[Samuel x Roman]

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"Yes, I have been working at Lush, and I love it," Roman said with a smile. He really did love his job there. It was very fun, he loved all his co-workers and he loved that he was able to be creative in his appearance.

"Speaking of which, I brought down some shampoos and conditioners I thought you might like, so I'll have to run home and get them for you," he said to Susan. "Anyway, Melbourne is great. We go out on cool dates sometimes -- we went to the zoo at the end of the last holidays. It's nice to have some more variety in the activities we do."

Roman also loved being able to shop to his heart's content.

"Samuel's doing very well in his new soccer team."
 
"Last I heard they weren't all that good but very nice?" Susan asked. Samuel tended to try not to bore her to much with details about soccer, instead updating her on things regarding Roman, Lady and his friends, so the last time he told her anything other than a brief update would be around he got started.

"Well we're getting a lot better as a team" Samuel started, praising the whole team rather than himself, "like the only new addition that is really good is probably me, but we have a lot of good players so we've been working on getting the teamwork better"

"That's nice, I know playing in a good team is important to you"

"Eh, I think the fact that they are nice are more important, to be honest" it was something fifteen or so old Samuel probably wouldn't agree with but he was older now and he had been through enough to value hanging out with kind people more, "and they are all pretty great, there's this one guy whose fiancée always comes to the games, they are getting married in a couple of months, I think I told you about them?"

"Yeah, once or twice" Susan gave Samuel a slightly amused smile at his excitement to tell him about the new friends he had made.

"Oh... Well Roman has been helping Lizzy out a lot with the wedding, me and Jake always have to wait for Lizzy to get done showing Roman flowers and stuff on her phone after they have watched games"
 
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Roman happily listened to his boyfriend talk about soccer adorably. Roman didn't care about the sport whatsoever but he loved listening to Samuel talk about it, simply because he was so cute when talking about things he was passionate about. Soccer was no exception.

He playfully nudged Samuel's leg under the table with his foot to let him know how cute he thought he was being, before taking another sip of his tea.

He definitely agreed that the team being nice was more important than the team being good. The last thing they wanted was a Ricky repeat. That had been horrible enough when it first happened. They didn't need it again.

Roman was pleased to say that since moving to Melbourne they had received a lot less homophobic and cutting remarks than they had in Maryborough, but that wasn't a surprise.

"Oh, yeah, I love helping Lizzy, it's a lot of fun."
 
"Oh I take it you're good at you're good at decorating and all that too?" Susan asked, clearly not surprised.

"Yeah he's really good at it, our room looks really nice because he decorated it" Samuel announced proudly, beaming, because he loved getting to brag about how amazing Roman was.

"Well I can imagine it wasn't you who made it looks nice" Susan teased her son and sipped on her tea with an amused expression.

"I helped a little" Samuel insisted, but it was all mostly Roman's work of course.

"Well maybe I should stop by for a visit before we go to Sara's in October" Susan suggested happily

"Sara is my aunt" Samuel filled Roman in even if it was quite obvious that was the case and the. She turned to his mother, "and no, what if everyone else is home, that would just end up being embarrassing for everyone involved but especially me"

Samuel wouldn't actually mind his mother visiting to much, if it was just a quick look inside to see how it was decorated, he missed his mother a lot and he always felt sad thinking that she was living all alone now. But still, it had the potential for embarrassment.
 
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"Samuel, don't be absurd," Roman scolded his boyfriend gently, nudging him under the table with his foot. "Your mother can come over whenever she likes. Susan, don't listen to him, you're always welcome."

Roman felt horrible sometimes, knowing that Susan Ortega was alone by herself most of the time. It was his fault that that was so -- everyone else would disagree but he knew it was true. Her husband was in prison for assaulting him. She was alone, in this cold house, because of Roman.

So, he would, of course, make her feel as welcome as he possibly could when she came to visit them in Melbourne.

"We have three housemates -- well, our friend Elliot's girlfriend Matilda practically lives with us so maybe four. Anyway, none of them would mind if you came over."
 
