So, uh...rant/help?

[The Alchemist]

Well, I'm...not really one to talk to others about my feelings and stuff. If only because I don't really have a whole lot of people to talk to about this kind of thing. I saw this little counseling thread...and figured why the hell not. I might as well give it a shot, because I need advice...help, whatever you want to call it.


So. Ever since I got my diploma last summer semester, I have come to realize something.

I'm bored with life.


Before then, i was just coasting along, going with the flow. Just thought that "hey, I'm doing good so I'm pretty happy" but then, I got my diploma, did everything on graduation and everything, and I thought it'd be the best day of my life. That'd I'd feel like I actually accomplished something, but no. I was handed the piece of paper and all I felt was "...what now? is this it?" I just felt as I always did. I felt...nothing. Just 'Meh'.

And on my way home, I realized that this entire year I wasn't content, I was bored.

Literally, everything bores me. Nothing is fun. I can't enjoy anything any more. These days, it's simply find someway to pass the time without ripping my brains out out of boredom. Depressed? Maybe, I don't think so, but it's possible. I'm not cutting myself or doing other thing like that. I like living, even if right now Its like...I don't have any direction in my life or know what the actual hell i'm doing.

I dunno why, but everything has just begun to seem so...meaningless, in the end. Like, what's the actual point of doing anything? Its not like anything *I* do will ever matter in the grand scheme of things.

It's not because I've failed and given up. Certainly I've failed but, failing is all part of the learning process. I've failed plenty of times and moved on and kept practicing.

....I just...I'm not exceptionally good at anything. I'm not passionate about anything, something I would pursue even if I wasn't so good at it. Sometimes, it feels like...I'm living out of habit. Just...living for the sake of living. And even now, I'm kinda...I guess maybe grown bored of that too. The semesters already start and I've already practically given up on my classes.

How...how do all of you do it?

How do I...enjoy life? How do I find something I like doing? Because right now, everything is just so...dull. Friends, family, class...everything, is just dull, boring, and pointless...so, grey and colorless.

How does someone enjoy something? enjoy life? Do I need friends? Because I don't have a whole lot of those. Would moving out of my parents house work? Because I would if I could, but I don't have money for that. Do I need a significant other or something? Would that help? Because I've never dated before. I don't like most people in real life. I find most humans annoying....

Do I need a psychologist? Because I don't exactly have the money for a good one...

/semi-rant asking for advice post over with.

And uh, please, take this seriously. I'm...quite sensitive about this stuff....this took a lot of hesitantly hovering over the create thread button to post....

 

[Space Cowboy]

I can't find the interview where he talked about it right now, but Hugh Laurie (the star of House) talked candidly about his battle with depression. He said that he was witness to a car accident, full-on collision with crunching, screams, blood, the works--

And he was bored. He didn't feel fear, adrenaline, excitement, terror, nothing; he was simply bored. He went on to say that was the moment he knew that something was wrong, and he went on to speak to a psychiatrist and psychologist and the whole shebang, who helped him realize that he had been depressed, and for a very long time.

It begs the logic then, maybe that could have been what led him to pursue comedy and his other craftwork, and why he was so good at it.

Point I'm making is, whether or not you have depression, it's not a bad idea to see a psychiatrist, a licensed, paid professional, to talk to. There's no judgment in it, and anyone that would give you shit over it deserves a kick in their reproductives.


That said, I also am a firm believer in life is what you make it. No passion? Find a passion! Read, expand your knowledge; you don't stop at a diploma. Hell, go for a Masters! If you're bored now, with what you have and are dealing with, then change things up. Stop being bored an do things you've always wanted to do. There are no excuses! There should never be excuses!

No money to go fishing? Save up a paycheck, blow it on a rental trip to go fishing.

Always wanted to go climbing? Try one of those in-door rock-faces. Cheap, safe, and lots of teachers.

Want to shoot a gun? Firing ranges are all over that teach safety and offer gun rentals.

You're not restricted. There's no such thing as "I'll wait for tomorrow" unless you restrict yourself to tomorrow. If you're bored, if life is grey, make it un-grey. Life is what you make of it.


And that's all I got to say about that.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

It honestly just sounds like you have yet to meet your passion.

I'd suggest look at the things you currently do and find elements of those things you like.
For example forum roleplaying, maybe what you really like is being able to be a character who isn't you?
If so, find other hobbies that are similliar, acting, D&D, Larping etc.

In other words try new things, but try new things which already has an element of something you know you like already or at least are familiar with.
Sooner or later you should be able to find a passion that drives you.

Though I would see a psychologist as well, not consistently mind you. Just one or two sessions, just to be safe/confirm if there's something like depression going on. If not, then you're good and now you know. If yes, then now you know and can do something about it, and see if that helps.

Lastly do not get into a relationship just to alleviate boredom. You should be getting into a relationship you legitimately care for and are happy around, you don't want to get in such a commitment with a person who barely care for just because you want to see if something happens.

 

[The Alchemist]

That said, I also am a firm believer in life is what you make it. No passion? Find a passion! Read, expand your knowledge; you don't stop at a diploma. Hell, go for a Masters! If you're bored now, with what you have and are dealing with, then change things up. Stop being bored an do things you've always wanted to do. There are no excuses! There should never be excuses!

No money to go fishing? Save up a paycheck, blow it on a rental trip to go fishing.

Always wanted to go climbing? Try one of those in-door rock-faces. Cheap, safe, and lots of teachers.

Want to shoot a gun? Firing ranges are all over that teach safety and offer gun rentals.

