Playing with Fire

"I'll be fine, Natalia, honestly. I just... need to shut off for a little while. Be with my son, only focus on him for this evening." Carina assured her, appreciating the concern her unlikely friend showed her, but not wanting to worry her any further. She knew how Natalia felt about her and Sven, and definitely knew how the advisor felt about the proposed divorce. She hadn't hidden it in her reaction when the news was announced and the organising of it was left to her. The advisor had watched everything from outside of the relationship, experienced disappointment and confusion on their behalf... but never the pain and anger and depth of sadness that she and Sven had had to endure when it came to their relationship.

Carina could only pray and hope that Natalia's relationship with Andrew was a lot happier and successful than hers with Sven.

"Now I'll let you go. I'm sure you'll want to freshen up or even change before you meet Andrew. No need to keep you here continuously repeating myself and trying to convince you that I'll be okay." She announced, glancing over her shoulder to the door a few steps away. The door to her bedroom. "All I'm going to do is have a bath, change into some... fresh clothes and then go see Lorcan. Nothing too exciting."

With a final smile, the young queen stepped forward to pull Natalia in for a hug. She hold onto the auburn-haired woman for a few seconds longer than perhaps she should have done, simply appreciating the warmth and reassurance it provided.

She exhaled softly as she pulled back, offering another faint smile, "Enjoy this evening and tell Andrew hi from me. I haven't seen him for a day or two, I wouldn't want him thinking I am neglecting him." She added, giving Natalia one last glance before parting ways from the advisor.

Once inside her room, Carina allowed the smile to slip and her shoulders to sag, her head tipping back to rest against the closed bedroom door behind her. Exhaustion just crashed over her to a point where it left her feeling weak-kneed. However, she forced herself to do as she said she would, and moved through to her ensuite to run herself another bath and shed her clothing. She slipped into the warm water with a long sigh, resting her head on the lip of the bath to stare up at the ceiling, unable to look at the scars on her legs without thinking of the horror, confusion and pain that marred Sven's expression when he asked her about them.
 
There, effectively, wasn't much more Natalia could do or say to reassure the other, at least for that night. Her decision had been made, her desire for solely her (and Lorcan's) company unsubtle, and though the advisor could easily protest that decision in much the same way she had protested the idea of a divorce, she wasn't willing to do so when it clearly countered what Carina wanted - and after everything she had been forced to endure in recent months, the least Natalia could do was honour what she felt would make her the most content.

As much as she wanted to sit down with her for the night over some tea and help her come to terms with the monumental decision she and Sven had apparently agreed to, to support her through the emotional repercussions that came with acknowledging that their marriage was to come to an end, the chance to do so wasn't open to her - and even though she felt uncomfortable at the idea of heading out an enjoying her night when the woman she had come to value as a friend was undoubtedly in pain, she wasn't prepared to overstep a boundary and force her to talk about something she wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared to.

She had to hope that the chance would come tomorrow, after Carina had had a long night's sleep to refresh herself, but until tomorrow arrived, the advisor forced herself to walk away from the bedroom and continue with her night... even if the guilt of doing so only increased with each step she took.

The date with Andrew was one that she had been actively looking forward to since she pencilled it into her diary a few days prior. Her work schedule, with the plans for the war, was at its most intense, and when she was ultimately in disagreement with the prospect of such violence, she couldn't even find enjoyment in her duties and responsibilities to the crown and the kingdom. Work was draining most days, only succeeding in wearing her down and sending her to bed at the earliest hours of the morning - despite those being the hours where she would usually rise and prepare for the work day ahead.

It was why the rare windows of relaxation had become so vital for her; breaks of time where she could ease her mind of the stress the castle had become to epitomise to her and replace it with enjoyment; with calm and peace and contentment. The date with Andrew was guaranteed to bring her that and more, and yet, despite having spend the week counting down the days for the chance to unwind with her boyfriend, there was little chance of doing so as effectively when, at the back of her mind, she would be considering not only Carina but Sven too, the rawness of their emotions and what they would be doing to cope with them undoubtedly guaranteed to be a distraction to her throughout the night.

She refused to cancel on Andrew and let him down, and so, though she was tempted to remain in the castle, on hand to help either of her friends should they require her company, she chose to get ready for the date (replacing her work uniform with a flowing dress, letting her hair down from its neat bun and adding a little rouge to her cheeks and lips; subtle but noticeable enough) before heading out to greet Andrew at the castle gates, a smile lighting her features despite everything that had occurred that day making it overwhelmingly difficult to do so.
 
