Pst. I would like your opinion pls

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by M σ м σ, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. So this has been urking me for quite sometime now and I would like a responce from all roleplayers.

    This is what gets me:

    People say role play is just role play and one should never mix role play into real life. Now here's the thing.

    1.// Say for instance someone you date is role playing with you and you and their character date. Now say you break up with their character, but you guys are dating in the real world and you go and cyber with someone else. They get pissed you did such, but once again you believe role play is role play. How would you react to that?

    2.// Say you meet the person you date in the real world through role play and both of you discuss the no gos and what not. Such as not cybering with someone else other then them. Now say they go off and create multiple accounts and start doing the very thing they said not to. How would you react?

    I've been asking these question elsewhere and of course I get. Oh they're cheating or it's just role play it isn't like they are in love with the person playing the character.

    It grinds my gears to the fullest because I've seen people get hurt over things like this. I personally believe role play is role play, but if you tell one person not to cyber and you go and do it aren't you being hypocritical?
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  2. In the future, I'd suggest when asking such questions to simply leave it as the question.
    Adding an opinion has a habit of influencing people to answer (or not answer) a certain way.,
    That has to be something addressed by the couple before hand.
    Especially in the case where both of the people are roleplayers.

    And depending on that couple they should decide if that's crossing a line or not.

    Now, I know people are going to post here saying "It's stupid to see it as an actual relationship. It shouldn't be humoured lol".
    But all that means is that they specifically don't see the act as cheating, doesn't mean their partner won't.
    And if you're going to have such a big disagreement like that isn't that best addressed before hand?
    Well in this case they already did discuss it and consider it no-go.
    In which case it would count as cheating on them because you broke the agreement at the start.

    And before people respond going "Omg Gwazi! Relationships aren't a contract! Get some feelings!" don't kid yourselves.
    Everyone set's up agreements when they start a relationship even if that agreement is "We're in an open relationship".
    It's just that the "Don't go out with other people" agreement is so culturally instilled that we take said agreement for granted unless discussed otherwise.

    As for how I would personally react?
    Now this is in the hypothetical that I had already agreed to it being cheating, and in that case I would end the relationship.
    Because we had an agreement, and they broke it, therefore breaking my ability to trust the person.

    That being said though, it's a hypothetical. I probably wouldn't actually see such a thing as cheating, so this wouldn't be an issue for me personally to begin with.
  3. If roleplay is roleplay then I would have no reason to be upset. Our characters are not ourselves.

    Though I should mention -- the reasoning behind getting upset about it would depend a lot on why you and your partner decided to cyber in the first place. If you were dating in real life, were your characters like an extension of yourselves? Were you cybering in a way that was meant to represent real-life sexytimes between yourself and your partner?

    If so, then it's understandable why it would feel like cheating -- because then it wasn't just roleplaying, and your characters were not merely characters. You were equating it to something that, at least partially, extended into real life.

    But if that wasn't the case, and it was honestly just roleplay? Sex happening between your characters and not yourselves? Then there's less reason to be upset.

    Though I will admit it's understandable that, when cybering with someone who is your real-life SO, it makes sense that the lines could get a bit blurred even unintentionally, thus leading to it feeling like cheating when that SO cybers with someone else even when your rational side still insists that "roleplay is roleplay", so I can't particularly fault people for feeling that way. It's just important not to let that anger out at said partner, especially if they were also operating under the assumption that it was just roleplay.

    This is different, though, because it implies that two people specifically agreed not to cyber with anyone else, and then one person intentionally deceived the other in order to go against their word.

    That is something to get upset about -- no doubts there. If you and your SO agree to something like that, then doing this sort of thing behind each other's backs is definitely not ok.

    The difference between this and the first scenario (assuming that, in the first, no such agreement like this was made) is that the first is a matter of confusing RP with reality, and, even if the one person does feel "cheated" on, you can't claim that their partner did anything wrong, because it's roleplay and their characters are not themselves. Meanwhile, the second scenario isn't even much of an RP-related question, really -- it's simply a matter of someone going against their word and deceiving their partner in order to do things behind their back that they clearly weren't ok with, which I would find hard to justify. Cybering isn't the issue here -- it's the deceit and the fact that they know that cybering with other people would bother their partner is what makes this not ok.
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  4. Also, I missed this at first, but I feel it is very important to address,

    Correct me if I'm misunderstanding this, but, are you asking whether or not it's hypocritical for you to tell your SO not to cyber with other people and then cyber with other people yourself?

