RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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So many shitty small things happening that I don't want to give validity to by complaining about them but in the same vein..........................................................
 
Can the next couple of days just not? Or even the month, maybe? I'm just not ready for all this...everything.

Edit: But seriously, what is up with my online ordering experiences recently? Cherry on top of this cruddy sundae, now I have to panic and scrounge up a specific costume for kiddo in 24hrs. Things don't go to plan, I know, but it's like even the contingencies are failing.
 
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I have other shit going on too but really it all hinges on this story about a motherFUCKING SIM card....
[spoili]
I use a prepaid service, Tracfone. I also use an oldass smartphone. Well one day I randomly stopped being able to receive texts. I thought it was my phone, but it actually ended up being that I did not have any texts pre-paid left. I did not figure this out, however, until I had already bought a new phone. I don't like the new phone, but meh whatever it's here now and it's technically better than the old phone.

My old phone uses a mini SIM. I thought the new phone did too and all I had to do was put it in the new phone. No. The new phone needs a microSIM, so I had to order a whole new SIM.

Tracfone's website is shitty on the best of days, and it wouldn't let me get passed their BYOP confirmation page (which you need to pass before they will bring up the pages listing which SIM cards you can buy). I knew my phone was good, so I just googled around and eventually google led me to the actual buy a SIM page. So I bought it, it arrived, the phone worked, all was good (except that in the process I lost my triple minutes stuff and my cheapo phone plan because they discontinued those things, which is another vent entirely).

Well a week or so later, I cannot send any texts or make any calls. I have signal and everything but nothing can connect or be delivered. I can't even check my voicemail, which I can apparently still receive somehow (thanks, phone). Tracfone's customer service says I need a different type of SIM card. I ask which one, they say CDMA, I say ok link me to it, they link me back to the generic page that I, once again, cannot get through due to "site errors."

I contact customer service again and ask them to link me directly to the thing I need to buy and this generic link is apparently the only motherfucking thing they can link. This phone is my only way of communicating with pretty much everyone (can't make wifi calls because I have satellite internet, latency is too high) so I try the ol' google workaround. Can't get to the SIM I need. So then I try different sellers. Walmart.com doesn't have it, but AMazon does. I order it, and overnight it. It's $~6. It should be 99c. What the fuck ever, I need a phone.

That was on october 27th. Before 5pm, I might add.

Now if you are reading along here you may be thinking "Huh. Overnighted. The 27th. Today's the 31st... Wtf happened here?"
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, INDEED, ONLINE VENT-READER.
Amazon said that even though I paid for one day shipping, it wouldn't arrive until monday (the 30th). Which, I totally disagree with, but at least they warned me.
Well UPS decided that my address didn't exist.
Despite that UPS knows very well my address DOES fucking exist, because they deliver Amazon packages to me all the time.
So I fired up ye old Amazon Customer Support chat, and they said they'd guarantee it tomorrow (the 31st), and they refunded me the shipping charges and gave me an extra month of prime.
Yeah ok, fine, I'd really rather have this SIM card materialize in my hands like 3 days ago. But whatever. Yay free shit, I guess.

Today. The 31st. The day of reckoning.

UPS SHOWS UP!!!!!!!!!!
To deliver packages that aren't my motherfucking SIM card

But ok, UPS has multiple drivers, maybe my card is on another truck.
Guys, I have no job, I went nowhere today. Despite the fact that I was unaware a signature was apparently needed for this, I have been by my window, which overlooks the ONE WAY IN AND OUT OF MY STREET all fucking day.
6pm shipping alert:
Delivery attempted.

A DELIVERY SURE AS FUCK WAS NOT ATTEMPTED UPS, YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Amazon says a delivery was attempted but
the UPS tracking info on the official site is so much worse.
"the package was not ready at the time of the first pickup attempt" Yeah, how about your driver is a fuckwit?
Whoever has my SIM card, fire them, and give the card to the UPS driver that actually knows where the fuck I live. THAT driver is awesome.
Unnamed SIM card guy? Fuck you.

Nevertheless, I was 90% sure this SIM card wouldn't show up today after the UPS guy came with non-SIM card-related packages, so I decided to look for other options to buy this SIM card.
So I tried Tracfone.com again. You know, because if it didn't work for the last 2 times surely it works this time, right?
WOW FOR ONCE IT DID. So I ordered it. for $0.99. With free FedEx overnight shipping.
So let's see which one arrives first, shall we?

