Raise Your Head, Taste the Courage

For as empatetic as he was attempting to be, Matt really had no idea how difficult it must have been for his friend to come clean about the fact that his ex had taken enjoyment out of beating the shit out of him. That was something you never heard about, men being the abused rather than being the abuser. It was a stigma really, that was something that didn't happen... men weren't abused, especially not by women. They were supposed to be smaller, weaker there was no way; but that was where the problem lied because it did happen. Brian was living proof of that, and he feels his stomach twist slightly at the realization that none of them had any idea that this was happening. It had been covered up well enough, and for all Matt knew, she had only been hitting him in places that he would naturally cover up... or he'd had some sort of excuse for it otherwise.

Brian's next statement all but proved the fact that he'd held back in talking to anyone about it because he didn't want to appear weak. It was something that was drilled into all of their heads as boys, be tough, don't cry all that... Matt himself was a prime example of that. Especially since he'd sort of taken on the protective older brother role in the band, Johnny was their gnome and no one else was allowed to pick on him, Jimmy was a tough ass motherfucker but sensitive and he'd punch your teeth in for making him cry. Now, that he knew some of the pain that Brian had been holding onto, it gave him all the more reason to look after the guitarist as well.

"Dude, I don't think that makes you a pussy at all. You did the stand up thing, you know? Not going down that road and sinking down to her level which... you know, she'd probably have ended up turning it around on you somehow since she's obviously that kind of person. Honestly, none of us would think that about you, but I get why you didn't want to talk about it."

At the mention of whether or not Brian wanted to date men, Matt happened to notice that his eyes widened ever so slightly; not enough for it to be obvious that he would have seen it had he not already been so close. The light from the lamp beside them didn't give off enough that he was able to pick up on the rosy blush that rose into the guitarist's cheeks, but it seemed as though his comment had taken him off guard at least. And when he started almost stuttering, saying that he hadn't really thought about it for a split second Matt wondered if he'd made the wrong assumption.

"Sorry if I jumped the gun on you, that just seemed the most logical step from what I understood... but yea, no I get what you mean. There are some insanely attractive people out there, of both sexes."

Matt allows himself to be pulled into the awkward hug, he drapes his arm across Brian in some fashion and hugs back, finding a small smile forming on his face pushing back the deep frown that had taken up residence.

"You're welcome Brian, and in case you didn't know... you can always talk to me. About anything, and I'll listen." He laughs softly before continuing. "I know what you mean, second opinion and all that. I don't doubt you love Jimmy as much as I do, but I can imagine it gets exhausting being the confidant for literally everybody. Can give him a break from time to time."

As they begin to separate from their awkward hug, somehow or another Matt finds himself rolling foreword and his chest was once again flush with Brian's only not in a way that he expected. He was leaning over him, the guitarist's back was against the bed and.. well this was rather compromising wasn't it?

"It's... it's okay..." Matt says softly and finds that he's feeling a bit lightheaded. Probably because of the alcohol... had to be. It had nothing to do with the fact that their faces were mere inches from one another. He could smell the scent of Brian's shampoo and clean skin. He pursed his lips together briefly as he felt the arm slip away from his neck, giving him the option to move if he liked and yet... he stayed.

"I uh- I didn't figure you did." the singer replied, one of his arms bracing himself as much as he could given the positioning. "I'm feeling a little wobbly too, guess the liquor is making it's way through my system."

Fearless Brian wasn't someone he had expected to encounter tonight, then again happily buzzed Matt who was currently admiring his friend's jawline wasn't something he'd expected either. But here they were, laying close together on a bed and Brian was reaching out slurring something about a crumb before tracing his thumb against the singer's bottom lip; it shifting and moving under the tender caress.