You're not restricted. There's no such thing as "I'll wait for tomorrow" unless you restrict yourself to tomorrow. If you're bored, if life is grey, make it un-grey. Life is what you make of it.

You know, It's hard to find a passion for things, when you don't have a job and are in debt and can't hold a job because you always end up offending someone because your not a people person. I mean what the hell.

I live in quite the rural area, and the only jobs around here are in retail - which I suck at because everyone these days is so easily offended. I mean, honestly, I know I'm not the nicest of people and I tend to be sarcastic and rather blunt with people.

And My associates is in Law Enforcement - I've shot a gun before. It utterly bores me.

I tried quite a few things my first semester at college. Culinary. Computer science. Technical stuff. Chemistry. But I realize while I did good at everything, Nothing ever really stuck.

And he was bored. He didn't feel fear, adrenaline, excitement, terror, nothing; he was simply bored. He went on to say that was the moment he knew that something was wrong, and he went on to speak to a psychiatrist and psychologist and the whole shebang, who helped him realize that he had been depressed, and for a very long time.

It begs the logic then, maybe that could have been what led him to pursue comedy and his other craftwork, and why he was so good at it.

Really? I used to watch House all the time. It was hilarious and one of the few things I sort of enjoyed doing in high school. I've always been the 'funny one' in the group of our friends, and I've never really understood why. Just thought they thought my sarcasm and the way I tended to mostly remain 'utterly expressionless' in most situations. Apparently, I tend to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times with a straight face, at least that's what they used to tell me.

I did have kinda a similar experience though. Not exactly a car crash, though.

Lastly do not get into a relationship just to alleviate boredom. You should be getting into a relationship you legitimately care for and are happy around, you don't want to get in such a commitment with a person who barely care for just because you want to see if something happens.

Ah. I would never do that to someone else. I was just saying that maybe I should try this whole dating thing. Maybe I'd find someone that I actually kinda liked. Maybe a friend or two...maybe I actually would find this 'love' thing that I have no idea what it is.

It honestly just sounds like you have yet to meet your passion.

I'd suggest look at the things you currently do and find elements of those things you like.
For example forum roleplaying, maybe what you really like is being able to be a character who isn't you?
If so, find other hobbies that are similliar, acting, D&D, Larping etc.

In other words try new things, but try new things which already has an element of something you know you like already or at least are familiar with.
Sooner or later you should be able to find a passion that drives you.

You're not the first person whose told me that I might enjoy acting. The problem is I get much to nervous in front of a crowd to ever try acting. I've tried it before, but in front of a large group of people...I just freeze up. I had a rather bad experience with talking in front of others as a child.

Kindergarten wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for me, honestly.

Though I would see a psychologist as well, not consistently mind you. Just one or two sessions, just to be safe/confirm if there's something like depression going on. If not, then you're good and now you know. If yes, then now you know and can do something about it, and see if that helps.

And he was bored. He didn't feel fear, adrenaline, excitement, terror, nothing; he was simply bored. He went on to say that was the moment he knew that something was wrong, and he went on to speak to a psychiatrist and psychologist and the whole shebang, who helped him realize that he had been depressed, and for a very long time.

So, uh, you both are saying maybe I should see one? I'm not against it...but I have no idea how to go about doing that. Not really a big deal, I guess.

Uh, anyways thanks for replying you two. And sorry if I seem a bit, I dunno, mean or something. I haven't been sleeping much lately. I'll give your advice more thought and...maybe I'll end up seeing one.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

You know, It's hard to find a passion for things, when you don't have a job and are in debt and can't hold a job because you always end up offending someone because your not a people person. I mean what the hell.

The Internet is a powerful resource.
You can start looking into many hobbies before even throwing any money at it.

And some people just don't react well to others.
Hell, the first week I was on Iwaku I was met with a fair amount of hostility.
Because people recognized me from an old site, and got all angry/defensive that I was invading their community.

My advice for dealing with people?
Look at the situation honestly as an outsider, and be self-critical as to if you're doing anything wrong.
Sometimes you may be and you're missing it cause people naturally tend to go into defensive mode.
But at the same time, don't just adopt the "Others must be right, there is something wrong with me".
Just like how you yourself can have issues/flaws so can other people, which means sometimes when you don't get along with people it could very well be their fault and not yours.

Treat it on a case-by-case basis.
Generally a good rule of thumb though is go to figure out who is seems angry/annoyed but is being civil about it, and who are the people who are simply breaking into tantrums and throwing out whatever insult they can think of.
The way a person handles people they don't like is generally a good indicator as to if they're the one's in the right dealing with a disruptive person or if they themselves are being the disruptive person.

I tried quite a few things my first semester at college. Culinary. Computer science. Technical stuff. Chemistry. But I realize while I did good at everything, Nothing ever really stuck.

Then either they're not your passion, or there's something like depression going on.
If it's depression that's why you should visit a professional at least once to confirm.

If it's just not your passion, then you honestly just need to keep looking.
It's either that or simply give up on finding a passion, which I would not advise.

Ah. I would never do that to someone else. I was just saying that maybe I should try this whole dating thing. Maybe I'd find someone that I actually kinda liked. Maybe a friend or two...maybe I actually would find this 'love' thing that I have no idea what it is.

Ah I see. Sorry for mis-understanding what you meant then.

You're not the first person whose told me that I might enjoy acting. The problem is I get much to nervous in front of a crowd to ever try acting. I've tried it before, but in front of a large group of people...I just freeze up. I had a rather bad experience with talking in front of others as a child.