Now for those of you familiar with tracfone/SIM cards, you might be thinking "Surely you can buy this elsewhere, physically, in an actual store."
Yeah, yeah you should. EXCEPT FOR SOME REASON, THIS PARTICULAR SIM CARD CANNOT BE FOUND (CDMA)!! Only the other type is sold fucking anywhere. I tried to buy this in a physical store on friday the 27th! They only offer the combined GSM/CDMA card that I already have, that quit working on me.

So yeah, just fuck my life, fuck all of it, and as I said, this is NOT the only problem I have going on right now, but the phone thing sure as hell is exacerbating all the other shit because I can't really fix anything IF I CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE EMAIL


EDIT/PS:
the link everyone links me:
https://www.tracfone.com/activation/coveragecheck

THE LINK SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING BEEN ABLE TO SUPPLY ME:
https://www.tracfone-orders.com/bpdirect/tracfone/PlanDetails.do?action=view&refPVE=37480152&_ga=&productVariantExtensionId=37479957
You know. In case anyone reading this happens to be in a similar situation.
Fucking Tracfone.




EDIT2:
"Vardoger, why are you still with Tracfone?"
Oh believe me, I looked at alternatives. Un-fucking-fortunately, I get what I pay for here, because tracfone is the cheapest provider that works for me. Every other carrier is more expensive. But, if I were a normal fucking person, I'd recommend redpocket, who comes extremely close and IF ONE MORE FUCKING THING HAPPENS WITH TRACFONE, I WILL DEFINITELY BE MOVING TO[/spoili]

So this journey is 50% why I'm pissed at everyone and everything sucks and 50% "So that's why this dude was making a bunch of 'I'm retarded' vent posts."
 
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Welp, time to go to bed feeling sad again.

I suppose I can't complain, though. I have no one to blame but myself.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.
 
I need more than just a shock collar. I also need a knock-myself-the-fuck-out collar, to prevent myself from staying up too late. Because I still have the self-control of a fucking dog.
 
[spoili]
Finally got the SIM card. But oh wait! The phone can no longer be activated by tracfone!
Cue RAGE.
So the last csr lied and had me on a wild goose chase for a phone that cannot be activated with tracfone?? WOW WHAT A WASTED WEEK
THANKS TRACFONE.
ALSO: FUCK YOU.

So I went to redpocket. But I made sure to check if my phone was compatible before going anywhere with that. Turns out the phone is still listed as a prepaid verizon phone, so I guess I bought a stolen phone. Or they didn't unlock it properly. Whichever.

Was totally ready to angry text at the ebay seller, but he just took the return request immediately. So I am wiping this moto e4 and sending it back for the refund asap.

In the meantime, I managed to hobble together plastic pieces to get the old SIM back in my old phone (because the phones use different SIM sizes). And it works now, so I CAN COMMUNICATE WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD AT LEAST, which is slightly good.
But the phone is still old, slow, and shitty, so I went on the quest to buy a new one.

I did find a new one, uses android 6 (moto e4 used 7 and my current/old phone is stuck on 4.2). It was $67 and a BLU, so no chance of any of these "not really unlocked" problems. Frequencies match up as far as I can tell, so hopefully I can activate it with red pocket and transfer my phone number and all. Should arrive in 1-2 weeks.

Let's see what happens.

Oh in other news: the fedex overnight shipping for the tracfone sim card I re-bought still hasn't shipped yet. Fun times. I'm wondering if $1 is really worth the time to ask for a return/refund/cancellation.
Kinda feel a little guilty from going off on the tracfone csr earlier today, so I might just let it go as penance.[/spoili]

Completely unrelated:
[spoili]There's a person who will buy me anything and/or pay for literally anything, and all I have to do is ask.
It'd be fine if this person had a shitload of money and I liked them a lot.
Unfortunately neither of them is true. They spend like nobody's business and they're a huge liar and I really would rather not associate with them anymore.

Of course, who cares about that when free money? How many people would stoop to FREE MONEY levels... Like, literally they have offered to pay my property taxes, homeowners insurance, etc.

What sucks about taking the moral highground is that
literally nobody cares but you
because there's a 99% chance that nobody but you knows you're even taking the moral high ground
because of your morals, you know, if you humblebrag that defeats the whole purpose.

and yet
month 11 is here, here's my humblebrag/first world problem, give me internet points plz. =/

but really this is a weird position to be in, it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it. Like on one hand, free money... Why not? On the other hand.. I feel like that's using her. Or that it's some kind of ploy for her to hold the financials over my head and control me somehow.
So I don't know.
[/spoili]
 
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So that speedy fella came back. I was able to get to the door in time before he sprinted for it. Turns out he's a friend of a relative. We'd never formerly met before, but I've heard he's a nice fella. He has a rather depressing past, but he's done well for himself. But I'm not here to complain about him. Just wanted to update what was going on with that.

