I just wanted to let some shit hang out for a bit. I'm on a General Chatting posting spree, so... MIGHT AS WELL.
I've come to terms and accepted my bisexuality for about five years now, but I'm not in a place where I can openly express that. If I were to be open on my sexuality, I would be put into counseling and expelled from my school (which I'll be graduating from next August, so... almost there. The Senioritis is HARD CORE). It's not just my sexuality that I have to hide, but a lot of my social and religious opinions. I can't express myself very much at my school, except through art, which is still limited (I'm an art major).
I know I'll be okay, and I'll be able to make it to August, but sometimes I feel like a big bird in a small cage, and I want to get out. I've been in this environment my entire life, and I'm starting to feel the effects of it's toxicity. I'm also worried about going totally crazy when I graduate and going off the handle (which a lot of kids who are reared in this environment do).
I'm ready to be on my own, and no longer be held within these strict regulations, but at the same time, while I crave independence, I fear loneliness. I know they're not synonymous, but I'm afraid the pressures of an independent life will give me the same empty, harassed feeling that my current religiously strict environment give me.
ANYWAY. <3 Thanks.