"Mmm, I remember Samuel telling me a little about them back when you moved in"

"more like you forced me to tell you" Some things Samuel would blabber on excitedly about to his mother, some things he just didn't mention to avoid sharing, his mother had, of course, wanted to know about who these mysterious friends she had never seen or heard of were before Samuel moved in with them. The reason he had been unreasonable in this case probably had to do with all of their housemates being kind of unapologetically queer, which was a horrible reason not to want to tell his mother about them, but he didn't want to push it. Then again she seemed to have come to terms with things fairly nicely by now, so Samuel should probably stop worrying too much about the matter

"Well sometimes I feel like I gotta drag things out of you" Susan confirmed in a stern yet also slightly concerned voice, not talking about things could be more of a problem than inconvenience sometimes, Samuel knew that, "Anyways, don't worry, I'll pop by whether Sammy here wants me to or not", she smiled warmly at Roman.

"Lame," Samuel said and sipped on his coffee, but there was a smile on his face that indicated that he didn't, in fact, find it to be all that lame at all.
 
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After a couple of days in Maryborough, Roman and Samuel returned to Melbourne, and now it was the second last day of the holidays. Everyone was sitting in the living room -- Roman and Samuel, Elliot and Matilda, Blake and Bella, and Matthew and Gabi. They were playing Monopoly, the four pairs split into teams of two.

"Roman, you cunt," Elliot snapped as Roman bought the most expensive space on the board on behalf of himself and his boyfriend.

"You're just salty," Roman retorted. Elliot was sitting beside him on the floor, so he nudged his friend.

"No I'm not. I don't even care. You and Samuel can go get married and live on Park Lane, Tilly and I will be fine on Piccadilly."

"Is Piccadilly the nickname you have for your d --"

"Roman."

"Sorry, Bella."

Roman turned to Samuel. "When we get married, do you want to live on Park Lane?"
 
"Yes, but not until we've bought all other streets so we can be filthy rich"

"But then you'll never get married," Gabi said Implying they wouldn't be able to buy up all of the streets, which might be true but that didn't mean they couldn't win.

"Ah, I think you're underestimating how competitive he his" Samuel inform his friend who hadn't joined in on game night ever before, as he handed over the dice to Matilda since she and Elliot were seated next to them and it was their turn, even though they were currently taking a moment to joke rather than to play.

Matthew was quiet next to Gabi but had taken to look at Samuel and Roman with a look that Samuel found hard to place. It wasn't quite a glare, but it wasn't very pleasant either he also kind of looked like he was thinking about something while doing it. So maybe he was just placing his gaze somewhere while his thoughts were somewhere else.

Samuel doubted it was nothing, though, this was the first time they hung out since the whole Blake thing and he seemed to be even more annoyed with Roman than he usually would have been, even if it was farm from Roman's fault Blake wasn't interested in being friends with him and not the fact that they had nothing in common.

Samuel didn't say anything about the look though, he didn't want a reason for Matthew to start something just in case he had found himself with another problem with Roman or something.

"Roman, you'll make us win so we can get married, right?" Samuel added to his boyfriend and gave him a sweet little kiss on the cheek.
 
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"Of course I will," Roman reassured his boyfriend, returning his kiss to the cheek and adding one of his own to the lips. "Anything for you, my love."

Elliot pretended to retch as he moved their token.

"Oh, shut up. Like you wouldn't kill a man for Matilda."

"Yeah, but that's different. It's kind of an in-the-moment thing, ya know? Buying a property on Park Lane is a huge commitment."

Roman burst out laughing and Elliot rolled his eyes again, before kissing Matilda on the cheek to let her know he was joking. Elliot was obviously very much committed to Matilda -- committed in a way Roman had never seen his friend before. It was lovely to see.

"So, Sammy, for your engagement ring, I was thinking of a silver band with an asscher cut diamond, and maybe a cute little engraving on the inside, what do you think?"
 
Matilda giggled a little along with Elliot's joke obviously getting it was only that but still gladly receiving the kiss to the cheek and responding with her own anyway. They were very sweet although, Samuel was too caught up in planning details for his and his boyfriend's pretend wedding.

"hmm…" Samuel pretended to think about it, one finger on his cheek and looking off somewhere in the distance before shrugging, "I have no idea what Asscher cut means but sure, see this is why I'm marrying you, you know these kinds of things"

"But you're not really going to get married though, right?"Matthew wasn't joking like the others were, his voice a mixture of annoyance and concern.

