RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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This morning was one of those mornings when I thought my kids would never leave. I love them to pieces, but they quite literally drove me to the brink of insanity.
 
Landlord's decided to "fix" the wall outside. Some guy he hired came here this last Monday pulled out a bunch of the rocks, dropped off some buckets and mesh and then promptly left. It has rained twice since then so the rest of the wall is starting to give. Frankly, they probably should have let it be and allowed us to clear a pathway to the yard and restack the rock, but nope, that's too much logic. Gotta tear it out, leave it all over the yard, and make it more of an ordeal than it needs to be.

Also had my pet peeve thrown into my face today. Someone called me autistic. In general I am not bothered by insults over the internets(come at me bro), but when people try to use autism as an insult I get bucky. I know people who are autistic and they are some of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Fuck you, nonnie, for thinking less of them and trying to turn their condition into a throwaway insult. Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery. >.>
 
I feel bad putting this in the rant thread, because it's more of a fear...

I never thought, I mean. I always figured personal things, like if shared, would one down to just whether or not you can keep a secret. But it's more than that. I feel like just the act of my being told has changed someone's perception of me... and I'm scared, because I don't want that.

I... I don't think they're mad or anything. But I worry, just... I can't tell if they're now embarrassed of me, or want to avoid me, or is afraid of me... I would never, EVER betray them. I just don't want them to feel uncomfortable. I feel bad. But... hopefully I'm just overthinking it... I really hope I am.
 
Electric bills.
My electric company only reads the meter every other month, and estimates the usages/bills the months it doesn't read.

This has resulted in, the entire time I've been with them, a gigantic bill on the estimated month, and a credit for the next month (meaning they over-estimated so much it actually paid for 2 bills PLUS EXTRA).

This time I had forty dollars credit. I know it's a weird thing to complain about for most people I guess, the fact that I'm not paying money. But you see, what is really happening is that I am giving them an interest-free loan for 2+ months due to their goddamn horrible as fuck estimation calculation.
I guess I really will call them up and figure out if we can change this on monday, because this is stupid, and I'm tired of having a $100+ bill every other month for no fucking reason.

CLEARLY THERE'S ENOUGH DATA THERE NOW TO FIGURE OUT I DO NOT USE THAT MUCH ELECTRICITY!!!!

EDIT:
@ Otaku
you're 100% overthinking it (if you're talking about what I think you're talking about)
 
A religious zealot told my niece that the end of the world was happening yesterday. Now she's too terrified to sleep. Ugh.
 
Everyone always leaves in the end. And the worst part is when you get to the point where you begin to entertain the thought that they made the right choice.
 
Seems like I'm getting shafted and ignored a lot........I don't know how much more I can take being alone like this. Makes me wanna quit my job, move back home, and cry as I work an exhausting job for minimum wage.
 
I hate this medication! Sure it works, but it makes me feel drunk and sick every time I take it. Half the time I can't tell if I'm shaking because of the medicine or my sugar crashing. I swear if I could go without it and function normally I would, but I've already seen what missing a day does to me, and it's not pretty. If only I could sleep everything away....then again, I'd probably be sleeping every day all day for the rest of my life.
 
Currently uncomfortable about like 12 different things happening at the same time and I can't make any of it stop
 
That feeling when you're like, "Lookit, here's a functioning door that meets everyone's needs!" and everyone around you is like, "No way!" and continues to use their hands as feet and claw at the fence with their toes.

That feeling when you're mildly terrified of your nephew being indoctrinated into his father's strongly held beliefs over women and racial superiority. ALSO that feeling when you have no idea what is up with...basically all of your in-laws, and it kind of sends you into a mild panic over how far off the rails the crazy train is going.
 
I'm really tired of my friend at work taking all the work away and having control, making me look incompetent and him better. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm plenty smart. I don't doubt that he is, too, but I'm stupid as a fox and he's clever as a rock.

He's much more rude and immature than I am, and hasn't been here nearly as long. He was just picked as "leader" because I am a contractor and have to travel. He barely had a week in the job before he got promoted and my boss told me not to take it personally. I don't think she even likes me.

Dude also stole my ideas on how to build the team after making plans to ditch for another state with legalized weed. Once he realized how much more money we could make with those titles on our resumes, he suddenly wants to use this place as a stepping stone and I think he plans to stay here.

Of course I love him as a brother regardless, but I also want to kick him in the shins. :u
 
My back hurts and I fucked up part of my costume so now I need more friggin fabric......I'm starting to think this was too much for me...... I hate my own ambitions.
 
