Sci-Fi intro

Discussion in 'SHOWCASING' started by Vay, Feb 2, 2010.

  1. "Then where in the name of Satan's third nipple are we?" Flag Lieutenant Gregory Hunt shouted at the navigation team. Red emergency lights cast deep shadows in the spacious bridge. The face looking back at him looked ghostly with he red light above and the soft green glow of the console below.

    "Sir, I, we, we don't know sir.... no beacons, no known constellations in alignment. Sir we missed out exit point bigtime."

    "Fuck!! any word from the captain? Any sign of the fleet? Hell is there anythi....." he was cut off by a though from the engineering officer.

    "Siiiirrr..... you'd better come see this.... this ..... this is bad."

    Gregory ran over to the console, thick navy issue boots clanking against the uncarpeted metal deck. "We're not getting anything aft of section 103. Engine, maintenance, crew quarters. They're all black or cut off from us, we barely have enough reserve power for fore navigational thrusters."

    "I want external cameras, lets see how much of a beating we took when the jump failed."

    The main viewscreen flickered to life, heavy static blocking out everything before am image gradually formed.

    "Ohh... my.... shit....."

    The entire room went quiet. Across a field off bent and buckled hull plates, twisted metal support struts and geyser-like eruptions of leaking conduits, Where the rear of the ship was meant to be there was only blackness, and the slight shimmer of stars......
  2. Commas are your friends.

    Too many ellipses make the bulk of the text almost an eye-sore.

    You have something there, but it begs a bit more... Fleshing out. Some more love, if you will. Nurture it with another draft, and you'll have something real neat.
  3. That was written late at night after a long day at work i'll give it another go and yes, try to flesh it out a bit.

    Edited a bit, I think I'll turn this into a short story.
  4. In the silence it seemed as if the temperature had suddenly dropped. No one moved, all eyes stared at the screen. Slowly they settled on the only one who was standing. Gregory continued to stare, then gripping the side of the nearest console tightly steadying himself.

    Even in the red light he looked pale. "Is there anyway we can jump?" he asked, half choking on the words.

    "If all we have is what on my screen, we don't even have a jump engine."

    "Then I want a full damage report, get teams checking exactly what parts of the ship are intact. Make sure they're suited up."

    As his orders were relayed into the intercom Gregory stood. "Riley, see if you can find out what happened."

    (next post will be a few hours later i think)
  5. All eyes in the fleet were on the stricken vessel. The assault cruiser Valium weld it in place while the crew were rescued. "Half the crew are still missing sir. They were in the Fore half when it was lost."

    The Admiral put him head in his hands, he had just lost a good ship and a lot of good men. "Any idea what happened or why?" he asked lifting his head. His characteristic twitch showing itself, like it did after dissater hi the fleet.

    "A full inquest will be conducted once all records have been analyzed and the derelict examined." the computer replied.

    He visibly flinched at the word. "no time for that, we have a date with some ships that need destroying."

    "All personell have been recued what were rear of the bulkhead and her drives have been scuttled and all information wiped. We are ready to leave."

    An unknown distance away in the dim bridge of the ship now beamed a derelict there was an unpleasant wailing sound.

    "Do you think you could shut that off I'm battling to hear my instruments. Sensor officer Heindrick snapped in the direction on the music, and it was then that another wailing sound joined in.

    "No need to start yours up, fine i'll turn it down."

    "No.. this." He scanned the screen before him.

    "We have an Echo sir

    (finish later)
  7. Vaaaaaaaaay, more.
  8. "Dererict, not much worth salvaging. Ion pulse turret a retro thrust array, Sssssss you see there you can see she used to be a lot bigger something tore her up something fierce. Never seen a ship anything like this befor"

    The ship on screen tumbled in empty space trailing vapor and debris.

    "Grab the turret if we can't use it we can sure as hell sell it. Alien teck fetches goot prices."



    "I SAID TURN THE BLOODY TURRET!!!!! We're not going to fire it but they don't know that."



    "Its moving, turret is moving, locked on."

    "Aww hell its a trap... everyone strap in we're evading, get us some breathing room."

    The sounds of harnesses being buckles filled the bridge of the small vessel as it fire a full retro burst and corskcrewed away.

    "Hammer time."


    On the other side of the debris field the Balazar's Hammer. A retired heavy tug sprang into action.

    "Hammer time."

    On board the small crew checked their impact harnesses and readouts. Her crew were chosen for their toughness and ferocity.

    "Lets take this slow they're immobile and ours for the taking..."

    The leader looked around the cramped compartment before everyone burst out laughing. "Full thrust it is."

    The ship shot forward its shock-proofed bow gleaming in the dim light, grapples sliding open as she gained speed.....