Being honest the acting was just being used as an example.
I had no clue as to your actual interests, so I just took a few things and stuck them together as a example of what I was trying to say which was "Explore new things, but start with those which already have an element of something that you already know you like".

So, uh, you both are saying maybe I should see one? I'm not against it...but I have no idea how to go about doing that. Not really a big deal, I guess.

Depending on where you live it might be covered by the government.
Otherwise you could look at resources such as college if you're still there (I know you said you graduated, but some people do go back for extra courses later).

If not, see if your parents can set you up with one.

 

[The Alchemist]

My advice for dealing with people?
Look at the situation honestly as an outsider, and be self-critical as to if you're doing anything wrong.
Sometimes you may be and you're missing it cause people naturally tend to go into defensive mode.
But at the same time, don't just adopt the "Others must be right, there is something wrong with me".
Just like how you yourself can have issues/flaws so can other people, which means sometimes when you don't get along with people it could very well be their fault and not yours.

Treat it on a case-by-case basis.
Generally a good rule of thumb though is go to figure out who is seems angry/annoyed but is being civil about it, and who are the people who are simply breaking into tantrums and throwing out whatever insult they can think of.
The way a person handles people they don't like is generally a good indicator as to if they're the one's in the right dealing with a disruptive person or if they themselves are being the disruptive person.

The problem here is that I tend to not realize my own flaws/problems. I tend to always have this sort of...idea that I'm better than everyone. Not exactly a healthy thing to have, I realize, but every day I'm constantly reminded how stupid the human race is and can't help but to think that maybe some people would be better of dead. I don't tell them that of course, but then I tend to ignore them since I'd rather not be bothered with them. I guess my expression says it all though, unfortunately, which always leads to some problem or another.

I try to remain civil myself, but sometimes I get a little...eh, the only way I can put it is violent. I don't assault people, at least not physically anyways. But you know how people say words don't hurt? Well, they've never had someone like me point out all of their faults and everything wrong with them. Unfortunately, I don't have much patience with people, so this happens quite a lot.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough when I wrote that. I tend to offend people, because I tell them honestly what I think of them. Albeit in a somewhat aggressive manner. Would I want someone to do the same to me? Yes. I would. People don't solve problems by bending the truth or masking it in order to make someone feel better.

I can contain myself for a bit, but in retail when your job is to interact with people and such, I just...it's hard to do that.

If it's just not your passion, then you honestly just need to keep looking.
It's either that or simply give up on finding a passion, which I would not advise.

I would never give up on finding something like that. I've put too much time into...life, to just give up like that. Even if I currently don't really know what the actual hell I'm doing, maybe I'm just a bit naive or hopeless romantic but giving up would be too easy. I mean, if there's still a tiny little speck of hope...why give up on it? If there's even a .0001% chance, then quitting is too easy.

but even so...I can't exactly keep going like I have. I just don't have the luxury of time/money to find something I like doing.

Depending on where you live it might be covered by the government.
Otherwise you could look at resources such as college if you're still there (I know you said you graduated, but some people do go back for extra courses later).

If not, see if your parents can set you up with one.

Government? Really? I didn't know they would cover things like that. I'll have to try to look into that as I don't think my college has something like that. (it's a small, community college.)

And ah...I would rather keep my parents out of this. I wouldn't say me and my parents get a long so well, at least not recently. (though honestly I can't ever remember getting along at all with my dad.) We always end up arguing about 'money, WTF are you doing still sitting on your butt when your 21 years old, and getting a small job that would only pay like, minimum wage without any chance of advancement.'

Living in the rural south with a bunch red-necks and neanderthals that only value a person as much as they work is a bunch of bullshit. They'd probably think that if I have time to worry about this stuff, then I should spend that time getting a job.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

The problem here is that I tend to not realize my own flaws/problems. I tend to always have this sort of...idea that I'm better than everyone. Not exactly a healthy thing to have, I realize, but every day I'm constantly reminded how stupid the human race is and can't help but to think that maybe some people would be better of dead. I don't tell them that of course, but then I tend to ignore them since I'd rather not be bothered with them. I guess my expression says it all though, unfortunately, which always leads to some problem or another.

I try to remain civil myself, but sometimes I get a little...eh, the only way I can put it is violent. I don't assault people, at least not physically anyways. But you know how people say words don't hurt? Well, they've never had someone like me point out all of their faults and everything wrong with them. Unfortunately, I don't have much patience with people, so this happens quite a lot.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough when I wrote that. I tend to offend people, because I tell them honestly what I think of them. Albeit in a somewhat aggressive manner. Would I want someone to do the same to me? Yes. I would. People don't solve problems by bending the truth or masking it in order to make someone feel better.

I can contain myself for a bit, but in retail when your job is to interact with people and such, I just...it's hard to do that.

You just did a decent job realizing your own flaws/problems there. :P

Though one thing I'll note on specifically, being honest with people is not a flaw (Granted it will make you enemies. But that's because people have been raised to sugar coat and be around the bush. Not to actually address things directly). However, the tone/manner you are honest can be an issue kind of like back what I was mentioning in my last post as to how people handle being around you.

For example: When I rejoined Iwaku I had a good amount of me tell me they didn't like me etc, which was an honest opinion that I want. However, some chose to do it in a very aggressive, hostile and hateful manner. Now logically there's no reason to do this, you add negative emotion and tension to a situation for no reason. And if it was done in a more professional setting, it could have led to serious problems. While other's were very calm and civil in voicing their opinion, they were able to be honest about something negative but without acting in a negative or unhelpful manner.

