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ctangerine

Edgebabby
Original poster
FOLKLORE MEMBER
Posting Speed
  1. Speed of Light
  2. Slow As Molasses
Writing Levels
  1. Give-No-Fucks
"H-hewwo?? Is anybody thewe?" Nyan trembled as the cave slowly began to fill with water. There was no answer.

"H-hewwo?? Pwease, somebody hewp me!! H-ewwo!!" The small monkey-cat could feel the surface of the water barely lapping at him. Still, there was silence.

"No no no no, hewwo!! Hewwo! Hewp me!!" Nyan cried, with increasing panic as the water continued to rise. Finally, from the depths of the cave, a voice boomed out.

"God rest your soul."

Nyan, slightly afraid but relieved to receive a response, continued pleading for assistance: "Hewwo! Ma'am, why awe you doing this to me?? Hewwo!! Hewp me pwease!!"

A figure appeared from somewhere in the shadows. Nyan was now knee-deep in water and squinted at the silhouette, noticing its striking resemblance to Barack Obama.

"M-mr. Obama, is that you?? Hewwo! Pwease hewp me, I seem to be in a wittle bit of twubble Mr. Obama!! Hewwo?? H-hewwo!!"

The shape stood still and quiet. The water had reached Nyan's waist.

"Pwease Mr. Obama, pwease save me I don't wanna die!!" Nyan screamed, "H-hewwo Mr. Obama awe you still thewe?!?!?"

America's former president only watched as the water climbed past Nyan's torso.

"M-mr. Obama pwease, I'm drowning!! H-hewwo I'm scawed!!" Nyan looked at his rapidly disappearing shoulders and grew desperate.

"I'll do anything fow you Mr. Obama pwease hewp!!"
 
Leau stood in a dark alcove above the cavern and flipped the lever. The piping system groaned but soon the water was puddling around Nyan's toes and steadily rising. Leau waited until the panic set in before taking a deep breath and bellowing, "God rest your soul!"

From the other side of the cavern a figure emerged from the shadows.

Leau squinted at the silhouette and groaned as the resemblance to Barack Obama became apparent. "Why is he going off script?" Leau muttered.
 
Benedikt Obermeier eyed an open can of Weihenstephaner he had tucked behind a rock. It was the only thing keeping him functioning through the filming of Barack Obama: Demon Slayer, a movie that spent most of its budget on special effects before realizing no amount of money could give their 3D rendered Obama a soul. At least, that was what one of the haggard producers said.

"H-hewwo??" Benedikt rolled his eyes as his co-star began his monologue. The w's weren't even in the script to begin with, but ever since day one on set, Benedikt had been subject to an ungodly number of pwease's and oh nowo's. He watched with a great deal of satisfaction as water filled the cavern, ever closer to Nyan's three-shaped mouth.

"THEN PERISH." Scheiße. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.
 
"Anything?" Came the response at last. Nyan made a perfect 3-mouth, his eyes sparkling.

"Anything for you Mr. Obama!"

"THEN PERISH."

...

For a moment, all was silent. That's not what he's supposed to say, Nyan burbled to himself in frustration.

Then suddenly, the entire cave glowed red and the water began rising faster than ever, engulfing Nyan's head in seconds as he let out a bloodcurdling scream before sinking into the depths.

He was drowning- no, he was dwowning.
 
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That's not suppose to happen, Leau thought. Somehow the lighting director had managed to make the cave glow red, an eerie bright summoning-the-spirit-of-satan-during-a-blood-moon type red. It caused the water below to look like a pool of churning blood.

"This looks like something out of my nightmares," Leau said as she flipped the lever off. She didn't notice that this only seemed to make the water level rise faster.

"Someone should probably go rescue Nyan...he can't really swim in that costume," Leau muttered watching the monkey-cat flail in the water.

It took another 5 seconds for her to realize that it was her job to go save him. She groaned and with one last look at the strangely dmeonic glowing cave, Leau dove into the water.
 
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Benedikt clung to the glowing cavern wall, watching in admiration as a particularly brave technician disappeared into the depths. As far as he was concerned, saving Nyan was far above his pay grade. Then again, seeing how nobody seemed to be coming after him, so was he.

A man wearing sunglasses stepped into the room, and Benedikt felt a wave of relief washed over him.

"Director!" he called, eagerly crab walking along the cavern's edge. "I was trying to convey Mr. Obama's - what is the term? Ah yes, BDE. After our conversation about improv-" He choked, his body suddenly lifted into the air by the throat. Shocked, Benedikt stared down in disbelief. A pitying smile graced the Director's thin lips.

"Such a hard worker," the man mused. "Really, it's quite endearing. Much more than I'd expect from a Walmart Obama. Why, I do believe you'll do quite nicely." Gasping, Benedik clawed at the Director's iron grip as he was carried towards the cavern's center.

