Revealing Gender Online

[Alexa Ray]

I've seen this come across other social media, made online gender identity mistakes according to my roleplaying partners, and have even had discussions with my mom about whether or not telling your true gender online is safe or not. This subject might seem kind of pointless and corny, if you will, but at the same time, you don't know who another online person truly is unless you meet them directly, face to face. Generally speaking, you don't know if they're truly a female or male. Pictures on the internet don't even prove to you whether that person is truly who they say they are- a female or a male.

However, they may or may not continuously correct you on their gender identity, and even after one thousand times, would you still know for sure whether what they say is true or not? Does gender revealing online really make much of a difference? Is it that important to know a person's gender down to the point where they have to correct you every time you call them a he or she? You don't even know what their gender is truly, so why does it seemingly matter across online social media?

 

[York]

It's more of a trust thing, and what's generally more comfortable for someone to be adressed by (male, female or otherwise), that's the case most of the time anyways XS some people tend to use it in a more malicious manner, but that's a different story. Personally, what's said on the internet is not always completely dependable so it's more of whether or not you trust whatever you read/hear/saw to be true or not, it's never 100% certain unless you've actually been in that situation, but it doesn't mean you can't make decisions based on your opinion of it. Just be prepared for the consequences if the decision happens to be one that would be less favorable had you known the truth, just my two cents. o.o

 

[Shenorai]

There is a reason why the "There are no girls on the internet," rule is in place.

On the internet, people are just people. That's it. They are entities sitting at another computer who wish to use electronics to socialize/entertain themselves/do both via games/hobbies.

There is no reason for you to constantly point out the fact that you are equipped with/prefer to interact with breasts, a vagina, a penis, or any combination of the three. The people who feel the need to constantly rub their equipment in your face are usually one of three things: Sexually deprived, whoring themselves out for attention, or they want to manipulate you by sexual means in order to get something they want. (ie; Gamergate) You're better than this and you know it. Stop it.

Considering the content of 70% of this forum (908 discussions and 95,354 replies in Adult Libertine alone at the time of this post. This does not include Teen Libertine or the thousands of archived threads. C'mon, really people?), I can already assume there are going to be people lashing out at this, screaming 'Nuh uh! Oppression!' in some inane way or another, all while claiming they're not really here for the sex. Stop fooling yourselves, take a good look at what the partner requests/group requests are asking for, then take a hard look in the mirror. This is why I hardly play here.

Stop degrading yourself by constantly whining about how you feel your gender/sexuality is repressed. In the end, gender doesn't really matter unless you are planning a physical meetup or even a voice chat/video call.

 

[Rainjay]

If you know someone for years over the internet and have talked to them, seen them, have them added on social media- I think it's pretty safe to say they're who they say they are. You'd have to be pretty psycho to target someone for ten years just to lure them into a homicidal trap.

Even still, I like to take peoples words for their gender. If they want to be called a female, whatever. I'll use that pronoun. Same thing goes for actual transgender people or whatever- if you are a male, you are a male and I will use the proper pronoun. I like to be called by the proper pronoun. If you don't use a pronoun at all, and say 'they' or my name, whatever, that's cool. But when the other gender is used on purpose just to annoy me, it's ... annoying. We may all just be people but we are real people with feelings. Even if so and so is actually a boy, if they want to be called a girl, then cool. I won't go out of my way to bother them.

 

[ElBell]

Honestly, I think it's just part of the online identity people build for themselves. I do not believe it should be taken literally and translated to real life people. Just like personality and lifestyle and stories, people may act and advertise themselves very differently from behind a screen than face to face. That's my simplified answer, but yea, it's just the way people want to show themselves over the internet. Same as age and stuff, really.

 

[Alexa Ray]

Honestly, I think it's just part of the online identity people build for themselves. I do not believe it should be taken literally and translated to real life people. Just like personality and lifestyle and stories, people may act and advertise themselves very differently from behind a screen than face to face. That's my simplified answer, but yea, it's just the way people want to show themselves over the internet. Same as age and stuff, really.

Have you ever considered the risks a person might be taking allowing others to see their gender online? As Shenorai stated above, "There is a reason why the "There are no girls on the internet" rule is in place." Although the reason they've used may be different, you can also look at the rule from another aspect- safety online. You have crazy psychos out there who stalk others of the opposite gender, as well as those old men, and even middle-aged men, who become a girl's "friend" online, then want to meet up somewhere, which the girl agrees to. How would you feel if you found out your 15 year old online female friend was actually a 45 year old man ready to kidnap you and illegally take you under his wing for pleasure purposes?

