Rant Your Brains Out #62039479

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"Would you be all right with watching Skyfall again?"
"Yeah. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I wanted to come and see it, and wanted to know if you'd come along."
:D
"After all, it'd be a little awkward if it was just me and [other friend]."
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NO! NO! NO!

Shemar Moore, you severely disappoint me. You went from an okay actor whom I saw as full of himself, a little full of himself. I could have gotten past that with you being a great actor if you didn't post that video of you giving dating tips to other guys. I understand you just want to help your 'fellow man', but really that makes you look full of yourself and well frankly vain. the fact that you think that women are attracted to you just because you can speak French (or famous) is a bit much. Telling Tommy Roberts (example name) to start speaking French so he could get all the ladies is like telling someone if they spread honey all over themselves and not expecting to get stung by a bee. No. women are attracted to someone who respects them enough to treat them as equals, not talk down to them, and most of all not assume things. Talk to my sister in French she's going to ask you what the hell you are saying. No. Am I calling people stupid? No, not intentionally anyways. What I am saying is that you need to I don't know, learn some modesty. Or humility. 'But I'm an aspiring actor, and famous! I don't need all that phony baloney knowledge on how to treat others, pft, they love me anyways'. And I'm a regular day person that doesn't glorify himself because of my gifts. Am I insulting you? Not intentionally. Advising you? Yes, yes I am. I'd really laugh if this got to you some how but I know it wouldn't. and this isn't just directed to you, this is to all those famous people out there. You are human. Not Superman, though you may play him. He's not real. Nor are the characters you play unless it is based of real life people. Otherwise, you are human. But good job on acting, and all the good you do. Michael de Montaigne said "On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom."

And since I posted this, I'll just add to it. As if going through what I am in my very personal life, my foster family have just made my world that much worse. Instead of talking to me like an adult, my foster mother gave me the brush off, the cold shoulder and all around 'you are not a good person' treatment. Yes, in my past I've made some pretty bad mistakes. I know that. But I trusted her enough to believe me when I tell her that those boys were too dangerous to be hanging around my foster sister. And I am answered by the entire community around me with stares of judgement and coldness, as if I'd done something to put a wedge in the relationship. Great, that's five families that I've been through in my years, including the one that I made for myself. I never like to look at life negatively but right now I can't even smile. No, I can't. I am so hurt and depressed that I can't even do the things that I love, not even roleplay correctly. I don't get that same drive anymore. I am so sick of losing it's not even funny. Instead of mourning the deaths/lost friendships with three of my foster brothers and one foster sister, I have to mourn all of them including my foster mother, because she just told me tonight that she wishes that she'd never took my case.

At least I have two things to look forward to is Anna, and the possibility of getting Azrael.
 
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. CAN'T BREATHE. CAN'T TALK, THROAT SWOLLEN.

SEE, THIS IS WHY I NEED A FUCKING HUMIDIFIER, PEOPLE.
 
I can't believe you told me to get a loan. I have an A.A and my brother should've gotten his and you're still willing to pay for his education? You've got two new cars, one of them being a sports car. And you're also paying for his NEW car. It's quite obvious you love him more than me, then again that's always been obvious. And it's quite obvious you have money.

I hate you. I hate looking at your face and I hate being near you.

I hope you burn in hell for all of the crap you've done to me and my family.
 
I HATE PEOPLE. THIS IS A GODDAMNED HORRIBLE WEEK. I WANT TO MURDER BABIES WITH RUSTY SPOONS RIGHT NOW, I'M SO FUCKING PISSED.
 
Can I PLEASE have one fucking good day this week? One day where I'm sucking down tea and fruit juice in place of alcohol, and one day where I'm not feeling pissed enough to strangle a puppy?

First, the stalker from hell's ex tries contacting me again- oh, I am SO sorry, but NO, I will not be friend with you again, you tried to fucking DROWN ME. Somehow I don't think I'll be able to fucking let that GO and "grow up" like you said.

Then, Grandparents decide to involve me in their fights- always nice.

Then, last night, an old friend of mine who I had liked, TWO OR THREE YEARS AGO, (Tried to make a move, turned me down, I moved on), came back and said "Hey, I can't stop thinking about you.... Wanna do the friends with benefits thing, under wraps?" No. No I do NOT fucking want to fucking do that because I'm fucking happy with my goddamned boyfriend and it's insulting you asked me for that.

