Should I quit therapy, or stick with it?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Cwolf0615, Aug 21, 2015.

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  1. Been debating about posting this (especially since I can't figure out how to make it a short post), but I need some opinions, and since my family is kind of weird about this stuff I have no one else to ask. D:

    So, a bit of background information. Home life was pretty complicated as a kid, and I never really felt like I had anywhere to go since my parents were pretty much the entire problem. A lot of my current issues started there. At 12 some pretty bad depression became a thing. At 14 it got worse; I became pretty numb emotionally, and started having weird out-of-body experiences. I tried to just deal with it myself, but earlier this year, I realized I needed to just tell someone and accept help already.
    So, that's what I did, and I got my mom to enroll me in therapy so I could try and talk it out or whatever.

    ...And that's where the problem comes in.
    I don't think it's going anywhere, and I think a lot of the problem is my counselor.

    Let's list some of the problems I have with her, why don't we?

    She's constantly bringing up things I don't think matter
    As an example, she seems somewhat obsessed with my hair. On a regular basis she tells me I need to do more about it. I like it kind of messy, though. I think it looks cutest that way. Heck, I like it that way on everyone. Anytime I tell her this, she brings up the 'you'll make more friends that way' card. But... If someone is going to dislike me over my hair, I honestly don't think we're the sort of people who would get along in the first place. If anything, it's starting to make me worry more about what other people think than I ever have in the past.

    She acts like I'm a liar
    She once brought up about how my mom would probably like if I brushed my hair more. I told her that the only time my mom brushes her own hair is when she combs it in the shower. This is true. My counselor accused me of just making excuses, and said we should go ask my mother. I wholeheartedly disagreed to this, because as previously mentioned, MY FAMILY IS WEIRD ABOUT THESE SORTS OF THINGS. They're already unhappy with the whole situation, and I don't want to make it worse by having my counselor bother them over something so petty. She just used this as confirmation that I was a liar, though I explained that I simply didn't want to make things at home more awkward then they already were.

    I feel like she's not really listening
    Half the time when I'm talking to her, she seems to misunderstand me so completely that i feel she can't possibly be listening to a thing I'm saying.
    (For example, when she asked me what I really hoped to achieve out of these sessions, I told her that I felt emotionally numb, and wanted to figure out how to turn those emotions back on.
    She then asked "Are you very happy one day and very sad the next?"
    I replied "No, I'm the same all the time. Almost entirely apathetic."
    She continued to ask me the same question repeatedly, and would almost argue with me about my answer. Once I got her to stop, she kept implying that I was bipolar or at the very least had mood swings... when I have the very opposite of mood swings? If anything I feel like I have no moods at all. :I)

    Sometimes I feel like she violates my privacy
    She once insisted and insisted she talked to my mother, until she finally just caught her when she dropped me off, and did so without asking me. She then heavily implied to her about some things I had said in confidence, and had never given my permission to be told. Though she didn't outright say it, my mother is no idiot... and only an idiot wouldn't have known what she was trying to get across. (This experience right here is what originally made me start thinking about quitting)

    To be frank, I'm starting to feel anxious about going for my sessions.
    So... I'm thinking about breaking it off at my next appointment.
    The problem is, if I quit now, I'll have to stop therapy all together for a while.
    Like I said, my family is weird about these sorts of things.
    In addition, there aren't many counselors and therapists in this area, and we have to use insurance to pay for it, which makes it harder as well.

    I know I need help to get better, and so while I'll continue to try working on feeling better myself (I've been putting together a 'feel better plan'), the idea of quitting therapy makes me nervous. It almost feels like giving up hope. (Though, when I'm older, should I still need it, I will find myself a new therapist)

    I don't know if anyone will bother to read this long boring post, but if you have, thank you. <3
    I know I'm bad at accepting help, so it makes me worry I'm making a bad decision here.
    I just want to know...
    • Am I warranted in breaking it off?
    • Should I stick with it, or just call it quits?
    • If I do quit, how can I tell me counselor I'd like to do so without coming off as rude or outwardly insulting her?
     
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  2. I think you should absolutely break it off. This therapist sounds like she has some kind of weird agenda and all she's going to do is push it the whole time you're with her. She's clearly making you uncomfortable, and that's a fundamental failure of the whole point of counseling.

    Honestly, I think counselling isn't good for much to begin with. I once went to a counselor over my daddy issues, and at first it wasn't so bad, but at some point, my dad called the counselor and told him some horseshit that spun the story in his favor, and the next day the counselor is making subtle jabs at me and my mum. My mum talked to him later and found out what had happened. Never went to see that prick again, naturally. But the point is, the counselors are human, and sometimes they're really bad humans. Yours is clearly not helping you at all, and I think you're better off finding absolutely anyone else to talk with. Even if you can't find anyone, having no one to talk to is better than talking to someone that offends you.

    As for how to break it off, I don't think I have any good advice. I would suggest a white lie, but then again, this counselor of yours might feel nosy enough to look into anything you tell her.
     
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  3. It sounds like a bad match to me. Is there any chance of you finding a new counselor? They are people after all, some people click, some don't. But regardless of whether or not you can get another, it sounds like further work with this one is not going to help.

    Best of luck.

    Edit: somehow missed the part where you mentioned the complications of quitting. I still think you should quit since she's not a great match. Do you attend church or anything? Ministers and priests will sometimes act in that capacity. Once upon a time when I bothered with church I had a lovely UU minister (tattooed former Ska-band Roadie) who helped quite a bit with some family tension I was having.
     
