Redamancy

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silverlolita

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---Calloway Diederich---
Parties... Calloway had never really been fond of them, not even as a child. Maybe it was simply because he didn't have as much experience with them as his brothers, he thought, but no matter how many of these things he went to, the young man just couldn't find them any more enjoyable. Maybe it was too late for him, many of Calloway's childhood years were spent cooped up inside due to his poor health, and thus he was never conditioned to enjoy parties like his older siblings. It was unfortunate for the son of such a high-standing family to be so anti-social, but try as he might, he just couldn't fit the mold. He really considered himself a lost cause in many ways, but even still, as his parent's child he had a duty to at least make an effort (even if he knew there'd be very little point in the end.)

As per usual Calloway found himself a wallflower, standing off to the side and observing from a distance. He was bored and uncomfortable and frowned slightly at how easily his brother fit into this scene. They danced and chatted with girls, and joked and drank with the men, all while he sipped wine off in his own little corner. Calloway sighed, tearing his eyes away from the picture in front of him. He really wasn't suited to this life style, was he?
 
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-- Lucas Ashworth --
Parties had never suited Lucas' character. He was reluctant and held back most of the time, unable to say no to his family's advances. Today was his big brother's coming of age party. Lucas himself had only just turned 18 and he was the little prince of the family, to be honest. But he wasn't very social and always hid away as well as he could at parties. Therefore, it was a relief to him that the party evolved around his attention craving big brother instead of his timid self. Unable to find comfort in parties, he usually skipped out early to find something else to do. But this time he couldn't because it was his family who hosted the party, and if he disappeared somewhere he would be scolded badly. But talking to women and dancing and drinking and chatting with the men and everyone seemed to make the young noble dizzy. How could he act normally around so many people, anyway?

Getting a bit anxious, he slowly walked over to a wall that he leaned on heavily, with a little sigh of relief escaping his lips. He didn't see that there was someone else who hated the party just as much as himself standing just beside him. He stared out to the party and wondered why he hadn't just pretended to be sick so he could have been alone in his room reading books instead of being at this suffocating party. Though, when he looked to the side, he saw something nice. A handsome male, a bit taller than him, stood at his side. Lucas had never told anyone about his desire towards his own gender, and he silently observed this male with admiration. His heart beat faster and he looked down immediately, averting his gazze from the beautiful sight.
 
Off in his own world, it took Calloway a few moments to notice somone had walked up beside him, and that was not even until he felt the sensation of being stared at. When he looked to his side the blonde who now stood there had his eyes fixed on the ground instead. His hair partially hid his face from the angle Galloway was looking from, but he seemed tense.

It wasn't so much that Galloway was nervous around people, he simply wasn't keen on interacting with them. He lacked the charisma and tact of his siblings, often making conversation awkward, but standing next to someone in complete silence was nearly as bad.

"Um," The young man began, but found he really hadn't thought of anything to say. "Is there something you need?" He was looking at him before, right?
 
Lucas was so embarrassed about himself. He should have a bit more self respect. He couldn't just stare a man down like that with hunger in his eyes. It was shameful. He hated himself for it, and yet he knew that he couldn't help it. He was probably having one of his night crushes on a man at a party, where he would fall in love and imagine a lot of things, but then nothing happened and he was left with his fantasies.

But he was so awkward around people, especially people that he found attractive. He wanted to talk to this male, maybe even try to seduce him. Just to test him out, he wanted to try and seduce this handsome man, but his furiously beating heart didn't allow him to do anything.

Lucas' eyes flashed up and he stared at Calloway, a deep blush taking over his face as he stared at the handsome male. "Ah... uhm.. I... I apologize... I shouldn't have... I just... haven't seen you... before..." Oh god. That probably revealed everything.
 
Crap, he was cute, Colloway hadn't prepared for that. He probably shouldn't have been calling him "cute"- hell, he shouldn't have been thinking about how attractive another man was in the first place- but the way he nervously stumbled over his words was oddly endearing, so much so that Calloway had almost forgotten to reply.

"Ah, no. It's fine." He tried his best to give a small, friendly smile (something he was sure his brothers would have done in this situation.) There was a strange pressure to imitate his siblings's charismatic personalities, something Calloway had learned was usually futile. He knew he would have been better off not even trying- nothing would even come from being friendly, so what was the point in exhausting himself by forcing a personality that wasn't his own? Argh, no! What was worse was that he'd barely said a few words to this guy and he was already over thinking everything! This was nothing, just a casual (if strained) conversation between two party guests. Relax.

"Calloway Diederich. Nice to meet you."
 