 

[ElBell]

That's why you never meet anyone from online? I don't exactly see the point of your post, if you keep online things online and avoid real-life mixing with it, I do not think it matters how you present yourself on the internet.

 

[Yuuki_Tatsunohi]

I think one reason why social media is important to some is representation/awareness. Social Media is pretty powerful, in that everyone is connected so you can basically show your message or cause to the world. And there are a lot, a lot, of causes that use social media. For me, it doesn't matter. So you are this or you identify as this. Okay! Moving on...

I do understand that people make mistakes about a person's gender when online. I myself have done that multiple times. But can you blame me? I'm talking to you through a wireless connection and we are typing our responses instead of actually speaking to each other or seeing that person with our own eyes. I'm going to make assumptions so I can have an idea of who you are, and you are more than welcome to correct if I am wrong. Because you understand. You understand I am only trying to fill in the blanks based on what I gathered about you from previous discussions and impressions. So I got your gender wrong and you are offended I did. I'm sorry. Tell me what it is/what you identify as and I won't make the mistake again.

I also understand there are people who don't want to reveal their gender online, for safety or social reasons. Maybe you're paranoid of meeting some whacko, or maybe you are trans and will reveal your gender once the process is complete. Or maybe you don't identify as any gender at all, or you're gender fluid and so you believe to prevent confusion and stress you just don't reveal anything because it's better that way.

 

[Azarthes]

There is a reason why the "There are no girls on the internet," rule is in place.

On the internet, people are just people. That's it. They are entities sitting at another computer who wish to use electronics to socialize/entertain themselves/do both via games/hobbies.

There is no reason for you to constantly point out the fact that you are equipped with/prefer to interact with breasts, a vagina, a penis, or any combination of the three. The people who feel the need to constantly rub their equipment in your face are usually one of three things: Sexually deprived, whoring themselves out for attention, or they want to manipulate you by sexual means in order to get something they want. (ie; Gamergate) You're better than this and you know it. Stop it.

Considering the content of 70% of this forum (908 discussions and 95,354 replies in Adult Libertine alone at the time of this post. This does not include Teen Libertine or the thousands of archived threads. C'mon, really people?), I can already assume there are going to be people lashing out at this, screaming 'Nuh uh! Oppression!' in some inane way or another, all while claiming they're not really here for the sex. Stop fooling yourselves, take a good look at what the partner requests/group requests are asking for, then take a hard look in the mirror. This is why I hardly play here.

Stop degrading yourself by constantly whining about how you feel your gender/sexuality is repressed. In the end, gender doesn't really matter unless you are planning a physical meetup or even a voice chat/video call.

How the fuck does saying "I am a boy/girl" change anything about interacting online?

All it does it make people use a different pronoun

All this other shit is you complaining about nothing.

This isn't that big of a deal guys.

 

[Alexa Ray]

That's why you never meet anyone from online? I don't exactly see the point of your post, if you keep online things online and avoid real-life mixing with it, I do not think it matters how you present yourself on the internet.

But you need to think about reality, as well; the truth is that people do meet people online. What I'm saying is that in my opinion, no one should be representing themselves differently than themselves but of course, with today's society, there are and will always be people out there that do represent themselves differently just to exploit younger women and teenagers.

 

[ElBell]

Honestly the OP didn't sound like you were discussing that element of it, but I don't mind taking the discussion that way. To me, if people are falling for those tricks now after it's so well-known that there are online predators, I think that's their fault to be blunt and honest. Sure, at first it was scary, but now it's a known issue and people should be more careful with it.

I think representing yourself differently is okay too, and though it sucks that people will fake for harmful reasons, it's no different than an alter ego in my opinion.

 

[Hatsune Candy]

I get mistaken for a female so much these days just because my avatars are always only ever of Hatsune Miku. I really don't mind being thought of as female, I have tremendous respect for females and the crap they sometimes have to deal with, when people associate me with that gender I think of it as an honor. It does bother me, however, how people will make assumptions on gender on Internet based on what pictures one uses to represent themselves, it's ridiculous, quite frankly. I even do that myself sometimes without meaning to and I hate it, it's like an impulse that I can't get rid of. I wish the Internet could just be this gender ambiguous place where people are simply just people, but I know that's impossible because society always puts waaaay too much emphasis on gender. It doesn't matter if you're male, female, or whatever, you're still a human being and that's all that matters.

