RANT RANT Your Brains Out #98274

Discussion in 'COUNSELING' started by Iwaku, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. Ugh! It looks like the house we wanted to get is about to fall through. Fuck.....
     
    • T__T T__T x 4
  2. I want Thursday night already v.v
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  3. Can't figure out if I'm legitimately sick, or if it's stress

    Either way, I would like the random bouts of light headed-ness to go away

    Also, subconscious, these really fucked up dreams need to stop, kthnx
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  4. Stress and anxiety really getting to me. Oh so fun :"D
     
    • T__T T__T x 4
  5. So, it looks like instead of repairing my car, it's getting totaled instead. They found damage on the inside from the car crash I had, so the cost of repair is now more than $6000. Bye bye pretty volkswagen. I'm sorry I damaged you. :(
     
    • T__T T__T x 6
  6. I want an opt-out button for adulthood. Pls. Thx.
     
    • T__T T__T x 6
    • Love Love x 1
  7. Going to look at four houses today. Yes, four fucking houses and I'm not crazy about any of them. It's really starting to piss me of that all the houses I like we can't get because they either won't pass inspection for little things, or they're not appraising for the price the seller is asking for. I swear I'd have an easier time plucking every single hair out of my head with a pair of tweezers. It'd probably be less painful too...
     
    • T__T T__T x 3
  8. What a wonderful dream to have on top of already feeling horrible and like I'm the worst damn person alive :/

    Trigger Warning! {Suicide and death} (open)
    Dreaming in third person, standing over your own body where your throat was slit is bad enough. But for it to have been a suicide and then watching around to see if anyone would care enough to even come over and check, or to call the emergency number, or anything else? That's even worse. Especially when I was dead on the side of a busy street and people were literally walking less than a foot away to get around the bloody mess, yet nobody stopped to even check anything. Nobody cared.


    I'm getting tired of feeling like everything I do is wrong or worthless. Not just with my family, but towards my friends and my RP partners on here. I'm getting to the point where I feel like everyone actually dislikes me and only RP with me because they will put up with me in order to write the stories that they want to write. I know this isn't true, especially as I keep finding it harder and harder to reply to everyone in a timely manner (after all, if they only put up with me because of the stories, they wouldn't be willing to wait a month or so on a reply TT_TT), but that doesn't stop the feeling from sinking in.

    The friends that I can rant to are no longer there for me. Not because they aren't there, but because I feel like any complaint that I have about my own life is just another excuse for them to drop me and leave because I'm just an absolute mess. So something that should take the stress off my chest so that I can get a single breath of fresh air winds up crushing a heavy weight on my chest and suffocating me, instead. Yet, I still want them to come to me with their problems so that I can reassure them and whatever. How screwed up is that? I don't feel like they'll be there for me, but I feel like I really want to be there for them...

    I am not entirely sure why I have reached this point, and I really don't like it. No matter what, it seems like I'm going to stand alone or fall alone. Nobody will be willing to soil their hands in order to even check that I'm alive or to call for help if it's needed. Is this really how things are? Or am I just viewing it this way through the dark shroud?

    I'm really hoping that it's the latter, since if that's the case, maybe things will feel better in another month or so. I can only hope.
     
    • T__T T__T x 5
  9. Please, please, please just let this be a bad day and an overreacting immune system and not like, the flu or something.
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  10. Alright, fuck you.

    I have a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), so I really struggle to talk and remember anything. I stutter and have seizures. I can't control it. It is very difficult for me to remember names and faces, so when I match a name up with a face it feels like a good day. But today, however, that fucker made it feel so degrading.

    No, I don't use drugs nor am I on them. I am on heavy pain killers but not loopy today. Suggesting that I stay off drugs because I simply couldn't remember your fucking name isn't just inappropriate; it's invalidating and puts another brick in the wall for me.

    It wasn't funny, you arrogant asshole.

    People like you are the reason I am so distrustful of people.
     
    • T__T T__T x 5
  11. Everyone wants my attention and know-how and I just can't. It's too much. Give me one thing at a time and we can talk.
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  12. Well fuck today to hell and back with the sharpest, spikiest implement in existence.

    It would have been easier if it had been like this from the beginning. If I'd been shifted into the disciplinary system from the get go with zero support or promises thereof. At least then I wouldn't be feeling so crushed. I feel like the words I said have been twisted against me and used to wrap me up and sink me to the bottom of the fucking ocean.