Lucas felt like the floor was spinning under him, and he leaned on the wall for support. His mind went over all of the things that he wanted this man to do to him, most of all he imagined a kiss in the middle of the ball room... and he knew that that couldn't happen. Sometimes, he wished that he had been born a girl, then everything would be easier and he could have his dream prince.

When the other said it was alright, he averted his gaze with a blush, though looking up to finding him smiling. He blushed deep red as he tried not to stare too much, but his gaze did travel down Calloway's chest, and close to a place where he shouldn't be staring, so he looked away immediately with a blush on his face. He didn't want to be figured out but he made it too obvious. It wasn't even funny, he made it so obvious that the guy would probably get uncomfortable and run away after Lucas had introduced himself. He was trying not to hit himself in the face out of frustration, because of his stupidity. If he could just be normal, everything would be easier. If he could just be friend with a male, everything would be easier.

"I-I'm Lucas. Lucas Ashworth... nice to meet you." He muttered with a blush as he looked down.
 
"Ashworth?" Why did that name sound familiar? Where had he heard it...? Oh right, this was a celebration for one of the Ashworth sons, wasn't it? Damn it, don't mess up so early into a conversation! "Um, I mean, then this is your brother's party?" He hopped he hadn't slipped up too noticeably, and mentally scolded himself for forgetting something so important. Forgetful, quiet, and far too honest for his own good- those traits were usually his downfall, and Calloway had unintentionally offended very important people on more than one occasion because of that.

He really didn't want to offend Lucas, in fact he... He kind of wanted to talk with him more. A lot more. Or perhaps it was more that he wanted to hear Lucas talk. He wondered what the young man would sound like if he weren't so nervous, how would he sound talking about his hobbies. or his family? What would his voice sound like when- Nope! Nope, not going there! He just met this man (and emphasis on man,) just because he was kind of attractive, and the way he'd fidget was stupidly cute and... No, no, no, no. Stop even thinking about it! Calloway had pretty much failed every other aspect of being a noble, the least he could do was marry a nice woman, have children, and not think about another man in that way.
 
"Uhm... yes, Ashworth." Lucas said as he glanced over at Calloway. There was something strange about the male, as if he was angry with himself. Lucas didn't see the reason for that, considering that the one messing up was him and no one else. Calloway was attractive and making his heart pound fast, so he didn't see how the other male would blame himself for something that he had said. In Lucas' opinion he was dreamy, dreamy and attractive, and it made Lucas want to run away. He couldn't have those feelings for another guy, and he knew that they would never even have a chance of becoming more than just aquaintances.

"Uh, yes, it's my older brother's party. We... sometimes get confused. But... but I wouldn't want a party this large..." He said with a blush as he looked down. His head was spinning with strange feelings and he wanted to say something, do something, anything, but he felt like he was going to fall apart from all of the strange things that he felt. He wanted to talk with Calloway more, maybe hear him talk more. That way, when he was alone again, he could feel himself up to the thoughts of this attractive and unreachable male before he would become lonely and hate himself once again. He hated everything about himself, especially this desire that he could not have. But it was impossible to hold it back, his heart screamed at him if he even attempted to. He wanted to fall apart, he wanted to run away, but he just couldn't. He looked up and something in him made it seem like Calloway was thinking and denying the same things. "So... is the party too crowded for you?" He asked gently.
 
Calloway had gotten half lost in his own internal debate again, hardly realizing he had just been asked a question. At first he gave a vague hum and averted his eyes, staring back at the crowd in front of them. Surely he wasn't missed there. There really wasn't any reason for him to stick around, was there?

"If you don't mind, I think it'd be nice to get away from it for a while." Calloway felt like eventually he'd just dig himself a hole so deep he couldn't climb back out, but the more he watched the party, the more he felt like an outsider, and the more he wanted to completely leave it all behind and enjoy himself for once. It'd lead no where, he knew, but at least maybe he could pretend like he was defying something. His common sense knew this was a bad idea, at the end of the day it was going to hurt, but he found the longer he looked at Lucas, the quieter the little voice of reason got.
 
Lucas hadn't noticed how Calloway seemed to be debating himself, and wondered finally if it was his fault that Calloway felt like that. He wondered what was going on, and why his heart was going on with pounding like that even after he had denied it what it wanted. It made him feel like an idiot when he couldn't hold back his true feelings.

