Should I come out to my parents?

[XMadnessLoverX]

Well.. The thing is.. I'm not exactly straight. I'm actually bi. But, the problem is, my parents doesn't know that. My mom had raised me as a Christian, even though she says that if I didn't go to church, I would lose privileges but that's not important. My mother does have gay friends, although she did tell me before that she didn't want her kids to be gay, even though her views have changed. I know a mother's love is unconditional, although I'm still a bit afraid of what she's going to say if I tell her that I'm actually bisexual. What should I do? Should I come out to her now, or wait for the right moment? What do you think?

 

[Sidhe]

Most important question: do you still live at home, or are otherwise dependent on your parents?

 

[XMadnessLoverX]

Most important question: do you still live at home, or are otherwise dependent on your parents?

I live with my biological father and my step-mother. My biological mother is what I'm worried about.

 

[Rain of the Night]

I say, unless the subject comes up, don't bother. Your sexuality shouldn't be a point of concern in your mother's life.

 

[Pahn]

I say, unless the subject comes up, don't bother. Your sexuality shouldn't be a point of concern in your mother's life.

^^^^^^ This

Though I know for a lot of people, not telling feels like lying.
Personally, I haven't told my family, and I don't feel the need to. When I was a teenager though, it really gnawed at me and I felt a lot of pressure to tell them, but not anymore. Then again -- I'm not close to them.

It's up to you to decide, it's a very personal decision -- we can give you all the advice in the world, but at the end of the day, if you don't feel comfortable telling your mother, even if 100 Internet strangers tell you that you should... maybe you shouldn't :)

Good luck!

 

[CandyPrincess]

I say, unless the subject comes up, don't bother. Your sexuality shouldn't be a point of concern in your mother's life.

Personally, I agree with this.
I'm in the same situation: raised in a Christian household, discovered boys, discovered girls, oops I'm bi.
Honestly, unless you end up coming home with someone your mother may not expect I don't think you need to really come out.

 

[howl]

This is kind of an old thread, but in case you're still deciding or if someone else looks at this and is in a similar situation-

The most important thing, I think, is whether or not you're sure you'll be safe if you come out to someone. The unfortunate reality is that there's still a lot hate towards LGBT+ people and you can never know for certain how someone will react. So, personally, if you have any doubt in your mind I wouldn't come out.

If you don't live with your mother that removes a lot of the risk. I don't know if you go between households or live exclusively with your dad or stepmom, but if you do I doubt you'd be in any sort of danger since most of it comes from being kicked out, abused, disowned, not having funds for college/apartment/etc. from parents.

So if you don't live with her the worst that could happen is she doesn't want to talk to you, or tells you you're going to hell, etc. I don't know your mom, so I couldn't say.

But if you weigh the risks and decide it's worth it, I'd say go for it. Just don't do it because you feel obliged to because, like everyone else has said, your sexuality is no one's business (except a romantic partner, but that's different) and if there's no practical reason to come out you don't have to. It's personal information, so not telling her isn't like you're lying. Or at least, that's how I see it, as someone who will probably never come out to my Christian family.

 

[Hades]

So this is over a month old, dunno if you've made a decision about this or not but I want to share some thoughts that might help...

Most of people in Europe and America are raised in a branch of catholic religion, it doesn't mean that religion is right, people always tend to believe the religion they were raised in is right since the "absolute truths" we are told as children are stuck in our minds...
Gandhi said "God as no religion." this is a powerful thing, all religions are man made about how different people interpreted various pieces of cultural and spiritual value... but I think the true role of religion shouldn't be to impose a list of strict rules to follow or else you go to hell, what really matters to transmit good values, of supporting and helping eachother out...

Homosexuality was considered wrong in most religions cause they are ancient and religions needed to have some sort of control over the population, back in the middle ages it was good to have a bunch of children to grow the farm and stuff, gay people couldn't produce children so religion had to step in... nowadays we live in an age where technology is fast replacing people and stealing jobs and there aren't enough resources for everyone so diminishing the world population is a good thing.

Also, why are you so concerned about telling your mother, does it matter? do you have a same gender partner that you want to introduce her? I am straight but what I do sex wise does not concern my parents. You being bi, unless you have a partner you want/need to introduce her too as a partner, is basically like if you were straight and are having sex doggy style when your mother told you missionary is the way to go. It's your sex life it only concerns you and your partner(s).

Also, there's no waiting for special moments, those things don't exist.. you have to grab the moment you have and make it special.