Relationships and Roleplay

M

Mid

Guest
This is something that has bugged me for YEARRRRRRRRS! And something I can't even begin to understand. How people view their relationships and roleplays as a life or death situation. You are forever to roleplay romance with your spouse only and if someone else is messing with your character, it's game on or well...war.

When I was a moderator on another site I had gotten an email from one user who "jumped on" her boyfriend's account and demanded that I delete his account because he was "cheating" on her by roleplaying romance with another user and therefore cheating on her. Of course I explained that I could not and would not do such a silly thing and she should really get over it like a good mod yet it bugged the hell out of me. In my personal opinion, I feel it is very childish and insecure as well as a stunt in growth for both writers who will never get to experience other players. I don't feel it is cheating...it's writing. I don't think it will lead to a whole new secret romance (and on the rare occasion that it does, who needs him/her?) or some secret family with two babies on the way, ya know?

I don't know it just...bugs me. Thoughts?
 
As long as the two roleplayers clearly don't cross any lines and it remains purely for writing/storytelling, I don't see anything wrong.
 
Aha, I know exactly what you mean. It's not like cheating because you're writing a fictional story with characters that aren't even your own self. Whatever emotional connection or smut is going on, it's not real. It's, like I said, fiction. >>; There's a difference between that, and like... Cybering or having an internet relationship. Admittedly, I was once the same way. I'd get insanely jealous if my lover or crush was romance roleplaying with somebody else. Eventually, I matured past it. I couldn't give a fuck now.

My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind that I have romance roleplays here. He's too much of a sweetheart to take away the things I'm passionate about, plus he agrees it's childish to think too much of it. Also, he knows very well that if a roleplay somehow turns into me getting directly flirted with, I'll bluntly tell the person no. xD And I don't go internet fuck people in the Steambox because then, I'd feel like a 'cheater'. I just go there to have gross discussions. So, where's the harm really?

That is crazy, by the way, that the girlfriend was crazy enough to get on that guy's account and ask you to delete it. O__o; Just wow.
 
This is something that drives me up the wall too.

Roleplay Romance DOES NOT EQUAL CHEATING. You're playing CHARACTERS and telling a STORY. It doesn't matter what is in that story, kissybutt mush mush, or sexy sex. It's just characters and a story.

Yes, sure, a LOT of people will often cross the line between Roleplaying and Real Crush. They mistake the character for the player. (Which is another thing that drives me insane. I am NOT my character. What they think/feel/say/do is NOT the same damn thing that -I- am thinking.) And some people really do honestly fall in crush and in love with their favorite playing partners. But ANYBODY who is spending a lot of time with a person on ANY hobby is going to build relationships with the people they play with. It's not always a damned love affair just because you've bonded with someone.


I believe the only time you should ever be concerned about your significant other's roleplay habits is if they are trying to HIDE something from you. If you never told your girlfriend or boyfriend that you do sexy roleplay, then you ARE doing something wrong. There's no reason to hide it if you're not doing something wrong.


I'm also a little "eeeehhh" about persona roleplaying. Pretty much the same deal Fluffy said about the steambox. D: I don't go in there and roleplay as myself, even myself in a character form. That doesn't feel right to me, cause it's ME. I feel really uncomfortable roleplaying myself in situations like that. Goofing around and stuff with the gropey grabby hands and obviously just playin' around stuff is no bigger, but when it gets, you know... SEXY SEX SEX I just can't do that.
 
I like a little jealousy in a relationship. Makes the sex better. And what safer way to get that small bite of the green devil than to sexy RP with other people? Yeah baby.

Romance RP doesn't equal cheating, but at the same time I think it is something that should be discussed before hand as each relationship is different. From the view of someone who doesn't forum RP at all, they might not understand our hobby. They may take it as "OMG writing back and forth sexy sex with people on the internets" I remember back in the day of prodigy chat (yeah, I'm old) a friend of mine got caught by his GF talking dirty with another "girl" in the chat room and she flipped her shit. Now, for all intents and purposes, they were "role playing" under assumed names, acting out fantasies that is much like the RP we do? So really, IS IT THAT DIFFERENT? So if smut RP is ok, then cybering in chat with strangers should also be ok and not considered cheating?