"I don't mind at all, I'll take you on a trip. Besides, focus is on my brother, like I prefer it to be, then I can run away and relax somewhere so it won't be so tough dealing with all of these people." He said. He looked around cautiously before he grabbed Calloway by the wrist "Come on." He whispered as he slipped them out through the back door. They got to the yard that wasn't visible from the party room, and Lucas sat down on a bench, offering for Calloway to sit beside him. "I understand how you feel. Parties just aren't really something I'm good at... and it's so annoying to have a brother like mine when I can barely even act social in front of others and he's all happy and energetic..."
 
Calloway willingly, and almost eagerly, followed Lucas out into the yard. Soon the noise of the party had faded into nearly nothing, and he found himself relaxing in the cool evening air. He took a deep breath, absorbing the peaceful outdoors before he took a seat next to the blonde without hardly thinking about it.

"Well," Calloway mused. "I can't exactly say it's annoying so much... My brothers being the social butterflies that they are save me from having to do it. I don't know what I'd do if I were an only child." He half chuckled, though covered his mouth as he did. He felt guilty enough being a sort of failure as noble, it'd be worse if he were the one and only heir. "But I Don't really think I'm envious of them..."
 
Lucas reached unconsciously up to touch Calloway's sleeve and blushed a little as he looked at him. "Won't you... sit beside me...?" He asked in the most innocent voice, trying not to look at him. Lucas felt so embarrassed for how his voice stuttered and made him so nervous. It made him want to fall apart from embarrassment. He wanted to kiss this male.

And he knew that he couldn't. But for now he was going to test out this male's boundaries. How far could he go without this guy trying to kill him for his dirty thoughts? "I know... m-my brother is the same... I-I can't even... talk to girls... they make me feel so awful, like I'm not right..." He whispered as he looked down, trying not to do or say anything stupid. But he wanted to kiss Calloway, and now.
 
Calloway made sure there was a little distance between where he sat, and where Lucas was. Which one of them was he trying to make more comfortable? He had no idea, though if it were for himself, it sure wasn't working, as he only found himself wanting to slide a little closer. How strange, just a few minutes ago he had been laminating his desire to avoid people, yet here he was wanting to get closer to this young man.

"Hmm?" Not right? Calloway tilted his head slightly. "Do you not like women?" The second such a blunt question left his lips he regretted it, but it was too late to take back. It was almost embarrassing how quick he was to ask something like that too! He tried to think of a way to fix his question, but there wasn't much else it could mean. Crap, crap, crap, was his mind really so stuck on this subject?
 
Lucas watched as Calloway moved to sit at a distance from him. Lucas wanted to move closer and grab him but he couldn't. He knew that he couldn't. He bit his lip slightly as he looked down. He didn't want to have this desire, to fall for men. He knew how wrong it was, ultimately making him disgusting. He tried not to react on this desire, and he grabbed his own hands to try and calm them down. They wanted to reach out and touch, stroke Calloway's hair, lean close and kiss his lips. How could he be wrong for desiring that?

Lucas had known that it was a bad thing to have said something that sounded so strange, but the fact that Calloway knew exactly what it was about made him blush deep red. "Uh... I..." He managed, his words stuck in his throat. He looked down in defeat as he sighed softly. "I'm sorry, that's... that's exactly how it is..." Lucas looked up at Calloway with sad eyes. "I desire men... not women..." He lowered his head as if waiting for a hit. He had this delusion of that he was going to get hit for saying something like that. "How did you know...?" He whispered gently, tears falling from his eyes as he looked down.
 
Callow drew in a sharp breath, feeling his heart jolt and blood rush to his head. He had been right? He didn't expect that, or- well he obviously did on some level, but the silver-haired boy had assumed it was wishful thinking. Really he was just glad he hadn't made the other hate him, or he would have been if it didn't feel like his body had just become electrically charged. If this situation was good or bad, Calloway couldn't tell yet.

"Ah! N-n-no I was... Er, I meant..." Backtracking was the exact opposite of what he wanted to do, but it seemed his voice of "reason" still had some strength left. Calloway strangled it with a sigh. "Sorry. It's simply that... I was really just... Saying what I wanted to hear." His voice quieted near the end of his sentence, and he turned his slowly reddening face in the other direction. That feeling of "feeling wrong" around women was a familiar one to him, so It was the first thing that came to mind when he heard Lucas say it.
 
Lucas briefly wondered what the other male was thinking. Was he disgusted? Angry, even? Harmful? Would he end up hurting Lucas because of all of these things? He couldn't look up for a while, resisting the urge to reach his arms up and cover his head. He didn't want to reveal to Calloway that he was scared of getting beaten. Maybe it'd make the silver-haired male even angrier by doing this. Instead he stayed obediently still with his head lowered.

