RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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How is it that people with Internet at their fingertips can't fact check anything?

And my neighbor is annoying as ever. Not the old man, he's fine, it's the chick up the hill. We're doing our best to take care of our dog since she's having a hard time and this chick makes fun of us constantly. I did not go a week with 3-4 hours of sleep per night to listen to her heckling. I'd honestly like to know what she does with her time because she seems to be outside constantly. I was out with my dog at 4 AM and the neighbor was still out there, shining her porch light in my face.
 
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how do people cancel plans

i so dont wanna leave the house today but i said id meet a friend,,, so i guess ill just suffer
 
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Long rant ahead.


So, I have been extremely sick for the last year and a half and I had no idea why. The doctors struggled to figure it out, but I discovered not a week ago that I have black mold in my room. I have been very weak, tired, and have all the classic symptoms of being ill. So I had to rip the carpet out of my room.

To give you a bit of back story and what my situation is right now, I live in a hoarder's house because nobody in my state rents to someone who only makes $700 something. I'm poor, and I can't live with a roommate so I moved back in with my mother who hates me. She loves me in her own way, but she also has serious issues with me. She's extremely abusive; she got so bad when I was in high school that I was forced to sleep outside with the dog. I lived in a makeshift tent made out of a tent with holes in it, and nearly froze every night.

I lived in hell with her throughout my childhood, she's always had an issue with me. 'It's easier to raise two kids instead of just one' she would constantly tell me. My sister had a good life, but I lived like an animal. Most nights I was afraid to come inside after feeding the chickens, and I'd sleep in the feed shed.

She never listens to me, and lies so often that it's hard to tell what's right and what's not. She's been telling people not to listen to what I say because she thinks that I have 'BPD', as if that somehow invalidates the abuse she puts me through.

I don't have BPD, I have CPTSD, Schizophrenia, Depression, OCD and OCD. But not BPD.

She doesn't want people hearing what she's put me through. I've tried so hard to just ignore it, try to find the happy part of all of this.

I have never been so depressed in my life, and that's saying something. I have lived through a cesspool of abuse in my childhood home, neglect, torture, living in such a parasite filled hellhole that even messy people thought was gross.

I have survived a trafficking house.
Suicide attempts.
Stabbings.
Cancer.
Car accidents.
My father tried to kill me three different times, with a car, gas, and beating. But I survived it.

And even came out with a great sense of humour, and always loving.

My family came into town and you know what I spent my day doing? Cleaning up my dangerously mold filled room alone while they had fun, and then treated like I was a bother. Only to be confronted and told that I was being harsh.

I hate my life. People growing up always had dreams of being firefighters or something but I wasn't dumb enough to think I had a future. And I don't, sure things will get better as they always do but they go back to the same damn thing. Oh I have one, but you know what it is always filled with?

A single moment to breathe and then back to hell again. I feel so god damn broken apart, defeated and like my life is some bad re-run of Cast Away when the guy comes back (sorry, spoilers) from the island. I think if that happened to me, I'd want to stay on the fucking island where at least I know that it was me making my life awful.

And I'm sitting here typing this out, I don't know whether to cry, get mad, or what. I don't really know what to feel other than this numbness. It does hurt, but every part of my life has screamed pain. And I'm not being dramatic here, I've hopped from bad situation to bad situation by just trying to live a peaceful calm life.

I must have fucked up somewhere to deserve all of this. I can't do this dance with people anymore or with myself. I know that my life is going to be as it is.

The damage done to my lungs from the black mold is permanent. The chances of my lungs crapping out on me when I'm 'young' is very high, and you know what? That didn't even get a blink from me. It's like I don't even care about things anymore. I want to, badly, but what can I do? It's like being in a world with people who cannot see you, and the ones that do don't understand.

Maybe I should just go to bed. I'll wake up to some new thing and lose even more. Eventually, there'll be nothing left and then maybe I could have peace.

Sorry you had to listen to this crap, I'm sure it's just me being a bitchy twit.
 
