Oh my. Well.
1 - Does size really matter?
GENERALLY speaking, no size doesn't matter. Average is good enough. Abnormally under-endowed is not, but I don't think that's necessarily what you're referring to.
2 - What's the ideal first date?
Varies from situation to situation, there's no catch-all. Depends on her interests, the age of both parties, and on how serious you intend for the relationship to be. For example, in high school, taking a girl to a movie is an acceptable first date. If you ask a professional working woman out to a movie on a first date, she will probably laugh. I would.
THAT SAID, in any situation you want to aim for a first date that allows both parties to get to know each other over some kind of neutral activity. Dinner and/or drinks is the most common choice and there is nothing wrong with that. They are to the point, allow plenty of room for conversation, and are short enough that if either person is hugely disinterested they don't have to stick with putting up with the other person for a long time. Following dates can always be more adventurous once you find out his/her interests and hobbies.
3 - What's with the whole "take 30 minutes to get ready" thing, anyway?
Most guys don't get this. Guys have an easy routine to get ready. Take a shower, brush your teeth, pick a shirt, pick some pants, put some shoes on, maybe fix your hair and you're out the door. For my husband, the only thing he has to make a decision about is what color.
A lot of women have long hair that gets wet and stays wet for a long time. Getting dressed is often a struggle too when you're trying to coordinate outfits that have many times more choices than men do. T-shirt? Blouse? Cami? Tank? Pants? Leggings? Capris? Shorts? Dress? Skirt? How long? How short? What style? What color? Which shoes? Which bag? Which jacket/coat? Do I wear a belt/scarf/other accessory? What about jewelry like earrings, necklaces, or bangles?
4 - Do you actually like facial hair on your men?
I don't, personally, but I know plenty of ladies who do. I like the way it looks but I hate the way it feels - even when groomed.
5 - What the fuck is up with these selfie things, anyway?
No idea, don't ask me. They baffle me just as much as they baffle you.