RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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Found a shash of old art from my early teen/teen years, and now I can't find the bottle of rum I know I had.

Just shoot me now, it's way quicker than dying of alcohol poisoning and embarrassment.
 
I hate my brain when I'm alone. It's...painful and makes me question things.
 
I'm an artist and I have a really important portfolio due tomorrow that consists of 5 images. I chose 5 I was happy with but now the more I look at them the more I see wrong with them and I don't feel like any of them are ready and I'm mad at myself and I wanna cry because I don't feel like I'll get anywhere cause there are so many people who are better than I am and how could I think that these are any good compared to where they need to be? I just feel like I failed myself.
 
Forget to put a single knife in the dishwasher, get chewed out for "not doing anything around the house" and being "a useless son of a bitch".

Dude chill, go talk to a fucking shrink or something. You're clearly unstable as fuck.
 
Really? and I was feeling so good today too . . .
 
There is nothing more frustrating than a slow internet connection.

I need coffee if I'm going to deal with this.
 
>Cannot beat the game without using wi-fi connection at least once.
>Wi-fi connection for Nintendo DS is no longer supported.

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Lovely.
 
A few things:

  1. My jaw keeps clenching and I keep biting my cheek because of it and now my teeth hurt and all I can taste is blood. I need to look into getting a mouth-guard for when I sleep or something when this happens because this is the the third time this week and it's getting ridiculous.
  2. I need knee braces because my knees keep popping in and out of place when I stand and when I sleep and while I'm sorta used to it, it's become more and more frequent and even though I know there's not much I can do about it, it's still concerning.

  3. Also, my computer is being extremely temperamental right now and it's driving me up the wall. I knew it was cheap and a temporary fix when my last one up and died on me, but still, I cannot wait until I get my new one in either September or October. (Hopefully then, I can focus on my novel instead of all these technical difficulties -_-)
 
Getting yelled at for following directions. I didn't even fucking DO ANYTHING, she just guessed that I was gonna be a bitch and yelled at me in advance; maybe the reason I'm so stressed and frustrated all the time has something to do with nobody fucking trusting me around here. I actually like this place, I want it to do well and I want to contribute but since I'm leaving soon everyone figures that my fucks given are steadily dropping.

No, nothing to do with the FUCKING HUGE LIFE CHANGES LOOMING OVER ME! If I could just get even a little trust but now I not only have to do my job I have to SUPER do my job because every ordinary error I make is escalating into a lecture about how I still work here and I still need to pay attention and work hard; FUCK, I get it! Just trust me a little fucking bit and let me work! This kind of pressure is making me actually look FORWARD to being done here, which is depressing as fuck cause I like this place and originally wanted to come back and work summers.

FUCK.
 
I've found myself crying too often lately...
 
I fucking hate public restrooms. They're a sanitary fucking disaster. If you can't stand up and piss without pissing everywhere but the bowl, sit down like the bitch you are. Fuck. Is it so hard to show some fucking decency, you fat son of a bitch. Yeah, I'm looking at you specifically, cunt.

No amount of industrial disinfectant can make my hands feel clean again.
 
Why is she such an unforgivable passive aggressive shit? I've made progress from a year ago, from two years ago. I'm not just some bump on a log, I'm working. I clean.

Does she give a shit? No, she treats me like a fucking maid.

How was quakecon? I wrangled my other friend so that she'd have a good time without getting herself in a drug induced fucking coma, and then found out she was still fucked up on something, and lied about it. I was with her the whole damned time practically. I barely even had time with my boyfriend alone.

I feel fucking ripped-off.

Either way, I have the next few days of because we need hours for the new assistant manager. That's something at least. <.<
 
I would love living here if it was like earlier in the year and no one was on my ass about money and working all the fucking time. My bad that I want to have an active social life for the last few months of free time i'll have until next summer? Sorry that I want to see my friends since I'm moving several states away in just 3 weeks?

Honestly, if I have to get a job in college, then fine, that's a burden I'll have to bear, but please get off my fucking ass about saving money when I almost have 2k saved, which I'm told is MORE THAN ENOUGH. But if my parents comment one more time on how I should "pick up more shifts at the course" or "ask around for more hours", I'm going to move into my grandparents for the next 3 weeks. I'm at the end of my fucking rope, and they wonder why I don't want to be at home anymore.
 
*grumble* *grumble* stupid DM *grumble grumble* takin' all our lucky rolls and makin' us buy points *grumble grumble grumble* now I gotta completely re-do my character sheet.
 
Not having a tablet sucks major balls. My inability to make art is driving me up the wall. I need my creative outlet, goddamnit.

And PayPal can fuck off as well.
 
Thanks, dad. You really know how to make someone feel shitty about themselves.
I finally - for one single, shining moment - worked up the courage to do something I was scared about doing. I said 'fuck it' to my nervousness, and resolved to go ahead with it.
Then you pull this passive-aggressive bullshit, and BANG. Confidence? Gone. Vanished. Pulled a fucking magic trick.

Fuck you, you miserable old cunt.
 
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I think my TV is trying to tell me no more Netflix....it keeps turning off and back on. Damn smart tv. I don't get cable! I NEEEEEED netflix. it's too hot for headphones and Youtube fucked up their smart tv app thing.
 
It sucks to be reminded that no matter where you go, there are people who look down on for your sexuality and think it's a sin, a disease, or simply distasteful. It sucks that it makes me feel like less when I should be thick-skinned enough to not let the opinions of strangers bother me. It sucks that it goes on here :(
 
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