Pun section

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by oddsox, Jan 23, 2014.

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  1. let the puns and jokes begin, everything that is explicit and very dirt needs to go in a spoiler, try not to use them though. If you think it is funny put a like on the post. One pun/joke per post please.

    pun #1:
    I wanted to tell a blind joke, but I didnt see the point.....
    • Like Like x 1
    • Love Love x 1
  2. What do you do with a dead chemist?
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  3. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
    • Like Like x 2
  4. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
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  5. Little Johnny asks his mother her age. She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room. On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"
    • Like Like x 1
  6. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

    A polar bear walks into a bar and sits down at the counter. The bartender looks at him and asks, "What will you have?"

    The bear says, "I'll have a gin..."

    "... And tonic."

    The bartender looks confused. "Why the big pause?"

    "I don't know," says the bear. "My dad had them too."

    hue hue hue hue
  9. If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they would be alloys.
    • Love Love x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry.
    • Like Like x 2
  11. It just cannot stand it when I break my legs.
  12. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
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  13. Saw this today:

    • Love Love x 1
  14. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
    • Love Love x 1
  15. Definition of a cannibal

    Someone who is fed up with people

    badum tiss!
    • Like Like x 1
  16. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

  17. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
  18. Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
    911: Alright, What is it?
    Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
    911: So what's your emergency?
    Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  19. I had to to a foot inspection once.

    It wasn't as fungus as I thought.
  20. Have you guys ever seen Fighting Foodons? The puns can be a bit hard to swallow.

    Someone in my college's anime club thought a character was going to be drowned in soy sauce. I told him at least their death would be tastefully done.
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