Seriously, this is getting out of hand!

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

I think one event that really drives this issue home is something that happened in one of my classes a year ago.
Note: I'm in Early Childhood Education, so this was a class of people meant to be educating and looking after children.

My teacher had started a discussion with the class about cyber-bullying.
And it very quickly turned into a bunch of them getting teary eyed, saying that people today are so rude, and hating that such a thing exists.

But that's all they were doing, complaining about it.
The second I raised my hand and suggested tactics to address it the respond was quite literally "Well that's just tactics. We're not talking about that".

Really? Really!?

You people are meant to be trained on working with children, where bullying will become an issue!
But instead of addressing ways on how to stop it you'd rather just sit around and cry about it!?
Are you fucking kidding me!?

That's exactly it! They know it's a problem, they talk about how it needs to stop, but no one is making any damn suggestions on how to stop it. It's like having all the ingredients for a recipe, knowing the recipe, but waiting for the ingredients to throw themselves together and put itself in the oven. Kids are killing themselves over this issue! If not by suicide, they're turning to drugs and other unhealthy habits as a way to cope when they don't have people to help them through it.

What annoys me about it most is what @Halo says is true. The other kids parents have the same rights as I do to defend their kid, and no parent wants to admit that their child is a brat (At least not to other people. Deep down we all know when we have a bad seed, but we do what we can to fix the problems without letting other people know.) Although I can't say that's true for all parents. If I knew my kids were bullying, and there have been times when I've caught them saying mean things to someone that I've forced them to go back and apologize for, I feel that it's my job as their parent to do what I can to put a stop to the problem. Some parents don't acknowledge that it is a problem. They either go with the logic 'Kids will be kids' or make up some excuse for their kids' bad behavior. It all comes down to the parents, and most parents don't want to be bothered by it unless it affects them in some way.

 

[Turtle of Doom]

My son is seven, and I regret to say that he has already been bullied. The first instance of him being bullied was actually in head-start. Every time the kids went to the bathroom, this one kid would kick my son in the stomach. He told the teacher (once while I was there to witness) and nothing was done, so finally I told him to kick the kid back. He did and the kid never bullied him again. I also took him out of head-start after that school year was over and kept him home until Kinder.

I don't believe the schools can handle the bullying problem, because it's not a problem originating in the schools. The problem originates in the homes. A lot of parents are afraid to parent, and I'm sorry to say but the kids are the ones suffering. We live in a society of victims and bullies. Parents have to parent. We cannot allow our children to be victims, we must teach them to fight for themselves, at the very least (even if not in a physical sense). We cannot allow our children to be predators either (which is essentially what a bully is). Respect needs to come back into the picture.

That being said, I agree with your idea for a three strike thing. If you feel strongly enough about it, maybe you should start a petition and push it through the school board. I applaud you for not telling your child to 'turn the other cheek', it would just get progressively worse. School buses are supposed to have cameras on board, if the issue continues I would press charges and file a subpoena for the footage.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

I'd be cautious with the three strikes system.

As addressed earlier, that can be very easily abused and manipulated.
Hell, we've just went on for how it's normally the victim of bullying whose punished.
By all likelihood that three strikes system if implemented now would get more victims expelled than actual bullies.

I feel that it's my job as their parent to do what I can to put a stop to the problem.

That's because it is the responsibility of the parents.
There's a lot of responsibilities one signs on for when becoming a parent.

The issue is that parenting (perhaps the most difficult and demanding [yet most rewarding] job human society has) has no real pre-requisites or training.
Anyone whose able to have sex is able to become a parent, a parent with such strong rights to their child that they could literally beat them with a broken beer bottle and child protection services wouldn't bat an eye.

In all honesty I think this will continue to become an issue for humanity until we have some sort of required training before becoming a parent.
We can run around and preach "Parenting is important" as much as we want, but until we actually start enforcing training there will always be bad eggs who turn a blind eye to it and don't recognize their responsibility.
Granted, even after training we'll still get bad eggs. But it should hopefully be reduced, and they'd at least get exposure to it.

