RANT Your Brains Out #98274

Status
Not open for further replies.
]I've reached a point where I am just obsessively thinking about dying and I'm terrified. But I can't talk to anyone about it. If I tell my mom or friends they'll cry or try to send me to the hospital again. I don't want either of those things. My therapist is on mat leave until the spring. I do not have the energy to start over with another one.

I don't do anything. I just work (and I do poorly at work...) and go home and crawl into bed. When I'm not sleeping or working I'm just sitting here thinking 'it would be better if I was dead, it would be better if I was dead, I just want to die.'

But I don't! I don't want to die! I'm terrified of death! So why is this happening again?

I'm overwhelmed, I hurt so much. My brain is broken. I feel detached and isolated from everyone, even my friends, despite the fact that I know that they love and care for me. But this worm in my brain tells me everyone hates me, I'm a bad friend, I have no redeeming qualities. People just humour me. I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to die.
 
I hate the justice system of this area. It's slanted as fuck. They published the local crimes of the last ten years and dare to claim there have been no murders. The have been in fact three that I know of for 100% certain in just the last 3 years. My family owns a police scanner so lies don't fly. I called my friend during one of those nights because it happened in their neighborhood and I wanted to make sure they were okay. They saw the investigation happening. These victims deserve more than a flimsy cover-up. Their lives were worth so much more.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Navuso and Joan
I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but some people are just so mindbogglingly inconsiderate. Here are some examples

* On the bus. Guy has his music blared up to 120% and he's singing. He has to know how sound works, and has no shame.
* I'm walking towards the checkout and someone weaves around and cuts directly in front of me.
* I'm running to catch a bus. A whole crowd of people walk forward to get their bus even though I made eye contact with them, blocking the entire sidewalk.

PEOPLE EXIST OUTSIDE YOU.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
Let me tell you something ladies– guys are dumb. Never, ever wait more than thirty minutes for your date. Let that be your limit. He doesn't deserve your time if he can't be punctual or at least tell you ahead of time he's going to be late. Leave without apology. Take control.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Navuso and Fyrra
Nothing is more depressing than being called your real and preferred name all day in work then come home to your parents calling you your deadname I just hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wanna move out
 
Look, Roommate L, I like you, I do. You're quiet, you're clean, and you're nothing but polite when we do interact, but I have to ask, why?

Why do you have your alarm going off every 5-10 minutes for 4+ hours? I get setting multiple alarms, but why so many and why for so long if you don't need to get up for another 4 hours anyway? And why so fucking loud??? I hear it every goddamn morning if I'm unlucky enough to still be awake. Between you and the howling wind, I got no sleep last night
 
Last edited:
Salvation Army is hanging around the only place I can go for my thirty minute lunch break. One of those bastards told me merry christmas. Go away, asshole! It's November! And screw your entire organization too! That I should endure your presence under the threat of losing my job for driving you off like the parasites you are is ridiculous!

Fuckin' go somewhere else and shake your damned bells.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Navuso
Heroes In Crisis. Ultimatum meets Identity Crisis.killing your favorite heroes and laughing in your face as you spend 4 bucks.

https://i.redd.it/6xka31wu2z021.png

At least Harley will be pure evil once more.
 
I've been playing mobas for about 4 years now. I can pick up about any of them and play decently. I've never had so much as a warning sent to me all these years, until today. Overwatch had a free weekend, I normally avoid those because I didn't want to deal with new players. So I redownloaded Smite to hide there. An event is going on and you can get these neat chests if you win enough of the revamped mode attached to it. It's an easy enough mode to play but if one team gets a lead it is basically a steamroll.

Today I revisited it and queued up as one of my favorite characters, Arachne, and got in game. I was going to lane with a Zeus but he got picked off and died. I also died trying to protect him. Whatever. Respawn. He starts griefing the team when they died by pinging "You rock!" "Cancel that!" "Great game!" over and over and over. Well to save myself some sanity I pinged strategies to the team. Midlane is the most important in this mode so I asked the team to group up there. The brilliant Zeus pings "Quiet!" "Quiet!" "Quiet!" Then the teamfight happens mid and he does nothing. Literally just stands around while we all die. The pings get more furious. "Great game!" "Great game!" "Great game!" I ping again to meet mid but he directs the team to the left lane instead of mid. They all die. I'm mid lane but I quickly get surrounded after the murder. Respawn. Zeus' mic comes to life suddenly as he calls me a feeder with surprising vemon for playing a video game. "Way to go, Feeder. How's it feel? This is how we play Smite. Bye, Feeder." I did have more deaths than him, but not by much and I had more assists, so what's his deal? I was in the middle of reporting this individual when I get a warning about intentionally feeding. That little fucker reported me basically because I tried to strategize while he threw his baby fit. Ok. My one regret is I didn't think to save the game and send it directly to support. I mean I filled out a ticket and all, but it's such a pain to type with a PS4 controller that I couldn't explain all that was going on.

I'm not too worried though. My stats are solid.