My cat is an asshole! I can't believe he broke the damn glass on my pen and we were just as the god damn store yesterday getting new coils for it. I should just steal my husband's since he complains his burns his lips and hits too hard. I honestly have no fucking clue what he's talking about. Mine hits a lot harder than his does and it sure as hell doesn't burn my lips. But shit...I have to go fucking out! I wanted to enjoy my time off until I have to go to work tonight, not I have to get dressed, go out, come home, get changed....>_< Damn it. Asshole cat. If I didn't love him I swear I would have thrown his ass outside.
 
My bad luck extends to even away from here when some family members were sick and i did my best to avoid it but still got sick!
So not only that but also I think when it comes to rp interest i feel there is not real interest but rarely PM's reply back a big majority of the time.
Now i got to do some things away from here and it's like no breaks yet.
 
‘We need you to use your phone to verify...’

I CAN’T GOOGLE! I FORGOT MY PHONE AT HOME. THAT’S WHY I’M TRYING TO USE MY IPOD IN THE FIRST PLACE
 
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This has been the longest half hour if my life.. .and I have 2 1/2 more hours to go. Someone put me out of my misery.
 
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Listen here bitch,
At this point I give no fucks. Absolutely none. I am sick, and tired of being subjected to a hallway that reeks of your shit smelling weed. It seeps through the motherfucking walls, and by extension directly into my goddamn home. You may feel all peachy keen about your place, and clothes reeking like garbage, but guess what? I.DO.NOT.

Ive purchased an air purifier, which has done wonders, but does not solve the issue entirely. With that being said my ass has ZERO problem putting the number of the security desk downstairs on speed dial in order to catch your inconsiderate ass smoking in the stairwell on a nightly basis.

Im done saying to myself "I dont want to step on any toes since Im the new one on this floor". Nope! Fuck you, and your toes as I step all over them sonsabitches with my heels right quick. I've emailed management, as well as the property manager, so errybody is about to hear my mouth about this until something changes.

I never intended to be "that neighbor", but so be it. This is my very first apartment, and I would like to actually enjoy it instead of constantly experiencing bouts of nausea from the severity of the smell.
 
Stop getting animals you cannot take care of.

Fucking seriously people; that poor little turtle. He's a red slider, not a tortoise. He needs water and space to swim, do you think he's happy like this?!

No, he's not. He's depressed and it's obvious he's miserable!

So yeah, I'm becoming dad (temp until the end of winter) to a turtle because some fucks kept him in deplorable condition.
 
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I don't want this.

I do not want to be trans. I have been open about this here, but it humiliates me. I do not want to be known as That Trans Guy. I just want to be a Guy.

That is biologically impossible. I will always be female. The past few days have been a painful reminder that no matter what I do to my body, everyone will still see me as a woman. A woman who has marred herself beyond recognition. A sick minded, delusional woman pretending to be a man. A disgusting Fan Girl co-opting homosexuality. A person with XX chromosomes and female genitalia, however mutilated.

This is how everyone will see me.

There is no point to this. It is so distressing. I'm going to completely ruin my life just to become some fucking monster, some in-between, a deliberate hermaphrodite. I will ruin Christmas. I will ruin my relationship with my father. The rest of my family. I will make things irredeemably awkward, and that's if my family decides to humour me.

There's no long term studies on what HRT does to a body. I could be dooming myself to an early death just for this flight of fancy.

But I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without going forward with this. All of 2018, the only thing keeping me going was the thought of starting my medical transition, but now that it's close (so close) I don't know if I can do it.

Why was I cursed with this? What the fuck did I do to deserve this? Everyone is right, I am mentally ill, fucked up, none of this should be entertained, but what the hell else can I do? I just want to be happy! Don't I deserve happiness? I like to think I do, but do I really deserve it at the expense of so many other people? It is just killing my mom inside. I know it is. She is trying to be supportive but she hates it. She was so happy to have a daughter. I'm taking that away from her. Killing her 'baby girl'.

I hate this. I hate myself. I'm terrified of death but I so often feel like that's all I deserve.
 
You don't deserve to have a dog.

