L
LogicfromLogic
Guest
Original poster
Resolved Issue. Thanks for the advice guys!
I just need advice, pure and simple. And there are some folks around that give some pretty sound advice, and well I thought I'd try my luck with the issue that I myself seem to be in. I am not looking for sympathy for a problem that I have, and I am not interested in hearing how therapy doesn't work because I stand by it 100%, just in this case (which is actually part of the problem I am trying to solve) it is how to get that out to the therapist that is the issue.
So, as I pack to move (because I cannot live as a hamster anymore in this tiny ass studio), I have come across a serious issue that I seem to have. I have well over 250 canned goods that I haven't touched since I got them. Most simple advice people give me to this conundrum I seem to be in is 'get rid of some of them and your problem is solved'.
Unfortunately, I seem to have run into my own...problem with this. Fear; fear of not having enough, and any attempt to get rid of even just one can has been met by a severe panic attack. I've tried in the past to force myself to give some cans away. I can't; I have tried so hard to get over this issue of mine. Therapy doesn't help because I can't seem to get myself to admit to them that I have a problem. In fact, this is the first time I have addressed that it is a problem altogether. I can't live a free life in fear, but how do I get out of this? How can I possibly get my inner person to know that everything will be alright? This insecure feeling seems to be causing great disarray within the mental and behavioural, though not emotional because frankly, I'm in a pretty good emotional state considering, state. And it all seems to be subconscious; I get on board with getting rid of food. I pack it up, go downstairs with a happy attitude but then I go back upstairs after getting that anxious feeling that I'm making this horrible, horrible mistake. Like if I do this, I'll be left without resources.
I've had food aggression issues, that much is widely known to anyone. I don't eat around people often but when I do I really stuff myself just in the case I won't see it again (this part I have been able for some reason to talk with my therapist about. He suggested that it's from my past...you know, the same old stuff you get when you've been dragged through the dirt a couple times and develop personality disorders, etc). While that is being worked on (the progress is going...slow. Very slow, but I have improved. I can now eat at the far end away from people instead of running off like a squirrel with his nut), my food hoarding is becoming an issue. I have tried to talk to a therapist about this, but I either end up chickening out or I end up forgetting and coming up with a blank, like something inside me refuses to acknowledge that there's a problem. I feel like it is a whole different side of me; a mask.
Any advice you can lend me? The solution is probably right in front of me and I just can't see it well because I'm a clueless moron sometimes. I don't know how to phrase it well enough for my therapist to understand it, and it took a lot out of me to try and post this. Took me three flippin days, posted it in my blog first, and posting it here. I mean not trying to sound like a dramatic jackass, because that's not my goal. I'm not upset about this really, just a little frustrated.
I just need advice, pure and simple. And there are some folks around that give some pretty sound advice, and well I thought I'd try my luck with the issue that I myself seem to be in. I am not looking for sympathy for a problem that I have, and I am not interested in hearing how therapy doesn't work because I stand by it 100%, just in this case (which is actually part of the problem I am trying to solve) it is how to get that out to the therapist that is the issue.
So, as I pack to move (because I cannot live as a hamster anymore in this tiny ass studio), I have come across a serious issue that I seem to have. I have well over 250 canned goods that I haven't touched since I got them. Most simple advice people give me to this conundrum I seem to be in is 'get rid of some of them and your problem is solved'.
Unfortunately, I seem to have run into my own...problem with this. Fear; fear of not having enough, and any attempt to get rid of even just one can has been met by a severe panic attack. I've tried in the past to force myself to give some cans away. I can't; I have tried so hard to get over this issue of mine. Therapy doesn't help because I can't seem to get myself to admit to them that I have a problem. In fact, this is the first time I have addressed that it is a problem altogether. I can't live a free life in fear, but how do I get out of this? How can I possibly get my inner person to know that everything will be alright? This insecure feeling seems to be causing great disarray within the mental and behavioural, though not emotional because frankly, I'm in a pretty good emotional state considering, state. And it all seems to be subconscious; I get on board with getting rid of food. I pack it up, go downstairs with a happy attitude but then I go back upstairs after getting that anxious feeling that I'm making this horrible, horrible mistake. Like if I do this, I'll be left without resources.
I've had food aggression issues, that much is widely known to anyone. I don't eat around people often but when I do I really stuff myself just in the case I won't see it again (this part I have been able for some reason to talk with my therapist about. He suggested that it's from my past...you know, the same old stuff you get when you've been dragged through the dirt a couple times and develop personality disorders, etc). While that is being worked on (the progress is going...slow. Very slow, but I have improved. I can now eat at the far end away from people instead of running off like a squirrel with his nut), my food hoarding is becoming an issue. I have tried to talk to a therapist about this, but I either end up chickening out or I end up forgetting and coming up with a blank, like something inside me refuses to acknowledge that there's a problem. I feel like it is a whole different side of me; a mask.
Any advice you can lend me? The solution is probably right in front of me and I just can't see it well because I'm a clueless moron sometimes. I don't know how to phrase it well enough for my therapist to understand it, and it took a lot out of me to try and post this. Took me three flippin days, posted it in my blog first, and posting it here. I mean not trying to sound like a dramatic jackass, because that's not my goal. I'm not upset about this really, just a little frustrated.
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