Religion, Rage, and Work

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Windsong, Apr 17, 2015.

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  1. Putting this down as rant, but please feel free to give any advice. Anything.
    Guess I'll start at the top and split this into pieces that match the title.
    Religion (open)
    So recently on an anger fueled rant I came up with this (supposedly poetic according to my wife) little pile of words and posted them to Facebook. This is what I wrote.

    Well my grandmother, being a Born-Again Christian felt the need to point out I was wrong and that Jesus and God would make everything better and that they were pure yada yada. I knew better than to start an argument about religion with my grandmother because it was like arguing with a brick wall, see; pointless. So to try and stop her early and avoid any dram I told her this wasn't an argument against theology or anything like that and I didn't want to get into that right now. She carries on and I foolishly reply with something along the lines of "The Bible is a bunch of fairy tales, I'll accept their wisdom and lessons, but they're too whimsical to believe true." Instant regret. So I removed it seconds later, thinking that the end of it.

    She could still read it. E-Mail notifications show what I said despite it being removed. Love my grandmother, love her to death. Spent every summer at her house and even lived there for a while. She taught me to bake, swam with me all the time, helped me grow a garden one summer. Then her parents died and she found Jesus. All of it stopped. If it wasn't about God she had nothing to do with it. Really it felt like I lost her that year.

    I received an e-mail from her the next morning with the first line of "You break my heart." The last thing any grandchild wants to hear. It goes on to talk about how I need Jesus, what I do with my life and my hobbies is sacrilegious and wrong. Detailing how her mother told her on her deathbed she was stupid for not finding God sooner like they had.

    Well now she won't speak to me. And since my parents, sister, and aunt live with her it's causing more friction for them.

    Rage and Work are one in the same.

    Corruption (open)
    If anyone's read anything of what I post in general I mention my coworkers on occasion. Ignorance at it's finest.

    My lead has been committing fraud on a near weekly basis. Leaving work while remaining on the clock to run her errands, take her grandkids somewhere, or just go home for a while.

    When I took my Certification class we were hammered and drilled into us that just going somewhere on our unpaid lunch break and being a minute late or leaving a minute early is grounds for instant dismissal. Before the class an entire night crew of five people had been terminated on the spot when they'd been caught leaving half an hour early a few nights a week.

    She's been doing it for years. Since we've got a notebook for when we leave she's been oh-so diligent about filling that out. Well, time sheets are the first and last stop for anything related to work. The notebook is formality and courtesy to others. Well she writes down exactly when she leaves and comes back. Half-a-glance at her time sheet shows she doesn't leave on her lunch and doesn't fill out a leave form to use any sick or vacation for it.

    Here's the kicker: I've told my boss multiple times. Says he'll handle it.

    Months pass. Nothing happens. So I step it up and take it to our Principal, who's basically school boss. He seems mad about it. Week passes. She remains. No one will answer me why she's allowed to get away with this. It's fraud on her part, and what I can only compare to corruption on their part for covering it up and hoping she'll retire in a year quietly AFTER having surgery (paid by the state), going on a cruise (On state time), and spending her sick and vacation hours not working.

    My last step is to go above them all to our Director of Operations. But of course this is what happened to my father when he tried to take the moral high ground and turn people in for this. No one helped him and he simply resigned rather than deal with them. If I turn them in to the higher ups I could be under the microscope as well as dealing with people who could be losing their jobs for it.

    Should I just bite the bullet and keep my head low, let them do as they please because I'm low on the totem pole? Or stand up for what I know is wrong and deal with the consequences and possibly lose my position?