"were joking? "Samuel said, very confused over his friend's sudden comment, sure he had noticed the look but he didn't see how marrying Roman could be so outrageous he felt the need to comment on a joke, "I mean, we can't even get married, but it's not like we're going to break up before we can either, so?"

"That's kind of dumb to say" Matthew decided, "Like, do you forget Roman is literally the only guy you have been with?"

Samuel just stared at Matthew after that, not at all expecting something like that to come out of his mouth and he didn't at all know what to say, only that it actually kind of hurt to hear a friend question him and his boyfriend like that.

Yes Samuel hadn't been with another guy, in a relationship or just as one time thing, he knew that and other people knew that, it wasn't really a secret seeing as the way he would describe how they got together generally involved a quick mention that Roman had helped him figure out and come to terms with his sexuality. But the thing was, it wasn't something he thought much about, he didn't really think about at all actually but now that Matthew was talking as if that was a serious problem his brain automatically decided it was something to be concerned about and started to make up what ifs.
 
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Roman's face fell when those words left Matthew's mouth. It wasn't something Roman thought of much. Yeah, Samuel hadn't been with any other guys but that didn't mean anything -- he knew people who had only been with one person and then died with that person. For Christ's sake, only recently had it become abnormal to be a virgin before marriage recently. So, Roman had never considered it a big deal that he was the only guy that Samuel had been with.

But Matthew was making it into a big deal. And Roman wasn't going to let that happen.

"So?" he drawled, his face and voice perfectly composed as it always was when he was angry -- in fact, if you didn't know him, you wouldn't know he was upset at all. "I fail to see why that's an issue at all. In fact, it's not an issue, you're just making it into one because you're a fucking asshole."

His voice was adopting a bit of an edge to it but his impassive facial expression remained the same. Elliot had shifted so he was sitting up straight, ready to interfere if he needed to. No one wanted to see Roman when he yelled.

"Or maybe it's not the fact that he's only been with me. Maybe you're doing this because you've always had a problem with me, from the fucking day you met me, for absolutely no reason. I never did anything to you, but you've always acted like I pushed your mother down the stairs or something. I have a reason not to like you, and that's because you're a fucking prick. I just never made a big deal out of it because I, unlike you, actually care about Samuel's feelings."

"Roman --"

"So, Matthew, please, do me the pleasure of enlightening me on what I have possibly done to vex you."
 
"oh my god, it's because I care about his feelings I don't fucking like you." Matthew started, he sounded angrier than Roman, few people kept as calm as he did, but he was honestly keeping himself pretty composed, he was talking louder, not yelling. Because in his eyes he was the one who was right, "Do you know how fucking weird your relationship looks like from an outside perspective? You have like a million times more experience than him, but it's his first proper relationship with a guy so of course, he's fucking obsessed with you."

Samuel's heart was beating fast and hard in his chest, in that kind of way when you feel like you absolutely need to do something but you just can't. That thing being stopping this from escalating further in this case. It was one thing when Roman was being angry at assholes and people who didn't matter. It would have been one thing if it wasn't someone Samuel considered a friend who questioned their relationship.

"He drops everything when you call. He talks about you constantly. When you're not there he's texting you. And he misses out on both his education and soccer by staying home when because you're sick? But it's only like a day so it can't be that serious? That's weird, and you just let him fucking drool over you and be reliant on you to the point where it can't be considered healthy because you seem to think you're so perfect."

Samuel kept being quiet. Kept not knowing what to do, unable to stop things and also starting to wonder how much of what Matthew said that he didn't want to be true actually was true. Samuel knew he and Roman were very reliant on each other, but was it actually to the point of not being healthy? Was he talking about Roman more than he should? Was it a problem that his first relationship was this serious?

"Which, you're not," Matthew was switching over to saying his problem with Roman specifically now, which was what he had really asked for, "Like, within the like, first hour of talking to Samuel he had disclosed that he thinks you are the most amazing and perfect person on this planet and then I meet you and you're just this guy with a huge ego who just happens to look okay, and is decent at art. But like those two things don't weigh up the fact that you're entitled and smug and seem to think everything you do is the fucking epitome of humanity, when all you do is like playing the guitar decently,"

Samuel at least knew that wasn't true. He knew Roman was a good and kind person, and a person who didn't always feel as confident as he made it seem and who deserved someone who told him he was perfect and amazing.