In other words, a big part of honesty isn't what you say, but rather it's how you say it.
Though once you enter the world of retail? Then biting your tongue because a far bigger thing, you have to deal with people from all walks of life, any of who can make a complaint and the business is obliged to take it seriously.
So in the end my main advice would probably be "Watch the tone you use when you're honest, and learn when saying something is bound to just add fuel to the fire". Though in the meantime, trying to shift focuses towards the job that requires less customer interaction might help, not everyone is a great people person and there's nothing wrong with that.

I would never give up on finding something like that. I've put too much time into...life, to just give up like that. Even if I currently don't really know what the actual hell I'm doing, maybe I'm just a bit naive or hopeless romantic but giving up would be too easy. I mean, if there's still a tiny little speck of hope...why give up on it? If there's even a .0001% chance, then quitting is too easy.

That's the right mentality to be having. :)

but even so...I can't exactly keep going like I have. I just don't have the luxury of time/money to find something I like doing.

That's why you find a job and work just enough to pay the bills and the invest what else you can into finding something new.
It's not ideal I'll admit, it's definitely easier to find a passion when you can invest all your time into finding one. But life isn't that easy, something need to invest some time into things you'd rather not.

Government? Really? I didn't know they would cover things like that. I'll have to try to look into that as I don't think my college has something like that. (it's a small, community college.)

Like I said, depends on where you live.
I was mainly referring to Europe since I think some kinds of mental health counts for health care.
I also know in Canada the province of Alberta is pretty good with covering such things. The rest of Canada you're out of luck though.

And ah...I would rather keep my parents out of this. I wouldn't say me and my parents get a long so well, at least not recently. (though honestly I can't ever remember getting along at all with my dad.) We always end up arguing about 'money, WTF are you doing still sitting on your butt when your 21 years old, and getting a small job that would only pay like, minimum wage without any chance of advancement.'

Living in the rural south with a bunch red-necks and neanderthals that only value a person as much as they work is a bunch of bullshit. They'd probably think that if I have time to worry about this stuff, then I should spend that time getting a job.

One of those old fashioned "You are you job, your job is your life" kind of societies?
I hear ya, those kinds of people drive me up the wall too. And seriously makes me wonder if they ever actually lived since they seem to forget what make people human and interesting.

I would push to see if you can help from them anyways, but I've seen enough people deal with shitty parents who like to play denial on mental issues that you might honestly be better off not involving them.
Though they're your parents not mine, you would be the one to know that for sure or not. I'm only drawing possibilities based on what I've seen with other people before.

 

[The Alchemist]

In other words, a big part of honesty isn't what you say, but rather it's how you say it.
Though once you enter the world of retail? Then biting your tongue because a far bigger thing, you have to deal with people from all walks of life, any of who can make a complaint and the business is obliged to take it seriously.
So in the end my main advice would probably be "Watch the tone you use when you're honest, and learn when saying something is bound to just add fuel to the fire". Though in the meantime, trying to shift focuses towards the job that requires less customer interaction might help, not everyone is a great people person and there's nothing wrong with that.

See, that's my problem. People tend to think I come off as a jerk when I do it. And to be honest, I don't really mind. I think my 'no fucks given' attitude towards others is kind of a hindrance here.

That's why you find a job and work just enough to pay the bills and the invest what else you can into finding something new.
It's not ideal I'll admit, it's definitely easier to find a passion when you can invest all your time into finding one. But life isn't that easy, something need to invest some time into things you'd rather not.

I've tried working. I have, but, every day I came home I was just all 'blaaarrrrgh', flopped down on the bed and didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I came home tired, drained, and just ended up doing really nothing. Yet, if I remember correctly my parents were 'super proud of me' and bragging because I was 'officially a grown up'

Meh.

That lasted for about a month before I quit because I just couldn't keep it up, even though I repeatedly asked to have another job than cashier. I asked many times to stock - I would have liked that. Less customer interaction, something that required a bit of skill/knowledge. It was something that I could do without biting my tongue every sentence and that I wouldn't end up so drained simply from dealing with people.

Maybe I have some...mental thing against dealing with people in general, I dunno.

One of those old fashioned "You are you job, your job is your life" kind of societies?
I hear ya, those kinds of people drive me up the wall too. And seriously makes me wonder if they ever actually lived since they seem to forget what make people human and interesting.

I would push to see if you can help from them anyways, but I've seen enough people deal with shitty parents who like to play denial on mental issues that you might honestly be better off not involving them.
Though they're your parents not mine, you would be the one to know that for sure or not. I'm only drawing possibilities based on what I've seen with other people before.

Ah...erm, yes. Though, I can hardly understand why they are that way to be honest. My mom gave up her career to take care of my dad who spent most of his...ah, late twenties and early thirties in the hospital. (I dunno, I can't really remember that time so well)

She did it because of 'love'.

Which is why I've never really been invested in...love, that much. She gave up any shot of success simply to sink her money into a man who I have to say is pretty chauvinistic and can hardly take care of himself.

But...that's neither here nor there, I think.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

See, that's my problem. People tend to think I come off as a jerk when I do it. And to be honest, I don't really mind. I think my 'no fucks given' attitude towards others is kind of a hindrance here.

That's the same with me honestly. If someone see's me as a jerk I don't care, it just shows they have thin skin and aren't well equipped to deal with honesty.