Completely oblivious to all that had happened in the last hour or so within the castle walls, Andrew had instead been focused on ensuring he was ready for his date with Natalia. He had asked to borrow one of the horses so they could make the trip into town, and had just had enough time to quickly bathe and make himself presentable. He had had to work a little longer in order to make up for the horse.

But he was on time, ready, prepared and with a saddled horse at the castle gates. Even a few minutes before Natalia appeared which made him grin teasingly, "Here I am, early to somethin' when you aren't." He chuckled, reaching out to take her hand and draw her into him, stealing a quick kiss despite the castle guards being able to see. In his eyes, they were definitely exclusive and thus didn't need to hide anything. While he was still learning about how Natalia felt regarding public displays of affection, he didn't ever mind the opportunity to 1) make sure everyone knew that such a beautiful and quick-witted woman was his and 2) embarrass her at any moment provided.

As he pulled back, his grin melted into a fond smile as he looked down at her, admiring her, "You look as beautiful as ever, my fiery ember." He murmured, hand holding her waist while the other held the reins of the horse. He leaned down to take another kiss from her, this time one that was more drawn out, the hand at her waist gently squeezing.

Reluctantly he pulled back, but the smile was still on his lips, "So, here's our mighty stead - I only got one 'cause I was only allowed to borrow one for the night... if you hear it's 'cause I just wanted an excuse for you to hold onto me during the ride from any of the other stables hands. That's completely incorrect an' not what I told them when they offered for me to have a second horse." He laughed, removing his hand from her waist to mount the horse. He then looked down to her, holding out a hand for her to take so she could climb on behind him.

Once she was on, Andrew set them off towards the town, going at a steady pace so things weren't too uncomfortable for any of them. When they arrived at the tavern and he had given the horse (and some coin) to a stable hand, he steered Natalia into their pub of choice, pulling out the chair for her before sitting in his own. He reached out to rest a hand over hers, thumb grazing over her knuckles, "How was it today? Any... better?" He asked in a murmur, aware of the war planning that she was having to help with, but not much else.

All he knew was that Natalia was exhausted a lot of the time recently, the fighting between the monarchs not helping; neither was his brother's affair. He missed seeing her, but knew her work was obviously a lot more important than him, so didn't ever fight it. He knew how serious they were about one another and thus didn't feel threatened or concerned. He knew she would make time to see him when she could. And it had always made it clear that they never had to go out for food - even if they just had some tea in the kitchens... that would be enough for him.
 
The effort Andrew went to to ensure that their time together was something to remember never ceased to amaze Natalia. Even if all the other had done was organise travel down to the tavern for them, it was an effort he simply didn't need to go to - he could have quite as easily suggested they head to the tavern by foot; a suggestion she would have curled her lip at in dismay. She was on her feet most the day, the physical exhaustion of her increased workload wearing her down just as heavily as the stresses placed on her brain, so having a boyfriend who took that into account was yet another slither of evidence to suggest just how perfect he was, even if the suggestion was that the method of travel was simply a good excuse to be close to one another.

Frankly, she wasn't in a position to pretend to dislike such reasoning. She may waive it aside with a laugh and a snort, as though in dismissal, but the thought of clinging onto him from behind, of resting in close against his body aboard the steed, was one she wasn't quite capable of professing a dislike of. On the contrary, it made her heart flutter excitedly in her chest.

Not to mention just how romantic she found it all to be, a blush having spread at the mere recognition of his efforts... and intensifying beyond all subtlety when he capitalised on the shared sense of joy, sealing the atmosphere with an encouraged kiss.

Granted, the air that had been created, an air she was desperate on maintaining as a means of distraction, stood no chance of continuation upon arrival to the pub, specifically when Andrew enquired into her day. Ordinarily, having someone she could unwind with and vent honestly to outside of the working environment was a godsend, yet another reason to treasure what she and Andrew had, but in recent weeks, work had become unbearable - and bringing it into what she had with Andrew never appealed; not when her relationship was the only thing she had in her life that brought her any joy anymore.

She did briefly consider batting his enquiry aside and making it clear that she wished to avoid all mention of work, but what was the point in that? He had a right to know, as Sven's brother, what was going on; to be aware of the ongoing circumstances within his own family.

"It's... becoming more difficult, if you can believe that," she eventually responded, having taken great care to choose her words. She exhaled slowly once the words left her lips, her eyes set on their enclosed hands. The guilt of having her relationship blossom and move from strength to strength continued to settle in her chest when she considered her friend's romantic difficulties... but it was just another problem she had to force to the back of her mind.