    Temper (open)
    With everything going on at work it's felt like my temper has been on a hair trigger lately. Normally nothing could really make me really lose my composure and lash out. But lately it could be something as mundane as a leaky trash bag that sends me to the weight room to lift weights until my arms can't move or go outside to the scrap pile to turn a filing cabinet into a bent and torn apart piece of metal.

    tl;dr: I'm sorry for any attitude I've given anyone on Iwaku lately. This has been gnawing at me for weeks and it's harder to control my temper about it.​
  2. I'll just say my thoughts on both subjects:

    Religion: As someone who grew up with a Christian mother who tried to teach me the ways of the Lord, I can definitely sympathize with you on this one. I do believe in God and Jesus but as far as the Bible goes, I just think of it as a rather flawed book. Your grandmother and family probably want the best for you and your grandma most likely doesn't want you to suffer the same pain she did. But no one can make you believe something you don't wish to believe. You gotta say that to your grandma and be very firm and adamant about it. If they still choose to outcast you, then you honestly don't need them in your life. After all, they're already disobeying one part of the Bible: Judge not lest you be judged.

    Corruption: That bitch is probably screwing her way to the top. I wouldn't be surprised if she were intimately involved with one of the higher-ups. That's the only way I can think of her keeping her job despite disobeying the rules. Yes I would mention that and you should too. I'd continue to go up the chain of command and continue to report her and if they still ignore you, get to the bottom of what's going on. If you gotta get to spying, do it. I hate unfair bullshit like that and I'd be pissed too. Confront that bitch if you can.

    Temper: Have you considered doing something to relax you whenever you get angry? Exercising is good for cooling off anger yes but maybe some other things might help? Maybe writing out your feelings or talking to others about what you're pissed about? Sometimes playing video games helps me whenever I get angry
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  3. Religion: While I personally don't....ah well that's not entirely true either as I've gotten into small skirmishes with my uncle over his beliefs and the media. Unlike your grandmother we were both accepting of each other's ideas. (well actually he was more like "silly girl you don't know what you are talking about because you're still in college and haven't been slapped in the face with "reality" yet. To which I tolerated and rolled my eyes at.) ANYWAYS, why don't you be honest with your grandmother about it. Tell her what you told us.

    You need to tell her that, and how much it's been upsetting you. Tell her that you accept the fact the she's found god, but that it would be nice if she accepted you as you are as well. To even further make your point, find quotes from the bible and from the religion that aids your case. Such as "Judge not lest you be judged". If she is a true christian and really loved you then she should understand and accept you. Make sure when you approach her you use the "I and Me" approach. Avoid using "you" and "always" as much as possible as those words can make people feel like they are being attacked or accused.


    "I feel like we havnt been close anymore since...."

    "I think that we should just accept the fact that...."

    "I am really upset that we are doing this to eachother, we are family and should accept each other as we are."

    "I feel like you don't accept me because of you're religion, and I think that's a shame. I accept your beliefs, but I feel like you do not accept the fact that I don't agree with it one hundred percent. This is a huge problem for me because it really hurts me when you belittle the things I do because it is not in accordance to what you believe. I don't feel like that is fair to me, and that its getting in the way of our relationship. We are family and we should accept each other as we are, even if it isn't something we both can agree on. "

    Something along those lines. Just be as honest, gentle, and sincere as you can. If she gets defensive or judgmental just ask her to think about it for a couple days. That if she really loved you then she would at least think about it and try to understand your position. If things do not change or get worse then well, you tried. The only thing you can do now is either cut her out of your life, or just accept the fact that is how things are.

    Corruption: I can understand how this would make you upset, but lets be real here. Injustice and corruption isn't something that's going to go anyway anytime soon. I'm not saying that you should give up on it entirely or to let it happen. If this is something that's been going on for years prior to you joining this specific work force then honestly it really isn't something that you have the right to complain about as you have just joined their work force. Plus you have no idea what this woman's situation is, and maybe she kind of NEEDS the loose time. For example, my mother was straight up with her boss when they hired her that she might need some leway because she has two eight year old kids that need her help in the morning. This can be purely situational and you'd have no idea about it.

    HOWEVER if this is something that's been happening during the amount of years you've been working there then yeah I kind of see why that would be unfair to you and the others that have been there just as long. However, as I said this could be situational. Have you ever confronted your boss about giving you some legroom due to a problem you might have at home? Or anyone else in your department do the same as this woman does? If not then well maybe you guys just don't have the "reasons" to such as having (grand)kids that need you to be home for certain things.

