Playing with Fire

Carina supposed it was only fair that she indulged Natalia on her demand to know what was going on. The advisor had only recently been forced to try and build her new relationships with her and Sven on the shaky, unstable ground that was Carina and Sven's relationship with one another. Although, she had barely had time to really build that friendship with Carina when the king and queen were on good terms. It wasn't until Carina was accused that their dynamic seemed to change and take an unexpected turn. From there, she had been pulled and pushed in all manner of directions. Having sympathy for Carina, loyalty to Sven... dealing with the king's jealousy of sharing a friend and worrying over the queen's behaviours over the last few months.

"...I'm sorry. I just-- I had asked Sven to tell you himself first thing this morning so you knew it was true... since it would be coming from him." Carina moved to push back the covers with one hand while the other continued to cradle Lorcan. She swung her legs out of bed, sitting up right on the edge of the bed, her toes wriggling into the rug beneath her feet.

Lorcan wriggled, face wrinkling up as if preparing to make a fuss, but the little heir soon halted and his face relaxed as he fell back to sleep. Certain that he was content after her brief movement, Carina looked back up to the advisor.

There was a certain sheepishness to her as she tried to think of how to start. "We have agreed to... give things another go, yes." She confirmed, straightening the hem of her nightdress, still as careful as ever about that. "It will be a... difficult road, I feel, for the both of us. But ultimately it is what we want. Or at least what we wanted in the early hours of the morning when we spoke." An anxious chuckle escaped her as she realised that her husband could have had second thoughts regarding the second chance.

She had promised not to think of his mistakes as he would cast hers aside too, but she couldn't help but wonder if Eris had gotten to him since then.

Carina immediately shook her head clear of such thoughts, looking down to Lorcan to blink and focus on him. Second chances, a fresh start, a new beginning. She had promised. That meant no more doubts. No more Eris.

"So long as Sven is still in agreement... we won't be needing those papers, Natalia. We're... having a fresh start. Together."
 
"You'll be giving things another go." Natalia repeated slowly, her head nodding as she took in the words and the implications they had. On a more general level, it meant that the Ignisian King and Queen could continue to go about their business without having to portray a false image of marital bliss to the populace; a population who weren't idiots and would have eventually worked out for themselves that not all was well behind the castle walls. Hell, it was a minor miracle that news of Eris and Sven's romantic entanglement hadn't become common knowledge to the masses yet, though Natalia was willing to bet that most of the servants in the castle were too wary of invoking her rage to go gossiping about what they knew.

She hadn't made friends in the castle, a fact she sometimes felt down over, but that was the job; to be a figure of authority, maintaining order for the royals' protection. That meant being stern, being strict, and though it hadn't earned her any admirers over the years, it was all for the best.

Besides, things were looking up in the friend department now she could claim Carina as one, bringing her tally to an amazing four (her mother and Andrew being the other two).

Thus, on a more personal level, seeing two people she cared a great deal about refusing to give up on what they had was obviously huge news; news that Natalia had longed to hear for weeks. It wasn't her style to erupt joyously over such news but she was thrilled, even if it took a moment or two for her neutral expression to break in the form of a strong smile.

"I really did fear that this was it for you both, but evidently I should have had more faith. I wish you had told me last night, though. I wouldn't have bothered drafting up the documents; colour-coordinating them, making sure each page was numbered and filed appropriately. It was rather a large effort, Carina, though I forgive you. I imagine you were rather too distracted rekindling your marriage to think about anything else," she chuckled, quietly closing the open file and setting it firmly to the side, more than happy to never read its contents again. There was every chance that this second shot at giving the marriage a go wouldn't work, and so the papers might come of use again in the future, but she didn't feel it was appropriate to keep them on standby.

No, she was happy to dispose of them when she next had a chance, preferring to do so than have them stored away. She wanted to have confidence that her friends would be together for years and years to come, and having those files nearby would only remind her of the possibility that things could break down again.

"This is wonderful news, Carina - but, and without wishing to put a dampener on things, I am here if you need to talk; if Sven annoys you and you need to vent a little. He's my oldest friend -and my King- but I can keep a secret if ever there's a time you need to just... release how you feel onto someone. Or I could organise someone from the outside, someone professional, to talk to; I think it's important you have that option. Sven, too - though we both know he won't open up to anyone but you and I."
 
"I didn't know what I was going to do myself until the early hours of this morning," Carina confessed, eyes briefly glazing over as she thought back over the memories of the talk with Sven. She would always cringe at how emotional she got, especially in front of him and even more so after what she had been indoctrinated with her entire life. Crying in front of someone that was perceived as an enemy was against everything her father had drilled into her. She was was from Eira. She was supposed to be ice cold. Rock hard. Seemingly perfect.

Ignis eventually melted that all away. Sven melted it all away. Until she was left with a confused mess of who she was supposed to be.

"If I'd've known... I may not have told you anyway. Like you said before, I wouldn't have wanted to get your hopes up. I wasn't to know he would have agreed and felt the same way." Carina continued after a brief pause that had left her deep in thought, the white-haired woman focusing back onto her friend, "I am really sorry, Natalia. I know how hard you work and I'd never want you to waste a minute."

The guilt was present, knowing what the advisor had done last night had how hard she had worked. Even if she knew she ought to also tell her off because last night had been the date with Andrew and Carina had to hope that Natalia hadn't cut the night short with her beau to do work. But that would be a conversation for another time.

She hesitated over Natalia's offer for her to talk to her about things, especially Sven-related things, and her mind immediately flashed to the habit she had taken up unhealthily over the last few months. It was something she definitely would not be talking to the advisor about and nor would she delve into the depths of her reasons behind it was Sven. She was aware that he already felt more guilt than he ought about the whole situation and she didn't need him to feel even worse. And then Natalia... she didn't want her new friend looking at her in any different way, or feeling guilt that she hadn't known and feeling as thought she ought to - because she knew Natalia, and new the advisor prided herself on knowing about everything that was going on within the palace.

But Carina knew she would need to speak to someone, perhaps encouraged to do so because she said to Sven she would. "...I think someone from the outside... someone professional would be very helpful." She conceded quietly, trying not to feel as though she was giving up, "I would appreciate if you could help organise something like that... for me."



Meanwhile, a certain mistress was finally awake and preparing herself to visit the King.

Eris, completely unaware to the reconciliation that had gone on in the middle of the night, shrugged on a silk dressing gown and ran a brush through her hair. She gave her cheeks a few pinches, brushed a touch of mascara onto her lashes and dotted some perfume onto the hollow of her throat.

She allowed the dressing gown to remain open as she walked through the halls, her lips curled into a smile that hinted of her confidence, even more so now with her (unknowingly ended) relationship with the King.

Once she arrived at his room, she knocked once before slipping inside, humming softly at the sight of him. "Good morning, my king." Eris purred, sauntering over to the bed to crawl onto the surface, uncaring of the messy and unmade sheets on it. "I must say I was rather disappointed to not have a visit or a summons last night. I was very lonely... and very cold." She teased, a suggestive smirk playing on her lips as she watched him from the bed.

However, it slowly faded as the atmosphere did not match her flirty, playful tones. Ones that she was so used to him reciprocating during their time together.

"Sven? What's the matter? Is she refusing to sign the papers?"
 
