Record scratch. Freeze Frame.
'ello mate. 'tis me. You were probably wonderin' how I got meself into this situation. Ta tell ye the truth, I wonder that meself, all the time. Where do I start?
I used to be just a regular lad, ya know, just like ye. Except me da was a king and me ma a pretty wicked witch. Now, I kno what ye be thinkin'. "Oh no, what a tragic childhood, he must be scarred and broken at a young age. Poor lad. Well, at least he was a Prince, so there's that." Me childhood was actually quite alright, to tell ye the truth. Me da was way scarier than me ma, although she skin blokes in her spare time and he just kinda lounge around the palace. Da always tried to teach me stuff like how to be king and so on, it bored me near to death. Ma never asked much of me, she even gave me her spare scalps to play wit' when she don need them anymore. I had a little sister once, but ma sacrificed her to some sort o' spirit and that made da really mad at her. They stopped talkin' for a week or so before havin' make up sex for like 5 nights in a row. I guess ye'd find them quite strange, but tat' me ma and da.
When I turned 16 though, da insisted I go to the mountain to find some bloke called "Sage", but ma hated him so she gave me a potion. The trip was quite miserable, really, bu' da sent some blokes to watch me and they didn't like me turning back. So, after like, 17 years climbin' some rocks at the arse-end of the world, we found this Sage bloke who, I must say, were quite a nasty piece of work. He wanted me to learn some real nonsense text that made me head ache, so I opened ma's potion and Sage and all of da's friends dropped dead. So Sage's stuff became mine and I lounged like da around his place for a few years.
One day I fell into a well and cracked me head and died. As I was lying there I thought, what a shitty way to die. So I possessed Sage's skeleton to write a letter home asking me da to rescue me from some sort of made up problem. Da'd send some more of his friends and I'd push them into the well and they'd become skeletons like me. They all took it pretty chilled and were overall quite nice blokes to hang around with.
So, we'd chill and play cards and when more of da's friends come me mates and I'd make it a game to hunt them down and make more mates. I'm afraid me life's not as colourful as others, but ye kno, I'm quite happy wit' it.
So now ye be all caught up. What ye say to coming around to hang with me and me mates? It'll be a fun time. Talk to ye later tho', our new mate is gettin' aweh. See ye around lad.