RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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Fuck you, Mr. President.

All I want to do is get my Ph.D. HEAVEN FORBID THAT TUITION WAIVERS COUNT AS INCOME, RIGHT???
 
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This dude and his persistence that I get Viber. Why??
What's wrong with normal texting and phone calling?
Like on some level I get it, use less data, but we rarely talk anyway, so it's not like communication is gonna explode.

My wifi is metered dude, I'm not going to run a messaging app on my phone. Nor would i even if it wasn't metered, because they eat up battery anyway.
I'm pretty sure I've already said this (in nicer terms), I didn't think this was a huge deal.

But then I lost your number and asked for it again and you come back with "just get Viber" like, why don't you just give me your phone number??
Is there a message here I'm not getting?

Because if you're legitimately trying to blow me off this is about the weirdest way to do it, I think.

This is like the last dude from the navy I'm still semi-cool with but at this point... I know it's pretty stupid... But It's almost like... There's no point in continuing if you won't even give me your phone number because... VIBER.

EDIT: And now that I think about it, he didn't even give me his viber screenname so lol
 
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Oh, there I go, being annoying and pedantic again.

It sure must be fun for people to have to deal with me, arguing about shit that doesn't matter. Especially not now.

Bleh.
 
Stop it, Kag. Stop it right now. You don't have time to deal with these kinds of emotions right now. You have shit you need to do today. Not only that, but the very fact that any of this is such a goddamn event for you is probably proof enough that you're not ready and that you should just forget about it for a while longer. Let it the fuck go.

Also, stay in your goddamn lane for once. Keep your eyes on your desk and focus on the stuff you actually need to be doing. These lofty ambitions have no place in your life right now. In fact, they're only hurting you.

So just... shut up and stop thinking about it. You predictable, broken emotions machine.
 
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YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF FUN AND COMRADERIE YET, KAG. At least not until you can stop crying and get the fuck out of bed, and actually make yourself useful to the world for once.
 
Sometimes you just gotta discipline yourself the old-fashioned way.

And if that means metaphorically beating your inner-self with your belt buckle, and other such things that are considered abusive these days, then so be it.

She's not gonna toughen up any other way.
 
I angst about the future of one of my stories. I would like to have it published, but the dark genres are always a hard sell. You have to have a compelling hook to drag your reader along a dark journey. I'm afraid my story doesn't have that, at least not a defined one.

Then there's the anxiety ball of how an audience would take it. I have fun with twisting good and bad and I don't know how broad of an audience wants that sort of thing. I mean the last thing you want as a writer is to be misunderstood as "glorifying" things like abuse. It's a very real fear for someone fresh to the writing scene. Bad press is just bad press so early on.

The regular writer angst.
 
That moment when you really really really need to concentrate on getting an important assignment done. But you can't concentrate because you're too distracted by a whole bunch of emotions about a certain thing. Emotions that it would probably be best to talk out with someone. Except that you don't have time to talk it out right now and you should really just try not to think about it until you've gotten this important thing out of the way.

Except... trying not to think about the thing is exactly the thing that I'm struggling to do.
 
Never mind the fact that the person you want to talk to the most is the person that you definitely do NOT want to just dump out all your emotions onto. And that talking about this subject in anything other than the form of a very calm and well-thought-out message that you spent several days drafting and revising would undoubtedly just make the situation worse.

But you definitely can't afford to spend several days writing a well-thought-out message right now. You can't even afford to spend an hour or two spilling out an impulsively-written mess.
 
It's times like these that make me wish I could just sort of... cease to exist for a little while.
 
tired, restless, and unproductive

the terrible trio
 
I sure do love it when messages of encouragement directed at a general audience are somehow twisted around by my broken brain into some sort of personal attack that just leaves me feeling like shit.
 
Apparently it’s better to not say how you feel in public and always watch where you tread. I’ve watched where I treaded for years now. I just wanted to be someone different. I’m tired of living in a shell but it always seems to be the only thing I can turn to in the end. I couldn’t even stand up for my friend the way I wanted because it backfired. People are just such assholes sometimes, putting labels to people they don’t even know, but considering those “labels” a fact? Right. Calling my friend’s black boyfriend a “gunholding boyfriend” is totally not disrespectful, idiot.
 
I couldn’t tell my grandparents I felt like a failure when I told them what happened at work. I just felt my eyes blur, they told me “you’re shutting down”, and the only thing I could muster was “he’s just an asshole”.
 
(not this website)

"You've whined multiple times to me about X over PMs"
*I wrote them a SINGLE PM that was a question*
[spoili]"
I had a question. I don't want any free art but your Q&A journal rules made me wonder.