 

[Dervish]

Seeing as I've voice (or video) chatted/ played games with a huge number of my online friends, or we've been in contact long enough that we know each other's genders (heck, usually it's resolved in a "Oh shit, what's so and so's gender? I think I keep getting it wrong" moment, and some of those friends are girls who want to keep that hidden, and others are transgendered so even if they have obvious qualities (like the voice/ build/ facial hair) of their birth gender, I'll still refer to them as their preferred one. It's only an issue if you make it an issue. Thousands of people who met online meet in person and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of those people didn't end up being stuffed in a white panel van before turning up weeks later in an unmarked ditch in dozens of dismembered pieces.

If you want people to stop emphasizing the weight behind gender, the solution is simple; don't talk about it and accept what the person says they are. If someone's harassing you online for your gender, simple solution: Block, delete, and report them and don't talk to them again. The wonderful thing about the internet is (well, unless somebody's a hacker, then that crosses legality and is a subject for another discussion) if you don't want to talk to somebody, you don't have to and you have way more tools to avoid them and make them not exist than in real life.

 

[Ochalla]

Gender is a part of idenity. It is as important and unimportant as race and nationality. Beautiful thing is you choose who gets to know you on that level. Only time it's important is if you want to hook up or if others want to talk to someone of the same gender identity. Social taboos and predators aside, my gender isn't any of your business unless I elect to have that information avaliable. On the flip side, purposely misgendering a person can be as bad as flinging any number of assults.

 

[Alexa Ray]

Honestly the OP didn't sound like you were discussing that element of it, but I don't mind taking the discussion that way. To me, if people are falling for those tricks now after it's so well-known that there are online predators, I think that's their fault to be blunt and honest. Sure, at first it was scary, but now it's a known issue and people should be more careful with it. I think representing yourself differently is okay too, and though it sucks that people will fake for harmful reasons, it's no different than an alter ego in my opinion.

I apologize that it sounded otherwise, but as for your opinion, I can understand that. Thank you for your contribution to the discussion! (:

 

[Atmo]

To me, what really matter is if the person is an asshole or normal.

 

[Kylulu]

People tend to assume I'm female based on the name I take while I'm online. Which is odd, because Lulu is short for Lucian, but whatever. It's not really that big of deal anyway, seeing as sometimes they're right. Mostly, I let people think what they want about what my gender is. It's just easier that way.

 

[Dervish]

People tend to assume I'm female based on the name I take while I'm online. Which is odd, because Lulu is short for Lucian, but whatever. It's not really that big of deal anyway, seeing as sometimes they're right. Mostly, I let people think what they want about what my gender is. It's just easier that way.

I'm curious, are you from France or another French speaking country/ one that Lulu is used commonly as a masculine short form of Lucian? I've just never heard of it, and every time I heard the name Lulu, it's been used is a female name 100% of the time. I could be wrong, but I'm suspecting there's a bit of a cultural disconnect between the people who think you're a girl because of your user name and yourself. It's kind of like how Michael is pronounced Mee-shell in French, which needless to say ends up confusing English people who are used to Michelle as a girl's name.

 

[Kylulu]

I'm curious, are you from France or another French speaking country/ one that Lulu is used commonly as a masculine short form of Lucian? I've just never heard of it, and every time I heard the name Lulu, it's been used is a female name 100% of the time. I could be wrong, but I'm suspecting there's a bit of a cultural disconnect between the people who think you're a girl because of your user name and yourself. It's kind of like how Michael is pronounced Mee-shell in French, which needless to say ends up confusing English people who are used to Michelle as a girl's name.

Ah, no. I'm Canadian. It's more of a backstory/nickname origin that people are missing out on. Which is why I don't get so mad when people assume female. I used to go by the ever pretentious "Lucian Ravenscar", and my lazy friends shortened it to Lulu. Which then turned into Kylulu (mash up of Kyle + Lucian). Suppose I could have shortened it to Kylu, but that sounds to close to Caillou, and the less reference to that show, the better.

 

[Dervish]

Ah, no. I'm Canadian. It's more of a backstory/nickname origin that people are missing out on. Which is why I don't get so mad when people assume female. I used to go by the ever pretentious "Lucian Ravenscar", and my lazy friends shortened it to Lulu. Which then turned into Kylulu (mash up of Kyle + Lucian). Suppose I could have shortened it to Kylu, but that sounds to close to Caillou, and the less reference to that show, the better.

Know what the sad/ hilarious part is?

As soon as I read "Kylu" I IMMEDIATELY started thinking of that bald-headed bastard cartoon child, and sure enough you brought him up. XD

I don't think I've ever been confused for female, which is amusing because I play a lot of female characters.