I hope he steps on some Legos.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
I'm getting tired of doing everything for everyone. I want to tell them all to fuck off. But I can't.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm sure my lousy sleep schedule plays a key role in my feeling lousy most days, but it's not that kind of tired. It's a mental tired, a "when can I check out of this shit cause I'm so done" tired. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything. I have no motivation to do anything. I feel like I'm dragging myself along every day; some days I can hardly get out of bed. My school work has suffered the most for it, as I'm over a week behind on assignments now. I wonder if I need to get my medications adjusted so I can start operating like a (more or less) normal human being again; however, I aged out of my family's insurance and I'm having quite the difficult time finding a plan that will provide what I need for a price I can afford. Even when I had my job, I didn't qualify for insurance through work. I had to leave due to mental health issues and an increasing inability to cope with my anxiety which said job only exacerbated. I need an internship to graduate from school but I'm having no luck finding one. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole and just can't climb my way out.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
So I noticed there was a comment on a video that made some incorrect assumptions about evolution theory and I was like "hey, I'll drop in some corrections and be on my way" finer points are harder to grasp with taxonomy and such. Didn't think it was anything big. Then I went to his channel and he's like religious and now I'm hoping he didn't take it as me making fun of him or trying to one-up him or something. :( I thought I was talking to a struggling nerd... like myself.
 
I should never look forward to anything ever. I was looking forward to our holiday lunch at the office and they scheduled it on the ONE DAY I can't leave my desk. Whatever. It's not like it matters.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
pretty sure i've stretched myself too thin. life is... frustrating, no lie. and i've been feeling a lack of self worth in an rp i'm in... for no reason. seriously. just because i feel my character is not appreciated enough but it's whatever. two jobs, school... wanting to write all the time... not having enough time... i seriously feel like it's too much. like i should quit a whole bunch of rps. ;__; but i don't want to... especially not these rps i've built as gm... but i suck at gming too, so that's sad enough. i can't really find the momentum needed to keep players on their feet and engaged... my characters seem to be the same lately, just boring and bad backgrounds... i don't know wtf i'm doing anymore.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
why does my depression hurt my friends? fuck.

I need to draw myself away for a while and find a hole to lie in.
but then people think I'm ignoring them, or don't care about them. it's not true.
I don't want to burden them. At best I'm incredibly boring.

then people tell me they don't want to see me hurt. well that's why I hide in the first place, so you don't see me. I can deal with it on my own.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
Seriously, Overwatch is so toxic I just get pissed off playing it. Too many fucking wusses who sabotage the game every time you call them out for shitty immature behavior. Then there's people who equate having '12 kills' as not toxic. What's your IQ, bastard, 49?

I can't count the number of fights I've gotten into because people just keep whining about losing. Just shut up and play the game. Don't threaten to quit because of your 'noob team', spare everyone your toxicity and just fucking quit.

If you don't want to lose or don't want to be a team player, then go play something else. Christ.

Funnily enough, it's the toxic people who also have the biggest egos and the ones who feel the need to brag about the number of kills or damage they have. Even when there's really not much to brag about. Some people are really just... overcompensating for something.
 
Last edited:
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
Saying this here only because I don't feel like bothering my friends with my bullshit problems right now.

I am so fucking tired because either my nightmares drain me IN MY SLEEP, or I end up staying awake until like 2 or 3 AM because my anxiety is a bitch to me. I'm to the point where I barely have the energy to even chew my food, or show emotions, or breathe without some kind of discomfort. Nevermind the fact that I'm struggling with a severe case of depression while I try my hardest to fix the parts of my life that are falling apart. People wonder why I just isolate myself and never reach out? This is fucking why. Seems like everyday I have problems and the voices in my head all agree that no one wants to hear it, no matter how much my loved ones assure that's false. But also they never check on me, they just talk to me when it's convenient, so it's whatever. At the end of the day, I really don't matter.

*sighs* I'm going to lose. My. Fucking. Mind.
 
Last edited:
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
I went to Tumblr with the intention to purge my accounts because I'm an artist and censorship sucks in that field. I'm down for mature filters but to just blanketly tell me all nudity is inappropriate and equals bans well, that doesn't fly for me. The human body is inherently beautiful that's why it's in so many classic paintings. The art one is easy to cull, didn't really log into it even in my more active days. But my RP one...I can't. Even after abandoning it for 2 years, I just can't. The muse for it is still with me and my RP partners are still there, doing what they've always done. There's about 2 and a half years of hard work on that account. I just can't. It's tempting to go back. To say hello to them and take off like our old adventures. But I also remember why I left and why I don't really RP much anymore. I tend to get too invested and overwhelm myself. There was a point where I was balancing 20 threads on tumblr and I burned out from the stress of keeping everything updated. I've found solo writing is healthier for me. But I miss my core partners so much. T_T

Which brings up a tidbit I've seen discussed here and there throughout the years. I get puzzled when people say they can force their characters to do whatever they want without justification. I mean, I understand you caaan(free will), but to me there is definitely a point when a behavior is just outside of a character's personality and the writing falls flat on its face. You can develop their stories to fulfill what you need, but to make a huge change to them on the head of a dime is really odd to me, unless it's an alternate reality sort of deal. I don't know, just wanted to write down my thoughts on it somewhere.
 
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Joan
"Not to sound scathing, but we have this conversation almost every time"

Yeah, but I am bad at math and the book wasn't the best at explaining shit. I also have a shit memory, its only my second session with this chracter, and our last session was three weeks ago. Of course I'm gonna have trouble. Would you prefer if I rolled without double checking and ended up fucking up?
 
Last edited:
  • Sympathy & Compassion
Reactions: Navuso and Joan
Status
Not open for further replies.