Now, granted the closest thing we have to that atm is probably the ECE course I'm in.
And like I'm gone over it has a lot of issues and bias with it.
So such a program/education would require a lot of revising and updating as well.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Parenting is hard, and one of the problems, and I know I'll probably hear shit for this, is teenagers having babies. I'm not saying all teenage mothers are irresponsible, but they have no clue what they're getting into. They see shows like 'Sixteen and pregnant' and think that having a baby isn't that hard, but what those shows don't show is when the real work actually begins. Having a baby is easy. Raising a child is hard. You can never find the right balance. You either feel like you're smothering them or you're not being protective enough. You want them to learn on their own, but you want to teach them when they're doing something that's wrong. These girls have having babies thinking of all the cute little clothes they'll dress them up in, and of all the attention they'll get without considering that they are responsible for that child's life for the next 18 years. It is their job to teach them right from wrong. To show them how to live decently. And the older a kid gets, the bigger the problems become.

There is nothing glamorous about being a parent. Yes, it has its rewards, but those are earned through blood, sweat, tears, and years. It hours of worrying if something is wrong, if they're eating right and getting enough sleep. It's nights laying awake wondering if they're friends are bad influences, or if they're watching and reading things that they shouldn't. It's watching their grades and wondering if ever slip up is a cry for attention or some difficulty they're having understanding what's being taught. I can't even count how many doctor's visits, trips to the ER, and rushes to the clinic I've had. I can't tell you how many nights I've stayed awake trying to remember if it's time for Motrin or Tylenol, and watching a thermometer hoping not to see a temperature above 101. Each time they go outside to play, I worry if some drunk will be driving down the road, or if there's some pervert hiding in the woods waiting to snatch them up. It sounds like paranoia, and it probably is, but at least I know it's a normal type of paranoia.


There are people on Facebook that I am friends with who let their 6 year olds have their own Facebook page. My daughter had to beg me to let her have one on her 13th birthday and the only reason I finally agreed was because we have family on there. People are too worried about being friends with their kids, and not parents. I will admit that I do try to do both, but it's hard. You can't have it both ways. My kids tell me they don't like me all the time because I punish them when they mess up, and I don't let them have everything they want. I tell them the same thing each time they complain. It's not my job to make them happy. It's my job to make sure they are taken care of, and that when they turn 18 they can stand on their own too feet, that they know what is right from wrong, and they don't end up dead, or in jail. That is what I'm supposed to do.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

I can agree with most of that.
Parenting's an important, hard and often under valued job.
And stuff like shitty parents and shows like 16 and Pregnant don't help the matter.

Though in all honesty I wouldn't worry much in regards to predators on the street or issues on facebook.
Then again, do note I grew up in a very peaceful town, don't have kids of my own yet, and tend to adopt a very "don't censor people" mentality with almost any issue.

 

[dragonesper]

I actually wanted to not say anything in this because I don't feel my input would have any constructive to add in this discussion but here goes:

I did experience that fighting back stopped the bullying I experienced (well, for a year at least) but thinking back to that event doesn't make me proud, and it honestly makes me a bit sick to my stomach.
The day I fought back was one of my days and my regular bully had been waiting at the top of the stairs just to spray water on me, he laughed, I snapped. Pissed off I shouted out his name, followed him and started attacking. I was just so mad and sick of everything. Of course it got the attention of the other students and here's the sickening part: The very same people that gave no shit when I got harassed cheered me on. The anger didn't last, I never got in a good hit and once I got tired I just said "that's enough" and left. I most likely shamed the guy who had then been bullying me for two years calling me "monster" every damned day.
Once in my classroom I just sat down by my desk, curled up and cried. There was no teacher there, either to stop, help or comfort. I don't remember what happened next, but I do know I didn't experience any actual consequences.
I'm not proud of myself for a very simple reason: While I laugh and call it "funny" in any conversation I have, it's not funny, it's not awesome, nor is it something I should've been needed to do.
And before people misunderstand: The fact that violence was what I needed to get bullies off my back, even for a short while, just because my elementary school pinned my early stages of depression as mourning my cat and the social issues with my class was never addressed (at a presentation of a group project my group members decided to then say I apparently did nothing instead of any earlier point of time, gee thanks for that trauma) to the point where bullies saw me as an easy target from elementary and until middle school.
I'm not proud that it was violence that made it less difficult for me. I wish violence wasn't a necessity at all.