I've wanted a dog for a couple months now, but have just now gotten the money up to get one. But I hear you over there beating poor Jack up, just because he won't do exactly what you want. He's just a dog, he doesn't understand when you are yelling at him and/or hitting him! He just knows that he's scared, he's in pain and that you are the one causing it. He was a very sweet boy before but has turned mean because you keep hitting him, kicking him, doing spirits know what else.


I hope he bites your face off.
 
Sorry I vent so much on here, and how it's literally the only thing that I appear to do. But I have nowhere else to post this.




So on top of losing my family, I've been slowly losing my damn mind in the place I'm at. There's black mold, the neighbor has a roach infestation that's invited themselves to my house (serious ferretface, fuck you to the next galaxy and back for that one), outrageous untrue claims that I've done something (ratting on them, harming children, vandalizing cars (new one), and various other things that are clearly not true), and yelling at my roommate and I through the walls.

Wild parties where he lets his friends choke him out.
The regular on the hour beating of his dog (seriously, this dude is bad fucking news).
Yelling at his friends.
He's been given 5, no less than 5! Eviction notices.
This last accusation is nuts; I walked by his car today avoiding puddles.
I didn't do anything! But he says I destroyed his bumper! I was listening to Bon Jovi after getting the mail! I didn't touch his bloody car.
I don't give a rat's ass about most of the things, but that poor dog is over stuck with a man that shouldn't have him.
When I talk to my niece and nephew, it's his type that I try to teach them not to be.

This person is one of the most evil people I have met; he doesn't just use his fists to hurt Jack. I've heard it; if I thought my life was hell, I should walk in Jack's shoes.
 
honestly the increasing frequency with which I think of death as a serious option is frightening
 
ok... can i just rant? about how this guy thinks he's going to force me to accept his money? "even if i have to send it in the mail" like wow... and he doesn't want me to go to my parents if i need money help because i'll be hesitant. he's not wrong, but dumbing me down like that... assuming i'll be forever hesitant... already called my other dads and asked if they could help. i'm not completely helpless nor am i hopeless. i don't need your fucking money. i'm a grown ass woman, i need to learn about finances and do things myself.
 
My dog has a brain tumor and it sucks. There is a lot of problems that comes with it, but I think the hardest is the personality change. I can't imagine what it must be like for her. Yeah, that's all I wanted to say.
 
95 is really good age. We were lucky to have him that long.
 
I don't particularly like ranting to hundreds of strangers but I'm just so done with everything. I don't have the motivation to do much of anything except lie on the couch like a damn pig or slack off. I just want to sleep my life away and the best part is that there's nothing to be fucking sad about. I feel awful because I have nothing to complain about but here I fucking am, whining about my nonexistent problems. I'm so caught up in the past that it's not even funny and I can't seem to get out that selfdestructive loop. Anyway, sorry for being such a whiny piece of garbage. I'll go now.
 
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So now ignorant basrards are just spreading blatant lies about Stan Lee. They are calling a man who promoted civil rights a racist, ignoring he co-created Black Panther and other characters. Slandering him as a homophobe and a transphobic with zero proof. The only thing he is guilty of is being a inspiration ro many great creators. and I guess getting handsy with a nurse. I heard that's true. Still doesn't deserve the vitriol his legacy is receiving. He was no saint but far from evil, very far.
 
First of all, fuck you, phone. I know it's not possible you have that much problem transmitting messages and calls from up the widow side of many different SECOND STORY AND MORE buildings. You're just doing this to fuck with me. I'm on to you! D:<

Secondly, it pisses me the hell off when someone ask me not only to write up a whole new slew of rp ideas when I ALREADY put 5+ to at least give them inspiration, but ALSO have the 'I hate Yaoi' option in their preferences when I SPECIFICALLY said I was looking for M// and was no longer interested in M/F. It's happened twice in the last two months. READ, MOTHERFUCKERS! D:<<<

FINALLY: Lady, I left a message specifically saying I was no longer interested and would not be coming, and to not call me again. I CLEARLY DID MY JOB IN WARNING YOU IN ADVANCE. You don't get to call self righteously and say I didn't show up. If you don't believe me, talk to your fucking secretary, she should still have the message from DAYS ago, ffs!

UUUUAAAARGGHH!

...

Okay, I'm done now.
 
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