Though you mentioned working as a cashier?
Your only interacting with individuals there for a very brief amount of time, too brief to any real idea or image of who they are and what they're like.
Hell, they could just be having a bad day. So I would honestly try to reserve judgement, honesty is great, but it's better when it's backed up by knowledge, history etc. and isn't simply a first impression.

Because first impressions ruin people's relationships far too often. I've seen (and directly dealt with people) who will look at everything a person does with hate and spite simply because the first time they met wasn't in favourable circumstances. It's a flaw/weakness that all humans have.

I've tried working. I have, but, every day I came home I was just all 'blaaarrrrgh', flopped down on the bed and didn't do anything for the rest of the day. I came home tired, drained, and just ended up doing really nothing. Yet, if I remember correctly my parents were 'super proud of me' and bragging because I was 'officially a grown up'

That lasted for about a month before I quit because I just couldn't keep it up, even though I repeatedly asked to have another job than cashier. I asked many times to stock - I would have liked that. Less customer interaction, something that required a bit of skill/knowledge. It was something that I could do without biting my tongue every sentence and that I wouldn't end up so drained simply from dealing with people.

That's why it's meant to be temporary until you find something better.
Now I'll admit atm I don't work nor really need to worry about it, because I am living at home and focusing my efforts on college.
I don't have the economical need to either Pay the Bills or starve.

But when you are thrown into such a situation, it's something that's going to be there may you like it or not.
And yea, getting home after an exhausting shift and just wanting to relax is a feeling I can relate to. But if you don't get up at some point look for something better than you've locked yourself in.
If you want to have more happiness/enjoyment later, it sometimes means biting the bullet and pulling an extra load now.

Ah...erm, yes. Though, I can hardly understand why they are that way to be honest. My mom gave up her career to take care of my dad who spent most of his...ah, late twenties and early thirties in the hospital. (I dunno, I can't really remember that time so well)

She did it because of 'love'.

Which is why I've never really been invested in...love, that much. She gave up any shot of success simply to sink her money into a man who I have to say is pretty chauvinistic and can hardly take care of himself.

But...that's neither here nor there, I think.

One thing that's good to learn early in life is that human beings are emotional creatures first, and rationale creatures second.
You will find exceptions to the rule, but generally people act and think with their hearts, and then (hopefully) let their brain clean up the mess left behind.

That being said, emotions like Love can be strong and powerful emotions. One that greatly enhances one's life, but it needs to be watched/regulated.
It pays to have one's head at the forefront, reasoning and making calm and logical choices. Those proven by fact (or at least educated guesses) will help one improve their life.
Because although feelings like Love are great sources of happiness, if one allows them to be the main decision maker then mistakes will be made constantly, because they are acting on how they feel, not on their actual situation.

 

[The Alchemist]

Though you mentioned working as a cashier?
Your only interacting with individuals there for a very brief amount of time, too brief to any real idea or image of who they are and what they're like.
Hell, they could just be having a bad day. So I would honestly try to reserve judgement, honesty is great, but it's better when it's backed up by knowledge, history etc. and isn't simply a first impression.

Because first impressions ruin people's relationships far too often. I've seen (and directly dealt with people) who will look at everything a person does with hate and spite simply because the first time they met wasn't in favourable circumstances. It's a flaw/weakness that all humans have.

The problem here is, it was a small dollar general store where the same people came in every. Single. day.

And they did the exact. same. thing.

Every. Single. Fucking. day.

Seriously, sometimes it was like I was a bartender! I heard entire life stories in that month I worked there. And that was just the icing on the cake of stupidity. I had some guy come in and ask me where the bread was.

Every. Single. Day. Without fail. And you know where the bread was? Right by the door! I mean come the fuck on people, use your brains. Normally, I'm able to just laugh off peoples stupidity, or just shrug it off as a one time thing, but for the love of god. At least don't ask the same questions every single time. I don't like repeating myself and I don't like answering the same question twice. I live in a community of red-neck inbred morons.

I know that's probably not the norm, but that forever ruined retail for me.

That's why it's meant to be temporary until you find something better.
Now I'll admit atm I don't work nor really need to worry about it, because I am living at home and focusing my efforts on college.
I don't have the economical need to either Pay the Bills or starve.

But when you are thrown into such a situation, it's something that's going to be there may you like it or not.
And yea, getting home after an exhausting shift and just wanting to relax is a feeling I can relate to. But if you don't get up at some point look for something better than you've locked yourself in.
If you want to have more happiness/enjoyment later, it sometimes means biting the bullet and pulling an extra load now.

I know I should....I know, I should just get a job and bite the bullet. I just...the problem is every time I think about doing it, I just...completely shut down and start asking questions like 'What is the point?' 'why?' 'this is pointless'.

Every time I try to advance myself, I just start thinking those thoughts for whatever reason. I have no idea why. I end up just scrapping any idea of a job and just...I dunno, do whatever it is I normally do. I know, its temporary, and I know I need it, but...

That being said, emotions like Love can be strong and powerful emotions. One that greatly enhances one's life, but it needs to be watched/regulated.
It pays to have one's head at the forefront, reasoning and making calm and logical choices. Those proven by fact (or at least educated guesses) will help one improve their life.
Because although feelings like Love are great sources of happiness, if one allows them to be the main decision maker then mistakes will be made constantly, because they are acting on how they feel, not on their actual situation.

I think another problem here is because I've...well, never had anyone I love a lot. Like romantically. I had this one girl in highschool I liked, but...well, she moved out of state before I could act on it.