Now to what struck a chord for me in this thread:
What @Nydanna says it pretty much the truth, parents aren't there to coddle you or sew pillows under your arms. They're there to raise you because it's their damn resposibility for bringing you into this world in the first place. I appreciate my mom for being strict, I was a total brat at least the first few years of my life. Thanks to her being strict I have a sense of morals, I'm raised to be nice and I actually do have some manners stuck somewhere into that social skill catalogue I misplace often enough. I don't treat people like crap on purpose, I remain polite to service folk and government folks no matter if I'm at my last straw or just a little impatient and "surprise", I know how to be a decent human being (even though I'm not good 100% of the time).
I might now have been the happiest kid growing up, I did get bullied and was an outcast most of my school career, but I won't treat others badly just because they made a minor mistake or a misunderstanding happened.
I'm building my own happier future now with all the building blocks I have at my disposal, I have my mom to thank for raising me to be a good person so I can make my own happy life and not fuck it up later just because I feel entitled to x this and y that.

More parents like that would be a good thing in this world.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

When I was a kid, I could really rely on my parents to do jack for shit to help me when I got bullied (I had a horrendous stutter, so stayed quiet most days and the kids made fun of me for it, they also made fun of my name). When things on the bus started to escalate to violence, I fought back. I defended myself and kids started to realize that I wasn't going to put up with shit. yeah, I lost a few of those fights but I got the point across that I was going to defend myself. And that was just elementary school. The school did nothing to help me, and in high school the teachers even just laughed along with the kids, and again my parents were completely fucking useless (they always told me 'every kid gets bullied, get over it. It's a way of passage'...which I might add is utter bullshit), the school obviously wasn't going to do anything.

 

[Hellis]

Ignoring bullies work in certain cases, in certain enviroments. A enclosed space like a school buss is not one of them. Especially if you are singled out and without backup. Bullies are cowards. They are legit the most chickenshit people you will ever find. They have to lord over others to cover their own damn insecurities. I am all for preaching nonviolence, but schools tend to punish the victims of bullying almost as harshly as the perpetrators. And they do not help the bullied to recover. Prolonged and harsh bullying does terrible things to a childs psyche. It can cause serius long term damage. Fighting back should be the last option taken in most situation. But in some cases, you know it might aswell be the first you take to spare you the trouble. I am a big dude, I was 6'2 when most kids where still 5'something. I was however, timid and beaten down from my first years in school. I was so inside my own shell that i had one friend outside of school for 10 years, and like 2 people I talked with in school.

My newfound size one day paired up with my temper. And I, fought back. I didn't just punch, like Windsong noted his own experiences. I took to a much worse approach then that. I snapped. At one point a I tossed a entire bench at guy. I got jumped by several people at once and ended up breaking the thumb of one of them. In this case, my attackers grew increasignly violent as I retorted. This becouse I was isolated, big, and whoever took me down got a egobost from taking down the biggest guy. Becouse they knew I didn't like fighting, they kept coming.

It took a good 8 years to get my temper in check. IT took martial arts training, self help books and a much more mature enviroment for me to heal.

One note, every bully I known, had parents that either made excuses for their kids behavior and protected him when he was clearly in the wrong. Or had some of the most neglectful, bullshit parents you ever met. To battle bullying, you have to approach the people who created the godawfull offspring in the first place

 

[Windsong]

@Nydanna , I went and had some coffee and words about this kind of situation with my principal just to see what his take on all of this was.

He suggests you take it straight to the school board if you're worried about it not going anywhere within the school your kid attends. Especially since this occurred on a bus and therefore on a camera located at the front. You could even go straight to Transportation with this and that driver could face discipline.