When he woke that morning, there was a brief moment when Sven, like Carina, had had the sudden, all-consuming fear that everything had been a dream. It only lasted a second or two, but, until the realisation that it hadn't been a figment of his imagination hit, the King had to contend with a feeling of dread unlike any other; a depressing wave that washed over him, making his chest ache in longing for Carina. There were no words to explain how relieved he was when the memories of the early hours of the morning returned, so clear and focused that there was no believing them to be a dream of any sort, and though there was every possibility that his wife had woken that morning to regret the promises she had made, Sven refused to encourage such negativity.

No, as far as he was concerned, the promises emotionally made to one another in those hours were as true now - and he had every intention of this new day being the beginning of the rest of their lives together; a fresh start to repair a broken marriage. He wanted to be able to look back on the day, in decades to come, and acknowledge that it was the moment their lives reunited and their love for one another won out over all the difficulties, cruelty and betrayals.

However long and arduous the road ahead might be, they loved one another deeply (he was in no doubt over that fact) so they owed it to them, and to their family, to try to make it work - and, with the determination he felt in his core, he was optimistic over their chances. The love he had for Carina was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, something he knew he would never achieve to such an extent with anyone. In basic terms, he knew she was his soulmate, and he wasn't going to give up on what they had so easily.

And from last night's conversation, he was convinced that he wasn't alone in experiencing that.

And so, reassured that the momentary few seconds of mild panic were a result of an overactive, desperate mind, Sven eased from bed and prepared to dress for the day. He had countless servants on hand to aid him most days, having no qualms in accepting their help to get him into his royal clothing, but that was a duty he had relieved them of a few weeks back, for no other reason than he couldn't bear the fuss. That, and the fact that Eris was often in his bed come the morning and, though his staff all knew of the affair, a small part of Sven was hesitant to continually throw it in their faces; to have them begin to resent his behaviour. Perhaps now, with his determination to repair his marriage, he could let them do their jobs without any further unwelcome disruption.

Apparently, he was still having to deal with said unwelcome disruptions, as Eris' impromptu appearance into his bedroom served to prove. Perhaps it was naive to assume she wouldn't trail into his room when she was unaware of his decision to stay in -and dedicate himself to- his marriage, but her confident entrance did render him speechless. He liked Eris, despite some of the cutting comments she tended to make, so of course he didn't want to hurt her - but that appeared inevitable at this point, her seductive delivery and appearance only indicative that she had no desire to drop their entanglement anytime soon. Which meant, he assumed, having to upset her by stating his desire to do otherwise.

"Look, I... don't quite know how to say this, Eris, but-- first things first, you'll need to, ah... get up from the bed, if that's alright," he finally responded once his words returned to him, despite nervousness and fear coating each of them. What if Carina were to enter into his room to wish him a good morning? It wasn't impossible that she might wish to see him before breakfast, so how could he possibly explain away Eris, a woman he had taken as a lover as recently as a day ago, laying on his bed, amongst his sheets, in little more than an open silk gown? He knew she would assume that he had spent the night with her and that would be that, the end to his marriage and all the promises they had made one another.

Thus, getting Eris out of his room as soon as he could was suddenly of the utmost importance.

"She won't be signing the papers, Eris. Neither will I. We talked last night and we... we have both decided that we love each other far too much to give up. We're giving things another go. I... I'm aware that this looks like I've been using you, and that's... trust me, that's far from the truth, because I care a great deal for you. But I love her, Eris. Carina and I, we... we belong together. I'm sorry, I really am, but that's-- she's where I want to be; I want to be with her, at her side, for years to come. I need to be."
 
Slowly, Eris pushed herself up from where she had been laying on her front, drawing herself into a lounging position with a hand pressed against the mattress. If his words weren't enough, his tone definitely was. He never spoke to her with such a tone, not that it was a harsh one. But that was the problem. She was used to him whispering sweet things to her or even snapping if she went to far after a particularly painful encounter with Carina. But never what she was playing witness to now.

She slipped off the bed and pulled her dressing gown closed over her nightgown, folding her arms across her chest after tying the knot tight at her waist.

His next words were like a sucker punch to the woman. Not because she had actually loved him in any way, but rather because it was an interference with her plans. Her plans to get him divorced from Carina. To marry the king herself. To be queen.

So instead of a response that was full of tears and declarations of love and begging for him not to leave her, a storm overcame her express.

The playful gleam to her eye died away until a stone-like hardness was all that was left, her lips that were usually turned upwards in that confident and flirty smile had pressed into a thin line. Her shoulders were forced downwards with her audible exhale of breath and the Penrith woman flicked her hair back over her shoulder with a simple, small flick of her hair.

"Of course you used me, Sven," she drawled lazily, lips now pursing as she surveyed the room she had been summoned to so many times in the last few months, "You used me because you were terrified of being alone. You needed to someone to fill that gaping hole in your life that this Eirian bitch left when she worked with your other former lover to kill you."

A soft, almost taunting laugh escaped her as she walked across to the window, a hand reaching out to rest on the ledge as she stared out at the few. An amused snort followed soon after and she glanced back to him, eyebrow raised, "That night she ran out on you at the Ball, you looked like a fucking fool." She tutted gently, "And I was there to pick up the pieces. We have a good thing going here, Sven." She left the window and approached him, pausing in front of him, "You and... Carina... you may belong together. But look at you both," she hummed, almost sympathetically, "You're both a fucking disaster with one another. Your father kills her father. You kill her brother. She leaves you with no choice but to kill your former best friend. She almost kills you. You burn her."

Her hands reached out to rest on his chest, trailing down and back up to rub softly, adding the occasional graze of nails, "But us... we could be so much better than that. I won't melt like your pathetic little ice princess. You know I can take you. All of you." She pressed herself up against him, hands lowering to the waistband of his trousers, "Why bother clinging on to what you hope your future could be? When you know what it could be like with me at your side. As your new queen."
 
Though Sven considered himself to be no fool, someone who was able to easily read people, he had never been able to read Eris; a fact he was only now aware of. He had never believed her to be someone he had to analyse more intensely than he had, falling into the belief that she was exactly as she presented herself as - excitable, flirtatious, a little selfish but otherwise well-meaning and essentially harmless (other than her obvious decision to pursue a married man, anyway). He had never harboured an inner doubt that the woman he had spent most days with over the past few weeks wasn't as she claimed to be; that she had ulterior motives propelling her every move and action.

That she was perhaps far more cunning and even manipulative than he could have ever believed.

Of course, that realisation was finally dawning on him as her true colours began to powerfully shine through, the shock that rendered on his face remaining firmly in place as she approached, each cutting, venomous word piercing the air with the intended sharpness, even if all it did was make Sven's prolonged shock intensify. There really were no words to explain just how difficult it was to take in Eris' sudden behavioural shift, from seductive and playful to fierce and cruel, and so he said nothing, incapable of forming a sentence when his mind was overrun with confusion and questions; so, so many questions he knew she would probably laugh at in amusement, if only because it was a indictment of how... different he was these days.

The master manipulator who had changed so much that he failed to see when his own games were being played against him.