If I have on regret, that's that one.

going on that, I don't really understand emotions that much either. or rather, I tend to not have very strong emotions most of the time. I have like two settings.

"Meh" and "Annoyed"

 

[Space Cowboy]

A degree in Law Enforcement goes a long way, bruh. That entire job pool is huge, and you can find an avenue in which to express your like or passion through your job in that career field. You can also find a job to make up for your flaws or weaknesses, or find a position to play up any of your strengths.

The CSI types, all that labwork? Hell man, do that. You don't really have to talk to anyone when all you're doing is staring at dead bodies, or pictures of dead bodies. ... Or chunks of bodies. ... Or just goo. ...

Or if you want to become more of a people-person, more personable as it were, go get yourself a Field job. Become an actual Police Officer. In rural areas, worst you got to put up with is meth, weed, and domestic abuse. Maybe redneck kids partying too hard, too.


As for all that garble above, look, bruh...

Be yourself. That's all you have to worry about. Stop worrying about first impressions, stop worry about who's inferior or superior. Stop thinking about mental fencing, or social fencing, or trying to keep your emotions in check, or any of that bullshit.

Just be yourself. You know you more than anyone else, and if you're having issues with finding out who you are, then I recommend yoga, or meditating.

I'm not even shitting you.


As for the professional psychiatric help: do a Google search and use these key words: free, assisted, behavioral health, mental health, psychiatric help. Use your zipcode and city, and any nearby cities.

Or yu can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Tell them you need help. They will hook you up. It's as simple as that.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

Seriously, sometimes it was like I was a bartender! I heard entire life stories in that month I worked there.

Ah, I see.
In that case I'd honestly just focus on the job.
Ring in the goods, do the exchange etc.
As long as your respectful about it there's not much people can turn around and complain about that's not basically:
"I'd like to complain! Your cashier insisted on doing their job rather than chat with me!".

I know I should....I know, I should just get a job and bite the bullet. I just...the problem is every time I think about doing it, I just...completely shut down and start asking questions like 'What is the point?' 'why?' 'this is pointless'.

Every time I try to advance myself, I just start thinking those thoughts for whatever reason. I have no idea why. I end up just scrapping any idea of a job and just...I dunno, do whatever it is I normally do. I know, its temporary, and I know I need it, but...

going on that, I don't really understand emotions that much either. or rather, I tend to not have very strong emotions most of the time. I have like two settings.

"Meh" and "Annoyed"
This is starting to sound more like depression.
I'm no expert though so I'm at no position to make such a diagnosis.
You should probably be making finding a therapist or support line a priority.
Even if it's just one visit for now to confirm if there's actually something going on or not.

In the meantime though?
Maybe try setting up rewards/milestones?
For example, finish a day of work and grab a good dinner.
Finish a week and go see a movie etc.

Some sort of motivator to keep you going.

I think another problem here is because I've...well, never had anyone I love a lot. Like romantically. I had this one girl in highschool I liked, but...well, she moved out of state before I could act on it.

If I have on regret, that's that one.

Don't regret that, relationships are not something you're supposed to be forcing or rushing into.
Healthy ones grow and develop over time on their own, generally those who get the idea they need to rush into one just end up in a cycle of casual dating and break ups, with long lasting relationships being rare enough they might as well have just let it happen on it's own.

--------------------

As for the later advice that was given?
Some of it I can agree with, but there are others I feel the need to voice caution.

1. Police work
Basically Police have been gaining a worse and worse reputation overtime as being asshole, legalized thugs etc.
Now is this true? I personally don't think so. I think it's just disruptive people getting angry that they're not immune to the law.
But it doesn't change the fact that media and the internet is painting officers as worse and worse people, and as a result people's reactions to them are getting more hostile and hateful.

And Police work is already a field where you have to deal with some of the worst kinds of people out there, and even decent everyday people get defensive just because you hold legal power/authority over them. It's a field that I wouldn't suggest getting into if someone has issues getting along with people. Because that's a job that requires a ton of patience, and biting their tongue.

2. Being yourself

This is true, you should aim to be yourself. Hell, that's basically the main point if trying to find your passion, so you can discover yourself.
I just need to voice caution, don't let "Be yourself" turn into "I'm perfect how I am, and have no flaws or need to change". Everyone has flaws, everyone has issues. Part of growing up is learning to accept and recognize them, and work to fix/improve them.

Sure life might be more fun and easy if you simply ignored the need of self improvement and instead simply told yourself you're perfectly good the way you are. But doing so cuts you off from so many skills, opportunities and growth. So yes, be yourself, to remember yourself and be true to yourself is important. But don't let that become an excuse to ignore an issue when it's staring you right in the face, like so many people who utter that line do.

 

[GhostJoker]

A degree in Law Enforcement goes a long way, bruh. That entire job pool is huge, and you can find an avenue in which to express your like or passion through your job in that career field. You can also find a job to make up for your flaws or weaknesses, or find a position to play up any of your strengths.

The CSI types, all that labwork? Hell man, do that. You don't really have to talk to anyone when all you're doing is staring at dead bodies, or pictures of dead bodies. ... Or chunks of bodies. ... Or just goo. ...

Or if you want to become more of a people-person, more personable as it were, go get yourself a Field job. Become an actual Police Officer. In rural areas, worst you got to put up with is meth, weed, and domestic abuse. Maybe redneck kids partying too hard, too.


As for all that garble above, look, bruh...

Be yourself. That's all you have to worry about. Stop worrying about first impressions, stop worry about who's inferior or superior. Stop thinking about mental fencing, or social fencing, or trying to keep your emotions in check, or any of that bullshit.