THEN OH MY GOD, my BROTHER of course, can't keep his fucking mouth shut- OF COURSE, THEY DON'T WANT THE NEW BABY AROUND ME, APPARENTLY I'M STILL A PEDOPHILE TO THEM, OF COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURSE.

Goddammit.

AND THEN, TODAY, GRANDPARENTS BEING MOVED TO RETIREMENT HOME, AND THEY WERE ON EVEN WORSE BEHAVIOR.

Really. Really. Really. REALLY. want to drink. Whiiiiich is why when I go to my boyfriend's tonight, I told his mom- who understands my shit- to lock away their drinks where I can't see them- so I won't a) drink and make a fool of myself b) drink THEIR drinks and make a fool of myself c) BE A FUCKING IDIOT.

I am not a happy camper.
 
Man I really hate doing this, but really what can I do? I just need to get some things off my chest cuz nobody around me is a soundboard and no shit I'm supposed to act all old and shit cuz I passed that magical number.

But really come on, the idea is to teach me how to do something before I go and get rigorously tested to do something. So why in god's name are you make it a "test-like" enviroment when I SHOULD BE LEARNING. How in the fuck am I supposed to learn anything if you just let me keep making the same mistakes and then just sit there an complain about how I'm going to fail? WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK I never learned. We had like a month to fucking do this, a fucking month and you are going to try and test me like the actual thing only four days before hand? God damn it I'm just glad I can teach anything way better than you can ever. Seriously teaching to you is like showing me a Russian Acrobatics Team Trick on Youtube and saying "That, do that."
 
Ok, last saving grace for this week: got to hang out with my boyfriend, was supposed to spend the night and most of today over there. So why am I back home, alone?

I got sick, and I didn't want to risk getting him or his family sick- and I thought my mom might be able to take care of me just a bit.

Wrong.

My mom's up at the retirement home helping my grandparents move in and unpack everything, because I told her it was ok if she left because it seemed important to her...

I'm alone in the house, in pain, and I feel horrible because my boyfriend had offered to take care of me at his place- but with me constantly running to throw up in a bathroom that both he and his sister use too, I didn't want to risk getting them sick... when wegot to my place, I had asked him if he could stay, and then when I realized we brought none of his stuff with, I just let go of it saying it was ok if he went home. and he did...

I don't want to be alone... god I hate being alone...
 
That's utter bullshit.
I did more work than you and her combined. You weren't even in the barn half the time, it was just A, K, and I. Stop spreading shit. Stop telling people utter lies! Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you? That is the one thing that pisses me off; lying.
 
I understand that telling the truth is sort of your job. However, if you couldn't take the hint, then I have no faith in you.
My father is under enough strain as it is. He doesn't need to know what I put up with, until I reached breaking point. He doesn't need to b worried needlessly. I had to lie to his face, so nothing developed. Do you know how hard that is? To lie to someone's face, knowing that they trust you wholeheartedly?

Oh, you're getting bolder, are you? Think that I'm going to take this lying down, again? Well, you know what?
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR SHIT. YOU LITTLE PISS ANT. YOU SHIT-EATING COCK MONGREL PISS-DRINKING DONKEY-RAPING PIG-FUCKING GRANNY-BASHING KNOB-KNOCKING PIECE OF INCOMPETENT SLIMY TWATTISH PEA-BRAINED MONKEY SHIT. I WILL KNOCK YOUR FUCKING BLOCK OFF. I WILL MAKE YOUR ACNE-RIDDEN FOREHEAD ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOR, AND I WILL LAUGH. YEAH, YOU PRICK. I'LL BE THE ONE LAUGHING AT YOUR SUFFERING. I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW DELUSIONAL YOU FUCKING ARE.
DICK.
 
alright. We have had this discussion many, many times. I have told you that while I disagree with your views I admire you for standing up for them, but told you that it was poor job skills to be telling this to customers and the people that work with them. Now you have moved from rudeness to discrimination, and I will not tolerate that. So instead of keeping your thoughtless cruel words to yourself, you decide to shout them to where I can hear them over my client and go on about that certain subject. Each time I go into that building you and the rest of your gaggle of gossipers sit there, point and jeer at me.

That's going to stop. And now. You said a very discriminating thing about me and I happened to hear it. I normally just put up with you, but I warned you one more outburst like last week and I would talk to your manager whom you are on thin ice with right now. Is that a cruel thing to do during the holiday season? Yes, it is. But I am tired of feeling unwelcome in a place that I work at.
 