"And everyone just lets you be like that, but I'm sorry if I don't feel like shutting up about an egoistic asshole who takes advantage of his less experienced boyfriend?"
 
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Roman listened in silence, his face still completely impassive as he listened to Matthew explain his thoughts. Roman felt sick to his stomach. Was that what people thought he was doing? Taking advantage of Samuel? That was the last thing he was doing, but what if Samuel thought that was the truth?

Elliot shifted so he was sitting up straight and so did Bella. Roman opened his mouth to say something, but Blake, surprisingly, cut him off. She was sitting beside Matthew, and was looking at him as if he was nothing but a cockroach on the ground.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," she said through gritted teeth, her gaze piercing. "You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Do you have any idea what Samuel and Roman have been through together? No, probably not, because you're such a fucking cunt that you can't even bother to see things from other people's points of view."

Roman felt like he was going to throw up. He sat up properly and pushed a hand through his hair.

"Samuel's father nearly killed Roman, and yet, Roman is one of the few people who has consistently been there for him, throughout the whole trial, throughout most of his other friends shunning him, throughout everything else. So who the fuck cares if they're dependent on each other, if Samuel is dependent on him -- they actually love each other, something I doubt you've actually experienced."

Blake kept Matthew's gaze, unwavering. "Roman has haemophilia, the worst kind. His blood doesn't clot at all. So Samuel has to stay home when he's 'sick' because he could fucking die from a nosebleed." Elliot nudged her and handed him her phone, which held the picture of Roman's back right after the most recent accident. Blake shoved it into Matthew's hands. "He got that after falling off the monkey bars. So don't you dare say that it can't be too serious."

Roman actually retched, he felt so horrible, but he managed to hide it well enough and mask the sound that only Elliot noticed. He put a hand on Roman's shoulder to console him.

"And maybe the fact that you so blindly hate him without actually getting to know him is what makes you think his ego isn't warranted," Blake continued in the same heated tone. "He's not 'okay' at art, he's brilliant. He doesn't 'play the guitar decently', he was a fucking child prodigy. And he doesn't 'look okay', I'm a fucking lesbian and I'm able to recognise the fact that he's absolutely gorgeous. Most of all, his entire life, so many people, including his own brother, have tried to knock him down, to shut him up, to make him feel like he's not as good as he is, but he's stayed strong, which means he's a thousand times the man you are. So get that fucking pole out of your pretentious ass.

"And you can't talk, you can't act like you're better than him. You only wanted to be friends with me after you found out that I'm demi." Elliot looked outraged, he hadn't known that. "So why don't you take a long, hard look at yourself before you start judging someone you don't even know. Any snarky comments to make now?"
 
Throughout the during the duration of Blake successfully arguing all points and claims Matthew had tried to make Matthew actually looked hurt as if it was someone who was attacking him without unprovoked and not someone standing up for their friends. It was probably due to it being Blake who was doing it, since she was the only one he had wanted to become friends out of the group. Which Blake didn't fail to mention either, making sure to keep details about his shitty reasons for it.

When Blake was done Matthew waited a moment with speaking, placing the phone with the picture that had helped in proving him wrong down, trying to come up with something to say to defend himself further but just as he was about to open his mouth he was interrupted.

"Matthew, seriously, don't," Gabi said, sternly, clearly not wanting to hear more of his bullshit and not wanting him to fuck things up further, "You're wrong."

And Matthew didn't say anything else, because he usually listened to Gabi and now was apparently not an exception. He did, however, stare at her in utter disbelief as if she had completely betrayed him. And then he looked out over the rest of the people, being met with angry faces from Bella, Elliot and Blake, a Matilda who looked seriously upset and a hurt Samuel. Then he just stood up without another word and left the house, door banging loudly behind him.