Just be yourself. You know you more than anyone else, and if you're having issues with finding out who you are, then I recommend yoga, or meditating.

I'm not even shitting you.


As for the professional psychiatric help: do a Google search and use these key words: free, assisted, behavioral health, mental health, psychiatric help. Use your zipcode and city, and any nearby cities.

Or yu can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Tell them you need help. They will hook you up. It's as simple as that.

What Seiji said is 100% accurate. Well said. I myself am in the Law Enforcement area and I have to say that it indeed is a fun path to choose. I've tried both positions as in labwork and field work. All I have to say is that they keep you occupied at all times.

Well spoken.

 

[Muna]

I just need to voice caution, don't let "Be yourself" turn into "I'm perfect how I am, and have no flaws or need to change".

Personally, I don't feel like this is a caution that needs to be voiced. "Be yourself" is one of the most clear, concise pieces of advice I've seen in this thread. Of course it doesn't mean to accept that you have no flaws or don't need to change... that would completely contradict the point of figuring out who you are, good and bad.

@The Alchemist, As for your post, I'm sorry that you've having such a hard time. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Things will go great and those great things may come crashing and burning to the ground. The only person who can guide how you react to it is you. I know these are just words on a screen, but I have to point out my total agreement to what @Seiji has said before me. The first step is finding out who you are, what your interests are, what makes you happy... this won't happen all at once and YES, a therapist of some sort CAN help you do that. Take control. I believe in you.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

Personally, I don't feel like this is a caution that needs to be voiced. "Be yourself" is one of the most clear, concise pieces of advice I've seen in this thread. Of course it doesn't mean to accept that you have no flaws or don't need to change... that would completely contradict the point of figuring out who you are, good and bad.

I've ran into enough people who see it as a way to avoid criticism and change that it's something I'm used to having to clarify.

 

[The Alchemist]

Personally, I don't feel like this is a caution that needs to be voiced. "Be yourself" is one of the most clear, concise pieces of advice I've seen in this thread. Of course it doesn't mean to accept that you have no flaws or don't need to change... that would completely contradict the point of figuring out who you are, good and bad.

@The Alchemist, As for your post, I'm sorry that you've having such a hard time. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Things will go great and those great things may come crashing and burning to the ground. The only person who can guide how you react to it is you. I know these are just words on a screen, but I have to point out my total agreement to what @Seiji has said before me. The first step is finding out who you are, what your interests are, what makes you happy... this won't happen all at once and YES, a therapist of some sort CAN help you do that. Take control. I believe in you.

I think...that that could be a main problem. I mean, most of my life I've always basically been told to sit down, shut up, and do as I'm told. I've never had a rebellious phase, as it were. Sure, my so-called friends got up to no good, but I was always...well, all I can say is that I went to a private christian school for some of my childhood. You ever been to one of those? Forced to dress up and go to church every Wednesday during school? I don't even want to get into the oppressive nature of that place. Drill that kinda stuff into a kids head and it lasts.

I don't have any good memories from the place. Well, very few anyways.

Anyways, what I'm saying is....maybe I just don't really know what I like doing because I've never really had a chance to...do stuff. I've always kinda been on a short leash.

Basically, maybe I just don't really know myself, I guess. I've never really fit in down here with the others in the deep south bible-belt. I don't believe in god, I don't go to church. Not believing in that stuff in a small christian community is...well, difficult. Especially when you were a kid and when you first go to said christian school the first question you ask is "Who is God?" since you've never even heard the name before.

1. Police work
Basically Police have been gaining a worse and worse reputation overtime as being asshole, legalized thugs etc.
Now is this true? I personally don't think so. I think it's just disruptive people getting angry that they're not immune to the law.
But it doesn't change the fact that media and the internet is painting officers as worse and worse people, and as a result people's reactions to them are getting more hostile and hateful.

And Police work is already a field where you have to deal with some of the worst kinds of people out there, and even decent everyday people get defensive just because you hold legal power/authority over them. It's a field that I wouldn't suggest getting into if someone has issues getting along with people. Because that's a job that requires a ton of patience, and biting their tongue.

Police are just doing their jobs. That's the way their trained. You want to change them, you change the way their trained - or give them more training. I think most police departments skip out on the training because it's expensive. But really, training probably one of the most important tools any police officer can have. That, and the people are always looking for someone to vilify.

And all I'll say is that if I wanted to be loved by people, I'd join the fire department.

Also, I had an internship at a police department during college. I got to watch arrests, even got to watch them search, frisk, and book someone. Thankfully no one started shooting, but I saw how it was done. The policemen I went on a ride along with were all friendly. Taught me how to shoot, too.

But I could really deal with all the hate policemen receive, I think. One of the reasons that working at a retail store irked me so much was because I was standing at a register, ringing up items. Every day.

Where's the point in that? It was...meaningless, pointless, soul crushing work.

But...if I had a job where maybe I had a chance to make a difference, then I guess maybe I could, I dunno, like it? Maybe I'm romanticizing.

 

[Muna]

I think...that that could be a main problem. I mean, most of my life I've always basically been told to sit down, shut up, and do as I'm told. I've never had a rebellious phase, as it were. Sure, my so-called friends got up to no good, but I was always...well, all I can say is that I went to a private christian school for some of my childhood. You ever been to one of those? Forced to dress up and go to church every Wednesday during school? I don't even want to get into the oppressive nature of that place. Drill that kinda stuff into a kids head and it lasts.