But then, he had to admit that he was almost impressed by it all. Despite seeing Eris for who she was, despite that mask having slipped off to reveal her intentions loud and clear to him, Sven would be lying if he said he was angry or offended by it all. How could he be when he had done far worse in his day? He had lied, manipulated and deceived for his own selfish desires, and so he knew, from that experience, just how much dedication and determination it had taken. If nothing else, he had to commend Eris on the weeks she had put in into achieving her goal, even if it hadn't exactly ended in success.

At least he had enjoyed some success in his endeavour. Granted, he didn't enjoy recalling the memory of slaughtering Carina's brother and gloating amusedly at her horrified reaction - but he had at least achieved what he had set out to do back then. The same couldn't entirely be said for Eris, which, in recognition of that, made Sven smirk to himself in thinly-veiled enjoyment.

"I never once claimed Carina and I were perfect, but she understands me. She gets me. She... recognises the good in me and helps me to be the best I can be, Eris. She sees that in me. You... Well, you would only drag me down a path I don't wish to venture down. You would manipulate me, as you've done the last few weeks; I see that now, of course. Far too late, but I see you for who you are. And I despise it; I despise you. You say Carina and I are a mess? Then I dread to imagine what depths of depravity you and I would sink to together, Eris. What hatred and... despair we would create," he continued with a faint shake of his head, the imaginings of such a future causing his eyes to shut in what appeared to be disgust... though it wasn't. On the contrary, Sven's closed eyes allowed him a moment to recollect himself; to force off the undeniable shiver of pleasure that had coursed through his veins, both at Eris' wandering hand and the very thought of ruling Ignis as his old self would have.

Because as proud of the progress he had made as he was, as firm as he was in his desire to be that better person he spoke of, the person Carina believed in, Sven couldn't overhaul who he was; he couldn't pretend to be someone entirely removed from his past when those traits and desires would never truly be erased. He could access sympathy and develop kindness, learn to put his selfishness at bay and be humble, but he would never lose the narcissism or hunger for power; never abandon the genuine sorrow he felt at not being able to play the mind tricks or delve into the manipulative charm around others.

So, as angry as he was with the way Eris had capitalised on his weaknesses and wormed her way into his life, there was that part of him that was excited by it; impressed by her behaviour. He was drawn to it like a moth to a flame, aware of the danger it was going to introduce but almost powerless against the temptation that pulled him in.

But a part of him was almost indifferent to that fact, far too aroused by the desire -and the implications- to care. Carina might see the good in him, and he might genuinely desire to be the person she believed in - but it wasn't quite as exciting to him as bathing in debauchery was. He had done a good job of fighting against that, of being the person he knew he could be with Carina at his side, but now, with Eris' hands roaming his body and her tempting, purred words calling to those urges he had held back for so long, how was he supposed to resist?

He was weak, he knew that.

But it was hard to feel bad about it now the switch had been flicked in his brain.

His eyes finally opened once he accepted the simple fact that denying who he was -and how attracted he was to what Eris was proposing- was useless. There was a clarity within the blue of them now he saw Eris for who she was, though no attempt on his part to push her away spoke volumes about where his mindset was.

"Make no mistake, I love and adore my wife, Eris. Your cutting words will never alter that fact," he muttered beneath his breath, though that declaration was somewhat undercut by his hands reaching to Eris' face, tugging her in hard for a rough, breathless kiss, harbouring the sort of intensity their love affair had become dominated by. Despite the faint guilt gnawing uncomfortably at him, the King opted to embrace the pleasure instead; the overwhelming, heated gratification that swarmed each and every one his senses. He rested his forehead against hers as he broke the embrace to catch his breath, a disbelieving laugh breaking past his stinging lips.

"I should have you thrown in the dungeons for even speaking to me like this, you know. For manipulating me all these weeks into doing what you wanted. For achieving it. But-- I don't know. You remind me of me. You're detestable, Eris. You're selfish, you're cruel, you're so damn manipulative that it astounds me, but I-- well, I admire it. I love it. I'm attracted to the danger of it. To pretend otherwise would make me a fool."
 
"Then leave her." The woman pressed, keeping her arms wrapped around him after the harsh, almost savage kiss he had given her. Rough in the passion she knew he still felt for her. That much was obvious.

Her hands pulled around to his sides, nails gently raking across his skin until they came to a pause at his hips. "You'll get bored of her. Look at you, you already have. Not even a few hours after you promised to try again and you're already acting like a man dying of thirst." She laughed, smirking up at him, "My sweet little King... a leopard cannot change it's spots. You may rid yourself of me but you'll be thinking of me later on, wishing I was back by your side and in your bed."

Her fingers walked their way up his front before beginning to tease the buttons undone, "You say you despise me... then why are you still here with me... rather than with the woman who continues to be your wife? You said you wanted to try again with her, Seven. Why don't you run along and do so? Go, play house with her... and I'll be waiting for you up here for when you return." Eris smirked coyly up at him, eyebrow raising in the challenge she proposed to him.

She was amazed by how easy it was to turn his head again, so amused she could have laughed at it all. It seemed as though whatever words he had spoken to Carina had been forgotten about the moment she cooed a few sensual words his way and poisoned his mind with a future of them.

"You love your wife... yet need another to satisfy that other side to you. That deeper, darker part. Do you think she would be able to sate it? She wouldn't ever. She's already proved that." She undid the last of his buttons and leaned forward to kiss his collarbone, "She's quite like your mother in that way," she hummed against his skin, "Was loved by the King... but clearly never enough to satisfy him."
 
"I can't leave her, don't be absurd. She's the love of my life; my soulmate. It wasn't hyperbole when I said so earlier, Carina is... everything to me. You don't understand because you're obsessed with-- whatever it is you're pursuing me for. Power. Money. The role of Queen. You haven't opened yourself up to the possibility of love, Eris, and that's sad. It is. What Carina and I have is... it's special. I won't rid myself of that." Sven concluded with a firmness, both of tone and countenance. His jaw tightened as he considered the strength of the love he held for his wife; a love that, contrary to his current actions, was ultimately all he wanted from his life; the love of a woman who he could never quite communicate his love for solely through words alone, because they simply wouldn't do it justice.

Regardless of the hurt he had caused through his selfishness, not once had that intense love for her died. The flame was always there, burning strongly, and it always would be no matter what he did to threaten it.

He just couldn't deny how drawn to Eris -and what she provided him with- he was. As in love with Carina as he was, being at her side meant disposing of a past he, in truth, didn't want to abandon. He knew the dangers and the consequences of selfishly pursuing a past he had worked incredibly hard to overcome, to distance himself from, but playing with fire wasn't an act he found disagreeable.

He thrived upon it, revelled in the chaos, and Carina... couldn't provide him that; couldn't understand how integral those behaviours were to his happiness. He found joy in the little things with his wife, with the family they had together, but at his core, at the depths of his soul, Sven enjoyed indulging in his vices, rather than the virtues he had promoted when he turned over a new leaf.

He let a quiet moan escape through his lips at the kiss to his collarbone; a sweet spot that Eris knew how to expertly exploit. He let his head tilt a little to encourage the action, all the while a strong arm moved to wrap around her waist, a hand possessively laying claim to resting upon her hip and tugging her further into his eager embrace.

Until she mentioned his mother, at least. His eyes snapped open at the remark, if only because of the implication it left.