If that doesn't get you far and your local board doesn't have anti-bullying things in place he suggests a petition like someone else suggested already. Get support, attend a few open board meetings, etc. It may take a while to be put into action but you could potentially be helping other kids.

His final suggestion was telling your son to simply man up and fight back. And not just swing. Kick, bite, throw dirt, etc. Yes yes, violence bad. But remember, these aren't humans, they're children. Yes he can face discipline and whatnot. But like @Hellis said too I believe: it sends a message to leave him alone, it's not worth it.

All of this from a middle school principal and SRO, mind you, not me.

"The biggest bombs have the longest fuses. How else are you going to get far?" To quote the SRO as he sipped green tea.

Edit: they also said the more hysterical you are the more likely they are to act. If you're that kind of mom.

 

[Persephone]

Anyway, I digress. What I'm curious about is, what do you guys think is the best way to deal with bullying? Should the police become involved? Should parents of bullied children be allowed to take legal action against the bully in hopes that by hitting the parents in the pocket they might put a stop to their kid's behavior?

I don't like bullies. Maybe it's because I've been bullied in the past. Maybe it's because I've acted like a bully in the past (and regrettably, occasionally in the present). Maybe it's because I've dealt with one in my home for several years, one who has only recently been cut out of my immediate family's life. But this thread isn't about me and my issues (I can make one in Counseling for that), it's about bullying. It's also about the best way to deal with it. Now, because I don't want to make this look like an XBAWKS HUEGE wall of text, onwards to a new line.

Anyway. Solution (at least, for moi) to bullying. Your kid is taking shit from some bullying little fucks in Elementary or Middle School? Have him (or her) make those scumfucks eat his FUCKING FIST. Make that fucker hurt. Hit him where it hurts, beat him to a fucking pulp, make him your bitch. Screw talking shit out or legal fuckery, punch, scratch, bite, and scream until that little scumbag and all his scummy friends are scared shitless of you. There are no Queensbury Rules when it comes to fighting a bully. Now, this isn't guaranteed to be successful in the eyes of the proper authorities or those who think turning the other cheek is always the solution. Different strokes for different folks. Violence won't work everytime, but it sure as hell works for getting a bully off of your kid's back. The punishment is worth the reward, in my honest opinion.

Aw, shit. I just did what I was trying to avoid. Oh well. It's just my opinion, nothing more, nothing less.

 

[Hana]

I haven't really had first hand experience of physical attacks from bullying, but my brother has a... Reputation?

No, he's not the bully. I don't know what prompts some kids to suddenly just trigger his berserk button, but they all end up regretting it. He's a junior black belt at twelve for fuck's sake, why do they even think they can take him on? They hit him first and they end up crying with a broken jaw (my brother's punch cracked the boy's jaw and he had to go to the hospital - and he got in trouble, when the boy threw a large rock at my brother's head? that little shit had it coming if anything wrong happened to my brother or he bled from the head even I would hit that boy). Then there was one where my brother nearly dislocated a classmate's elbow, because of course the classmate and some other groupies found it funny to upturn my brother's lunch on him. You know what he did? He twisted the boy's arm behind his back and pushed one foot into his back. Ouch. And even then there's still someone who would like to stab him with a pencil. Go figure what happened to that one. My brother's a pretty cool boy, and rather sweet though he's cheeky, but I admit he can be scary. He is scary. No one really bullies him unless they have a death wish.

I fully support hitting back if the other party, the bully, starts it against you. Turning the other cheek repeatedly would only encourage them. Though I don't really know if my brother's way would be good since he always returns any attacks on his person twofold. He gives as good as he gets and then some.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

@Nydanna , I went and had some coffee and words about this kind of situation with my principal just to see what his take on all of this was.

He suggests you take it straight to the school board if you're worried about it not going anywhere within the school your kid attends. Especially since this occurred on a bus and therefore on a camera located at the front. You could even go straight to Transportation with this and that driver could face discipline.

