Pop That Lock

_____The curious look on his face turned into one of concern as the boy started to make him seemingly smaller. He would have comforted him but he had no idea how to and didn't want the other to take it the wrong way like he did before. His frown deepened when he looked away from him and towards the window. Lucian raised an eyebrow at the other's question before looking away and toward the same window thoughtfully. He had wanted that once in his life. To be a bird. One that would be able to go anywhere it wanted. He didn't know why he didn't move and chose to remain at this house. A part of him was here that he couldn't understand. Plus there was that war. He only responded with a small smile and opened his mouth to answer when the other went on. His words were unexpected and he found that he could only stare back to the other man, "A caged bird cannot experience all the wonderful things one does when it can fly though," he let out a small sigh as he turned and mixed the meat and noodles inside the pots, "I suppose some bird though, are never meant to touch the sky," he finished what he was doing and set the spoon back down. He looked towards the smaller male and offered a smile.
 
"...." he remained quiet and only walked up to him to look at what he was making with tired but
curious eyes, his whole figure was now different, not as open as before, as a matter of fact he
only turned more reluctant with that last comment. "... ......." he sniffed the steam coming from
it. It smelt great, this man was indeed a good cook. He was wondering if he knew how to make
sweet little cakes enough for just one person.... "...." But he didn't even have enough courage as
to ask him anything. He looked back and only shrugged moving out of the way and trying to not
intrude anymore. Like a kitten afraid of his new master.
 
_____Once again he felt as if he was doing something wrong. He hadn't talked to anyone in a while and now that he was he found that he only brought the smaller man sadness. He was scaring him away more than opening him up. Lucian let out a small sigh and continued to smile gentle as the smaller man leaned over to look at what he was cooking, "It's almost done," he assured the other, "What's your favorite food?" he asked, wanting to make light conversation. Didn't really get an answer to his last question but it seemed like he wouldn't whenever it came to personal questions. He took the sauce cans he had opened and looked away from his companion and down to the pots as he poured them into the meat. There was a sizzle as he grabbed the spoon and began to mix its contents.
 
He kept it quiet and looked out the window for a moment, he had been doing that for a
while now. "... Nothing in particular" he replied, the boy's thoughts all scattered, he could
not exactly process what he had just been asked, really all he could think of was that he
was asked something about food. He turned to look at him with a little bit of a drowsy look
to his face and he tilted his head "You're not ... good with people, are you?" he asked
innocently.
 
_____"Oh I see," replied Lucian though wasn't sure if he was being told the truth or being shut out again. He supposed he was wanting to much from someone who he had just met. Maybe he would be wise to be quiet like the boy was until the night was over. If he was lucky he might be able to see the boy safely home in the morning. He continued to stir the meat for a while longer before moving the pot and turning off the fire. He froze slightly when the question was asked and laughed nervously as he began to move the noodles, "No, No I'm not," he confessed, "I suppose it's not terribly hard to tell, I'm sorry," he looked to the other with a helpless smile then turned back to what he was doing. When everything was off the hot fire he went over to the pantry and took a strainer, muttering a sorry when he got to close to the smaller male. He placed the strainer over the sink before moving back to the pot with noodles and picking it up carefully.
 
He looked up at him and his eyes slowly followed the man's hands... they were much
bigger than his own... so strange, the human body was such a special and weird thing,
so diverse it was hard to tell one apart of the other but at the same time it was really
just impossible to find two that looked the same. He admired him for quite a while before
he felt his towering presence closer to him "... " he didn't reply to the casual apology,
there was no need for that.

He tilted his head softly and stared at his wide back for a moment. "... " he kept it
quiet for a little while "You must be popular with women... they must all want to marry
you and bed you..." he commented innocently "I'd want to be spoiled by someone like
you ... but that's unnatural" ... he giggled softly at his own stupid remark.
 
_____Carefully, Lucian lifted the pot by the handles from the stove and moved over to the sink, hoping the smaller male wouldn't get in his way as he did so. When he got to the strainer he slowly tilted the pot though paused when he heard Tarenm from behind him. He was taken by surprise and nearly let the pot slip from his hands. He adjusted his grip on the handles and set it back on the counter so it couldn't tilt over or spill, "I wish that was true," he chuckled nervously, "The popular part not the bedding part," he confessed playfully though felt his face heat at the comment. He had admired a few women and at times but the thought never occurred to him to do anything about his attraction. He assumed everyone felt attraction for everyone. He didn't see people running back and forth chasing after multiple lovers though. Well, sometimes he did with how much he spent his days on that bench outside.

_____He looked up from the pot of noodles, not realizing he was spacing off till he heard the boy's next comment, "Aren't you being spoiled by me right now?" he asked with a small smile upon hearing the other's giggle. That was the first time he heard the smaller male laugh sense they had met. It was nice not to be greeted with a frown or something else when he looked at him this time.
 
The boy didn't reply to the response by the man, even tough it was true, he was being spoiled
by him, at least by a little at that moment. "..." he looked down for a second and just played
with the tip of his tennis, he didn't exactly know what to say or do, he felt a little awkward and
just went back to his other serious expression. "You like women then?" he asked, looking up
at him with calm eyes.
 