"...Are you insinuating, then, that I'm alike my father? That, like him, I'm unsatisfied by one woman and need to seek pleasure elsewhere? Because, if so-- you should know by now not to ever do that, Eris. You don't insinuate, however inadvertent, that I am like that fucking man," he seethed, eyes exploding with the rage that his father, and any insinuation regarding him, brought. The rage was so abrupt that he had to pull his hands back from resting upon the woman, such was the fear that he would, in that anger, burn her in the same way he had with Carina. He flexed his fingers to ease the burning fire beneath the skin, a slow, shaky breath leaving through parted lips as he fought back the heat that had spread across his body.

"You infuriate me, you know that? You-- You know how to push my buttons and I detest it. You enrage me," he spat, snarling each word, though that ire did little to disrupt the undercurrent of sexual tension. If anything, the intensity only encouraged it, his heightened emotions and riled-up state only making Eris all that more desirable to him. As such, he moved with meaning and purpose as he pulled her up into his arms (a cocky smirk resting on his lips at such an obvious display of his strength) and dropped her onto his bed without hesitating to climb on top of her to resume the heated kiss.

As complex as his emotions were towards her, the only one that really stood out to him in that moment was his lust for her. Evidently, it was powerful enough for him to put every good thing in his life at risk; a fact he couldn't even claim to care about when he was so caught up in suffocating every one of his senses with Eris' presence.
 
The next few months went by and it was safe to say that Carina hadn't been happier. In her eyes, her relationship with Sven was back on track and she had nothing to worry about but the growth of her son. He had his first laugh at just gone four months and it was the best noise she had ever heard. She went out of her way to try and do everything she could to get him to laugh on most days, not yet fed up with hearing it.

She didn't allow motherhood to get in the way of other matters, however, stepping in to help Sven with matters of state as she promised she would when they first confessed their love for one another. She informed him of her opinions regarding the war he was stubbornly marching into, but kept her mouth shut otherwise. They had spoke of trust, and she either had to trust him to get them through the other side relatively unscathed... or to eventually see that war wasn't the way to go.

Carina had also started seeing someone professional, as she had told Sven she would. She was determined to do everything that she hoped would help make them better and keep them from falling into the pit that seemed to get deeper and deeper with each turn from love to hatred and pain.

She developed healthier coping mechanisms, such as turning to music again after organising for the piano to be replaced in the music room of the castle. She played the songs she knew and the music she found within the cupboards, but also composed her own (although no one heard those ones except her and Lorcan). But for when her anxieties and demons moved in too fast, she would reach for the journal in her bedside drawer and fetch her quill and ink to write all the things down on paper that worried her.

Eris, in the meantime, was getting bored.

She soon realised that, while she clearly spoke to the darker side of the king... she was never going to be his queen. She would never replace Carina on the throne or truly in his heart. She was an unhealthy habit for him, an addiction. And while she was happy to continue playing along to that in the hopes that Carina would one day find out (not that she could be willingly obvious about it without getting into trouble with Sven)... it wasn't the end result she wanted.

So she began communications with the king, the bachelor king, that Sven was determined to go into battle against. And she cut a deal. Information, for an eventual place at his side on the throne.

She started leaking information that Sven willingly gave, or that she found during trysts in his office. Including one such piece of knowledge regarding a battalion stationed at the village of Akriel.

Carina, on one particular morning, hurried through the halls with Lorcan at her hip, breathless with excitement at what she had just witnessed. Lorcan giggled and chortled as he bounced, finding it all to be one big game.

"Sven, Sven!" She called, gasping a little as she reached his office and entered with another laugh of her own, "Look, come here now, look!"

She hurriedly lowered herself to the floor and gently held Lorcan up onto his feet, "Come and kneel in front of him-- come now, quick!" She motioned with her one hand, smiling warmly until she looked up to see him. Her expression faded and her hand moved back to hold Lorcan but gently lower him to sit on her thighs, "What's... what's wrong?"
 
Balancing a life that was dominated by secrecy and lies was far from as stressful as Sven had initially assumed it would be. This was the first time he had had to really hide his love affair with Eris; the first time he had to lie and deceive the ones he cared about in order to maintain his connection with his lover. In the past, he had simply flaunted the interaction to all those within the castle walls without care or consideration to the feelings he was hurting and the respect he was losing as a result, but now, he had to learn to be sneaky with his actions; to devise justifiable reasons to leave the castle without garnering suspicion.

And he would be lying through his teeth if he claimed not to be thrilled by the danger of it all. The adrenaline rush the deception (and getting away with it all) caused was intoxicating and addicting, with the young King struggling to feel as guilty as he otherwise would when the results of his bold-faced lies were as pleasurable and as enticing as they were.

That wasn't to say he didn't feel any guilt at all. No, as entirely addicted as he was to his relationship with Eris and all the benefits it allowed him, he was unequivocally besotted with his wife. Those months of working on their marriage, as promised, had worked wonders, allowing for a bond and an understanding to grow as it once had in happier times. Though, Sven felt like those times had finally returned; that he and Carina had worked hard on improving and growing and the fruits of those labours were now finally in bloom.

He might have broken countless of his promises to Carina by continuing what he had with Eris, and the guilt often gnawed uncomfortably within him because of it, but Sven was selfish; he couldn't bear to part with something that brought him pleasure and helped him accept all of who he was. Carina brought contentment and fulfilment to his life in ways Eris never could; she was where his heart belonged, the person who made him feel proud and brave and happy. But it was Eris who satisfied his desires of power; who didn't show concern for his megalomaniacal tendencies; who accepted his selfishness without complaint and encouraged his penchant for the debauchery his father had been infamous for (though Sven stubbornly would always refute that particular commonality).

As wrong as he knew it was, he needed Eris. Without her, he would have to force back elements of who he was around Carina, and he had come to accept (or delude himself to be able to justify his meetings with Eris) that it was unhealthy.

Like someone who had their cake and got to eat it, Sven was able to be the family man with Carina, working at her side to rule Ignis with thoughtfulness and strength one moment and doting lovingly on their son the next, whilst also meeting with Eris in various locations around Ignis for the sole purpose of selfishly indulging himself in the affair that fed all the parts of himself he kept at bay in his wife's presence, as per his promise to 'be a better man'.

There were moments of stress sprinkled into those months, of course. Being a King meant accepting that his life would never be entirely of luxury, not if he wanted to be a royal who visibly cared for his kingdom which Sven did. He would never seek to be his father who ruled in name and not in practise. As fond of his indulgences as he was, Sven cared about Ignis and wanted to be the ruler he felt the ancient land deserved, which meant defending its honour and venturing forward into a war. Though potentially unavoidable with conversation and compromise, Sven had poured everything he had into preparations for the war, whether it be in his office with high-ranking officers in his army to discuss tactics, or out on the training field with the soldiers, taking an active role in helping them prepare for the likelihood of a long and bloody war. A war he, naturally, had every desire to fight in; to lead his people from the front, without hesitation or resistance. He took everything regarding the war entirely seriously, having put so much of his energy and emotion into every little detail involved in it (though again, he couldn't deny how it fed into the side of him that thrived off the potential to strengthen and empower himself).