If that doesn't get you far and your local board doesn't have anti-bullying things in place he suggests a petition like someone else suggested already. Get support, attend a few open board meetings, etc. It may take a while to be put into action but you could potentially be helping other kids.

His final suggestion was telling your son to simply man up and fight back. And not just swing. Kick, bite, throw dirt, etc. Yes yes, violence bad. But remember, these aren't humans, they're children. Yes he can face discipline and whatnot. But like @Hellis said too I believe: it sends a message to leave him alone, it's not worth it.

All of this from a middle school principal and SRO, mind you, not me.

"The biggest bombs have the longest fuses. How else are you going to get far?" To quote the SRO as he sipped green tea.

Edit: they also said the more hysterical you are the more likely they are to act. If you're that kind of mom.

/sigh I was hoping for a quick resolve, but I kind of expected I'd have to jump through flaming hoops and tap dance to get anything done. Supposedly all of the schools in the county do have a zero-tolerance in effect, but it's about as useful as a hole in the head. It's not enforced, and I'm not the only parent that's had problems. The other parents I talked to told me to not even bother trying to get anything done unless I hire an attorney and threaten legal action against the school. My daughter's friend's mother said that's the only way she could get anything done when her daughter was jumped in one of the school bathrooms.

But, I since it's isolated to the bus, I'm going to try my damnedest to see if I can get the bus driver fired, or at least put on another route. I spoke to transportation the day that it happened since they were the only people still in their office. (My kids' bus doesn't drop them off until 4:40 and it was nearly 5 by the time I heard the story.) The woman I spoke with told me that the driver went against protocol, and that he should have returned to the school. She supposedly left my complaint with the bus driver's supervisor and I was told to expect a call this morning, but I knew better than to hold my breath.

I did tell my son to to fight back though if it happens again. He only punched once, because apparently when I told him 'Knock the little asshole out' when explaining to him and my daughters what to do if someone punches wasn't clear enough. (He was positive I'd get mad if he got in trouble.) So I made it a point to tell him again that if someone hits him, to go low and fight as dirty as possible without getting anything that could be construed as a weapon involved. My husband doesn't want me to let them ride the bus, but I feel like that's only going to make him more of a target, but for now I'm agreeing to it until I know something is going to be done.

As for being hysterical, I was actually more pissed than anything else. (I did call the kid a little brat, which is tame for what I really think of him.) My angry voice isn't very intimidating....or even angry sounding so it might be a good idea to get my husband to call up as well.


P.S: Sorry about the accidental rating. My tablet doesn't like my finger. =/

 

[Halo]

Just a brief note... everybody saying that fighting back is the answer - I agree. In principle.

But it has to be controlled violence. It isn't about going berserk and dislocating some kid's shoulder. Going hysterical won't help. I'm pretty sure Nydanna's kid doesn't want to be seen as "the crazy scary one." And as Hellis very astutely noted, getting a reputation for being a hardass actually encourages violence against you, often - you're a living, breathing video game boss for anyone who considers themselves a tough guy to take down as an ego boost and to show off. My brother suffers from this, being a fairly heavily built, 6'4" guy with MMA training. He's a target.
You need to teach them how to throw a controlled punch. How to defend themselves capably and in control. That actually negates a lot of the perceived issues with "encouraging violence" in your kids - that way, you're teaching them that control is needed if you ever use violence for self-defence. It's not about a zerg rush of adrenaline and power and shit.

Again, just a personal opinion. It worked very well for me. I was targeted by a lot of bullies and had to stick up for my brother a lot, and keeping my cool and landing a few good punches as if I knew what I was doing always worked better than going crazy. Going crazy got me in trouble too, often, because they saw me as hysterical, unstable, and violent if I did that. And confidence and control scared off the bullies way more than some screaming, terrified kid flailing everywhere. As has been noted, they're insecure themselves - they don't wanna go up against someone confident and calm.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

As for being hysterical, I was actually more pissed than anything else. (I did call the kid a little brat, which is tame for what I really think of him.) My angry voice isn't very intimidating....or even angry sounding so it might be a good idea to get my husband to call up as well.