_____His smile faded slightly when the other male didn't respond and lifted the pot again carefully. He poured its contents into the strained and watched as the water rushed out the bottom, leaving only the noodles. When he finished he picked up the strainer though felt it hot where he touched it and moved his hand back. He readjusted his hold and picked it up, dumping the noodles back into the pot. His eyes went to the smaller male beside him only to see the smile from earlier was gone at his question. Though it was just a question he didn't know how to answer. It was when the other's eyes met his that he found it even harder to respond, "I'm not quite sure what I like to be honest," he didn't know if he had said the right thing or if he said was true. He had never really spoken to anyone before but the woman at the cafe and the man at the library... and the male in front of him.

_____Lucian stood in silence for a couple more moments, looking down at the other wanting to make him feel better. He seemed so sad. He liked it more when he was smiling, and that laugh was beautiful. He pushed those thoughts away and looked towards the stove, "The food's done," he said walking over towards the cabinet and taking out two bowls. He set one down on the counter for the other male to take it, not wanting to scare him away again and held the other in his hand. His plate was only half filled with noodles before he went to add sauce. Lucian wasn't a big eater and hadn't been for as long as he could remember.
 
He rose his eyes a little and took the bowl, taking a lot of sauce and noodles for himself.
He didn't like eating that much but it felt like he was being careless with himself if he didn't
help himself for the last time. He looked at the man again and followed him "... I don't know
either" he commented casually, his mind not exactly set on questioning his why of not
knowing, if he couldn't tell himself. "I don't care, really." he responded then "I think that
if you like men you are unnatural... my step father says so. He hates the devious."
 
_____He hadn't expected the other to add to what he had said though listened carefully when he did. He moved over to the drawer and pulled out two forks before closing it with his hip and turned towards his companion. He offered him a fork before sticking his own utensil in his own food. There was a strange sense of peace to know he wasn't the only one confused with what he wanted. Though he never truly though about it till now it was nice to know he wasn't alone. At the mention of liking men Lucian felt his face heat slightly. There was that strange feeling again. He didn't think it was embarrassment though. He couldn't tell what it was really. He walked towards the living room and moved to the couch. He wasn't one for the television but tonight was special he supposed. He sat on the plush couch and set his food down on the table in front of him, thinking over what he was told, "Is that truly what you think or what you were taught to believe?" he looked up from his plate and to the boy, patting the spot next to him gesturing for him to sit down.

_____There was two other couched if the other chose not to sit but him. By now he would learn not to take offense though a part of him would feel sad if the boy chose to sit away from him. Of course, he wouldn't hold it to heart, "Being homosexual does not make you a bad person just like going to church doesn't make you a good one," He looked at his food as he leaned over to mix it with his fork.
 
He rose his sight again and then just followed him to the living, noticing the television and the couches.
He agreed and sat down besides him, actually he was awfully close, and he was probably not taking
notice of his own uncounscious approach.
 
_____He looked up from mixing his food when he felt the seat go down slightly from beside him. Lucian turned his head and looked to the smaller man with a small smile though didn't comment before looking back to his food. Leaning forward he took the remote off the table and turned on the tv. The news came on instantly showing how the current war was going. He changed the channel instantly and a cartoon came up. A small chuckle escaped his lips before glancing to his companion, "Did you want to watch cartoons or a movie?" he asked with an amused grin.
 
He didn't even look at the television when it went on, all he could think of was
the movement of that man's strong looking hands, and his own eagerness toward
it, he probably was a good cook... he blinked and looked down to his bowl, now
mimicking his movements and mixing the sauce and meat with the noodles and
then sipping on some, it was delicious. He looked up and stared at the television
for a moment, still lost in thought about what he had just said about the gender
bias of his family's raising, his education about what gender should like what, and
what he himself thought.

But ... all he could think of was... being locked away. "I never want to fly" he commented
"My mother used to tell me that when a woman is deflowered by a man, she 'flies' to adult
life and is officially a grown woman... but when a man deflowers another man that is just
sick... a man should not love a man... But my father loved another man..." he looked down.
"They were in love and my mom couldn't stand it so he told him to go away, and he never
came back... I can't think of anything worst... loving another man... no one will love you if
you do that, everyone will hurt you and judge you and laugh at you ... so I'm never loving
anyone, not even a woman... because then I'll be an adult... and I will have to do what adults
do all the time and just become no one... a shadow of a person with a so called personality
stuck forever in a dark routine, no life, no love..."

He then looked at the window "I want to die..." he whispered, but loud enough to be heard
"... I don't want to live... or ever grow older..."
 
