Silly Salad [firejay1 x Pahn]

[firejay1]

Lars was so utterly indignant at what, in her mind, was a perfectly logical assessment, that she almost laughed. But his temper fit wasn't to be wasted. El slammed the hilt of her sword into another bandit's face and hurtled forward, planting her foot into the stomach of the head bandit, and sending him reeling back. He dropped his sword, which meant she didn't have to, and in the next moment, El was the one with a hostage, holding a sword to his neck. "Get behind me." She snapped at Lars, before slowly backing up, the bandit still in her grasp.

"So let's get this clear." She said to the other bandits, voice ringing with command - a trick she had picked up in future-Queen training. "Unlike your friend here, I'm not easy to distract or intimidate. You guys are going to throw your weapons farther to the side, and princess here is gonna go collect them. If not, I'm going to slice this guy up, and then go after all of you. You have five seconds. After 5 seconds, I start carving pretty red patterns into his skin. Got it?" She started the countdown...

 

[Pahn]

With a heavy gulp, Lars quickly got behind El but not without kicked the bandit now crouched in pain on the ground with the heel of his foot. While he was almost trembling with fear and adrenaline, the young lady in front of him was blooming with confidence and with an odd assertive tone in her voice. She is SO weird.

The thought was quickly shoved in the back of his mind when she called him princess and he was about to hiss a complaint when he understood the full scope of the situation. There would be time for complaining later, but for now he had to make sure those dumb bandits disarmed under the threat of their mate being carved like a plaything.

Four.

One of the bandits throw his sword away with a curse and flipped his middle finger at the two of them before moving back angrily, eyes trained on El's own sword. It had landed far enough from the others that he felt confident he could make a run for it to grab it, and so he did without much trouble.

Three.

This time he stood next to El, without much confidence compared to her. He'd never even used a sword before and he was sure the others would notice it right away with just the way he was holding it awkwardly.

Two.

 

[firejay1]

By the time she hit "two" El knew they were in trouble. She wasn't fond of hurting people. She would do it if she had to, and in combat, but she wasn't in the habit of cutting up defenseless… bandits. Hostages just weren't her style. And as expected of the shining loyalty of the average bandit, most of them were hanging on to their weapons with a grim determination.

"One." She said, gritting her teeth with a grimace. She pressed the tip of her sword into the side of the head bandit's neck just so that it broke his skin and a bead of blood gathered in the area.

"Do it!" He squealed shrilly. El thought she could hear his voice cracking slightly with fear, and fought back the urge to laugh. It got a couple more to abandon their weapons, but not all of them.

"Ah, screw it." One of the bandits said, and he charged her with sword drawn.

Smashing the hilt of her sword on the head bandit's head, El shoved him away from her with all her might and met the sword strike of the man with her own. "RUN." She yelled at Lars, as the bandits rushed her at once, even the unarmed ones. What a disaster.

 

[Pahn]

Lars didn't need the girl to tell him twice. He held hard onto the sword and made a run for it, not bothering at all to look back. Whether El was following him or not, there was no saying. Unfortunately for the boy, he wasn't very much in shape and it took no time at all for his lungs to start burning and his legs to feel the strain. His race slowed down to a jog and he breathed with difficulty, his heart pounding his ears and the blood rushing to his head. "I... can't... go... further..."

 

[firejay1]

El had no idea what Lars chose to do. She assumed that he had taken off running, because she didn't hear any girlish shrieking that might accompany a bandit attacking, but she didn't have any time to dwell on it, because suddenly she was fighting five guys at once. She slashed one of the unarmed ones on the arm, kicked one of the armed ones in the stomach, and proceeded to knock out two of the others with heavy blows to the head. She stabbed one in the shoulder, kicked another in the nuts, and was finally only up against one guy, whose heavy-set stature made him more of an opponent one on one than he'd been in a fight with other people.

He managed to bash her with his shield, stunning her temporarily, and then she felt a meaty arm around her neck, starting to choke her. "Help!" She managed a heavy scream, before losing air. She scrabbled at his arm, but if this kept up, he was going to knock her out soon. She didn't know who she was asking to save her, since no one on the road seemed to care, usually.