The dedication to the war effort was precisely why news of the targeted battalion -and the consequential burning of the village it had been stationed at- hit him as hard as it did when Natalia informed him of it that morning, shortly after breakfast had concluded. And so entered his trusty cigarettes, Sven already on his third that hour as he poured over various documents that now piled his desk, seeking desperately for answers for how word of his battalion had reached the ear of the other King.

But he knew, deep down, that there had to have been a traitor amongst his ranks; a betrayer who had spurned loyalty in favour of whatever reward the other side had bestowed upon them for the selective information. The anxiety and anger that came with trying to deduce who had betrayed him became impossible to cope with, resulting in the young King resting his head in one hand and letting a cigarette burn between the fingers of the other.

Only when Carina excitedly and breathlessly burst into his office did he peer up, albeit without the ability to even muster a smile. His son's beaming face usually managed to do the trick but then entered the realisation that someone who had fed information to the enemy was one of Sven's inner circle who had been invited into his home, possibly even brought to see his son. His anxiety, inevitably, only surged after that.

"...Someone has betrayed me, Carina. The battalion, in Akriel; they've all been killed. Every last one of them. Along with the civilians. The entire village set ablaze. If there were survivors from the attack, they inevitably perished in the flames. Someone-- took sensitive information and leaked it to that West Torterrian bastard and he-" He paused to bring his cigarette to his lips, only to find it failed to efficiently scratch the itch of anger burning solidly in him. With a grunt of annoyance, he squashed the stub out in his ashtray and rested both hands, curled into fists, on the desk in front of him.

"It could only be one of several people, really. High-ranking officers, the Generals, and the like. Natalia and Andrew were also aware, as were you, but you're all eliminated, naturally. I know you'd never do that, none of you, which leaves the men I've been planning this all with, going over every tactic in extreme detail. Every fucking aspect of this war. Any one of them could be feeding it to the King and his people. You know where this leaves us, don't you? If that's the case, we're doomed, really. Any surprise tactic? That's out the window. They could know everything, Carina. Every damn thing. I'd be leading our men to get slaughtered," he continued, voice starting to break as the enormity of the betrayal, and all of its damning implications, began to fully dawn on him, only really doing so now he was able to vocalise the details and express his fears aloud. He returned to light up another cigarette as an unfortunate coping mechanism, a shaky breath expelling from his lips as he struggled to keep a control of his composure.

He knew that there was a chance that it wasn't those trusted army figures who had turned their backs on him, but rather Eris who had grown tired of her role within the shadows, stroking his ego with nothing to really show for it. But how could he acknowledge that aloud when it would bring every wall he had built up crumbling down? The inevitability of his affair being exposed wasn't lost on him, but now it felt dangerously close to occurring, far sooner than he would have ever thought it too. If it was Eris who had betrayed him and now placed her loyalties elsewhere, he couldn't hold back the tide of truth from arriving.

And that only caused his pained expression to intensify, particularly as he took in the sight of Carina and Lorcan and realised that he would lose them both when everything did come to light.

"I... just don't know what to do, I'm at a loss," he admitted with an eventual smile, albeit one of hopelessness. "I feel sick, I-- I can't think straight. I just-- god, I just want to lock the door and stay holed up in here. I can't, I have to talk to the Generals, get things organised, but the thought of seeing them, knowing I could be face-to-face with a traitor, it-- it makes me feel sick."
 
The joy that Carina felt previously at the fact that their son had just taken his first few steps, and her excitement to show Sven the milestone that had been reached, was extinguished the moment he uttered his first words. Fear and anxiety wrapped around her chest and squeezed as she began to panic about any potential accusations - he had had no problems with the plans when they were at war with one another. It was only now, a few months in to their reconciliation that he was facing these troubles. Carina didn't know how she would handle being accused again.

It made her breathing hitch, and then tremble, as she waited for the charges to be held against her, only for her body to sag forward with relief as he assured her that she, as well as Natalia and Andrew, were not on his list of suspects.

She lowered her gaze to Lorcan and bowed her head to kiss the top of his head to hide the respite she felt from her anxiety. Although she knew that it would undoubtedly become a worry to add to the lists in her journal.

As he continued, she realised that this was not a conversation that could be continued with Lorcan in the room. She pushed herself to her feet and moved to the door, calling for a servant to fetch Lorcan and take him back to the nursery. She would use their son's first walk as a way to distract Sven later, but for now, he needed reassurance. He needed her words and her opinions, which she would always give regardless of if she agreed with the decision that got him into the situation he was in in the first place.

Once Lorcan was taken from her, she turned back into the office and locked the door. Not for any reason other than knowing that, should his emotions get the better of him, she knew he wouldn't wish for anyone else to see. Perhaps not even Natalia or Andrew at this point.

Approaching him, she pushed him and his chair back away from the desk before climbing (with some hesitance) onto his lap. Her acts of contact had been reserved and hesitant in the first few weeks, but had slowly built up in confidence the more relaxed she became and the more trusting she felt about how their reconciliation was really happening. That it wasn't all just a act of manipulation and that he truly had stepped up to act upon his words. Even if she didn't know that he hadn't fulfilled all his promises.

She reached for the cigarette that rested between his fingers and leaned back to crush it into the ashtray. When she turned back to him, she took his chin into her hand, her thumb brushing against his jaw as she held his gaze. The news had caused nausea to roll in her stomach too, the implications of what the betrayal meant not being lost on her despite her earlier worries of being accused as the betrayer first. However she knew she couldn't also fall into a state of panicked despair too. She had to keep herself focused.

"There is only one thing for you to do, Sven." She murmured softly after stealing a kiss from him and allowing her hold on his chin to become a touch firmer to keep him grounded, "You do what you do best, do you hear me? You manipulate them."

Carina knew that her advice probably wouldn't be what he wanted to hear, or perhaps even expected her to give. But they were at war. And now she was invested. Someone who included innocent civilians in their targeted attacks did not deserve to win.

"Manipulate them until you smoke out our rat. They burn our villages and we'll make sure they burn with us, do you understand?" Her hand moved from his chin to run down the side of his throat, fingers hooking around the back of his neck, "You tell each of those generals a different lie, quietly and privately, make them swear to keep it a secret, even from the others because you suspect a mole. You tell them something that will force them to have to tell that bastard so quickly that they won't be able to check first because it's too good an opportunity to pass up. Then... then we will know."

Her fingers moved into his hair, tightening there in a tender fashion to ensure she kept him focused on her, "Yes?"
 
If the guilt of his continuing interactions with Eris hadn't drawn Sven to misery by now, then witnessing his wife's excitement vanish and their son be carried from the room definitely would have done the trick. He failed to disguise the scowl of that annoyance form resting on his lips, the guilt over ruining what might have been a precious family moment becoming uncomfortable within his chest. Deep down, he knew he deserved to feel that way and more; he deserved to suffer for not only what he had done in the past, but what he continued to do now, in the present. He was continuing to hurt those he loved without their knowledge; threatened to break apart the family dynamic he had dreamt of ever since he was young, seeking a set-up that he had never had as a child.

Now he had everything his father never had managed to achieve: a loving wife, a son who would be raised with two doting, adoring parents, and a kingdom who valued his leadership and held the utmost respect for him because of it (even though he was sure they knew that his wife was the one holding everything together, which he had no qualms about). Yet, here he also was, allowing himself to be swept up by the adrenaline and the thrill of Eris and everything she represented; finding pleasure in his pursuit of power and the freedom he felt at knowing he would gladly do whatever he could to achieve it.