    Does this make it right or fair? No it doesn't, but I don't really see it as an issue so long as the woman is actually doing some work at all. Plus you said she was going to be retiring soon? How old is this woman? If she's really old and retiring soon then I think you should just let it go. What she is doing is practically harmless. Honestly how is her coming and going as she pleases affecting YOU PERSONALLY in any way? I can understand how it might be damaging the company but as you said she is retiring soon so what does it matter?

    Temper: As for your temper, I feel like just taking some classes on it may help. I took a stress management course last semester and sense then my anxiety, anger, and depression as really declined a lot now that I know what causes me to react negatively and what I can do to help the issue. I agree with the above methods (the post above) but there are more as well. Reading a book can be calming and relaxing. Whenever you find yourself getting frustrated or temperamental try to stop. Step away from whatever is making you upset and do something else like reading, listening to music, going for a run. My boyfriend when he is feeling frustrated takes night walks around his neighborhood and looks at the stars. Yes it may seem a bit feminine or out of your comfort zone, but maybe it will help. Something that I do to personally unwind is to listen to ASMR videos. If you are curious about what ASMR is and how it may help you then please message me in a pm and I would be glad to share what I know with you on that subject in more detail. Other ways you can relieve stress or manage your anger is to write out what makes your angry on paper, and then throw it away. Sometimes confiding in someone (such as an unbiased individual or a therapist) might relieve you of your anger. You could do yoga, or breathing exercises. If that doesnt work, try pressing your face into a pillow and screaming out all your anger. Scream to your hearts content, and then slowly count backwards from ten to one. There are loads of things that you can do to relieve you of stress (stress that might be contributing to your anger) and just relax.

    I hope that what I had to say was helpful to you in anyway, and if something in this offended you or made you upset I deeply apologize as that wasn't my intention. Just trying to help in the best way I can! Oh and sorry that I got so in depth and that there was a lot to read! Dx
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  4. Religion: I agree completely in regards to Religion (at least in how it operates as a system, and what it can do to those who go too extreme with it). But in all honesty, even if your relatives were 100% accepting and fine with being an Atheist you're still not going to be able to convince them of the validity of being atheist without them being open/ready to losing their faith. So at best the outcome with your Grandmother should be simply acceptance, in which case the tactics are honestly circumstantial. For example the above mentioned suggestion of using Bible Quotes could work very well cause it's her Holy book, but at the same time it could come across as patronizing, as you twisting her religions words for your own benefit. And in all honesty, the Bible is contradicting enough that anyone can pull the "You're twisting it!" card, because the Book can't even agree with itself.

    That and I think you will need to be accept that you being an atheist will probably hurt your Grandmother no matter what you do. But not hurt in a "I am forever pained, how are you so cruel?" sort of way. But in a "I'm scared, you're an Atheist and that means you might go to hell. I don't want that for you" kind of hurt. Though you can try to minimize this (or hopefully eliminate it) by trying to initiate/start the activities you mentioned you two used to do, maybe if you asked her yourself and called it bonding time it might help? That and you might know other Christians who are more atheist accommodating, if so ask them how they view and see them and the try to present their reasoning to your Grandmother. Preferably without the Bible, because once again that can come across as contradictory.

    Corruption: Yea, this sounds bad. And personally I'm doubting it's a 'special circumstance' instance since from what you described she is consciously manipulating data to get paid extra. If circumstances were made you'd imagine she'd still log her hours normally. So in an ideal setting I would suggest you take this higher up and try to point it out to people. However, like you said this carries great risk/danger with your own career. So you'll need to honestly weigh it out and decide if that's something you're willing, ready or able to lose and still be able to support yourself? Because if the answer is no, that you're life would get thrown into the gutter too much by this? Then quite honestly it's not worth it for you. Your own livelihood should not be ruined because a company is turning a blind eye (which is coming out their own pocket).

    Temper: Physical activity is honestly one of the more healthy solutions to this you could be using. Though taking classes, learning meditations etc might also help you channel it even more.
    Talking to friends may also help you, and then there's always drinking Tea. I'm not a Tea person myself so I can't personally vouch for it, but enough others do that it may be worth a shot.
    That, and if you're not already, you could try to eat more healthy. Healthy bodies tend to handle stress better.
    #4 Gwazi Magnum, Apr 18, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2015
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  5. @SacredWarrior I've tried speaking with her about it. They always end with me needing more God in my life, which I'm fairly sure isn't what my life is lacking. The rest of the family wants to keep the peace. Abandoning my family just isn't an option.

