Everyone runs into that one hurt that seems to be more than they can handle. Life isn't always going to be easy, in fact most of the time we are either dodging hardships or finding ways to deal with one. Choices must be made that set us up for failure or hurt, and many times there's no way to get around it. We get stuck between a rock and a hard place, unable to move without damage. But for those times, if I may offer some piece of advice; do what your gut tells you and don't be afraid to try to keep moving. If you get stuck in one of these situations, I won't lie and tell you that whatever choice you make will be an easy one. Loss, pain and hurt are all part of the bitter parts of the fruit of life, and we can't avoid them. That issue I had with a friend has finally come to a head, and I realized that I was stuck in a serious situation with her; I had a choice of taking care of myself or her, and this time I chose me. And like always, the consequences quickly followed suit and I lost my friendship. But if I had chosen to try and work with her (which wouldn't go well, she's got some serious unresolved problems with her own life that puts her in no position to face conflict, so when it comes up she explodes. She needs help, and I think she knows it), and talk to her, it would have ended with me in another panic attack and anxious. Having to choose between myself and someone else was a hard decision to make. I want her to be happy, and have a good relationship with her, but I also want to be in a safe place in my mind. I live alone and I don't have many resources as far as reaching out goes (long story short it's hard for me to even leave my apartment everyday because of anxiety and fear). Losing her has made me hurt in ways that I had actually never believed it would when i was still on somewhat good relations with her. I have known her since I was but a tween, and seeing her change into something I'd never thought of her as is a hard, hard bitter taste. I feel like if I was dealing with death it would be easier, but in a way I am; the death of a friendship. But I'm not here to complain; it could be far worse I guess. What I'm getting at is that you will have to make these decisions in life, whether to help yourself or someone else. Truth of the matter is, if someone isn't willing to help themselves, there really isn't much you can do, and you shouldn't let them tear you down because they are drowning. There are times that people need help, helping people through life is what keeps the world moving. But it's a different ballgame when that person who needs help refuses it in some way, and tries to pull you down with them. It's not always easy to walk away, and we are filled with regret and hurt, anger even. anger that we've had to get to that point, hurt that we've lost so much more than just a friend and confusion over how it happened in the first place. We want to know why everything or how, but in the end we need to realize that sometimes things just happen, and we need to learn how to let go and try to move on. Lessons in life are sometimes made to be harder than we can tolerate, that's why it is important to talk to others. that's why I love online communities, because while sometimes I don't have outside friends to rely on to talk to because they are busy or I can't risk them being pulled into the same bullshit I'm in, I have other places, other outlets, that I can fall back onto. Don't beat yourself up from removing toxic people from your life; it doesn't mean that you don't care about them, it means that you need to take care of your well being; there's nothing you can do to save a drowning man if he refuses to grab the flotation device, you can just try what resources you have and keep moving.