Pulp-Free Poetry

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Orange Juice, Sep 28, 2015.

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  1. This is where my poetry goes to die.

    I kid, I kid. I'm just going to dump my poetry here. I constantly revise my writing, but if I make any major changes I'll put the previous version in a spoiler. Feel free to comment here or send me a PM, especially if you find how I can improve anything I've written.
     
  2. she took my heart
    and stored it in
    a little basket
    full of sin

    the little basket
    she tied with string
    and under her bed
    she hid the thing
     
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  3. *I completely revised this poem with a new goal in mind.*


    she was the song in her head
    and the tune on her tongue
    she sang to the dawn
    and serenaded the sun

    her dark eyes glittered
    like stars in the night
    while her voice rang out
    at the peak of twilight

    she danced on the sand
    her movements were free
    and her voice rang out
    by the spray of the sea

    deep in the depths
    she gurgled and croaked
    and chains of leviathans
    rusted, tore and broke

    when they escaped
    during sunset, she slept
    darkness was coming
    and creatures crept

    but morning came
    and with it her, too
    her eyes opened wide
    she knew what to do

    music erupted
    when she awoke
    straight from her lungs
    and up her little throat

    out came a promise
    it crept into her voice
    it forced her heart out
    and called it a choice

    but along with her heart
    the dark half was banished
    still, what will happen
    once the good part has vanished?


    [OLD]
    Caroline

    she was the song in her head
    and the tune on her tongue
    she sang to the dead
    and serenaded the sun

    but

    music erupted
    when she awoke
    straight from her lungs
    and up her little throat

    until

    she warbled and crooned
    and, without doubt,
    she sang her sad song
    until her heart went out.

     
    #3 Orange Juice, Oct 1, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2015
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