C
Cwolf0615
Guest
Original poster
Been debating about posting this (especially since I can't figure out how to make it a short post), but I need some opinions, and since my family is kind of weird about this stuff I have no one else to ask. D:
So, a bit of background information. Home life was pretty complicated as a kid, and I never really felt like I had anywhere to go since my parents were pretty much the entire problem. A lot of my current issues started there. At 12 some pretty bad depression became a thing. At 14 it got worse; I became pretty numb emotionally, and started having weird out-of-body experiences. I tried to just deal with it myself, but earlier this year, I realized I needed to just tell someone and accept help already.
So, that's what I did, and I got my mom to enroll me in therapy so I could try and talk it out or whatever.
...And that's where the problem comes in.
I don't think it's going anywhere, and I think a lot of the problem is my counselor.
Let's list some of the problems I have with her, why don't we?
She's constantly bringing up things I don't think matter
As an example, she seems somewhat obsessed with my hair. On a regular basis she tells me I need to do more about it. I like it kind of messy, though. I think it looks cutest that way. Heck, I like it that way on everyone. Anytime I tell her this, she brings up the 'you'll make more friends that way' card. But... If someone is going to dislike me over my hair, I honestly don't think we're the sort of people who would get along in the first place. If anything, it's starting to make me worry more about what other people think than I ever have in the past.
She acts like I'm a liar
She once brought up about how my mom would probably like if I brushed my hair more. I told her that the only time my mom brushes her own hair is when she combs it in the shower. This is true. My counselor accused me of just making excuses, and said we should go ask my mother. I wholeheartedly disagreed to this, because as previously mentioned, MY FAMILY IS WEIRD ABOUT THESE SORTS OF THINGS. They're already unhappy with the whole situation, and I don't want to make it worse by having my counselor bother them over something so petty. She just used this as confirmation that I was a liar, though I explained that I simply didn't want to make things at home more awkward then they already were.
I feel like she's not really listening
Half the time when I'm talking to her, she seems to misunderstand me so completely that i feel she can't possibly be listening to a thing I'm saying.
(For example, when she asked me what I really hoped to achieve out of these sessions, I told her that I felt emotionally numb, and wanted to figure out how to turn those emotions back on.
She then asked "Are you very happy one day and very sad the next?"
I replied "No, I'm the same all the time. Almost entirely apathetic."
She continued to ask me the same question repeatedly, and would almost argue with me about my answer. Once I got her to stop, she kept implying that I was bipolar or at the very least had mood swings... when I have the very opposite of mood swings? If anything I feel like I have no moods at all. :I)
Sometimes I feel like she violates my privacy
She once insisted and insisted she talked to my mother, until she finally just caught her when she dropped me off, and did so without asking me. She then heavily implied to her about some things I had said in confidence, and had never given my permission to be told. Though she didn't outright say it, my mother is no idiot... and only an idiot wouldn't have known what she was trying to get across. (This experience right here is what originally made me start thinking about quitting)
To be frank, I'm starting to feel anxious about going for my sessions.
So... I'm thinking about breaking it off at my next appointment.
The problem is, if I quit now, I'll have to stop therapy all together for a while.
Like I said, my family is weird about these sorts of things.
In addition, there aren't many counselors and therapists in this area, and we have to use insurance to pay for it, which makes it harder as well.
I know I need help to get better, and so while I'll continue to try working on feeling better myself (I've been putting together a 'feel better plan'), the idea of quitting therapy makes me nervous. It almost feels like giving up hope. (Though, when I'm older, should I still need it, I will find myself a new therapist)
I don't know if anyone will bother to read this long boring post, but if you have, thank you. <3
I know I'm bad at accepting help, so it makes me worry I'm making a bad decision here.
I just want to know...
So, a bit of background information. Home life was pretty complicated as a kid, and I never really felt like I had anywhere to go since my parents were pretty much the entire problem. A lot of my current issues started there. At 12 some pretty bad depression became a thing. At 14 it got worse; I became pretty numb emotionally, and started having weird out-of-body experiences. I tried to just deal with it myself, but earlier this year, I realized I needed to just tell someone and accept help already.
So, that's what I did, and I got my mom to enroll me in therapy so I could try and talk it out or whatever.
...And that's where the problem comes in.
I don't think it's going anywhere, and I think a lot of the problem is my counselor.
Let's list some of the problems I have with her, why don't we?
She's constantly bringing up things I don't think matter
As an example, she seems somewhat obsessed with my hair. On a regular basis she tells me I need to do more about it. I like it kind of messy, though. I think it looks cutest that way. Heck, I like it that way on everyone. Anytime I tell her this, she brings up the 'you'll make more friends that way' card. But... If someone is going to dislike me over my hair, I honestly don't think we're the sort of people who would get along in the first place. If anything, it's starting to make me worry more about what other people think than I ever have in the past.
She acts like I'm a liar
She once brought up about how my mom would probably like if I brushed my hair more. I told her that the only time my mom brushes her own hair is when she combs it in the shower. This is true. My counselor accused me of just making excuses, and said we should go ask my mother. I wholeheartedly disagreed to this, because as previously mentioned, MY FAMILY IS WEIRD ABOUT THESE SORTS OF THINGS. They're already unhappy with the whole situation, and I don't want to make it worse by having my counselor bother them over something so petty. She just used this as confirmation that I was a liar, though I explained that I simply didn't want to make things at home more awkward then they already were.
I feel like she's not really listening
Half the time when I'm talking to her, she seems to misunderstand me so completely that i feel she can't possibly be listening to a thing I'm saying.
(For example, when she asked me what I really hoped to achieve out of these sessions, I told her that I felt emotionally numb, and wanted to figure out how to turn those emotions back on.
She then asked "Are you very happy one day and very sad the next?"
I replied "No, I'm the same all the time. Almost entirely apathetic."
She continued to ask me the same question repeatedly, and would almost argue with me about my answer. Once I got her to stop, she kept implying that I was bipolar or at the very least had mood swings... when I have the very opposite of mood swings? If anything I feel like I have no moods at all. :I)
Sometimes I feel like she violates my privacy
She once insisted and insisted she talked to my mother, until she finally just caught her when she dropped me off, and did so without asking me. She then heavily implied to her about some things I had said in confidence, and had never given my permission to be told. Though she didn't outright say it, my mother is no idiot... and only an idiot wouldn't have known what she was trying to get across. (This experience right here is what originally made me start thinking about quitting)
To be frank, I'm starting to feel anxious about going for my sessions.
So... I'm thinking about breaking it off at my next appointment.
The problem is, if I quit now, I'll have to stop therapy all together for a while.
Like I said, my family is weird about these sorts of things.
In addition, there aren't many counselors and therapists in this area, and we have to use insurance to pay for it, which makes it harder as well.
I know I need help to get better, and so while I'll continue to try working on feeling better myself (I've been putting together a 'feel better plan'), the idea of quitting therapy makes me nervous. It almost feels like giving up hope. (Though, when I'm older, should I still need it, I will find myself a new therapist)
I don't know if anyone will bother to read this long boring post, but if you have, thank you. <3
I know I'm bad at accepting help, so it makes me worry I'm making a bad decision here.
I just want to know...
- Am I warranted in breaking it off?
- Should I stick with it, or just call it quits?
- If I do quit, how can I tell me counselor I'd like to do so without coming off as rude or outwardly insulting her?