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid," Gabi said as she stood a short moment of silence later. It was probably a good idea. Other than Samuel she was his only friend in the room and Samuel was obviously not in the right frame of mind to follow anyone and make sure anyone was okay, especially not Matthew. He felt terrible because of what Matthew had said, he felt guilty because Matthew was his friend, and he was feeling seriously uncomfortable and on edge from being in a room with so many angry people, even if no one had technically been yelling.

What ended up breaking the silence Matthew and Gabi had left behind when leaving was Samuel letting out a quiet sniffle as tears started running down his cheeks. He stood up as soon realised he was crying, he couldn't deal with anyone seeing him cry, except for Roman, who's hand he grabbed to pull him up with him. He needed his boyfriend even though that was the exact kind of thing Matthew had just told them made him too dependent on him.

He didn't let go of Roman until they were down in their room in the basement, there he just sat down on the bed, arms wrapped around himself, and turned down and continued to let the tears pour out his eyes.
 
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Roman felt numb. He let Samuel guide him down to the basement, because he didn't know what else to do. He managed to catch a glimpse of the others -- Bella angrily muttering to Blake, and Elliot comforting a crestfallen Matilda, like he always did. Like Roman did for Samuel, but according to Matthew, was a bad thing.

He watched Samuel sit down on the bed. Normally, Roman would have gone to comfort him immediately, but today, he ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet first. He had felt so sick during Matthew's rant, which was incredibly abnormal for him. Usually he brushed everything off, didn't let it affect him, but Matthew had managed to get into his head and raise some points he had never thought of before.

What if Samuel left him because he thought Roman was taking advantage of him? What if he left him because he thought Roman being the only guy he had been with was a bad thing? What if everything went wrong?

After a minute or so, Roman wiped his mouth off, flushed the toilet and got up to rinse out his mouth in the sink. He then rinsed off his face, dried it with a hand towel and finally stepped back into the room to face Samuel.

Samuel, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, crying. Samuel, who was hurting.

Roman sat down beside him and put his arms around his boyfriend without even thinking about it. "Shhhhhhh," he breathed, rubbing Samuel's back with his hand. "It's okay. You're okay."

Roman furiously blinked back his own tears. He had to ask. he didn't want to ask, but he had to.

"What ... what's upset you? You can tell me anything."
 
"I'm sorry" it was an apology for Roman having to comfort him when he clearly was upset, upset enough to go throw up while Samuel was just sitting there unable to do anything but to hunch over due to the sobs. he just couldn't communicate it very well while crying.

He continued to sob a little more, feeling too horrible to even begin trying to respond. He could have put a stopped it. He could have told Matthew off so much earlier, told him to stop acting like Roman was anything but a good and kind person. But he didn't have any other friends because he was absolutely pathetic and it had felt too harmless to lose Matthew over, but in the end, it had hurt Roman, maybe even fucked up their relationship completely.

Samuel didn't want that. He wanted things to be okay and to be with Roman forever and always.

Roman's arms around him were supposed to make him feel better, they always did but this time he was incredibly conflicted about it, he had just been told needing his boyfriend's comfort was a bad thing and now it didn't help the way it always did. Samuel felt guilty about that too, he didn't want to doubt Roman or their relationship.

"I- I don't know, I--" his breaths were coming out short and choked between the sobs, he couldn't pinpoint what it exactly it was that made him feel so terrible, probably because everything Matthew had said did, and because he couldn't stop his thoughts from spiralling and blaming himself.

"I love you?" The reason it came out as more of a question than anything wasn't because he doubted his own feelings, he knew he loved Roman, he loved him so much, more than was healthy apparently, and he knew Roman loved him too, he just needed the confirmation that that was how things were supposed to be.
 
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Roman couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They trickled down his cheeks as he bit back his sobs. Samuel loved him. Even after all of that, Samuel loved him. That was the most important thing.

"I love you too," he croaked passionately, pulling back and cupping Samuel's damp face with his hands. His boyfriend, his beautiful and amazing boyfriend who meant the world to him. Who was the most important thing on the planet to him, and who he never, ever, wanted to lose.

"I - I - I'm sorry if -- if I'm holding you back from anything," he said hoarsely. "If ... if you f - feel like you're too dependent on me. It's just -- I don't want to lose you," he said, tears welling up in his eyes again.

