So a little bit about me to begin with. This might be a bit long winded, but please stay with me. I need to know that someone knows/cares/can help. So I've been struggling with depression since I was 13 years old, I'm now 22. I feel I've been through a lot. I got married young. I was 19. I thought i loved him and I thought he loved me. We were living in VA. Very far from my family in Texas. Very far from friends. He was miltary. And a good guy. Mostly. Kind of. Anyway. We had a lot of misadventures in Marriage. He cheated on me twice. We were practically homeless (lived in a hotel for 6 months and two partially completed homes before moving back into a hotel.) Anyway, we ended up splitting, me leaving with several emotional scars. I now live in Texas Close to my family and friends. But that isn't what this is about. I've been off meds and out of counseling for about 7 years. I don't like the way they alter my mind. I feel too vulnerable. And despite my depression, I am a fiercely confident woman. I love myself and who I am. But there is this horrific little black cloud that shows up from time to time and I'm like a zombie. Today I almost broke down. Nothing triggered it. I had felt off when I woke up. And my best friend who works in the same bakery with me was playfully teasing me and made a sassy face. And I had to fight back tears. I was like a soulless smileless being for the rest of the day. I just felt so repressed and vulnerable and lonely. I'm concerned that I may have more severe depression than I thought I had. It seems like clinical depression with bipolar episodes. They're happening more frequently but this was the first time it happened at work. Is anyone dealing with this? I don't want to go to a psych again. I don't want pills. I just want help.