A date night was a rarity, and enjoying it to its fullest, no matter what, was of paramount importance.

"I suppose Sven might wish to reveal the news himself, or perhaps he will do the right thing and rescind the suggestion before anyone has to know, but I see no harm in telling you. You're my boyfriend and his brother and--" She paused before her words could tumble over one another, an apologetic smile crossing her face as she offered his hand a gentle squeeze.

"He wishes to proceed with a divorce-- or so he suggested. I don't know if it's a serious suggestion, or if he wishes to hurt Carina with the word, but... that is how my duties tonight concluded; with the news of preparing for a divorce. It... It is rather a mess, Andrew, I'm not sure I can... can see all of this through. It's exhausting."
 
The smile faded and died when Natalia confessed to the truth about her day and her workload. He paused, staying silent and still and just allowed her to talk. He reached out to place his other hand over hers, wishing he could take some of the burden from her shoulders, even if it was only through the means of her talking to him about it all. The idea that she kept it all locked up, pent up inside herself... it pained him. The fact that she would have done that before meeting him was even worse and Andrew's heart went out to her. It couldn't be easy, doing what she did.

It angered him hearing the whispers too. From other members of staff throughout the palace. Before it was public knowledge that they were an item, the whispers found their way into his ears, maids and knights and stable hands alike all murmuring things about Natalia. Some of which he ignored, some of which he did mention tentatively to her until there were no secrets between them.

The fact that she was still going through her day with the rumours and whispers swirling around whenever her back was turned... it didn't sit well with Andrew. Especially knowing the lengths she was going to in her work to try and make things meet.

He couldn't stop his reaction at the mention of the divorce, however. The royal bastard sucking in a harsh breath and his body leaning back briefly as he allowed the news to sink in. Eventually he moved forward again, the hand over his gently patting hers three times as he considered what to say next. And how to say it. Divorce was no joking matter, and while he had never seen Carina and Sven happy together... he had heard plenty from Natalia. He could imagine how they were together at one point, especially at the peak of their marriage when Lorcan had just been born.

However he could also understand the decision that Sven had come to. He had seen the vitriol that had been exchanged and the coldness that had been shown. Then there was the case of Eris. The Mistress his brother kept around. He couldn't fathom ever wanting anyone other than Natalia.

"...Do you... do you think this is from his want to marry his other woman?" Andrew eventually asked, looking back up to her from their hands after his careful deliberation of words, "You don't have to see it through, Natalia. You could say no. You could say no an' walk away from it. You have experience that no one would dare turn away. Find somewhere else... I can see how much this job is drainin' you." His thumb stroked the back of her knuckles again soothingly, his eyes lingering on her face, "I know you said they're your friends an' you care for them an' all but... but all this can't be good for you. It ain't fair on you."
 
Though she didn't wish to interrupt their date night with moans of work, it was inevitable that her discussion was framed negatively. Any attempts she usually made to keep her tone neutral and discuss the facts of her day without her own opinion seeping through often ended in failure - it was nigh-on impossible to remain casual when her working environment was anything but. At one time, despite the importance of the role, Natalia was able to fulfil her duties with ease, even deriving some enjoyment from seeing through the expert completion of her tasks.

The same could hardly be said now she woke every morning, trepidation of what the day would bring cutting her to her core.

The response to his support was to squeeze the hand enclosing hers appreciatively, her spare one reaching for the glass of wine at her side. She had often refused alcohol in its entirety, even in her spare time, such was her dedication to her job. She had always protested that her work hours never ended; that the King could call upon her at any moment, and ensuring her mind was clear from the effects of alcohol wasn't just smart; it was necessary.

Though frankly, a glass of wine during a date night with her boyfriend, one of the only times she felt free of the stress that otherwise tormented her life, felt just as necessary in recent weeks.

"Oh I don't know, Andrew; I hope not. But your brother is-- he's-- unpredictable. Hard to read. I used to think I knew who he was but alas, his actions as of late have rather made me think twice. I'd like to think he wouldn't marry someone so utterly transparent in her intentions, but... I don't know Sven anymore. It's sad, but it's the truth. He's a stranger to me," replied Natalia as she offered a final squeeze to the other's hand, reluctantly retreating from the affection in order to rearrange the cutlery haphazardly set down in front of her; a little organisation which helped her consider the following words from Andrew; words she immediately knew the answer to, but knew she had to at least feign consideration to avoid appearing too dismissive of him, especially when he was simply trying to help.

But there was no other option in her mind; no contemplation needed when leaving her role was simply unthinkable.

