Will this problem ever die?
Brother. Don't you think it's time to let this go?
I'm sick of being measured up and pieced apart and examined. I'm sick of being compared to Jaci's sister. I'm sick of being treated like some idiot monster that is dangerous around children.
Do you have any idea of how you make me feel? How childish this all is? How stupid this is?
I can't ask for help. You've tied my fucking hands.
And I can't talk to you about it because you excel at verbal arguments. Even if your points aren't valid.
Do you realize that I probably deserve a giant fucking award for not falling to pieces and yelling my head off at the two of you for how I'm treated? Do you realize the trouble this is?
I'm sick of the veiled excuses to our grandma for why I'm not allowed to help more.
Did you SERIOUSLY just ask me why I didn't cry more at Grandpa's funeral? I cried all through this damned thing, I have no more fucking tears, he's ok now. His pain is over. It fucking destroyed me to hear your derisive comments about me. You told Jaci's parents.
I know.
I know they know about your heathen sister, who is bi and has done *Gasp* things in a mistaken attempt to garner attention and affection when she was younger. I made mistakes- at least mine never resulted in jail time or fines. Your mistakes always cost someone money.
You said, two years ago, this would never be spoken of- you had said it as if being villianized by you and your wife was nothing. Now you told her parents.
I'm tired. I'm SO tired of your goddamned lies and holier-than-thou attitude. You've only been a christian for little less than two years. and you weren't always so "perfect" so stop fucking acting like you've done no wrong.
I'm so tired of being stressed on how to act around my fucking niece. I'm so sick of every action being perverted and misunderstood.
YOU are part of the reason it was so hard to quit drinking.
You are the reason why I still want to.
I'm sick of you. I'm sick of your paper tiger act. I'm sick of your fears of me. I'm sick of this shit we've become. You're not my sibling- you're some fucked up idiotic recreation of him.
Do you even care about me?
Do you even want to be my brother anymore, or are you so ashamed of me?
I'm so sorry that I'm not the sister you thought I was, that I don't live up to every little expectation of what you wish I'd be. I'm human with a free will and we all make mistakes and make our own choices, and if I didn't turn out the way you thought I would, well, I'm sorry, but this is me.
I won't apologize for what I am, and what you think I am. I won't apologize anymore for what happened years ago. Get the fuck over it.
You're a horrid excuse of a human being. YOU are the one with the problems. YOU'RE the one who's truly fucked up.
And coming from this heathanistic, bisexual, anti-christ, who has a barrel of problems of her own.