What you feel is completely normal considering it's your own flesh and blood being harmed by this.

As for being Intimidating? I'd honestly suggest against that.
Cause what you're trying to do is get the school board on your side, to help you with dealing with this bully.
You're not getting anyone on your side by trying to scare/intimidate them into helping.

Back when I was a little kid and needed an autism therapist in the classroom with me (The Board didn't allow it) that was a trick my Mom had to learn.
Because multiple children needed said help/support, but it never happened before because every parent would come in angry and demanding X and Y is a very angry and intimidating manner.
But then when my Mom came in, calm, rational and explained the situation she got a lot more people to listen to her and be on her side.
That and she able was able to play on their emotional side, pull the right strings to make them really feel for the situation, sympathize with it and want to help of their own free will.

 

[4everDifferent]

I was picked on in high school and spent many days suspended for fighting back. Six fights, all self-defense, resulting in a total of twelve days suspension 9th through 12th grade. I lost one. But because of my size and the position my father held, I continued to be the target until I graduated.

My father had always taught me that starting a fight was wrong but I sure has hell better finish one if someone even swung at me. Knowing, with the knowledge of my character and the reports of witness, that I never started the fights, I still got suspended. Those suspensions ended up being party days at home because, so long as I never started a fight, I wasn't at trouble at home.

As a teacher, I still believe that self defense is necessary.. I believe kids should defend themselves. Granted, Ill stop there fight because item my job, but I silently applaud those who don't let people push them around physically. As a father, my son better fight back if he's being physically assaulted. My daughter better kick a guy in the crotch if he lays his hands on her. Part of my responsibility as a father is to do my best to ensure that my child be safe so that means that I teach them to defend themselves.

 

[ASTA]

The fact that schools suspend children for defending themselves is fucking disgusting.

 

[Windsong]

The fact that schools suspend children for defending themselves is fucking disgusting.

It's because it falls under fighting and assault. No one wants to step into the gray area and accidentally let the instigator off Scott free.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

The fact that schools suspend children for defending themselves is fucking disgusting.

I can understand why. There are times when kids fight over things like girls/boys, arguments that get out of hand, things like that. In those cases both parties are responsible for instigating the fight and should be held responsible for it. With bullying isn't not both kids, but one kid trying to prove their better/stronger than another kid. The kid being bullied doesn't want to fight, but they're back against a wall and given no choice.

 

[SamIO]

Here's my bias, before I start, so take my opinions as you will:
I'm a long-term parental care provider's aide for developmentally disabled CPS and foster kiddos, and more recently I've been working at a therapeutic alternative K–12 school (read, 'the place where the district sends the really severe students'). I've dealt with just about every kind of negative behavior you can think of directed to both peers and staff, including but definitely not limited to clusterbomb profanity, self-harm, blood-curdling screaming, deliberate dead-weighting, fleeing, and, of course, kicking, punching, flailing, spitting, and biting. I am expected by law to do absolutely nothing except speak until recommended by my CPI training, which is essentially hands-off until absolutely necessary, and when hands-on, minimal force. I thought maybe @Gwazi Magnum and I might see a bit more eye-to-eye on this matter, considering our like backgrounds, but I suppose I just feel a lot more conservative on the matter.

I do not resent these guidelines, and I would have anybody not taking them seriously reported for malpractice in an instant — not because I'm a goodie-goodie two-shoes, but because it's dangerous and irresponsible. The staff's hands are tied — but not by law or ambiguity. Our hands are tied by common sense morality.

A victim of assault is not suspended as punishment — at least not where I work; they are suspended for their own protection. They have been injured, and we don't want them on campus where the assault might recur. If we know who is responsible, you can expect them to receive not only a more durable suspension, but also a special conference with their parents involved, typically including teachers, counselors, administrators, and witnesses. If we don't know who dunnit, by golly we're not sweeping it under the rug (I assure you if we could know, we would have informed you before your child came home). There are legal repercussions to us if we are not responsible in ensuring students' safety; we are nearly all of us mandatory reporters of abuse and suspected abuse, not just by parents but also by peers. If your child is coming home and you're reporting their stories to the police, they'll be asking us why we weren't more vigilant before anything else.