I'm here to complain that I'm siiiiiiiick! Damn this inconsistent weather. T.T
 
You might think that, with the responsibilities I have and the trust I am given, I could at least be left to listen to the music I want. But, no. Apparently we're still operating under the ancient mantra of "if I don't like it, nobody else can enjoy it". Which, of course, doesn't just hold for music, but so many aspects of my life. It's this that gives me anxiety for my future, as long as I continue to live at home. I'm glad, then, for Iwaku and all the people I've met here.

Anyway, this incident isn't the only one, but it's the most recent and fresh in my mind. I think I've begun to forget some smaller past instances of controlling behavior. I can't tell whether it's my poor short-term memory, or a willful forgetfulness of these events. :/

Additionally, I had to step into an almost parenting role today. I don't think I should be called upon to be the emotional support for one parent -- that's not my duty, and I feel uncomfortable and over my head whenever I'm thrust into it. Even though I know it's an ideal and not reality in so many cases, my position is that parents should work as a team to raise their family. Sadly, that relationship seems far from the truth on days like today. And yesterday. And... I'm afraid on many other days yet to come.
 
I'd made the promise to myself I wouldn't use the Rant Thread this time, but... I'm torn on whether or not expression maybe is the way to go.

At any rate. After putting this off for far too long, I contacted a psychiatrist. Not a psychologist mind because I'm looking for actual solutions, I don't need someone to talk to (.... that's what I tell myself). Which I find ironic given I want to be a psychologist myself. Anyway.

It wasn't so much I made the decision out of the black, but rather was forced to by others. Admittedly though, parts of me want to see this through. Unfortunately, the doctor is been so heavily recommended has just recently put an indefinite hold on any and all appointments. Heh.


I of course can/have to find other doctors, but. My resolve is already weak. I'm both convinced I have no problems and that I'm not an actual (right and proper) human being. Even if I do land an appointment... what would I say? I don't believe I could say what's bothering me, but then would vague statements get me anywhere worthwhile?

The best case scenario is I do have genuine problems and can be medicated into something worthwhile. Because... I'm not a sane, that's my feeling. I've tried self-penance but lacked the resolve to carry through. Twice.

But if it turns out there's nothing to diagnose....



I will try and refrain from ranting in the future, see how long I can last.
 
don't you hate it when you're someone who likes picking at the skin on their fingers and then it goes under your nail and you can't peel it anymore and it irritates you god damn just let me peel you
 
Despite having an extra hour, I was unable to sleep at all last night.

And now the sun is coming up, and part of me is like "welp, there's no way I'll sleep now. I guess I might as well get up and start the day!", especially since I feel weirdly wide awake right now and the thought of getting a good chunk of schoolwork done in the morning is an attractive one. But like, I don't have to go to work till noon. That's five hours from now. And if I try to get up and be productive now, then there's a pretty solid chance I'll crash and burn out before I can even really make a dent in my plans for the day. And my schedule's packed pretty tight from noon onwards...

BUT, the alternative is to spend those hours lying in bed, bored and awake. So... yeah...
 
I know those assholes downstairs stole my package. It was delivered, but it wasn't delivered to my house. I checked with all my other neighbors except them, and they said they didn't get it. If this was an isolated incident, I wouldn't make assumptions, but I already know she stole the flowers of the woman around back. I heard the delivery guy knock on the door and her dog barking. She took that woman's flowers that her boyfriend sent to her. What kind of an asshole steals another woman's flowers? And what kind of dick steals someone's movie that they've been waiting for for over three months?!?! Fuck those assholes.
 
[spoili]Waking up in the morning is sucky enough.

Waking up bleeding all over is even worse. Especially when the washroom is almost on the other side of the apartment.

Thank goodness for wooden floors.

Uterus, please remember I am on your side. Be nice. Pretty please? ^_^"[/spoili]
 
On one hand, I am so happy we can help. On the other, I am so ready to have my home back to normal. I feel bad for wanting it, because they're considerate guests. I'm just at my limit of wanting to interact, having an extra little kid to mind, and so on. I know things are running behind, and they had to stay three more days than planned. I'm trying to fight the urge to hide away, which I guess being distracted on the computer is more or less a nonphysical version of that...
 