He would never admit it aloud if he could help it, but those behavioural traits were far too similar to his father for his liking. He may be able to lead in a manner his father never had done, he may have a genuine fire within him to care for Ignis and its people unlike the former King, but deluding himself into believing he wasn't similar to his father after all he had done -and still continued to do- was ludicrous.

Naturally, given his anger at being compared to the man, he opted not to dwell too long on the realisation that had settled uncomfortably within his mind. Granted, the alternative -thinking about the traitor within the ranks and its implications- hardly brought him any relief.

Carina's decision to situate herself on his lap and introduce that physical contact did, at the very least, cause him to focus a little and not allow his nerves and fears to overwhelm him entirely. He was too emotional for his own good, he knew that fact was infamous at this point, but Carina always did a good job at helping those fires to calm; of speaking firmly but with care, level-headedly providing him a plan he could follow whenever he inevitably allowed his emotions to rule him. He was an Ignisi, a family famed for allowing their emotions to consume them, which made him all the more grateful for Carina. However uncomfortable he was with having to let her bear the weight of calming him down (or, conversely, building him up), her role was integral to the sort of King he sought to be - and he wouldn't be half the man he was without her. Her ice cooled his fires, and for that, he would always be grateful.

Even if his way of thanking her by continuing his affair with Eris was despicable, but again, he chose to push that guilty acknowledgement to the very back of his overactive mind.

An arm instinctively looped around her waist to offer some stability (though he was also eager to make the most of the affectionate positioning) as he tilted his head up from its previously despondent angle, his eyes focusing intently upon hers as her advice was revealed. To say he was surprised by just what that advice was would be an understatement: he was stunned into silence by it, his mouth parting a little as if to argue but the shock rendered that ability useless. He knew his manipulative tendencies were an element to his personality (or a talent, as he would prefer to term it) that she had issues with - as she understandably should given their fraught past, when he used such a 'talent' to feign weakness, to draw her in and earn him her sympathy, before breaking the facade in the most cruel of ways in the murder of her brother.

"I-- think that would work, yes. Weed out the traitor. But Carina, I... don't wish to hurt you. Bring back bad memories of those times when you and I were... before we fell in love, let's say. When I was... deceiving you for my own selfish need. I don't... I love you too much to hurt you," he finally managed once the surprise wore off, though he was quick to continue his speech, desperate to ignore the irony of his confession before his guilt caused him more discomfort than he could deal with.

"Not that I'd direct that manipulation to you, obviously, but I'm not naive enough to believe you're entirely fine with this course of action. But it would-- well, it would help to discover just who has betrayed us, I just don't want it hurting you in the meantime. I'm happy to devise any other plan if that's the case."
 
"This will not hurt me, Sven. Us sitting here, waiting, quaking under the fear of the unexpected... we are not those people. Since when have we ever waited for something to fall perfectly into our laps? Since when have we ever accepted defeat?" Her brow furrowed as she quizzed him, "We are two of the most stubbornest people alive. And two of the most terrifying when angered or hurt."

Her reference made to the men she killed after the attack on the carriage when she was first pregnant... and to his sickening burning of Thorin on that fateful night.

"I may not have wanted this war. I may have disagreed with you on going to battle with West Torterrian. But this attack, this cruel and cowardly attack now just on our battalion but our people? I will not stand for it. And I don't care what tactics we use to weed out the pathetic little mongrel traitor who dared to lose sight of their loyalty."

Carina moved her hands up to cup his cheeks, a fiery determination lit within her eyes as she considered their future plans. He may believe that she would become uncomfortable with the manipulation, but she wouldn't be there to see it, nor would she be the one on the receiving end. Not any more (or at least so she thought). She believed that that part of their lives was over; there were no more lies and deceit was a word that would no longer be synonymous with their relationship. Carina saw them both as a powerhouse that was back on track to create a stronger and better Ignis that they imagined together. Even Eira, with the plans for the rebuild of her former kingdom underway again so the people who survived had better living conditions.

In her eyes, everything was back on track to being perfect. And with all being well in her personal life and her confidence increasing again due to the professional help she was having, Carina herself was back on track to being her old self.

"This is the best course of action. I won't allow us to sit around, desperately thinking of another plan when we both know this is the most perfectly sound one. We will catch the traitor and you can see to it yourself that they are disposed of. Once upon a time, they only had your will to compete and fight against. Now they have mine." Her hands slipped down to his shoulders where they held there, "The bastard won't get away with this."
 
"I now that it isn't exactly the appropriate moment to admit this, but you are exceptionally attractive to me right now, Carina; more than usual, which I honestly thought impossible until now. Maybe it's that fierce determination I'm suddenly finding so appealing, hm? I've always admired your strength; it is rather difficult not to," he responded after a few beats. He didn't want to undermine the seriousness of the message being made, not when he understood and agreed with every firm point she made, but he knew the heat rising to his cheeks would visibly show in the form of a blush in a few seconds more. He at least wanted to ensure he got his reasoning for it in before it actually arrived.

He adjusted his position enough to allow his other arm to link around her waist, a smile growing on his face in response to both their close, affectionate proximity and the formulation of the plan she had firmly presented to him; a plan he knew, without a doubt, would work. All he could really hope was that it proved Eris innocent in the entire matter - not just because he could maintain that affair (which, regardless of his guilt, he felt he almost had to do at this point for the sake of the traits in him that never got to see the light of day otherwise) but because things were just easier that way.

If she was innocent, he wouldn't feel as obligated to come out with the affair. Nobody would be none-the-wiser, and he could, however wrongly, continue to deceive all those around him purely out of the selfishness that came with wanting it all.

Right now, however, all his thoughts and feelings were entirely dominated by his wife, his eyes continuing to be locked onto hers as he hung from every word and allowed himself to be entirely convinced of her plan, having no hesitation in confidently grinning his agreement to every element of it.

"I dread to think how I would rule this kingdom without you, Carina. You were made for this, you know. Ruling our kingdom at my side, and me at yours. You are the brains behind everything, I'm more than happy to admit as such," he continued with a renewed joy. He wasn't suddenly free from the anxiety that came with knowing that the higher-ups in West Torterrians likely knew of the Ignisian tactics, possibly even the intricate details of how many were employed in the army and how trained they currently were, but there was little point in dedicating himself to that fear.

That wasn't who he was, as Carina was happy enough to remind him of. He would make the traitor pay for their disloyalty when the time came, and until then, the least he could do was maintain confidence; not appear unsettled or unnerved by recent developments. There was someone in his circle slipping information out to his enemy, presumably hoping to see him rattled so they could pass it on with glee - and he wasn't going to give them that satisfaction.

"...Sorry about the cigarettes," he eventually apologised with a faint shrug, eyeing the half-full ashtray in guilt - albeit a guilt that in no way came close to the guilt that resided deep in his chest regarding his broken promises and continued betrayal. "I mean, I know it's a bad habit, I know you hate it, but-- I'm working on it. Miracles don't happen in days, you know. Or rather, months-- but nonetheless, I'm trying. It's a stressful thing, war. Especially now there's a traitor among us all. But we'll find them, won't we? I know I can do anything when you're at my side, darling."
 