    Don't tell me that you'll implement the recommendations of the people you sent me to see, and then come out with what is functionally a big fat fuck you. The best you can do is knock a lesson off my timetable for two weeks? I missed two weeks of work because I wasn't coping, because my anxiety was amplifying all the stresses of what can be a stressful job. My counsellor convinced me that a phased return would be helpful. This wasn't even something I initially wanted, but she got me to see how by pressuring myself to keep going and insisting that I should be able to cope that I was making myself worse.

    That helped. I was feeling better. I could see the logic in what she said. And now? Now I don't have to tell myself what I should be able to manage. Because you're doing it instead. With one 5 minute meeting, you turned what had been a supportive sequence of meetings into something that makes me feel like a fucking failure.

    And now I have yet another meeting, this time a formal one, to look forwards to next week. I'm in two minds as to whether to call my union and get advice on how to approach it, or go in there and try and get fired so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore.

    Up until today, I wanted to go back to work. Now? I'm fucking terrified. Thanks for reducing me to a shaking crying mess. I'm just glad I managed to hold it in until I got home so you wouldn't get the satisfaction of seeing it yourself.
     
    • T__T T__T x 5
  13. I find a house that I like, and my husband snubs it. He finds a house he likes that I don't, and he puts a contract on it. I've got to live there too! He's turning down a house with its own man cave. Not a room in the house as a man cave, but an entirely separate building for a man cave! It's got its own heat and AC and bathroom! But no......he says the paint is gaudy. It's not like we can't repaint the damn house!

    Ugh...men....
     
    • T__T T__T x 5
  14. As if I wasn't already feeling downish today, a kid was literally crying about coming to class right outside the class door :"D Way to brighten spirits el oh el

    I know, kids hate school. Still, as a teacher it's a little downing when you try your hardest to be the cool and nice sort and are met with D':.
     
    • T__T T__T x 3
    • Bucket of Rainbows Bucket of Rainbows x 1
  15. I'm so tired of stuff being shoveled on my desk. It's cute how anyone thinks I get any kind of choice in anything. At the very least the Map bullshit is getting off my desk. 1) this particular person NEVER RESPONDS TO ME ANYWAYS and 2) If they want me to lean a new module/add a HUGE chunk of new code I will NOT have time to learn how the fuck the maps work. Also I want to tell people to fuck off about language settings. I'm sick and tired of being the only person doing half of this shit. Where's this "team programming" that my boss was so intent on doing?! Nights like tonight are perfect examples of why I don't usually enjoy my time at home. Work emails stress me out. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just not cut out for actual working.
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  16. That feeling when you get siked out by your own terrible sleeping quality. I was falling asleep 4-5 hours ago with no problem but when I let it carry me off to dreamland thinking I don't need to take anything to help me out I only get about an hour of rest before I'm up and unable to fall asleep again >:TT. Happened to me last night as well, and the worst part is I can't even taking anything to help me snooze because if I do I might miss the start of the day.

    Oi. What a long 4-5 months I have ahead of me. Least I can binge watch anime all night I guess :"D
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  17. “Can I walk you out to your car?”

    “No, I’m good.”

    “I need to put my stuff up.”

    “No, thank you. I’m good.”

    .-.

    When a girl says no, she literally means no. Don’t make me repeat myself.
     
    • T__T T__T x 2
  18. well got written up for not showing up for an 8 o clock shift... fucking christ. i said i could come in.

    how did she know i was scheduled for eight

    she said she didn’t even have the schedule in front of her
     
    #3698 Kat, Apr 19, 2018 at 7:26 AM
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018 at 7:32 AM
    • T__T T__T x 3
  19. I was woken rudely from a nap to answer a scam caller trying to piggyback off my internet. I am not happy.

    "Hello, do you use Wi-Fi? I am from Microsoft and we see that there is unauthorized access to your Wi-Fi connection. We can remotely deal with the problem if you are near your computer."

    I just wanted a nap. Not to deal with this shit.
     
    • T__T T__T x 3
  20. I'm off my meds for the first time in a while and I'm going between "I quit everything" and pure joy too quickly to settle into either emotion.
     
    • T__T T__T x 5