Why do you not want to draw people with GID? Seems like a weird don't, especially if the art is SFW? "

That's the exact quote of the single PM I sent about it.[/spoili]

"You've commented multiple times about X and made me feel like an asshole"
*I commented ONE time with a question about the subject of the submission*
(Which, I should add, got 2 different people to bitch me out over PMs about how "stupid" that question was. I still don't think it was a dumb question, but I will admit it was probably dumb to ask publicly)
[spoili]I don't remember the exact words and don't feel like looking to see if he didn't delete it, but it was basically like "I thought [this subject] was on your 'wont draw' list?"
Which I will admit was pretty troll-y. So, my bad there.
After this though I never commented on another piece of his art.[/spoili]

"I hate how people whine and get easily offended over the internet!"
*Has made multiple posts whining about shit and getting easily offended*

I know people in real life who have hugely different political opinions from myself that are actually cool to get along with. Fuck me for thinking this guy seemed like he was like that online. But so far we're now 3 for 3 on hypocritical people who "hate how people get so offended" yet can't handle the fire, but this guy marks the first one to completely lie about our interactions, so, ok I guess. =|
[spoili]
I went out of my way to walk on eggshells around this guy in fact, I actually wanted to get to know him better because I thought he was really interesting. So, what a load of wasted effort. I was really hoping it wouldn't turn out to be the true hypocritical ass that he is. Anyway I unfollowed the guy after he said he totally hated my guts (news to me) so whatever.

But if you're interested in this the whole thing is under the spoiler and I'm the orange one.
And if I'm wrong then, Idk, I guess deconstruct the whole thing in my PM inbox because I'm tired of trying to befriend people and then being shunned for what appears (to me) to be no reason other than thin skin (of the same people who claim to have thick skin).
[spoili]TW (I guess?) Nazi stuff.
vmdx52K.jpg

[/spoili]

I know we judge ourselves by our intent but fuck it, this is the vent thread and not a counseling thread:
I like being brash and not having to edit myself for the sake of other people's feelings.
Don't get me wrong, I DO DO THAT, constantly. (And I appreciate the need for it!!) But I didn't grow up doing that so it is tiring for me.

So when I meet so-called "thick skinned" people who like to "tell it like it is" I inwardly go YES, someone I can talk to without having to carefully pick my words to control the hurt feefees!
And then it all comes crumbling down in short order because it turns out "thick skinned" people have easily hurt feefees too.

And, I don't know. Am I a hypocrite? I guess so. But whenever I encounter somebody I don't like for whatever reason, I block them and don't talk to them. I don't create journals lambasting them about how I don't like X. And for sure I've vented sometimes when the subject came up about how much I hate X, but I've also never recalled making journals about how I'd never block someone for differences of opinions (and then proceeds to block people)?

In fact the only outright hypocritical thing I can recall at the moment is a post on Iwaku, where I said I don't like venting about irl stuff online because it makes my problems worse and I try not to do it.
Of course, like, a week after that post, I got addicted to doing that exact thing and BOY OH BOY yeah I noticed and do I constantly regret ever posting that post (mostly because it makes me look bad). I'm moreso mad at myself for not being able to resist the urge to keep fucking doing it in the vent thread.

Soooo anyway.[/spoili]

UNRELATED
These fucking chickens, man.
Every time I think I've trained them to stay out of my fucking yard, THERE THEY ARE AGAIN, RUINING MY YARD!!!
I never thought they could make so much damage.
And what am I supposed to do about it?
I guess I need to go have a candid chat with my neighbor, about how his chickens are always in my fucking yard and not his, but I kinda feel like his response would be "your yard looks like shit, so who cares"
So I keep telling myself I'll only do that once my yard doesn't look like shit but seriously this is ridiculous, THEY ARE ALWAYS IN MY YARD.
And I never realized just how much damage chickens can do. There's holes man. HOLES.
 
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I know college drinking is fun and all. But for once, could you all put the booze away?

It was a single 24 hr period. And because of the collective irresponsibility, one of our members could have died from being murdered or drinking while medicated. You all left her alone in a fucking parking lot. I'm so incredibly thankful nothing bad happened to her, but to think...

I thought better of you all. I really did. But, now, I'm so heartbroken that I can't feel a damn thing. I don't know how I'm going to face being in front of this leadership team when I know that you've ruined so many things for her and the organization.
 
why does nothing ever feel right

and why is it so hard to doooo thiiiiiiiings

and why does winter make my skin so dry and itchy

why can't I stop touching my hair

why can't I consistently control my own actions in general

why is life such a long and suffocating to-do list

why are the things that should be good for me, such an exhausting ordeal

why do I feel like an outsider in every social group that I'm in, regardless of how much everyone says that they like and value me, and even when I have no logical reason to feel excluded

if I feel so lonely, why do I not attempt to pursue friendships

why am I still awake at 3:15AM

I'm tired. I want to sleep. why have I not gotten up and brushed my teeth and actually gotten ready for bed.

how is it even possible to be too tired to get to sleep. like really. what the fuck. why does this keep happening.

why is my brain about as slow and unresponsive as a PC that should've been thrown out two decades ago

bluhhhhh
 
All I want to do is go home and sleep I feel shitty emotionally today.
 
Winter??? Snow???? More like

kpYDrQ6.png
 
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