Carina laughed at his compliment, bowing her head for a moment before lifting it again. There was a slight blush to her own cheeks at such words, ones that she was becoming accustomed to receiving again after so many months of pure vitriol instead. "Maybe it's because it's not directed at you, for a change." She pointed out with a wry smile, trying to remain feeling comfortable with such words of affection being exchanged.

After so many months of going back and forth, it was rather quite difficult to not fall back into what she knew; what she had been taught by her father. It was the safest thing she knew, closing herself off and keeping it all in to herself. She had let him in time and time again, unable to shake the love that she felt. Like anything else, the pain she felt during their estrangement caused her to recoil and retract deeper within herself. So physically forcing herself to take those steps that she knew were so important to keeping herself from returning to her inner walls of ice was what she had to do.

She shifted slightly in his lap, clearing her throat as she realised just how close they had become despite it being her own initiation of contact to distract him. She tended to get carried away at times only to remember a few minutes later after the moment had gone. But again, she was trying to uphold her promises. Trying again would always be difficult, but she had to do it, knowing they would be the better for it if she stepped out of her comfort zones.

Her cheeks grew even darker in colour as his words of praise continued, leaving her to bow her head once more as she focused on the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers moving down from his shoulders to fiddle with them. She wanted to tell him that he didn't have to keep giving her such sweet words. They had said they would try again, leaving the past in the past. She would forget all the hateful, harsh and cruel words that had been directed her way just as he would with the ones she had spat in his direction. She just couldn't help but wonder if all these honey-coated compliments came from the guilt he still felt about what he had said during their dark days.

Not realising that they could also be a product of the guilt he felt regarding the affair he continued to have, unknowingly to her.

"Then come with me. I'll show you what I came down to show you in the first place." She instructed, hesitantly peeling herself off his lap to stand. She smoothed out her skirts before reaching a hand out to him, squeezing her hand open and closed in a motion for him to take it. "I promise you, you'll forget about everything else for a moment when you see what our son can do now."
 
Though the entire morning itself had been emotionally-draining, the last few minutes had helped to alleviate much of the stress and anxiety that had riddled through him for hours. That whiplash did cause a fog to descend over his racing thoughts, and while that was a good thing for the time being, allowing himself to pull himself together and retrieve the composure he would desperately need outside the doors of his study, it also temporarily muddied everything else. He was so intensely focused on the present moment with Carina, on drinking in her features and hanging off her every word (in the knowledge that her advice was the best way of fighting himself and Ignis out of the corner they had been backed into) that he failed to recall just what she had entered the office to tell him in the first place, only recalling the breathlessness of her excitement once she held her hand open to him and encouraged him to get to his feet.

He could put a face on and act cool and composed to everyone beyond his study, to avoid word of his anxiety reaching the ears of his enemies, but it was only inevitable that the anxiety would make its reappearance at some stage. He could pretend otherwise to all beside Carina, but the matter of war was an anxious one. It had thus far been spliced with a genuine desire to fight and consolidate his status as a strong, fearsome King who would fight to the death for his kingdom and its people; an excitement at the thought of extending his respect to those beyond Ignis' walls and enjoying the power that came with it all. Now, that excitement had been dashed by the knowledge that his plans and tactics, everything he had worked on, was theoretically in the hands of the West Torterrians thanks to the disloyalty of a traitor in his inner circle.

All that stress would reawaken itself when he returned to those plans and those tactics, when he had to decipher just who the betrayer was, but for now, even if only for a little while, he would happily allow himself to be distracted by his wife and his son; to enjoy a moment of family time. It was his favourite use of his time, never needing an excuse to spend his hours with his son, especially with how quickly he was growing. Lorcan's baby stage would pass him by in the blink of an eye and he didn't want to look back on it in years to come, regretting how much of it he had missed. No, he wanted to be present for every milestone, to be a visible part and form those first-hand memories, both for his sake and Lorcan's.

"He's growing up far too fast," he absently sighed as he intertwined his and Carina's fingers, clutching her hand with a loving smile. "Honestly, it seems like yesterday when he was this little newborn, you know? When he would just cry and sleep all day. Now he's-- babbling and smiling and laughing and-- it's all flying by, isn't it? Ah, ignore me, I'm being ridiculously soppy. Show me what our son's been up to, then. I'm sure it'll bring me to tears, though; my emotions are all over the place right now."
 
Carina didn't want to dwell too much on the comment regarding how it felt like yesterday that Lorcan was a newborn, especially not considering what happened merely days after his birth. Something that should have been a celebration would always have such bitterness around it. While they were on the right track again now (at least in Carina's eyes), it would take a while to forget the areas of their past that she was responsible for the pain. She was happy and willing to forget all that he had done, but she was seeing the professional for a reason. That being in order to help herself move on from the wrongs she had caused. Never wanting to end up in that place again.

"Well if you're amazed at all that, just wait until you see what he's doing now." She told him, pulling him to his feet and reaching up to press a kiss to his lips. It was a light and hesitant gesture as the young queen continued to get used to being able to provide affection moments once more. Her demons would repeat things that he had once said to her, especially the kind that mentioned he was disgusted to touch her and never wished to again. Not to make her go back on her promise of forgetting but to try and get her feeling worthless again.

Each offer of attention and affection bestowed had them screaming at her.

When she pulled back, she smiled up at him, ignoring the child-like tantrum from her demons before pulling him along behind her.

It didn't take long until they were up in Lorcan's nursery, the nanny sat in rocking chair in the corner with a book while the two monarchs visited their son.

"Now, kneel in front of me-- no, no," she laughed a little, "Not so close, just a little further away." She shooed him with her hand, the other gently pressing into Lorcan's stomach to keep him sitting against her thighs as she knelt on the floor too. Not the most dignified position for a king and a queen, but in the nursery... they weren't leaders, but parents.

Once she was satisfied, Carina watched Sven carefully to make sure he was ready before gently holding Lorcan up but a soft grip to his waist. The toddler swayed on his feet for a moment, looking around at his surroundings with a hand raising to his mouth, a finger pointed, perhaps with the intention to chew on it. However, as his head swung around and his eyes landed on his father, a smile of gums and peeking baby teeth appeared and his hands went up.

Carina felt him lean into her hand as a foot went up, forward and back down. The excitement from before soon reappeared and she slowly, hesitantly, released Lorcan (but kept her hands close by to potentially catch the baby).

Slowly, almost like a small drunk, Lorcan took another step forward and paused. Carina had to bite her lower lip to keep from reacting in joy, not wanting to ruin the moment. The baby took another, effort-encumbered step forward and then another and another. Until he was collapsing into Sven's lap with a squeal of a laugh.

Immediately Carina started clapping, laughing with a gleam of tears in her eyes. She leaned forward to press a kiss to her son's forehead before pulling back and looking up at Sven, "How marvellous is that? How brilliant is our son?"
 
Completely oblivious to what it was their son had apparently learnt to do, Sven arched a solitary eyebrow at the request to kneel on the carpeted floor of the nursery but did so anyway, without any verbal hesitation on his part. He had the desire to ask her outright what it was Lorcan had done that had gotten her so excited, his curiosity eating away at him, but he knew better than to do that.