    Because I would say yes, yes it is. If you and your partner have made an agreement to not cyber with other people then both party members should respect that. Of course it's hypocritical. Why should you be able to tell your partner not to do something when they can't expect the same from you?

    THE EXCEPTION TO THIS BEING if your partner specifically says that they are ok with you cybering with other people, even though you already said that you don't want them cybering with others. I feel like that situation would be rare, though -- and, if your partner has given you explicit permission to do that sort of thing, then whether or not it's ok doesn't feel like it would really be a topic for debate. If such permission hasn't been given, then... yeah, that's definitely hypocritical.

    And, personally, if I were in that situation, I feel like I'd still feel a bit weird about cybering with other people even if I did have explicit permission, just because it wouldn't feel right to do something that I wouldn't be ok with my partner doing. So I'd probably avoid it just for their sake, even if they said they don't mind.
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  5. No. In general.

    I shall use my ex friend as an example.

    When she and the guy she was dating role-play wise decided to make it a real relationship because they love each other so -- From the outside perspective whenever someone tried to cyber with them they would tell one another. Same if someone attempted to break them up. So it could be implied that they weren't preforming such activities with anyone else but their loved one.

    Personally I never asked the other party, but the female made it pretty clear they both decided that they wouldn't cyber with another. They broke up do to some incident, but ultimately got back together both role play and real wise again. Yet again from the outside perspective it would seem performing any cyber activity with either one was impossible until I personally tested that theory myself.

    Call me the bad guy if you may, but if it's one thing I can't stand its someone who's hypocritical. Her partner cybered with me. I didn't tell her this at all. Instead I asked him why is he dating someone if you act like you don't cyber. Of course I didn't get a straight answer and when I mentioned to him they should break up the responses stopped.

    I waited before to see if he'd go to her first about that. He did not so I told her and provided proof. In the end I got my words twisted by him and ignored by her.

    Lately now from what I've been seeing her post on another site they both are in a relationship. About three years in and he's still doing the same thing whether he wants to admit it to her or not. Yet whenever she tells someone and they mention they should break up he says that isn't what he wants. So I really don't understand why he doesn't tell her he cybers with others now or why she doesn't just end it with him if it bothers her so much.
  6. Ok, I think I see the root reasoning behind the question here.

    The reason for one cheating can be complicated, so without knowing these two at all I'm not even going to attempt to delve into that one.
    And it should be noted it's possible in their time together their agreement changed, I'll assume for now it isn't the case since others have apparently told her to end it but it's still worth noting.

    She probably doesn't break up with him because of the typical "Because I love him!" issue.
    This is actually a fairly common thing in relationships, people are cheated on but they don't stick up for themselves because they either lack the confidence to be alone or they fear losing the other person too much.

    Or it's possible she just doesn't see it as big enough of a reason to end it.
    Perhaps she doesn't like it but doesn't set it as cheating any more, even if she never officially discussed it with him.

    This is honestly rather tricky to comment on without knowing much specific's.
    But in short, if they agreed beforehand and they violate it then that's cheating, and their reasons for then not terminating the relationship can be very complicated depending on the factors involved.
  7. Well, first of all where you are getting things all screwy is that roleplaying sex scenes and cybering are NOT the same thing. Co-writing sex scenes even if both authors are writing only for a single character is NOT cybering. You're creating a story. Otherwise, anybody who writes sex together would be accused of sexing, including book authors, screen writers, actors, etc. @___@

    CYBERING is when the players (or a single player) is doing it for the purpose of getting their rocks off, for a masturbatory tool, etc. You're having sex in character. You're in it because you want that hot booty and for getting all turned on. It's textual foreplay.

    So to answer your questions with that in mind:

    If you have to SNEAK AROUND to roleplay, then you're doing something wrong. You're cheating. You're lying. You're being a shit. If you feel like you are having to HIDE what you're doing, then you KNOW you've got to be doing something wrong. It doesn't matter what was agreed upon, if you have to lie and hide things from your significant other, then you're doing something wrong.

    By the way, this also includes doing cybering/sex roleplays with your friends partner without telling them, knowing they are uncomfortable with their partner doing those kind of roleplays. That makes you an accessory to cheating. It doesn't matter if you think it's all just harmless roleplay, you kinda just betrayed your friend's trust there. .__.