There was no bread crumb, that fact Matt most was certain of. He'd not eaten anything recently, which likely attributed to the alcohol coursing strongly though his system more than usual. Not to mention the fact that he'd just gotten a shower. Had Brian just used that as an excuse to touch him? No... he wouldn't have done that. Happily buzzed going on drunk Matt somehow knew at the slow rate was processing things in his mind - he wouldn't be able to prove it. But would it have been so bad if he was? Perhaps again, because of the alcohol he was finding himself transfixed by Brian's dark eyes when they finally locked gazes. His heart began thumping against his rib cage, and without thinking about it, he tilted his head slightly into Brian's hand that rested upon his cheek. That was a question for future Matt he eventually decided.

"Thanks for that... I... don't know where that came from..."
 
It all happened so quickly that Brian had trouble processing.

He was intoxicated for sure, and looking back now, he wasn't so sure anymore if Matt had actually even had dirt on his face to begin with. Was Brian simply seeing things? Anything was possible in his emotional, fucked up state, but the guitarist could have sworn there was something on Matt's face just seconds early.

However, the fact that Matt practically lay on Brian right now with no intention of wanting to move had Brian blush darkly. His friend had been nothing but supportive all night, had listened to Brian's problems, and even when Brian had sort of come out to Matt, the other male hadn't judged him. Not even one bit. It almost felt natural to have Matt around at this point, and that thought alone made Brian gulp heavily as he stared right back in Matt's hooded hazel orbs.

Was he falling for one of his best friends?

No.

That simply couldn't be.

"I... swore I saw something... maybe I was imagining things..."

Biting his lip, Brian looked into Matt's eyes again, and the other was so impossibly close, Brian felt as if he was getting smothered - in a good way, though. Was this the way women felt when Matt was with them? Completely engulfed not only by Matt's scent but the other male's entire being? Brian was sure of it as he visibly relaxed underneath Matt, and the sudden desire to press his lips against Matt's was starting to get overwhelming.

Brian couldn't possibly do that, though.

Of course, he had just emptied out his heart to the lead singer, letting all of his fucked up emotions out, but there was no way in hell Brian would cross that line. It would fuck up their friendship, Brian was sure of it. Or at least, the rational part of his brain was. The only thing Brian could really do to fulfill his desire was to flat out ask Matt if he wanted to kiss him, but wouldn't that be odd as well? It all seemed to be a hopeless situation, and twiddling his thumbs, Brian looked up at Matt, his gaze curious.

"I... uhm, Matt... I have a question."

Brian's voice was barely above a whisper as he let his hands tangle in the fabric of Matt's shirt, and the longer Brian stayed silent, the tighter his throat felt. Brian had never seriously kissed a male, but he had entertained the idea numerous times. The only time Brian had ever kissed another man had been when Jimmy had gotten a bit too drunk during a round of spin the bottle at some random house party. The drummer had been dared to kiss any person sitting in the circle, and since he had found every girl unattractive, Jimmy had simply kissed his best friend. Brian was glad smartphones hadn't been a thing back then, because he was sure otherwise pictures would have spread all over the internet already.

However, this time, it was much different.

Brian actually wanted to kiss Matt. It was a pull he felt deeply within him as he let his gaze linger on Matt's full lips, and sighing softly, the guitarist could see the singer eye him curiously. Why Matt hadn't moved away was a damn mystery to Brian, but he didn't complain as he let his body finally relax, their new found position not smothering Brian in the slightest. Maybe, the guitarist was already further gone than he had realized, and shaking his head, Brian tried to make the thoughts go away. It would all happen in due time, anyway.

"I... have you ever... kissed another man? I mean, like have you ever been dared to? Or been curious about it?"

Brian was actually rathe proud of himself to have the guts to even pose the question, and letting go of Matt's shirt, Brian crossed his arms behind his head and grinned up at Matt smugly. Where this sudden boost of self-confidence came from, even Brian couldn't explain, but he put it down to simply being comfortable with having Matt around.

And having Matt close, if Brian was completely honest.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'm just curious if a man has ever... you know, been allowed a taste of you."

Brian had a wicked tongue. That much, he was aware of.