By the way, please do involve the police; they have far more authority and resources than we do when it comes to dealing with assault regardless of age group. If we aren't doing our job, they will. If they aren't doing their job, there's something wrong with the system and your best bet is probably to get out of Dodge.

Regarding philosophy: Ignoring bullies comes from psychologists. You can cite personal experience and claim it's ambiguous pseudo-science all you want, but you're denying time-honored statistical and educated analysis techniques that are the basis for nearly everything a school does. You aren't smarter than fifty years of ten thousand Ph.D.s. Sorry. If the techniques aren't working, listen to that principal and look into potential malpractice. Go to the higher-ups; if the staff is doing its job, these problems shouldn't be escalating.

A less narcissistic explanation, though, is that the reason we tell children to ignore bullies is to avoid immediate escalation. It is our responsibility to ensure verbal abuse is shut down before it grows, and that is why we encourage students to report any bullying behaviors toward them or their peers in the event no adult was around to see it. When a student seeks attention through negative behavior, a reaction is the desired result; don't react and they don't win. It's very dangerous to apply this philosophy outside of a therapeutic environment because the natural frustration of failure typically leads to physical escalation as was stated before. There's a reason we have parent-teacher conferences, and it's not always to talk about grades. It's our way of interfacing with the out-of-school side of things to make sure the student is getting the support they need.

Now we have the biggest problem: All these words sound neat-o and everything, Sam, but my child is still being harmed on the school's watch.

And here is where most parents shut down, dismiss the educational system as incompetent, and teach their children to play Darwin with anybody who touches them. If you're lucky, your kid is bigger than their bullies and wins. If you're unlucky, you're one of those hate-crime parents on the news about their child being beaten to death or made suicidal by a bully. Most parents end up right back where they started, where the child is stuck in the middle of an eternal power struggle that looks eerily similar to a bunch of juvenile capuchins trying to establish dominance that will hopefully last them the rest of their lives.

Call the bully's parents and discuss a solution (none of this neanderthalic nonsense where you scream at Mom and Dad for letting their kid beat up your kid). If that's not productive, call the school. If we're not doing anything about it, call somebody higher-up. If that doesn't change anything, get the police involved. If they aren't fixing it, you probably live in someplace with some serious policy issues. I honestly can't help you with that. o.o

I apologize for my inappropriate tone. My experiences with CPS have lead me to be dubious around parents even in the face of genuinely good intentions (ignorance is just as bad as malintent), and working at a school has exposed me to a lot of self-entitled parents who really shouldn't be raising a child (sometimes I unsarcastically wonder if the apple didn't fall so far from the tree when I'm talking to an autistic child's parent). I don't like being rude, and I wish I didn't want to be so aggressive, but this topic is something that really upsets me, so I hope you can understand I'm not looking to insult people.

We really do care about the kiddos, and I assure you we aren't choosing poor techniques knowingly. Most of us have children of our own, so we are pretty empathetic when a parent comes to us about bullying. Most parents I've interacted with act like we just mail it in for the cash or something, and my honest thought is: Do you really think we could bear dealing with all of your little snots every day if we didn't want to do something good for them? ;3

Anyhow, take it as you will. I'm on a polar bias from most of you, so I fully expect to have my words pulled bit from bit. I just hope you at least gather that most of us actually care, if nothing else. ^.^;

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

@Sammy Khoa I'm on my phone atm so I can't give that long a reply. But for now In will say that I totally agree with being skeptical with parents, there are a lot of really horrible parents out there. May it be from good intentions or simply a lack of caring.

But at the same time I'm thinking you were lucky enough to deal with a more caring and competent school board than I did. A lot of what I dealt with growing up was staff turning blind eyes to conflict or actively punishing victims, may it be due to personal bias or wanting to be on good terms with the more popular kids.

I'm all on board with having the teachers and the parents work together. But realistically I know the schools are not always going to care, in which case parents have a right to step in more and protect their own children.