Money is the prevailing stress in my life. Heck, anyone's life, I suppose. I'm almost 30 and can barely afford anything for myself and I feel so useless because of it. The whole "Work hard and you will make good money" seems like such a fat myth at this point. I've watched many of my friends juggle multiple jobs and overtime and still not make enough to comfortably purchase things outside of food and housewares. How sick is that? I never went to college, didn't want to volunteer for the huge debt and stress, but about every well paying job requires college, and it is such backwards logic to me, because if you fall into that trap you're later using that bigger paycheck to pay off a college that doesn't even care if you learned anything.

I was having a chitchat with a friend about their college experience and I shit you not on their first day the professor said "Don't plan on getting sick because if you miss class once you're getting an automatic failing grade." What the actual fuck? Even jobs give you sick days because on occasion we turn into contagious fleshbags of disease. Its called being human. So yeah, I'm not paying a college or provoking a tuition to put me into the expensive prison/debtors experience.

Then there's the fact that I hate having to deal with customers. They never put things back where they found it, they expect perfect service, and if they know your family they can be judgy as all hell and follow you home.

My best bet is working from home, but starting your own business is hella hard if you can't even afford the basic equipment you need for that.

Tl;dr - Fuck money. Fuck people. I want to be left to my own projects, doing them how I want to.
 
I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating anything.

But I have to eat something within the next hour or so or else I'll probably endure another sleepless night, given that, A) I still feel weirdly amped-up and I haven't crashed yet from staying up all of last night, which probably isn't a good sign, and B) I've never been able to fall asleep on an empty stomach in general...

But I just... don't... want... to eat anything, for reasons I don't even understand. None of the food available to me right now sounds at all appealing.

Blaaaah
 
2nd new phone, 3rd new SIM card, 2nd phone service.
Maybe I just wasn't meant to be able to communicate via phone??

The good news at least is the seller gave me the full refund for the last new phone.
But this new phone, although I kind of like it, seems pretty fucked up. Idk if that's just how the phone is or if it's damaged, but at this point I'm almost afraid to try and return shit again.
I just seriously hope this one works out.

I don't even use my phone that often but not having a reliable phone for the past... what? 3 weeks now? has been really fucking stressful.
 
I am just so mediocre at everything

Writing - mediocre
Drawing - mediocre

I know the only way to become good at something is to really practice hard at it. But there is the shameful reality of my life: I have never worked hard at fucking anything, except reaching a point in my life where I can really say I am stronger than my mental illness. Yeah, okay, I suppose that counts as working hard at something, but like... I'm 26, and just... mediocre

as I sit here drawing, drawing more than I have in the past 6 years, and get increasingly frustrated when I don't see the level of improvement as I want.

I just need to keep reminding myself that I need to keep at things but fuck it's hard

also why can I not do two things at once? can't focus on art and role-play, can't play games and do anything else
just learn how to multi task please

(bonus: the biggest source of my frustration is how bitter I am about the fact that I WOULD BE SO GOOD AT MY PASSIONS IF DEPRESSION HADN'T TAKEN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE FROM ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO

NOW I AM OLD AND USELESS AND HAVING TO START AGAIN WHERE ALL MY PEERS LEFT ME IN OUR TEENS

I hate it, it makes me want to scream and stomp my feet. It's not fair.)
 
My son is starting to get to those terrible two's and he recently broke my wife's glasses and her retainer. I know he didn't do it on purpose or anything, not to mention we should of been a bit more careful where we put them... But replacing both of them is like upwards to $300. SO here I am again opening my commission slots so I can rake up some money to pay for these unexpected expenses. Really though it isn't so much the I don't like doing commissions because I'm so grateful to those people that enjoy my art enough to pay me for it, but I was so focused on actually taking time to work on my personal projects. I was even making good progress on my art assets for my game that I was starting to get in a good groove. Now it looks like I gotta put it on halt for a bit longer.
 
Sometimes I feel like I don't really know how to give myself a break from burnout. I don't really think I understand the concept of taking a hiatus on an rp as opposed to dropping. If I still want to be in an rp, I just try to still be in, instead of being like "Hey I'm gonna take a break for a few weeks" because then that just feels like I'm dropping because I usually do best around one post a week or one post every other week. If I just say I'm taking a break, what if I came back with no more inspiration for the rp? So many questions, so many possibilities and my brain just doesn't know how to operate.
 
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