Random Assignment For A Class


Cosmic Orion

Original poster
Ok so, no one actually has to read this, it's just so I can get at an assignment anywhere there's internet because it really needs to get done.


Two men stood across from each other on an otherwise deserted rooftop in the middle of the brightly lit city of Chicago. Fallen snow covers the usually dark ground that each man stands on as they fix each other with a steely gaze. One wore a stark white London-made trenchcoat over a black dress shirt, white slacks, and polished black boots. His skin was a fair peach-painted porclean while his wind-styled platinum blonde hair came down just past his shimmering deep ocean blue eyes. The other had tanned skin along with ebony black hair and dark eyes, completely black clothes from the fur lined coat to the fur lined snow boots as he watched the one in mostly white start to work open a roof hatch.

"I can do this Drake. I feel the power of the Lord on my side."

"Really Leon? You're planning to break into an office building that belongs to an influential family. A very powerful family. If they catch you it's all over. Can even he help you on a mission like this one?"

"Now you're getting blasphemous. And cold feet."

"My feet are plenty warm right now thank you very much. But the rest of me has chills from this whole fandango. Just cause it's your birthday don't mean you can get away with anything you want. Private detectives have to answer to someone other than the Lord. Even when their last name is Saint."

"I'm not looking to get cannonized. I'm answering to what my employer hired me to do. This isn't just anything. It's a chance to help someone get on with their life and a chance to stop a powerful family from having so much influence. I have to do this."

"You mean you want to do this."

"Wanting to do it certainly helps get things going."

"How can you be sure the files are even in this building?"

"I have enough faith in-"

Leon paused with a grunt of effort, having not only picked the lock to the roofhatch but also forced open something which had been almost frozen shut. Hot breath hung in the air as he recollected himself from the strenuous effort Drake had taken no part in helping along. The blond pulled out a foot long silver cross from his trenchcoat and stared at it with a stern expression as jack frost nipped at his nose. Seconds later he started to descend into the thirty story building.

"-reliable information. And that led to a hunch. And then that led to some interrogation followed by a confession. And all that led me to the roof of this building. Plus I saw this place in a dream last night, so that seals it."

"You're really going to follow through with this aren't you?"

"Yep. And there's nothing that's going to stop me."

"Nothing short of divine intervention I suppose."

"That's not going to happen. I already told you. . . "

Leon held up the silver cross next to his head.

". . . He's on my side."
It seems pretty good for how short it is...

You're able to tell the difference between the two characters SORT OF. I think if you maybe put in a little more to somehow stress the difference between them somehow, either through their personality or manner of speaking, it'd come through better. You can kind of tell that they're different in a way...but it isn't really clear.