"...I... appreciate the fact you dislike the stress I put on myself, but I'm needed there, Andrew. Sven needs me. Carina needs me. I don't want to toot my own horn but-- everything runs smoothly because of me. When I was... asked to leave my duties, Sven struggled tremendously without me there to oversee things. I... can't abandon the role, however difficult it has become. Fairness doesn't enter into it," she continued quietly, her pitch lowering the moment she knew the framing of her words probably wouldn't go down too well. Possibly in the attempt to distract him from criticising her viewpoint, she reached back out for his hand, a rare smile crossing her lips.

"Let's not ruin tonight with discussions of work. The divorce has horrified me and I don't have the energy to discuss it and all its consequences, Andrew. I just... would like to enjoy tonight; enjoy our time together."
 
"...I just wish there was somethin' I could do to help you. I know these evenin's away from the palace can only do so much. An' a man can only be so dazzlin'ly charmin'." He answered, making a joke from the situation in order to try and make her feel better. However, from the words she spoke and the tone of her voice, Andrew wasn't certain just how possible that was any more.

Without Natalia's interpretation of it all, Andrew would have just been left to try and make sense of what was happening between his brother and wife through the scraps of rumours that had been left out to flutter onto the cobble floors of the stables. They were usually the last to hear of anything, considering they were disconnected from the rest of the palace, only ever hearing bits of gossip or news by being at the end of the grapevine. Over early breakfasts or late dinners, by the lips of a maid that one stablehand was having a fling with or from what was heard while the washing was being hung out to dry.

Andrew never passed on what he heard from Natalia though, despite some of the teasing and taunting he received from some of his colleagues in the stables. He would never betray her trust that way, neither did he feel right to discuss the affairs of his brother with those who had no right to know his business.

Not that he had seen much of Sven in recent months either. Much to his dismay.

He forced a small smile to his lips for her sake as she reached back out for his hand, turning his over so her palm rested within his. The adviser was correct, after all, there was no need to be making the evening all about the grievances of the two monarchs. Especially if that was what she had had to deal with for the entirety of the day already.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you have to bring it all up again-- I just want to make sure you're alrigh'. It don't just affect them, it affects you too an' sometimes I feel like they just... take you for granted." He confessed softly, "I want to make sure you take care of yourself. I know how hard you work. But I suppose if you don't take care of yourself, that's what I'm around for." He then grinned, holding her hand and raising it to his lips to press a kiss to her knuckles.

However, he had to release her hand quicker than he would have liked, as the barmaid came over to find out what food they wanted to order.
 
"You need to stop worrying about me, Andrew. I'm a grown woman, I know what position I've placed myself in and the... consequences of it. If it all became too hard, I assure you I wouldn't put myself through it a second longer, but the state everything is in right now-- I need to be there. I understand your reservations, I do, but everything would be far worse without me there, keeping everything running relatively smoothly behind the scenes," the advisor concluded quietly, not wanting to have to continue the conversation when she had outlined her desire to abandon that topic entirely, but seeing the man she was growing to care a great deal for be so concerned for her wasn't easy to sit back and ignore.

If she had to emphasise, once again, how fine she was with the workload (if only because it was a necessity to oversee it, rather than her having any genuine enthusiasm or enjoyment of her work these days), then she would. Granted, she doubted her words would alleviate the other's concern completely, but he was always quick to reassure her of the thoughts troubling her.

The least she could do was reciprocate that thoughtfulness.

"How is the work at the stables treating you anyway? Just because my work might be a nightmare as of late, and discussing it only serves to consolidate my stress, doesn't mean we can't discuss yours, Andrew. I know you enjoy your work; we can talk about it. I like to know how you're getting on, who you've developed friendships with, how you feel you're contributing to the role-- I know Sven wishes you would be more present in politics, lean into your royal parentage, but you doing what makes you happy is most important, isn't it?" She continued after placing her order, opting for the same meal she enjoyed during every one of her visits to the tavern - a steak and ale pie and mashed potatoes; a meal she was fond of and saw no reason to replace with anything else on the menu (not that there was a wide range of alternate cuisine in a small local tavern).

She offered a quiet smile as she retrieved her wine, her hand residing on the stem of the glass as she considered the moment. The success of her relationship hadn't slipped her mind, the uniqueness of not only acquiring a boyfriend but building a strong, trusting union with him never failing to take her by surprise. Each day brought something new, another step made in a territory she truly had no prior experience in - but she knew she wasn't alone in that; that she was learning alongside Andrew whose own romantic experience was hardly overflowing either.