    She's a 66+ year old crotchety black woman. No one would screw her. She got a slight promotion years ago (without completing the course required mind you) and sat there. She has no leadership yet constantly complains that no one works together.

    My temper's been flaring particularly bad at work which cuts my ability to relax in half because there's work to be done. That filing cabinet helps though.

    @Vio I tried talking to her years ago about this when I was younger. Family backed me because I was the first born and besides my sister, the only grandchildren. Hoping that it could make a difference. We all got the same treatment, saying if we had Jesus in our lives like she did we could see what was missing and be happy. Talking to a religious person and expecting rationality almost never works.

    Thank you for the advice, but fuck that. It's people with that mentality that let this start and think it's no big deal then watch it swell and grow without doing anything about it but gladly complain about it and how bad it is. Her situation isn't dire. People work hard for their jobs and to take care of their schools while people like her get away with this and make us all look bad while dragging down the quality of the entire county.

    Physical activity helps to burn off the energy from anger, but sometimes going outside to gaze at the stars (Which I do nightly, but Florida weather sucks for it) can't be done at work, also it's humid/muggy as hell outside. The county offers tons of free support help that I've used before. Will look into their classes and see what can be done.

    @Gwazi Magnum I wouldn't openly call myself atheist in the same way I wouldn't gladly go around proclaiming myself a gamer or a geek. It's the kind of people that seem to flock to it that put me off. It's easy to understand what you mean by her fearing for my immortal soul, which is what I think she was trying to say about it when her mother died in '03. The family has always been accommodating to her. We never try to bring it up or anything related to it at the dinner table, post things on FB, etc. But more and more every subject will turn to it and it's grating on everyone's nerves as well.

    Pretty sure this is going to have to be taken to the upper management. Maybe it's my skewed morals that see people like myself and another work our asses off for our school and then she just does as she pleases even after being told she has to do something else, using anything as an excuse, using her race as a reason we don't respect her. I'm union and have been doing a bit of research and asking what they can do for me. Turns out my employer can't come back at me if I pursue this, and if anyone does I'm free to take it to court for retaliation.
    To me it'd be different if it was a corporate company. It's the state, the school board. It's had enough financial crisis the past few years and knowing that people like her leech off of it while making 19USD an hour compared to my 10.50.

    Been working on eating healthy and being healthier. More working out at the school's gym and cutting back on soda and sugars. Never tried meditation a whole lot but have a few books on the subject in my wife's library I'll give it a shot. Unless it's sweet iced tea I can't stand it. :c

    Thank you everyone for your input as well!
  6. @Windsong try communicating through e-mail (for that work issue) as well as in person. That way you have a paper trail showing you've talked to people and shit's still not getting done. It could help you in the long run. Just a suggestion though.
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  7. Fair enough.

    Though note when I use the term 'Atheist' I am strictly referring to anyone who lacks belief in a particular religion or higher power.
    Agnostic Atheist who simply doesn't know but is open to ideas would also fall under it.
    Ah, so it's just one religious member vs the family rather than a religious family vs one atheist?

    Well it's good to hear you have backup at least.
    Though at the same time this seems like an appropriate time to do role reversal.

    Being that atheist kid, surrounded by christian parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles and aunts, trying to force you into Religion.
    They get mad whenever you bother mention your disbelief in God, slowly getting more annoyed/hostile towards your lack of belief, etc. I think you get where I'm going with this.

    She may feel very much the same way, the family being unaccepting of her religion and that everyone else is ganging up on her.

    Keyword though being feel, because if you guys are truly dropping the topic and she's shoe horning it in I would still say she's the one to point responsibility at.
    Though also be concious that if she sincerely believes that you're all going to burn for eternity, then she's actually doing the moral thing that any loving family member would do.
    In fact I'd be deeply concerned if she did sincerely believe you were going to hell, yet was simply allowing you to go there rather than do anything to prevent it.
    Well if you've got legal support that's good to hear. Definitely gives you more reason to follow through with it.
    Just also be prepared to deal with potential backlash from co-workers and such.
    This is at a school?

