back? The worst thing is....I'm not doing it for me. I'm trying to lose weight to please my mother who loves to comment on my weight. I just feel like giving up. There's just no time between TRYING to have a social life, work, and just wanting to have fun. There's no way I'll ever have a love life so I've given up on those dreams but why do I have to choose between being fit/healthy weight and having a fucking social life?
 
Hello there! I just happened to take a peak onto the forum and stumbled on your predicament.

After reading it it seems to be that you've gotten caught into a spiral of life obligations mixed with oppressive comments made by your mother, which have then lead you to a downward slope of negativity. The fact you've lost that weight in the first place is admirable, regardless of whether you've put it back on or not because the fact you were able to even motivate yourself in the first place shows a greater strength of will than what many people have, since most people will often struggle to become motivated when it comes to bettering oneself physically.

While that is an achievement, It's a shame it's come from a feeling of inadequacy due to the comments made from your mother, rather than actually making the choice for yourself. You should never change yourself in body or mind for the sake of someone else, even if that person is family. You're your own person and ultimately the only person who has the right to question what you do and don't do in 'your' life. Also who is to say you wont find love? there are so many people in the world, all from different backgrounds and histories with preferences of their own. There's no governing body or force that dictates a prerequisite for finding someone in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner. So don't ever give up on that, especially when it is such a rich part of the human experience as a whole.

You don't have to chose between a social life and being fit, in fact, you don't need to make any choices at all if you don't want too. Ultimately you are the architect of your world, and whatever happens within it is fully down to you. If you want to work out, do it. If you don't, who cares? what does it matter what anyone else thinks. Same with your social life, it's the exact same thing. If you want to go out, do it, if you don't... don't. It seems like you've put allot of pressure on yourself, where there doesn't have to be any. I'll cut this short here or else I'll end up ranting myself. But in any case I really hope this works out for you.

Just try to remember that you are you, no one else. And very importantly, never give up on love.
 
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@_@ Assuming you're cisgender, you should not be beating yourself up for gaining a mere five pounds, because it is completely normal for a woman's weight to fluctuate like that. It all has to do with your menstrual cycle.

So since you're saying that, in the span of a month, you lost ten pounds, then gained five? I'd say that both the weight lost and the weight gained were probably nothing more than the result of your body's usual monthly activities. So, the bad news is, I'm not sure you can really credit yourself with losing those ten pounds. But the good news is, you didn't do anything wrong. You don't have to feel bad about gaining that weight back. Also, you're likely to lose those same pounds again next month.

In fact, because of this monthly fluctuation, I would ignore any weight gain/loss that's any less than ten pounds away from the norm. This unfortunately means that you can't get too excited about those moments when your weight is on the decline, but it also means you don't have to worry so much about it going back up again. So, instead of tracking every instance of your weight increasing or decreasing, maybe look at monthly averages instead? Because a regular series of ups and downs is normal, but also doesn't show very much progress in regards to your goal. But if, on average, you see that you weigh less now than you did several months ago? Then you're getting somewhere!

But yeah, don't feel bad about your weight spiking up again in a short amount of time, or the increased appetite that would result in such a weight gain. Your body is literally trying to reconstruct the lining of an organ -- not just for you but also for the potential zygote that would need to latch onto that nutrient-rich lining. Your body needs a few extra calories to pull off that sort of thing. @_@ Also, blood has weight. If you're losing blood then you're losing weight, technically speaking. Just seeing that your weight has gone down doesn't necessarily mean that you've burned any fat, especially in regards to a machine as finicky as the female body. >>

Also, have you ever tried to weigh yourself before pooping, and then weighed yourself again to figure out how much your poop weighed? ...What I'm trying to say is, your menstrual cycle isn't the only bodily function that results in regular ups and downs in your weight that have nothing to do with fat-burning. Your body consumes and expels enough things on a regular basis that you'd need to observe a significant increase/decrease in your weight over a long period of time (several months, at the very least) to really say that you're "gaining/losing weight" in the way that you mean. So, if you're the type of person who assumes that you've done something wrong because you suddenly weigh two pounds more than you did yesterday... I would try to get out of that mindset.

Point is, don't freak out over the little bumps and spikes like this. Such increases are normal and healthy and not at all a sign that your diet isn't working out for you. I recommend looking at long-term changes in weight for a more effective indicator of whether or not you're actually losing weight. And, in general, instead of taking things day-by-day, just try to develop healthier habits that you keep up day after day, regardless of whether you happened to gain or lose a few pounds on any one of those days. Because, if you're adopting healthier habits and sticking to them, then those habits should lead to a healthier weight down the road -- it'll just be a while before you can see any clear signs of it. Regularly re-gaining a few pounds here and there doesn't mean that all is lost, so don't let yourself be fooled. :P
So......Basically there's no point in running 8+ miles nearly every day. so I've been trying to work my ass off for NO FUCKING REASON. Thanks for the push towards giving up because "I'm a woman and the work I've put in doesn't mean jack shit". Instead of saying ANYTHING useful you're saying It doesn't matter that I gained FIVE POUNDS versus 2 (which I can stand because that happens, I drink shit tons of water) because what I have managed to lose means FUCK ALL. THANKS (heavy sarcasam)
 
:/ I'm not saying that it's all been for no reason. I'm saying that it's too early to see any signs of progress yet, and trying to track your weight day-by-day would be misleading.

If you keep it up, your weight should improve! You'd just have to wait a while longer to see any signs of progress. I wasn't trying to tell you to give up -- quite the opposite! -- I was trying to say not to worry about tiny changes in weight like this, as I didn't want you to feel discouraged every time your weight went back up. :/
And yet that's not what I'm getting. I see a lot of. "Anything 10 lbs or less isn't a real loss of weight" just tell me, HOW DOES THAT MEAN "KEEP IT UP"?! I've already expressed that I'm on the verge of giving up. pointing out that the hard work I've put in doesn't mean anything just makes me feel MORE hopeless. I just don't see a point if what I've worked so hard for doesn't mean anything. What should I be doing? Barely eating anything and SOMEHOW manage to run 12+ miles? Clearly 8 isn't enough (which is more than MY OWN BROTHER runs daily and he runs marathons for fun and is in great fucking shape) so what more do I need? If my best isn't enough I should just give up. Because that's how your post makes me feel, that my best isn't enough. And considering I have a long way yet to go.....It just makes me feel there's no light at the end of this fucking tunnel and that I should just give up now.
 
Apparently people don't read.THIS is why I don't ask for advice from anyone (and by the way, i wasnt looking for ways to lose weight fast. This is a fucling rant post). Fuck it I'm done. I'm never telling anyone how I feel not ranting to anyone or anything ever again because it only makes me feel worse.
 
@Everyone

I'd like for you all to respect the fact that this is a rant and not to post any more advice, alright? Post your agreement and sentiment towards @LunaValentine but no more advice.


@LunaValentine

I'm sorry you're going what you're going through. Please don't bite off heads though, yeah? @Kaga-kun is trying the only way they can to be helpful. You're right though, this is your safe place to rant about the situation. So rant away, okay?

That said, when or if you ever want to talk about this, let us know! Or drop me a line in my PM's. I've got a fair bit of knowledge about physical training and nutrition you might find useful. If not, that's okay too. Alright?

I hope things get better for you or you find a happy medium for what you're dealing with. Be safe!
 
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