 

[Pahn]

Just as Lars came to a stop by a tree, hand holding his weight against the trunk, the thundering sound of hooves resonated throughout this particular section of the forest. One look behind him confirmed it: an armoured horse had arrived, seemingly out of nowhere, carrying a heavily armoured fighter. Lars didn't quite know better than to imagine they were some sort of knight from lands faraway.

With wobbly legs, the young man staggered back toward El and the bandits. He hadn't managed to run very far, so he quickly noticed that the last man standing was holding a struggling El. The knight rode toward them and just as El seemed to be holding onto her last few seconds of consciousness, he drove his sword into the bandit's side. From this distance Lars couldn't really see what damage it was, but the fact that El's aggressor released her and fell to his side was rather telling indeed.

"Are you... Are you okay?!" Lars slowly stopped in his tracks and fell to his knees, an arm around his torso as he tried to catch his breath. A shiver ran up his back when he realized the sound of hooves were approaching instead of going away. In a whisper, he looked at El with uncertainty in his eyes. "Do you know him?"

 

[firejay1]

El collapsed to the ground, coughing and gasping. She scrabbled at the ground, trying to push herself upright to maybe defend herself, and it took her a moment to realize that her last opponent was bleeding on the ground next to her. It took her a moment, but once she caught her breath, her throat still burning, she managed to process Lars' words. She wiped tears of pain from her eyes, turned to examine her rescuer, and groaned loudly. "Oh no..." she mumbled. "Don't. Say. Anything."

The princess dragged herself upright, noticing that Lars looked a little pained himself. Probably from the run. Sissy. "What are you doing here, Thomas?" She asked, as loudly as her somewhat sore throat could manage.

"That all the thanks I get?" He asked. The man dismounted his horse and pulled off his helmet, revealing a full head of flowing black locks, strong features with a slightly hooked nose. He was handsome in his own way, but he had a condescending smile on his smug mug. "Do I not at least get an introduction to your friend, here?"

"Lars is a client." She answered quickly, before Lars could say anything. "He needs protection to the next town. These are dangerous times, after all. Lars, this is Thomas Ritter," she said with a drawn out sigh, "an ex-knight who likes to steal my jobs and thinks I should be grateful for it." Her voice and expression was distasteful.

He leaned forward to greet Lars, saying smugly, "Are you sure you want this woman protecting you?" He clearly thought he was being subtle.

 

[Pahn]

Lars wasn't particularly quick-witted or clever, in fact most times he was rather dense and missed double meanings on things people said. This time, however, he understood the direction El was taking with the knight. He must've been someone who has caused her troubles in the past, and with how he spoke to her Lars had no trouble imagining it.

With an annoyed twitch in his brow, he brushed off the knight and sighed. It was all theatrics, of course - he sorely wished the knight would stay with them and protect them. They stood no chance in face of thugs and criminals, but El was all he had right now. "What's wrong with a woman protecting me? She did take down all those other thugs without you. We just got stuck in a little pinch. Thanks for your help though."

The young man lifted his nose in the air and turned to face El. While his voice was perfectly stable and his back straight, she would definitely see the hint of anxiety in his eyes. "Well then, shall we get going? I'm not paying you to loiter around the dangerous parts of the road."

 

[firejay1]

To her relief, Lars' response to Thomas was less than friendly. The last thing they needed was that puff-chested peacock to think he could swoop in and save them. A part of her heart actually felt a bit warmed by the fact that he was sticking with her, despite their differences, and despite that glint of fear in his eyes. Little coward. Each breath still hurt as she forced herself to move forward and tell Thomas, "As you can see, Thomas, we're fine, thanks."

She thought that would be the end of it. Like a fool, she'd forgotten how inconvenient Thomas was, and how unusual her own "customer" was this time. Instead of leaving them alone, Thomas kept pace with them, his horse trotting along noisily. The knight pulled off his gauntlet and ran a hand curiously through Lars' long hair, which had tumbled to the ground during the scuffle and was now trailing behind Lars. "Well, now. What's this. I've rarely met a man as well groomed as I am."