When he heard the answer, he was fairly surprised. He blinked softly as he glanced at Calloway. There was no anger in that voice, only reluctance. He couldn't help but move closer to Calloway, placing his small hand over Calloway's larger one. His skin was pale and his fingers thin and girly. He kept glancing between the ground and Calloway's face. "Are you... the same...?" He whispered as he looked up into the sky, unable to focus his gaze anywhere else. The air was clear and stars littered the dark blue, almost black sky. He wanted to know if this could happen, if they could be something other than this awkward type of friends they were sort of becoming. "Do you... feel the same way...?" He added, his voice still gentle and soft.
 
Calloway had never revealed this fact about himself to anyone, he didn't need to be told by anyone how abnormal and wrong it was, he already knew. He had planned his whole life to keep it a secret and suppress it. It was going fine until Lucas appeared and forced him to face his unnatural desires.

"I never really do what I should, so it makes sense that I like people I shouldn't, right?" If it were any other situation, that confession would have been made painfully, but right now Calloway could feel his chest tighten for a completely different reason. Was this guy trying to provoke him? He didn't know it was possible to want someone so much...

"That being said... Right now, I really can't hold back." There seemed to be new determination in his voice when Calloway turn back around. He was clutching Lucas's hand tightly in his, and he was incredibly close now, staring the blonde right in the eye.
 
Lucas was oddly enough just acting on an impulse. He didn't intend to make Calloway feel strange, but his body moved all on its own, and he had no idea that it made Calloway face so many different things about himself. Lucas had just quietly accepted the truth about himself, and just kept it a secret from then on. That way, he didn't have to deny it, but just hide it away inside of his already tightening chest.

"I don't know... you aren't obliged to be in one certain way in front of others, I just want you... to answer me honestly... that's all..." Lucas' eyes focused on Calloway but the white-haired male was still looking away from him. Calloway's hands felt strangely warm against his own cold ones, and his heart was pounding heavily as he stared at the other's back with an anxious expression. He was really starting to prepare for that beating.

"Can't... h-hold back...?" He asked in a weak voice, and his blue eyes widened as he stared into Calloway's bright red eyes. They were so close... Lucas' fingers braided around Calloway's hand and he closed the distance between them, their lips touching for the fraction of a second before he immediately shot back, looking at the ground. "S-sorry..." He muttered.
 
Without the slightest bit of hesitation Calloway took Lucas's chin, turning the blond back towards him, and closing the distance yet again. This time he made sure it lasted, taking in the hot electric feeling that spread through every inch of his body. It felt like forever, yet far too soon when they finally pulled apart. "Don't be..."

Calloway paused for a moment as if in a daze, hand still resting on Lucas's neck as he tried to catch his breath. It took a while, but finally what had just happened seemed to dawn on him. His face flushed a deep red, and he nearly tripped over his own feet as he jumped up from the bench. "Ah! I mean...! I'm sorry! That was... I rushed a-a-and...!" Lucas had barely even brushed his lips, but he had practically ambushed the boy with a full on make out! "Th-that was my first time, so... I didn't really know how...Uh...Damn it..." The cool and calm demeanor Calloway had before seemed completely drained away as he blushed furiously, beyond embarrassed by his own actions.

"S-so... What I meant was... I should be the one to apologize..."Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, Calloway hesitantly looked back to the bench, terrified that he'd overstepped his bounds.
 
Lucas' eyes were focused on something else until he was pulled back to Calloway, his whole being seeming to relax. He wanted to lean forward but Calloway was too quick and did it instead, making him let out a little whimper. He wrapped his arms around Calloway as they kissed passionately, a little pant falling over his lips as he gasped for air.

When they pulled back, Lucas' breath was ragged and his face flushed red. He had wanted it to last way longer but he was also fine with the way it had been. When Calloway suddenly got up and started apologizing, Lucas blinked and widened his eyes. Did he seem like he didn't enjoy that? Did he have to do other things to prove that he wasn't disgusted by it? "It's... it's okay... please... I want you to do that again... over and over again... please..." He gently stood up and wrapped his arms around Calloway's neck, tiptoeing on his feet staring into the other's eyes. "It's my first time too... don't worry about it... we'll get through this together, I'm sure..." Lucas actually liked how he had become so embarrassed, and even if Lucas felt like he might've died, he wanted to be with Calloway and that overpowered his embarrassment with desire.

Leaning closer to Calloway, he brushed their lips together gently, eyes half lidded. He murmured words that he had never thought would come over his lips. "Please... do... do "that"... I need to... kiss you more than just like this..." He gently whispered as he blushed, putting on an innocent expression.
 
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