If people are gonna be all jealous face they will find a way no matter what.
 
I always had that issue on another Roleplay site. I was currently dating a lady who was overly attached to me. When I would be in a romance roleplay with someone else I could see her spying on that roleplay as if I was secretly having an affair with another. The activity box on her account would say things along the lines of " So and so was just viewing said roleplay 1 minute ago" and that would always happen when I would just post recently in said roleplay. At first I thought she just enjoyed what I wrote and liked to see different ideas that I was interested in. I never was paranoid to think she was policing my threads. Well it finally happened. We had a blowout and she mentioned all the "girls" who were madly in love with me because I was such a great romantic in the roleplays. I hated to tell her that a few of them were men that were interested in gay roleplays, furthermore, the suppose "girls" were ladies that were either taken or had completely no interest in an online relationship. Half of them never talked to me one on one. The roleplay relationship was basic and that was that. But she had to be paranoid. Needless to say I dropped her as her paranoia consumed her.
 
Communication is a very important thing in relationships. -nod- Some people don't understand the separation of roleplay, especially if they don't do it themselves. I am pretty open with my partner when things like fictional relationships come up just in case there is a misunderstanding. -nodnod- Even if one partner thinks the fear is silly, the fear can still exist in the other.
 
I always attempt to keep a tight IC / OOC boundary between me and my characters and so far, I have not fallen in love with someone because I have roleplayed with them. For me, drawing a line between IC interaction and OOC interaction is very, very important. This is because I often play questionable characters, or characters who are outright homicidal and I do not agree with their points of view. The moment someone starts to think that I see the world from the perspective of my characters is the moment the condemn me as a human being because of some of my characters. What I do not understand, though, is why other people fail to make this distinction, because as others have already said, roleplaying is just collaborative story-telling and nothing more. Just because I play character X, it does not meant that I identify with character X.
 
I really don't get people that get jealous over roleplay. Well, I kind of do, but we all get insecure for petty reasons from time to time.

I feel that if someone gets jealous over their SO rping romance with someone else it's most often either because they insecure about the relationship or themselves anyway or because of a lack of communication.
I'm in a relationship myself and I think it's very important to set up boundaries. If your (general you here) partner is not into rp themself, let them know that an IC relationship has nothing to do with the players' OOC relationship. Likewise, if you're comfortable with your partner rping romance but you would prefer they didn't write smut with another partner, let them know and talk about it!
And if you feel like you can't tell your partner about those insecurities you might want to think about wheather romantic roleplaying is the biggest problem there is in your relationship.
 
The first boy I roleplayed with in a romantic setting was the first boy I fell in love with, but I think it was more of us on a personal level & not just the roleplaying itself. Our characters were based entirely on ourselves and we connected in a weird way. I was 13 years old at the time..

Since then, I haven't had an issue roleplaying a romantic relationship (I don't do any smut though - -), but I always wonder if it was because it was the first time or because it was him that really captured my heart.

And I agree with Diana; if you're in a relationship and your significant other is OK with it, then have your fun. But if you're hiding it, then you're guilty about something and you are probably crossing the line!
 
I agree with everyone else on the point that it's not cheating. Player =/= Character. I get that some people don't differentiate very well, but to me it seems incredibly silly. It's just like being a part of any other group though. Roleplayers feel differently than non-roleplayers, just like a Christian feels differently than an Atheist. Right? I could easily see my mom looking into finding me a psychiatrist if she saw half the things I like to roleplay, but I'm probably way less screwed up than most of my extended family. No, strike that, I AM. I know them well enough to say that confidently. I'll stop there though, 'cause I don't want to turn my post into a long complaint about my family.


But I WILL take the opportunity to brag about my girlfriend, by saying she's not one of those people like the one you mentioned. She understands just as well as I do that roleplay romance isn't the same as real romance, and has never once even hinted that any of my roleplaying bothered her.
 
I just walked into this situation with my boyfriend. We met roleplaying so we can both get a little edgy about getting personal wth other people. We always say "No flirting!" It's almost like an inside joke now. Recently I came across an rp I wanted to do, and so I asked, is my character allowed to flirt. I think his answer sums up a lot of these responses, just so long as you don't get too wrapped up in it! It's not cheating.
 
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