    As an example, I am a sexual content roleplay and I am married. O__O My hubby and I used to roleplay together too. Sometimes he is uncomfortable that I write sex scenes with people and gets jealous. But I am VERY clear both to him AND my partners that what my characters do/say/feel are ONLY my characters and have nothing to do with me in real life. I refuse to play with partners that blur the lines between our roleplay and real life. My hubby always knows who I am roleplaying with and at any time he can see and read those roleplays. He also roleplays, (just not as often as I do >>;) and sometimes I get jealous too. But again, I know who he plays with and what he's playing.

    Relationships are based on trust. Even if mates don't agree about whether or not it's okay for one or both of them to write those kind of roleplays, they HAVE to be open and honest about it. Because once you start hiding things, you're cheating. There's no getting around it.
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  8. Not trying to turn this into a debate but rather just pointing out, Actors are often having actual sex for their roles.

    I can very clearly see some people having issues with their partner doing stuff like that with others, even if it's their job.
    That and they're doing it with another individual.

    It's not like book authors where it's just them alone writing with their own creations.
  9. Oh, then that's definitely an important distinction.

    As someone who's not a libertine RPer, I admit I didn't know that there was a difference -- so a lot of what I said was based on the assumption that this was just referring to RPing sex scenes (even in cases where it was done more for pleasure than for storytelling). So, bear that in mind.
  10. It is. But some people see the intention as the cheating, other's see the act as the cheating, while other's don't care either way.

    That's why in my post I left it up to the agreement of the couple in question, it cover's all bases in that regard.
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  11. That's only in porn films. Maaaybe documentaries about sex. O__O Which is a whole different bag of chips.
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  12. It is. But still a flavour of chips in this chippy topic.
  13. I'm not a romance, or sex roleplayer in the least. however- I do know the difference between roleplaying an encounter, and cybering. My positions may be a little skewed as I don't have any interest in this stuff... but-

    I think about it like this: Cybering [to me] is the textual comparison to watching pornography revolving around the roleplay characters IMO[and usually, in role playing- we put ourselves into the characters... it's playing a role- you get into your characters mindset when writing... it's likely not different when cybering... so your thoughts and emotions are temporarily there.].
    Anyone I know would probably get pissed off if if their SO's were doing it. My SO wouldn't have it [and neither would I.]. Again- just personal interest and beliefs here. So- how would someone react if they believed RP is just RP? probably wouldn't care, and just see it as getting off to porn or something [which again is something that might like to be discussed between the two if one sees this as a problem...].

    The second one is like lying to someone about watching porn behind their back. Also, it's lying or deceiving- neither of which are admirable traits. It's a total lack of integrity... How would I react? I'd be upset for them lying to me. Not to mention addressing the fact that they are making multiple accounts to cyber multiple characters- which to me might even show some sexual repression/obsession- which is another thing that would need to be talked about.

    Either way- boundaries need to be set. Do not assume. I wouldn't necessarily see it as 'cheating', but it is certainly dishonest and disloyal in a sense. Again- just my POV.

    I think Diana has the best balance and thought process about being involved in it.
  14. Like Diana mentioned, there is a fundamental difference between writing smut and cybersex, which I won't rehash since she's explained it much more clearly than I could.

    In my own head it all comes down to this:

    Smut is written for the sake of a story.

    Cybersex is written for the sake of your own sexual enjoyment.

    There is a fine line there, and as much as I wish I could give you a firm answer, there's no cut-and-dry, one-size-fits-all answer. Every person is different and every relationship is different, and it's on you to figure out how it impacts you and your significant other.
    I also want to point out that this is not true. "Often having actual sex" implies that this is commonplace where, as someone who has several friends in the TV/Cinema industry and who also once aspired (in some way still aspires) to be in movies herself, I feel a need to correct. Unsimulated sex for the purpose of mainstream TV and movies is highly highly rare. I can link a plethora of other documentation from reliable resources if you need further convincing that this is the case, though I won't do that in this thread.
    #14 fatalrendezvous, Oct 16, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2015
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  15. Ok, I stand corrected in that regard.
  16. Exactly.
  17. You specifically mention cybering. As such you're saying your goal in this roleplay is to get off behind the screen more than exploring a character through sexual relations. The difference is whether the focus is you experiencing something sexual or the character experiencing something sexual. If the focus is on you, I can easily imagine why it would make your partner jealous. I mean it is something interactive you get off to, even if there is no physical contact.

    idk how I'd feel about it myself, as it's never happened to me. I have reacted quite viciously to dishonesty and cheating in the past, but those were physical acts.

    That's a deliberate breach of trust and therefore very likely to be a dealbreaker.

    This post is basically a rehash of things I guess but screw reading before typing :D