How did I even spend free-time before? The precious few days I have off are just killing me. Is that what it means to be an adult? Suffer until you're too tired to realize just how screwed you are, rinse repeat?

Good thing I'm emotionally stable or this might be a problem. Ha ha.

I've got a mind to just sell/donate what little I have and give up entirely. Well, still got a single commitment so I'll have to postpone that idea, I guess. The glory of Otaku's mental gymnastics, to be sure. Wooo.
(￢_￢)

Wonder if this'll be deleted, too.
 
Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Not sure why I can never quite learn my lesson.
Different people, and slight variations in situation, yet at the very core of it all it's the same exact bullshit. I'm tired of it. Everything that I say, or do is sooner or later twisted into something foul. Something unrecognizable, but it's still my fault? I'm the bad guy two seconds from being ostracized?

Why the fuck do I even try when I know damn well that others can not be trusted?
Confidentiality doesn't exist, and "putting yourself out there" is a slap in the face waiting to happen.
What's the point? I'm so tired. Tired, and in need of a break from just about everything.

Yet, despite all of that part of me also knows that it isn't me. Not even close.
And that moments of weakness like this won't do me any good either. Becoming upset means that they've "won" by getting under my skin to this degree. Even so, its hard to accept that after a long day....a long week....month...year...and so on. So, I suppose that this too shall pass, but once again I've learned my lesson the hard way.
 
Why did I have to open my dumb mouth.

How can I be talking about the fact that I feel like I never learn from my mistakes, and then... prove that I haven't learned from my mistakes at all? While being completely oblivious to the fact that I'm making the same mistakes again? Despite it being exactly the thing I was talking about?

I really am just a little bitch who complains about the tiniest non-issues over and over because I apparently don't have the competence to actually fix any of those problems.

I'm going to be stuck in my own personal hell forever, with everyone around me only being able to watch and scratch their heads as to how I could possibly be fucking up this badly.

Don't try to worry about me. That would just be a drain on your sanity. Trying to cheer me up is an awful process of me dragging you down with my negativity and offering nothing in return. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
 
In my three years of playing League of Legends I think I met my first truly toxic person. Sure, there's a lot of people who rage and complain to obnoxious degrees, but this person took to a whole new level.

They started the game with something like "So which one of you is the guy who's going to blame everyone else for your mistakes?" and my team shared a laugh about that because we thought it was an icebreaker. Turns out it was a warning for what they themselves do/did.

TL;DR of the match: They felt everything was my fault and the fault of the support for no reason.

I'm used to the initial complaints, those didn't bug me, the death threats and repeated badgering after the game however...yeah, no. We don't let that behavior slide. I've reported this person and taken multiple screenshots to send to support. I hope they get the full IP perma ban. None of these behaviors tell me this person even wants to play this game. They just want to hurt other people or entice other people hurt themselves. I've looked at their profile stats. Oh boy. Out of the last 20 games they have won 5 and not by their own power.

I can block him, but frankly, the more stupid stuff he posts to me, the more ammo I have to get him banned. *shrug* I expect he will be gone in the next couple of days, if not tomorrow. I doubt I'm the only person he's bothering.
 
Don't mind the rant plz.

[spoili]I feel like my uterus hates me.
Also I feel dumb and regretting a life decision. Ugh.
Stupid period. Stupid brain. Stupid whatever is stupid.
>.< *shuts up and goes back to writing, pretending to be smarter than I actually am*[/spoili]
 
This morning is shaping up to be amazing /s

Get up early for extra bandwidth time to do webdev work. Waste it bitching online instead.
Late on mood altering rx for third week in a row. Somehow even managed to forget wtf my dose is! Been taking this for over 5 years now, you would think I'd have a ritual or something but I guess that is giving me too muchcrcredit.

Still haven't caught any mice in the traps. Managed to take a shower but didn't have mental fortitude to use soap.

Didn't get to go kayaking. And NEIGHBORS GD CHICKENS ARE MORE BALLSY THAN EVER ABOUT SHITTING IN MY YARD AND RUINING WHAT LITTLE GARDEN I HAVE. and to top it off he got a rooster too now who fucking loves to crow right outside my window.

I guess I didn't have enough cock annoyance in Hawaii so new york had to join in on the action.

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People fucking suck. They will let you down every single chance they get. I know this. Hell, I've known this my whole entire life. So exactly why do I keep expecting things to suddenly change?
 
Had a date for tomorrow......and the asshole canceled on me. I'm really starting to hate people. Should I even bother anymore? I'm starting to think I'm cursed to be alone.
 
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