T
TheGDeer
Guest
Original poster
Ok so since school is starting up for me soon, and all the fear of the future and other anxieties are building up within my system, I am posting this rant to get all the bad juju out of my system. This post isn't really asking for advice nor is it a cry for help or anything, i'm perfectly fine. So for those who actually want to read this and try to help out I wont stop you but just know that this may or may not be a coherent rant. Now that this intro is out of the way lets get right to it.
In two days I start junior year of high school, and since it has been repeated to me numerous times it is supposed to be the most important year of my life. What grades I get, what classes I take, and activities I do are to decide my future. But for whatever reason I couldn't be less nervous than I am now, i'm not worried one bit (even though my grades for my supposed IQ are abysmal). There is nothing about this year or the next one, or the next one, and so on and so forth that I am nervous about even though these are the years that will decide my life. But there is one thing in the back of my mind that keeps nagging at me. Why I am relaxed/ not scared of what is to come? After hours of contemplating this on numerous days I have figured out why, its because I simply don't care because i'm bored. I just bored of this life, now dont think im having harmful thoughts that would just be plain silly. Im not going anywhere soon and I think thats my problem. Im going to live this life where I go through highschool, go through college, get a job, and eventually retire but i'm not looking forward to any of that. I desperately want to just enjoy this plan set ahead of me so I can just get on with my life but I cant find it within me to do so. I just find my life so average and so full of nothing and feel that there isn't anything anything to really look forward to. I have talked to both my parents and a psychologist about these feelings and we eventually came to a dead end. With nothing actually resolved I have found myself thinking about this subject more and more until I am finally writing this out. I guess I am asking for a little advice at this point so I apologize for lying to the reader earlier. I know this is a very strange rant with an ever stranger and abrupt ending but I don't really know what else to say.
In two days I start junior year of high school, and since it has been repeated to me numerous times it is supposed to be the most important year of my life. What grades I get, what classes I take, and activities I do are to decide my future. But for whatever reason I couldn't be less nervous than I am now, i'm not worried one bit (even though my grades for my supposed IQ are abysmal). There is nothing about this year or the next one, or the next one, and so on and so forth that I am nervous about even though these are the years that will decide my life. But there is one thing in the back of my mind that keeps nagging at me. Why I am relaxed/ not scared of what is to come? After hours of contemplating this on numerous days I have figured out why, its because I simply don't care because i'm bored. I just bored of this life, now dont think im having harmful thoughts that would just be plain silly. Im not going anywhere soon and I think thats my problem. Im going to live this life where I go through highschool, go through college, get a job, and eventually retire but i'm not looking forward to any of that. I desperately want to just enjoy this plan set ahead of me so I can just get on with my life but I cant find it within me to do so. I just find my life so average and so full of nothing and feel that there isn't anything anything to really look forward to. I have talked to both my parents and a psychologist about these feelings and we eventually came to a dead end. With nothing actually resolved I have found myself thinking about this subject more and more until I am finally writing this out. I guess I am asking for a little advice at this point so I apologize for lying to the reader earlier. I know this is a very strange rant with an ever stranger and abrupt ending but I don't really know what else to say.