But the fact that he was just shamelessly hitting on Matt even surprised Brian himself. Why did he feel this weird attraction towards the lead singer all of a sudden? Brian doubted that it was really only because of the alcohol. It seemed that way more played into the fact that Brian wanted to kiss Matt right now, especially the fact that Brian suddenly remembered the first time he had ever thought Matt was genuinely attractive. It had been way back in high school when they had all first met, and the blush that was already apparent on Brian's face only darkened at that realization.

He was screwed.

"So, tell me, Matt... have you ever kissed a guy? Or would you rather not talk about it?"
 
There was a strange shift in the feeling of the room, and Matt wasn't entirely certain that it wasn't his fault somehow. He had made no move to sit up right away, for perhaps a moment longer than he should have he continued to half lay against Brian and no doubt the sense of awkwardness that you could readily cut with a knife had something to do with it. But this wasn't that weird was it? Being sardined in the road dog forced them all to lay on top of each other at times... so... why did this feel so different?

Shifting, Matt attempted to sit up but pauses when he feels the soft gaze upon him and resigns himself to the surprising comfort of their current position. The guitarist's tentative, whispered words reaching his ears and he could swear that he felt the other man's fingers begin to tangle up in his tee. It was really strange but this almost felt like he was in a scene from a movie not unlike the one that was continuing to play in the background which they had both forgotten about entirely. Or, in a strange twist it was kind of like... well it was kind of like he had become a teenager again and everything about Brian had suddenly become new and exciting in a way that he'd never thought about before. Was that because of the alcohol? It had to be right, he was just letting his mind run away with him.

"Ye-yeah dude? What's up?" he replied quietly, flicking the ring in his lip back and forth absently with his tongue.

And that's when the question arises, had he ever kissed another dude before? Or been dared to... ever entertained the idea of it? Right at this particular moment, while not completely drunk yet not completely sober... Matt's mind was cluttered just enough with his own thoughts that he took a few moments longer to process an answer than he likely would have otherwise.

"I've not, no... " he starts before stopping to laugh at the choice of wording. "Never let another guy have a taste of me that I can remember, damn that was smooth..."

He shakes his head, a smirk crossing his face and a slight flush rushing to his cheeks. That was fucking wild, the singer thought to himself. If he didn't know any better he'd think that Brian... one of his best friends... the guitarist in his band... a guy he'd known for years... was flirting with him. And he was reacting to it like a love struck little girl which was a strange concept in and of itself.

"I'll uh- need to remember that one..." Matt says softly under his breath as he attempts to get his bearings back and ignore the fact that he'd liked the way that comment had made him feel. "But I mean, haven't we all been dared to at some point? I swear it happened at least once back in high school... you know like... when we used to play that stupid spin the bottle game? But fuck if I wasn't drunk enough back then to not remember any of it."

Thinking as hard on it as he possibly can, and if any of the memories Matt finds himself recalling could be trusted he swears up and down that maybe Jimmy hadn't wanted any of his friends to feel left out and maybe Brian hadn't been the only one to get kissed that night. But he'd been drinking that night too, a hell of a lot more so what actually happened technically was nothing but conjecture on his part so it seemed easy enough to just assume that he'd never done it at all.

And then there was the third part of the question, had he ever been curious about it. The quick and easy answer would be no, he hadn't ever been curious because he really hadn't. He could admit when other men were good looking, sure, but up until he'd found himself growing up a little bit Matt would have refused to admit it. The most accurate answer would be that he hadn't been curious about it until now. Until the question had been posed by the right person at the right time.

"So... to answer your question... no I've never kissed a guy that I remember, yea I'm sure I've been dared to... and have I ever been curious? That's... I mean... it's not something I've really thought too much about, you know? What kissing a guy would be like... but I mean... right moment, right time, right guy... "

Makes total sense Sanders. You're one hundred percent straight, but give you the right guy and you might look a little gay from a certain angle.

"Why- uh-" he starts before pausing briefly, "Why do you ask?"
 
Brian couldn't help but giggle a bit at Matt answering all of his questions.