_____The amused expression on his face faded when the smaller male spoke again. Was he still thinking about earlier? Lucian truly wondered how this boys mind worked for him to just bring up things and ignore other things the way he saw fit. He let out a small sigh and lowered the TV a bit seeing as how when he turned it on the other man didn't even look up towards it. He could tell something was bugging his companion but didn't want to pry in fear that he would scare him away. His silence paid off as the other began to speak again, giving Lucian an insight on his life before they had met earlier. He didn't expect what he was hearing but listened nonetheless as he looked down at his own food for a moment before back up to the other when he had finished speaking. He looked away a second later and towards the TV, finding himself rather speechless for a while. It was clear the other was having problems with his sexuality. Lucian didn't see that as an issue though knew many people who might. It wasn't until he heard the smaller man again that he looked back towards him.

_____His once thoughtful look turned into a frown, then sadness, "Tarenm," he said gentle feeling his appetite vanish. He suddenly got an overwhelming feeling to comfort the smaller man. He wanted to take the other into his arms and hold him to reassure him he was going to be fine and his life was not worth taken. He couldn't explain the attachment he felt towards Tarenm as much as he wished he could. He pushed his plate down in front of him on the table and reached out towards the other male though stopped midway and dropped his hand beside him. He clenched it into a fist before relaxing, realizing he still needed to keep his distance. The other man didn't seem like one for emotions whether they were physical or verbal, "Please don't say those things. You have no idea how valuable you are to someone," he felt at a loss of words to comfort someone he knew so little but yet too much about.

_____"When people are confronted with something they don't know about they are either willing to learn or to stubborn for change and push whatever is causing them discomfort away. I don't care how many people you come across that push you away for who you are please do not stop being what you are or end your life for it. Humans are fools," he closed his eyes slightly, not knowing where the last comment came from. Sometimes he felt like the people he was around were totally different from him. They acted so strange from the characters in the books he read. There were too many villains in the world, "I promise you when you are around me you will always feel loved and welcomed. I may not know what you like to do for fun or how you liked your eggs cooked in the morning," he chuckled lightly, "If you even like eggs at all," he looked back up to the man next to him, "My door will always be opened for you, is all I'm trying to say," he felt at a loss for words again and that maybe he said too much. This was the longest he'd ever spoken to someone before.
 
He glanced at him for a moment and flinched when the man's hand was too close
to him, but once again he chilled and turned his pupils toward him, breathing softly
and listening to every single word he'd say. His eyes then averted him when he was
done talking for a moment. "... I don't want to fly... this world is tiring..." he mumbled
and then shrugged on himself. "I never wanted to live once my dad was gone... it's
just not worth my time..." he whispered to himself. He then turned to look at the man
and blinked "Why... are you the only one that is kind to me...?"
 
_____When the other male only looked away from him when he was finished talking he moved his hand away from his and took his spaghetti off the table in front of them. He knew he had probably said too much, after all he didn't know what he was saying half the time anyways. He had no filter when it came to talking to people. Lucian always said the first thing that came to mind. He ate some of his noodles and looked to his companion when he spoke. He swallowed as a question came to mind, "Why didn't you go with your dad then?" he asked, figuring his father would be more accepting of who he was and what he liked than anyone else. A small smile came to his face when he was asked the next question, "If I'm not kind to you then who will be?" his smile softened slightly as he looked back to the TV, "I'm just... a very open minded person," he said thoughtfully not knowing why he was being polite, always polite, "Would you like me to stop being kind?" he asked playfully as he took another mouthful of noodles.
 
The questions hammered at his heart bit by bit and one by one, why
he asked... why hadn't he gone to his father's side...? "He ... never
really loved me" he whispered as a response, shrugging and turning to
the other, leaning on the couch lazily. " ... Yes... stop being kind..."
he responded and let down his hands on his thighs and closed his eyes
with a soft sigh, he was either trying to sleep or just trying to relax.
Not even he himself knew.
 
_____Once again Lucian found that he couldn't respond to what the other said. He seemed to have no one that cared for him. He felt guilt again though wasn't quite sure why he might. The noodles in his mouth suddenly became unappealing. He wanted to help the other male, he enjoyed the smile and laugh he gave earlier, why couldn't he just smile more? At the smaller man's request Lucian only nodded before standing up from his spot on the couch. He just couldn't stop being kind. In order to do that he would just have to leave and that's exactly what he would do, "I'll bring you your sheets in a while," With his bowl in his hands he went to the kitchen silently and set his noodles down on the counter before he began to put the food away.
 
He was still being nice to him, and he simply couldn't stand it, still he sat back up forward
and took back his noodle bowl, he ate now continuously, taking a great liking to the flavor
and the consistency of the way the flavors nicely mixed together, he did not want this meal
to get cold anyway, he didn't want to throw it away, since he really liked it, and it was to be
his last meal anyway... He looked at the man who was walking away, no longer interested
in his own meal, and felt some sort of guilt. He didn't like it very much, feeling guilt. He
looked up at him and laid back down once his bowl was finished and placed back on the stand,
his eyes set on the commercials showing on the television. "..."

He turned his weakened eyes back to him and smiled "If you want to do something to me...
I really don't mind" he said, he looked exhausted, and on himself, his body was still cracking
and popping everywhere, he was thinking the beating had not been so bad, but at least he
wouldn't feel any pain after taking those pills.. but he liked just how warm this moment was..
 
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