Evidently, this was one of those milestone moments that every parent would remember -and gush about- in years to come, and so he knew it ought to be a surprise for him, where his reaction upon witnessing it would be unaffected by knowing what specifically waited in store. With that suspicion in mind, he settled on the floor with a growing smile, unable to hide his own excitement from unsubtly forming as he waited, in anticipation, to watch his son make that progress.

The urge to reach forward and simply scoop his son up into his arms was a strong one, especially once Lorcan's face lit up in excitement once registering Sven's presence, but the King forced it back and instead offered a smile as he waited patiently in his knelt position for Lorcan to make his first steps. He hadn't known he would make them at first, still left in the dark as to what he would be observing, though those first toddled, stumbled steps immediately brought the clarity he needed, and resulted in his smile to widen exponentially, in immense pride, at what he was seeing occur before him.

He couldn't imagine either of his parents ever harbouring such pride when he took his first shaky steps as a baby. If anything, he was entirely certain that if they were around to witness it, they waived it off as unimportant; an inevitability that required no excitement or attention on their part. He didn't know that, but given the sorts of parents they were to him, it didn't feel like too much of a stretch to assume that they were as uncaring to him then, as a baby, as they were to him when he was old enough to vividly remember it.

"That was amazing, Lorcan! You're so clever!" Gushed Sven as he finally was able to scoop his son up and hold him close, pressing a proud kiss to his forehead, following Carina's lead. He carefully smoothed back a few of the child's stray hairs, a laugh escaping him the longer he absorbed what had happened.

"I-- don't have words, really," he eventually chuckled in continued disbelief, opening eyes that had closed as he pushed back the typically emotional tears he had forewarned minutes prior. "I know most parents say this, but our son is remarkable, Carina. Takes after you in that respect. Has your smile too, lucky thing. You look just like your Mama, don't you? Hm?" the King continued with another coo to his son, ruffling his hair gently to elicit a giggle from him. "Apart from the hair, obviously. No mistaking who he gets that from~"
 
More than happy to sit back and watch father and son interact, Carina shifted to sit on her side with a hand propping her up while her eyes remained on the two before her. Her lips were pulled up into a broad smile, probably one of the biggest she had portrayed in the last few months. She was slowly finding reasons, causes, to smile about again. But her husband and son were an easy win, especially when they were together.

With how devoted he was to them both again now, she would have a hard time imagining that he truly was still continuing his affair. Whenever he left the castle, she was either unaware of the fact that he was gone - due to her own work or her time with Lorcan - or thought nothing of it as it was penciled into his diary as unexpected meetings or times where he had to go and meet the generals elsewhere. She had said she would trust him, and so she had.

"He's phenomenal, isn't he? I just... when he did it first this morning, I knew I had to get him to show you. I knew you wouldn't want to miss this day." She answered, sitting up properly to kneel again.

Carina had to ignore the thought that if they weren't talking, neither of them probably would have seen the momentous event. She would have been avoiding the nursery in case he wished for a morning visit and most likely he would have decided to go to Eris before seeing his son. As harsh as it was to assume the worse from him in that respect. But that was how their days typically went, there was no denying it.

"...I'm glad we're now getting the chance to see more of his firsts together." She added quietly, lifting her gaze from Lorcan to Sven, hesitant to continue with her confession in case it ruined the mood, "This is how it should have always been and, while I'm sad we missed one or two, I'm glad we'll be able to see the rest of them side-by-side."

Clearing her throat, she hurriedly lowered her gaze and pushed herself to her feet, not wanting to get - as he put it - 'too soppy'. "I'll see about organising some lunch. How does that sound? I think this distraction should go on a little longer before you have to return to your work." She chuckled, glancing to the nanny and nodding once to her in confirmation about sorting food out. The woman put down her book and worked her way out of the rocking chair, leaving the room to do as silently requested.

The young queen moved to stand behind Sven, a hand running through his auburn hair. The same colour locks that were beginning to show very strongly on their son's head.

"He has your laugh too, not just your hair." She murmured, smiling faintly again, "I think he's going to get your saunter too. He watches you enough when you're around. I think he'll pick it up." She then continued to teased, fingers caressing through the hair on the back of his head.
 
Everything about the family moment was all Sven could have dreamt about a few years prior, when the contentedness of a loving family dynamic seemed to be a distant dream rather than a vision he could grab and make a reality. He had suffered extensively at the hands of his parents and their toxic parenting skills, eventually becoming convinced that the ideals of forging his own path, of being the family man his father never had been, were simply daydreams, caused by the folly of youth. He had felt that he was destined to remain wrapped up amongst that toxicity, always prioritising his pursuit of pleasure and power above all else.

But those reflections on how far he had come were immediately undercut by that realisation: he hadn't become a better person deserving of the family moment whatsoever. However desperate he was to delude himself that he had grown from his mistakes and become someone who deserved the joy that came from such a pure moment, Sven's smile faded a little with every second that passed as the dooming realisation was made; that he wasn't deserving of happiness.

Not when he was still that foolish youth at heart, pursuing selfish motivations over his family. He was choosing to take time away from those he genuinely loved with all of his heart because a part of him knew -or rather, felt- that they couldn't complete him; that he needed to seek pleasure elsewhere in order to be fully rounded and therefore emotionally available for interactions like these. He was selfishly willing to disrupt everything he had sought out for little more than the fulfilment of selfish pursuits that he was honestly better off not indulging in.

But the fact was that he had indulged in them and was almost powerless against the temptation that continually pulled him back in, every narcissistic, megalomaniacal tendency stroked and fed by dipping his toes (or, more accurately, diving head first) into debauchery. The side of him that had worked incredibly hard to be the man he knew he was capable of being, free from the ties that bound him to those darker elements, was disgusted with himself; the side that harboured the guilt and struggled with regret; the side who was now in full force, frowning in continued astonishment that he was risking losing his family, losing the wife he loved and son he doted on, and for what?

Sex with someone who was possibly a traitor, spilling secrets whispered in confidence to his enemy?

"Carina, I--" He began after a moment, his complexion losing all its colour as he peered across at his wife, the revelation resting uncomfortably upon his tongue. He knew he had to tell her of his continued affair, even confess that he had never truly put his heart into being the man she had promised him he had the potential to be when his heart always clung to his wilder ways, but one glance at Lorcan and his son's goofy smile was all it took for him to bite back the confession.

He knew he would lose his family one day, when the truth did come out, but he was too much of a coward to let that happen now; too scared to see everything he loved ripped from him. He would face the consequences one day, but until then, he would make the most of what he had. He held Lorcan closer in that thought that there would come a day when he wouldn't be able to do so anymore, pressing another kiss to his forehead lovingly.

"Ignore me, really. I was just about to babble on about all that soppy nonsense - but I will say that I love you, Carina. More and more each day. All of these struggles we've endured, every difficulty-- I'm just thankful we're on the right path. That you're with me. I love you endlessly, my love. I'm... eternally grateful that you choose to spend your life with me, because my life is all the more better for you -and our son- being in it. I'll inevitably get teased for being so ridiculously emotional, I know, but I'm caught up in the moment. I just want you to know that... well, that I love you, really."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back