When my mother texts me saying she thinks she's a bad mother because my siblings are lazy fat attacks, it makes me want to punch them all in the genitals. She has her flaws, but she is NOT a bad mother. I can't fucking stand it when people insult her, disrespect her, and hurt her. Even when it's my own family. I can already tell that when I visit for the holidays, I'll have to put on my spine chilling motherly voice, then freeze them over with my well known icy gaze. I hate to have to do that to them, but gawd! How can you idiots just sit around amongst your filth, sucking up more resources than you really need?

My poor mom... She's so tired, so stressed. I'd get her stoned so she can cope better, if I didn't think she'd hate me for loving pot. :| She needs... Something. Above all, a behavior improvement from her kids would be nice...
 
Coughing so hard you see stars in your vision. Fuck, I was fine all day T_T
 
Someday I just want to run into him and we'll be talking and he'll remember all these things because I miss him. I don't care how bad he was for me. I know he was. I just want those memories back I want to see him smile again. I want to hear his voice...
 
It's been over a week. I'm still not sure I can write this without crying. You're an asshole sometimes. I love you, but you're an asshole. You make me feel inferior, worthless, like a failure, and undeserving of love. You wonder why I walked into a situation with a man who was hurting me and professed to love me? Think, for a few minutes, about the time you threw me into a dresser because I wanted mom to help me tie my bikini top and didn't want to tell you cause I was embarrassed. And now you say that it was my fault I ended up in that situation with my ex and was beaten and raped for nearly a year. You made sure to tell me just how it cost so much for you to come rescue me and that it was such a difficult decision, too.

You wildly exaggerate how much help you have given me. Most of the times mom offers to help us, I turn her down. Cause I don't want her to have to fight with you and I don't want to owe you. But I would do almost anything for my current husband, including ask to move back in so he doesn't suffer. So, minutes after essentially telling me I am irrational and make dumb decisions, you tell me to pack up with only the shirt on my back (these are almost your exact words) with my husband and move to IOWA and worry about his job later. Oh, and you also tell me that I should give him an ultimatum saying to stand up to his boss or that I will leave. Right after saying you don't want me in your house. I LOVE HIM. Not to mention where the hell am I supposed to go?!

You let my brother live with you rent free. You have for years. You kicked me out two months (NOT SIX) after you rescued me from the ex. You let me take a job and live in a way you knew would lead to my eventual death and if it hadn't been for Iskari, I would be dead now. You've pretty much admitted that my job and apartment were killing me. And yet, when I ask why you treat my brother so much better than me, it is suddenly none of my business. You've treated him better since I turned 10. You ignored me most of my teenage years to the point of yelling at me if I tried to talk to you while the tv was on. And then you got mad I was hiding in my room and forced me to come sit in the living room and stare at the fucking history channel. Is it any wonder I kept my nose in a book for years?

The one time the therapist made you take me out for a day for just us, you ended it by saying "this was fun, I should do this with your brother" sometime and rushing us home so you could have a camp fire with him.

You've viewed me as a screw up and a liar my whole life. You have no idea who I really am and you probably never will cause you can't ever give me the benefit of trust, even though almost every time I lied to you it was either because you had me on a diet so strict I had to sneak food (by the way, the docs say I wouldn't have these sicknesses without the adolescent dieting, so thanks) or because you called me a liar and tacked on weeks of grounding when I was telling the truth right up until I lied an admission just to get out of being grounded forever. So thanks. I'm a damn amazing person and you won't ever know me. I only hope I can survive two weeks in your house around xmas.
 
Welp, I let Peter buy Halo 4 as an early xmas present to himself... He wants me to play it with him, but Halo just ain't my cup of tea. Xbox games altogether aren't. The only reason I play anything on Xbox is because it's cheaper than buying 2 separate game copies for PC. :[ Not to mention, his laptop is too shitty to run good games... Bleh, I'm just too used to keyboards to care for console controllers anymore.

At least this will be less lonely than when he had Skyrim, bwaha.
 
December...besides what's going to be coming up this week, please turn out to be better? :( I don't like seeing AL this sad...and seeing his Mum cry is even harder...Christmas is going to be difficult...

If you don't get any better, I'll have to kick your shins and possibly cause the real end of the world! >:[ Hopefully today goes well too....ughhh
 
Dad got laid off. And my mom is paying off three cars herself, two of them being hers, and one of them is a recent purchase.

*sighs*

*looks at her FAFSA application*

Suppose I might be correcting a few things soon...
 
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