The whole situation was... definitely new, but not only to the guitarist. It seemed as if Matt was on a completely different planet as well, his big, round eyes glossed over as he stared down at Brian, and the guitarist knew that the alcohol both of them had consumed was probably at fault when it came to that. Brian had only ever seen Matt stare at women this way, and visibly blushing underneath the other male's gaze, Brian stared at his hands. The guitarist’s slender digits were still tangled in the buff lead singer's shirt, and biting his lip, Brian tried to ignore the sudden hammering of his heart. Where did those feelings come from all of a sudden?

Hearing Matt utter that Brian was smooth had a smirk tug on the guitarist’s lips. It was a phrase he had heard one too many times, but Brian really didn't mind Matt saying it. If anything, the slightly older male felt flattered, and glancing back up at Matt’s face, Brian studied Matt’s expression carefully. It seemed like the singer was thinking hard at whatever question he answered, and even though both of them were drunk at this point, Matt still seemed to make a conscious effort to not say the wrong thing.

Brian wasn’t mad at that, though.

"You think I'm being smooth, huh? No clue where you get that one from..."

Letting his arms sneak around Matt’s neck quite boldly, Brian thought back to that one time in high school where he had found himself pressed between a wall and some jock out back, making out as if his life had depended on it.

His first gay crush.

A crush that had even turned out in Brian’s favor back then, much to his surprise. Brian had gone to Ocean View High, because his mother had wanted him to be as far away from Jimmy as possible and focus on his studies. Gladly, a different high school hadn’t kept the two best friends apart though, but with his friend nowhere near at school, Brian had allowed another part of himself to get explored… well, at least a little bit. A part he had kept secret even from Jimmy.

The guy’s name had been Tony, he had been big, buff and extremely handsome. Brian had never really given the fact that he had thought the other was attractive much thought, until Tony had made quite a bold move on Brian in the dressing room one day. The two of them had never done anything more than make out behind the school though, and once Brian had left high school, he had also assumed his bi-curious phase had left the building with him.

Lying beneath Matt right now proved the guitarist otherwise, though.

Matt was everything Brian though was attractive about a man. He was muscular, not too much to make it look disgusting, though, he was smart, funny, a dork sometimes, and his face looked like it belonged on the cover of Vogue magazine instead of some crappy band photo. Matt was gorgeous, but what Brian found even more intriguing that Matt’s appearance was the other male’s personality.

Matt was understanding, always aware of how everyone felt, and he always made sure conflicts were resolved rather quickly. Not only was Matt the perfect leader, no, he gave Brian a sense of comfort, a sense of coming home, in a weird way. It was a pleasure to be Matt’s friend, that much Brian knew.

He just didn’t know if being friends would be enough for him in the long run.

Listening to Matt stutter out his answer had Brian nod, a soft smile on his face as he glanced up at the singer. He was just too damn cute sometimes, and even though Brian felt a tad ashamed of thinking like this about his best friend, he blamed the alcohol. Drinking always turned Brian into a sappy motherfucker.

"I... okay. I accept your summed-up answer. I hope it didn’t… make you uncomfortable. I was just…trying to… uhm…”

What was Brian trying to just do?

If the guitarist was being honest with himself, he had no fucking idea. He had asked Matt if he had ever kissed another male, but now that the guitarist had his answer, his thirst for more had seemingly not been quenched. There was still the soft voice in the back of Brian’s mind almost begging him to just close the gap and kiss Matt, to just see what it really felt like to give himself to yet another male, but this time, to one Brian fully trusted.

However, the guitarist couldn’t just do that, could he?

Matt was his best friend, not some sex object, and Brian just really needed to keep his drunk self in check and stop flirting with the other male. However, the little ‘what if’ in the back of Brian’s mind didn’t get any quieter, and after a few seconds of his inner struggle almost getting too much, Brian sighed softly.

Matt would punch him for this, but Brian just had to ask or he’d explode, pushing caution out of the way for now.

“I was… wondering if… you ever wanted to kiss me… or want to kiss me… or something… yeah…”