    Ok, that changes the ball park quite a bit.
    Because now there's children at the other end suffering from this, not just worker inequality.
    I'd say take her down.
    Well you're already on the right track then.
    Just be cautious with the meditation, like Tea it's something I pointed at because a lot of others tend to say it helps them.
    I lack personal experience, so I can't say for sure if it's valid or some sort of con.

    If not of that works though?
    You could always set an appointment with a therapist or consular, see if they can help at all.
    They'd have expert advice too, unlike the rookie advice most of us possess.
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  8. Okay if this is something that's been going on for years then why are you bothering? Just stop. Clearly it isn't going to change and you need to accept that fact in your life. Also don't assume that just because someone is religious that they wont be rational and reasonable people. That's arrogant and biased thinking. I've known a few religious people who can be very rational. My grandparents just so happen to be religious, and the other day we were having a very rational and intelligent conversation over politics, pop culture, and social media. My friend Ariana is religious and she is one of the most rational people I know. My friend Caitlyn's parents are religious and they are rational easy to talk to people.

    I feel like you didn't read through my advice thoroughly as I stated that what you should do was purely based on the situation. You do what you think is best, just don't complain when you face the consequences.

    Before I further comment on this, I would like to know what exactly IS your occupation? I know you have stated you work in a school. What kind of school? Middle, High, Private, College, or University? Are you a full blown teacher? A part time? A Sub? A Teacher Assistant? If you are a teacher then I assume you do night classes. The only school I know that has night classes are Universities and Colleges. You are a professor? If that's the case I can see why you THINK that you "can't" go look at the stars at work. When in reality you can. I'm sure you class doesn't run through the ENTIRE night and that once the class is over you can go outside and look at the sky. Honestly whose weather isn't crappy to see the stars? To be honest though it isnt the weather, its just your location. If you live in a city you are victim to light pollution which shrouds the night sky. Naturally going into the country side you can see more, but you cant take that time from work. If you want something to do while IN work here are some ideas! PUZZLES!!! Like cross word puzzles and junk. I hear people do these to relax as well as distract themselves. You can also listen to ASMR while the kids are working on worksheets and doing their own work. All you need is ear buds. ^^;

    To be frank though, unwinding at work really isn't the best time to unwind, it should be done afterwards ^^;

  9. Did you miss the part where I deleted it seconds after I posted it?

    You must have.

    Also, you don't go into an advice seeking thread and call them a douche and an asshole. Sod off if you've nothing to add.
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  10. Him asking for advice isn't an invitation for you to try and label him as an asshole for doing something you don't agree with.
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  11. Because you've never done something while under the influence of anger or stress and regretted it.

    You're done.
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  12. Okay I would like to point out that this isn't an advice seeking thread, this is rant. It's stated in the prefix at the beginning of this thread that it is a rant. I didn't see anywhere else in your post asking for advice. Everyone here just felt obligated to speak their opinion as well as give advice. o-o

  13. ?
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  14. Literally the first sentence.
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    Lol my baaaaaaad, but you kind of didn't have to be rude about it.
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  16. It's not rude to point out something.
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  17. Actually the manner about how you go about pointing something like that out can be rude, which it was in my opinion.
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  18. Wow, @Rare, you should probably step away from the keys now. You keep voicing your opinion and yet people keep getting butthurt.... clearly the problem is NOT you.
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  19. The first line is me asking for advice. What is so hard to read about that?

    Quit trying to play it off as "lol my opinions make people mad" and read what I asked before coming in with the attitude and acting like it's all okay because this is the internet.

    If you've nothing constructive to give when I was asking for help. It's that simple.
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  20. You were told to leave.

    Thank you, for ruining the night I was trying to spend with my wife. Get some advice from the community I very much enjoy being a part of. And generally being a childish asshole, @Rare . Oh, that's right. You're not an adult. Don't try to act like one.
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