I don't have any good memories from the place. Well, very few anyways.

Anyways, what I'm saying is....maybe I just don't really know what I like doing because I've never really had a chance to...do stuff. I've always kinda been on a short leash.

Basically, maybe I just don't really know myself, I guess. I've never really fit in down here with the others in the deep south bible-belt. I don't believe in god, I don't go to church. Not believing in that stuff in a small christian community is...well, difficult. Especially when you were a kid and when you first go to said christian school the first question you ask is "Who is God?" since you've never even heard the name before.

That does make more sense. Not having the opportunity growing up to have adventures is tough, but it's not too late to change that. If you don't know what you like to do, no worries - try it all! Pick up a hobby and try it out. If it's not for you, move on to something else until you find something you feel passionate about. It took me a long while to figure out what made me happy... hell, i'm still working on that. For me, anyway, it seems to be a trial and error process.

 

[Razilin]

Well, I'm...not really one to talk to others about my feelings and stuff. If only because I don't really have a whole lot of people to talk to about this kind of thing. I saw this little counseling thread...and figured why the hell not. I might as well give it a shot, because I need advice...help, whatever you want to call it.


So. Ever since I got my diploma last summer semester, I have come to realize something.

I'm bored with life.


Before then, i was just coasting along, going with the flow. Just thought that "hey, I'm doing good so I'm pretty happy" but then, I got my diploma, did everything on graduation and everything, and I thought it'd be the best day of my life. That'd I'd feel like I actually accomplished something, but no. I was handed the piece of paper and all I felt was "...what now? is this it?" I just felt as I always did. I felt...nothing. Just 'Meh'.

And on my way home, I realized that this entire year I wasn't content, I was bored.

Literally, everything bores me. Nothing is fun. I can't enjoy anything any more. These days, it's simply find someway to pass the time without ripping my brains out out of boredom. Depressed? Maybe, I don't think so, but it's possible. I'm not cutting myself or doing other thing like that. I like living, even if right now Its like...I don't have any direction in my life or know what the actual hell i'm doing.

I dunno why, but everything has just begun to seem so...meaningless, in the end. Like, what's the actual point of doing anything? Its not like anything *I* do will ever matter in the grand scheme of things.

It's not because I've failed and given up. Certainly I've failed but, failing is all part of the learning process. I've failed plenty of times and moved on and kept practicing.

....I just...I'm not exceptionally good at anything. I'm not passionate about anything, something I would pursue even if I wasn't so good at it. Sometimes, it feels like...I'm living out of habit. Just...living for the sake of living. And even now, I'm kinda...I guess maybe grown bored of that too. The semesters already start and I've already practically given up on my classes.

How...how do all of you do it?

How do I...enjoy life? How do I find something I like doing? Because right now, everything is just so...dull. Friends, family, class...everything, is just dull, boring, and pointless...so, grey and colorless.

How does someone enjoy something? enjoy life? Do I need friends? Because I don't have a whole lot of those. Would moving out of my parents house work? Because I would if I could, but I don't have money for that. Do I need a significant other or something? Would that help? Because I've never dated before. I don't like most people in real life. I find most humans annoying....

Do I need a psychologist? Because I don't exactly have the money for a good one...

/semi-rant asking for advice post over with.

And uh, please, take this seriously. I'm...quite sensitive about this stuff....this took a lot of hesitantly hovering over the create thread button to post....

I always just had another ambition/challenge/goal to attain.

If I complete something, then I look for the next thing.

Doesn't have to be a big achievement. Sometimes it is. The point is, I find another objective and strive to complete it.

I might have gone overboard a bit lately. My big goal is gunning for a fellowship in critical care. My small goal for now is being able to jump confidently between rooftops for parkour.

The former will take probably 4 years to achieve. The latter will probably take less than 10 days.

I just make a laundry list and strike them off as I go along.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

I think...that that could be a main problem. I mean, most of my life I've always basically been told to sit down, shut up, and do as I'm told. I've never had a rebellious phase, as it were. Sure, my so-called friends got up to no good, but I was always...well, all I can say is that I went to a private christian school for some of my childhood. You ever been to one of those? Forced to dress up and go to church every Wednesday during school? I don't even want to get into the oppressive nature of that place. Drill that kinda stuff into a kids head and it lasts.

I don't have any good memories from the place. Well, very few anyways.

Ah, a Bible Belt community. I should have guessed.

Such people can be rather infuriating and hard to put up with.
By best suggestion for them is honestly try to tune them out, interact as you need to (Ring in the groceries for example) and then move on.

Police are just doing their jobs. That's the way their trained. You want to change them, you change the way their trained - or give them more training. I think most police departments skip out on the training because it's expensive. But really, training probably one of the most important tools any police officer can have. That, and the people are always looking for someone to vilify.

I wasn't insulting Police Officers.
I was noting the reputation they are getting, and how people who believe it tend to treat officers like shit for it, even if the officers did nothing wrong.

Add on top of that the fact Officers already need to deal with some of the worst people around, druggies, thieves, rapists etc.
You'll dealing with far more infuriating people than mothers who rant about their life story at the cashier.
So I was trying to say that being an officer requires a lot of skill and patience with people.

But I could really deal with all the hate policemen receive, I think. One of the reasons that working at a retail store irked me so much was because I was standing at a register, ringing up items. Every day.

Where's the point in that? It was...meaningless, pointless, soul crushing work.

So you're saying you're fine with dealing with annoying people, as long as the work you're doing actually means something?