"LIGHTS," the man barked. Benedikt flinched, his eyes blinded by the assault from every single lighting fixture.

"CAMERA." A dozen operators marched in along the cavern wall, cameras aimed towards them like cannons.

"ACTION." The waters churned and, as if a plug was pulled, swirled into a gaping vortex directly beneath Benedikt's feet. The Director gave his windpipe a final friendly squeeze. "I'll be seeing you soon."

And then he was falling.
 
"HHBBWBWWHBWHBWBWBWHWHB" Nyan gurgled as he was abruptly brought back to the surface by one of the stagehands. The water had mysteriously stopped. She had long, flowing blue hair, shimmery and almost translucent. It was pretty even in the harsh red light that continued to fill the cavern. He coughed up the water in his lungs and looked at the girl with wide, sparkling eyes.

"You saved my wife! I am etewnawwy gwatefuw ówò"

But before the girl could respond, the water began to swirl with increasing speed, funnelling into a gaping void below them and taking everything with it. Nyan's eyes grew wide again, this time out of terror.

"W-what's going on??!? What's happening to us??!?"

The girl mouthed something, and then all was dark.
 
As Leau surfaced with Nyan in tow, the water around them began to swirl violently. She barley heard what the monkey cat said before the current dragged her back under. Her lungs burned as she tried to swim back to the surface, but the whirlpool was strong and the dark water disorientating. Up became down and down became up and for the first time in her life Leau felt scared in the water.

The darkness rapidly filled her vision but as she was about to pass out everything seemed to drop. The water pressure dissapeared and she was spat out of the sky onto a grassy plain.
 
When Benedikt opened his eyes, he found himself in the middle of nowhere holding two katanas. The craftsmanship was downright beautiful. Waves washed across tempered steel that was so polished he could see his reflection: blue tie, white shirt, two swords, wrinkled brow... He looked like that one Japanese action figure he'd seen floating around on the internet.

"Oh no," he groaned, then recoiled in shock. Was that an American accent? He tried again. "Haaaaaaaaa." There was an unmistakable husky quality. He tried one last time. "Yes we can." Benedikt couldn't deny it any longer.

He had become Barack Hussein Obama II.

A strange burbling noise came from behind him, and, upon turning around, Benedikt began to chuckle in a dignified presidential manner.
 
Nyan awoke smushed underneath the body of the girl who had saved him and was unable to pull free. As he struggled, coughing up water in between strained groans, he heard a sophisticated, decidedly head-of-state-like chuckle.

Nyan looked up at the spitting image of Barack Obama, only he was holding two shiny katanas instead of....whatever it was presidents normally held.

""M-mr. Obama, is that you?? Hewwo!" gasped Nyan, completely unscripted this time, "Pwease hewp me, I seem to be in a wittle bit of twubble Mr. Obama!!"
 
Leau felt terrible. It was bad enough that her head was pounding and her limbs felt like mush, but someone kept shouting pwease and hewwo right into her ear. The last straw was a high pitched "twubble", and she reached out and smacked the offensive creature that was making so much noise.

When the grovelling didn't stop, she reached out her other hand and covered his mouth. And then for good measure she reached out another hand and smacked him.

Leau froze. Why did she have three arms? Her eyes snapped wide open and she let out an anguished wail, "Why am I a puddle?!"

She let out a string of choice curses and unluckily for her, and perhaps luckily for everyone else all that came out was a cute little burble, similar to what you would hear at your local babbling creek.

A muffled "hewp" made her realize she was still suffocating...or maybe it was drowning Nyan. But with her first proper look at him, Leau burst out laughing. Soon the air was filled with a presidential chuckle and soft bubbling water.

"You're...you," Leau couldn't stop laughing.

"You're a cat!" She finally choked out.

Too bad no one could understand her.
 
Still laughing, Benedikt pulled Nyan out of the puddle and held him aloft as Rafiki did to a young Simba. He pulled at the creature's fur and was rewarded with a yelp, followed by a stream of indignant mumbling. It was as he had suspected; the furry and fursuit had become one.

A spray of water assaulted Benedikt's legs. Confused, he lowered Nyan back to the safety of firm ground and grabbed his katanas. Squinting apprehensively at the writhing puddle, he watched as numerous tendrils emerged from the central mass, flailing about in the air as they morphed into human arms. Before long, he was staring at a Bodhisattva that was burbling incomprehensibly.

On one hand, Benedikt was a rationalist and a great believer in science and Francis Bacon. That being said, he was now also Obama. On the slight chance that the whole situation was caused by Buddha, it couldn't hurt to get into his good books. Casting his memories back to religion class, Benedikt prostrated himself before the watery deity and chanted "Om mani padme hum" repeatedly.