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  4. Request a different therapist. This one has the mindset of looking for trouble from the sounds of things, it happens from time to time. If a second therapist makes the same kinds of notes that the first did, listen closely. One's an anomaly, two's a statistic.

    Whatever you do, don't try to self-medicate. If you quit therapy, record your personal thoughts in a journal. That way, you can look back on it every few days and figure out if you've not been acting like yourself. If you aren't, go see another therapist. :ferret:

    EDIT

    Seriously, always get a second opinion if you don't like what's on the table. Sometimes you can get a third option you didn't expect before. It applies to doctors, it applies to dentists, it applies to orthodontics--it certainly applies to therapy.
     
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  5. How are professional counselors so terrible? DX Like I didn't even sign up to be one, I'm just naturally good at it since I know how people space works DX

    She's constantly bringing up things I don't think matter
    The hair thing is understandable (Kinda)... The first time asking. But she's keep pushing it? why? DX The only thing on hair I would give is if you have like brown hair, add in blonde highlights/go pure blonde as brighter hair DOES make one happier and stuff (Scientifically anyway, your preference may not make that apply to you)... Actually my own slight depression started when I quit doing blonde highlights >.<

    She acts like I'm a liar
    ... Can you post a pic of your hair? Or someone with a similar hair style? She's oddly persistant about you brushing your hair and I'm kinda curious now >.<

    I feel like she's not really listening
    Thus, the problem I have with professionals >.< They have their heads stuck up their ass with WAAAYYYY too much shit in their ears to listen. And if all she has is generic advice and fails to adapt to situation, then I would quit giving her money and quit going to her. Yeah you'd be without someone to help (Perhaps) but it's better than her adding more stress and stuff.

    Sometimes I feel like she violates my privacy
    Of course she'd add that icing on the cake >.>

    • Am I warranted in breaking it off?
    Yes
    • Should I stick with it, or just call it quits?
    Call it quits, if she's adding more stress than helping, then you're paying her to make your life worse
    • If I do quit, how can I tell me counselor I'd like to do so without coming off as rude or outwardly insulting her?
    By coming off as rude/insulting so she doesn't try to stop you XD (Just joking) Try going to your parents and telling them that she's not helping and only making your life more of a hell, and try to get them to call if off (Or if you're the one that's paying, then just say you're young and can't afford it at the moment)


    The problem is, if I quit now, I'll have to stop therapy all together for a while.
    Not necessarily, If you have friends, then friends can be pretty good at helping.
    Although if you don't think friends will help, then you can always come to me for helps and stuff. In my personal friends group, I've gotten people out of depression, fixed up friends's budgets/future plans, saved relationships, all with a 100% success rate ^^ And no way i'm making that number fall down to 99% any time soon >.> But why would you trust an internet stranger like myself? Well it's a gamble on your part XP But unlike the person you're seeing, you can cut me off right away/block mah/report me and get my stupid ass banned if I make things worse... So really I may have a bit more to loose than you do in a matter of speaking o.o But I'll still be willing to try though :D
     
    #5 Pharaoh Shadon, Aug 21, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
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  6. +1

    Don't make this decision solely based on how you feel or see things, because interpretation is coloured. A second opinion will give you far more information to work with.
     
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  7. I'd suggest calmly confronting your therapist, tell her that you don't think these sessions are helping your situation; tell her why, repeat everything that you said here and see where that takes you. If you still don't like it, then I would definitely cut it off and request a new therapist. I wouldn't worry too much about offending her, every therapist has different methods and not every method is for everybody. As a professional, I'm sure she understands this and wouldn't be too broken up if you decided that she wasn't right for you. Honestly, the best way to not come off as rude and insulting, is to not be rude and insultingly, simple as that. Especially when your talking to someone face to face, on the Internet it's a little more complicated, as tone of text is easy to misinterpret.

    And hey, if you can't get a new therapist, you should try talking to some friends. They know who you are better than any professional and are more likely to give you genuine advice because you know they're not doing it just so they can get paid. Although I would still recommend seeing a therapist if at all possible, this is a great alternative.

    Of course, if you lack friends, I'm more than happy to have you as a friend. We can talk, hang out, have fun, and laugh. And then maybe along the way I could help you. I just got out of a pretty bad case of depression myself after struggling with it for 3 years, and I've had friends who struggled with it; one of them I had to talk down from suicide a total of four times, and I've been talked down from it before myself. So yeah, you could say I have some experience in that area. But I can see that I'm starting to brag, so I'll stop there. I'm just some random guy on the Internet, anyways, so what do I know? ^^;

    When it comes down to it, mate, it's your choice, these are just suggestions.
     
    #7 Hatsune Candy, Aug 21, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
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  8. There's no shame in looking for a new counselor if the one you have isn't working out. I had a paychologist I worked with closely for ten years of my life and only now have I broken it off to look for new people. He wasn't a bad psychologist, he just wasn't fit for me. What you have sounds like someone who will only exacerbate an already delicate situation. Find a new counselor, and please don't give up on therapy altogether unless you're totally sure you can take the reins on your own healing.

    EDIT: Have you tried telling her how you feel? Therapists aren't psychic, and if you feel uncomfortable or think a topic isn't relevant, go out and say it. Don't worry about politeness, it'll save you both a lot of trouble if you stay honest with her and express these problems. If she doesn't change for the better, then say you don't think it's going to fit and either compile your own list of possible counselors or ask her to list any psychologists she knows who'd be a good fit. If she's truly a good counselor, she'll help you.
     
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