That would kill him. That would be the end.

"Samuel, I love you so much and I don't think any of what he said was true but I can change if you need me to, just please don't leave me," he pleaded. Roman was pleading. That was how much Samuel meant to him.
 
Hearing that Roman loved him made Samuel let out another couple of violent sobs, more in relief than anything but after that he could feel himself calm down a little, and that meant he could speak and express himself better and even if he couldn't really stop the tears running down his cheeks just yet he could try to comfort Roman as well.

And he needed to do that, the way Roman was pleading for him to stay made Samuel's heart hurt and the fact that Roman thought he was holding him back from anything was the opposite of true in any way.

"Roman I'm never going to leave you, I love you so much and I need you, I don't care if that means I'm too dependent on you, as long as you don't care if I am," Samuel honestly wasn't sure if he would have been able to live through the last couple of year and some without him and the thought of being without him terrified Samuel, and sure it might not be the healthiest thing ever but at the same time he was feeling so much happier with Roman and he was able to be himself.

Having someone to cry to had to be better than doing it alone, even if it had to be the same person every time.

His thoughts were a little more rational now, he still felt guilty, even more now after letting Roman think he would ever even consider leaving him for more than just a second, he wrapped his arms around him, as if to show he wouldn't.

"And you don't need to change I love you for you. I don't care what Matthew or anyone else says, to me you're absolutely perfect and that's not because this is my first real relationship or whatever, It's because I love you and because I know you're a good person, and your flaws just ad d to how amazing you are because they are a part of you,"

Mattew didn't know Roman like Samuel and Samuel knew he was wrong in all possible ways in what he had said about him at least.
 
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"I don't care if you're dependent on me," Roman breathed, pressing his forehead to his boyfriend's shoulder. He could feel the thudding of Samuel's pulse against his skin, and it was reassuring just as it was melodical.

"I love you. And I'm dependent on you, too. I need you to tell me I'm a good person when I feel like a shitty one. I need you to reassure me that you love me when I come out of an anxiety attack. And I need you to tell me you love me when I feel like no one could possibly love me at all."

Roman took a shaky breath and pulled back to wipe the tears off Samuel's olive cheeks. God, he was so beautiful, so amazing, so perfect. Perfect for Roman. Matthew had no idea what he was talking about.

"I don't know if you think it's an issue that you've only been with me," Roman whispered, his voice hoarse from all the crying. "I don't think that it is, though. I just want to know what you're thinking. You can tell me." Samuel could always be honest with Roman. Always.
 
Samuel took a deep breath before he spoke, not letting his gaze leave Roman's teary green eyes, "I don't know"

"I hadn't really thought about it at all it until now" Samuel confessed, it hadn't been something he thought he had to think about, it was just how things were, Roman had been with a ridiculous amount of guys and girls, both of which he was attracted to and the only person Samuel had been with that he had been attracted to with Roman. It was just one of the things that made them different from each other, like how Roman liked art and Samuel liked soccer, "I don't want it to be an issue,"

Samuel felt himself tear up a little again so he moved his face to buried in Roman's shoulder. he hadn't really expected the tears came back, but maybe the subject at hand was more sensitive than he thought and he felt kind of at fault for it, had he actually had that experience beforehand they wouldn't even have needed to have this conversation. But the familiarity of having Roman so close was starting to feel properly reassuring again, which was good, he wanted to be able to hug his boyfriend without feeling like shit because it would mean he depended too much on him

"because even if it should be an issue, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else ever" At this point in the relationship Samuel felt weird even trying to imagine being with someone else, even if it was a guy, not because he couldn't get attracted to someone else, it was just that Roman was everything to him, "so it's not like we could solve it anyways"

Samuel pulled his head away from Romans shoulder, sniffled a little and placed his hand on his boyfriend's cheek, affectionately rubbing his thumb along it. He managed to look beautiful even when he was sad and his eyes were a little puffy from crying, Samuel could probably just stare at him for hours and never get tired of the way he looked.

"I just… The point is… I know you're not taking advantage of me because of it," Samuel had been taken advantage of before, because of his insecurities, not his inexperience, but he knew that with the way Roman treated him it was from a place of love,"so it doesn't really matter,"
 
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