There was always the inner fear that she would somehow jeopardise what they had, and it would all come crashing down before her eyes, but the voice that warned her of such a possibility had gradually lessened as the relationship progressed, to the point of it being a mere whisper rather than an omnipresent bellow.

"So how is it going then? I do hear how some of the maids gossip amongst themselves on how 'strong' and 'capable' you are. The desirousness of their remarks isn't lost on me, of course - I'd be naive not to acknowledge them."
 
With Natalia telling him not to worry about her, Andrew could only remain silent, knowing better than to protest but also not wanting to concede and agree not to. He would always worry about the woman he was falling for more each day. He only wanted what was best for her and, at the moment, her work situation seemed extremely toxic with the two monarchs creating the atmosphere that they were. However, it was clear that that was to be the last of that topic, and he didn't want to leave the night on a sour note. If she didn't want to discuss anything further, then who was he to disagree and force her to continue talking about everything that was troubling her? Despite how much he wanted to help her through it.

"Let's be honest, I'd be shite at the politics. I'd be a shite royal." He laughed, opting for the same food as her only with boiled potatoes rather than mashed. He leaned back into his chair, sighing softly as he thought about the multiple conversations he had had with his brother about such matters. "It just... it ain't me, Nat. The fancy tunics, the golden chains, all that fine leather an' velvet an' silk an'... an'..." He shook his head, drowning the rest of his words with a slug of his beer. "An' let's face it... can we really imagine me tryin' to negotiate things when I'm talkin' like this an' they're across the table lookin' down their noses at me, wonderin' who I am an' what right I have to be there? Yeah... yeah... I think I'll pass on that."

Andrew had considered the proposition put forward by his brother, long and hard, in fact. It wasn't a decision he had made lightly nor a conclusion he had reached with pleasure. He had wanted a reason to spend more time with his half-sibling, but their upbringings had just been too vastly different. And Andrew simply couldn't imagine himself living the same lifestyle as his brother. Besides... he couldn't know for sure what influence it would have on his relationship with Natalia. Things were good, at the moment, the last thing he wanted was to ruin them.

He leaned forward to take one of her hands in one of his, simply taking pleasure in holding it and allowing his thumb to stroke across her thumb. He then flipped her hand over tenderly, his thumb moving to stroke the inside of her palm, his eyes following the lines of it for a moment before he looked back up to her. A smile slowly grew over his lips the longer he just took her in, hand squeezing hers before he flipped her hand back over and entwined their fingers.

"Is this my Natalia getting jealous?" He teased, the smile turning into a grin as she mentioned the comments of the maids, "You've nothin' to worry about, love, I've got eyes for no one but you." He brought her hand up to his lips again, grazing them against the back of her knuckles, "I'm afraid you're stuck with my affections until you tell me to bugger off-- an' I'm here hopin' that time'll never come."
 
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Natalia would be lying if she said she hadn't considered the idea of dating Andrew with the man having fully embraced the world he, through his paternal parentage, had a claim to - particularly when Sven had made it abundantly clear that he honoured his half-brother and considered that claim to be legitimate (something their father probably would never have done). She had fallen for the man when he had barely grown accustomed to the aristocratic world he was, by blood, a part of, so him leaning into a title and incorporating himself fully into the regal lifestyle was hardly of any consideration to her when she agreed to date him.

Her thoughts on the matter had, in fact, been negative. She knew that the man's character wouldn't change if he were to miraculously decide to abandon the only work he had ever known to live life as a royal, but there would undoubtedly be changes to have to accept and live with; responsibilities as a Prince of the realm that altered his way of living. If she was honest, Natalia enjoyed the way things were now - she accepted Andrew for who he was and loved him for it.

She had no desire to see him integrate himself into actively living as a royal when the way he lived now, doing work he cared about without the expectations of a kingdom weighing him down, suited him perfectly.

Once, she had dreamt of possibly being the Queen to the kingdom, clinging to a naive dream that Sven would whisk her off her feet and promise her the world. Now she had found a real, true love, no such ambitions existed.

The only hope she truly had was to be happy with Andrew, and from how things were developing between them, she couldn't envision a point in their future where happiness ever abandoned them.

"...Fortunately for you, I don't see that happening anytime soon, Andrew. I don't wish to give you a big head but I enjoy what we have, I treasure it a great deal. I... can't see why I would ever tell you to bugger off," she snorted, the confession that made her a little more emotional than she would have liked countered by a little humour, allowing her usually prim and proper manner of speech to waver in favour of a little informality. She was, after all, off work; away from the professionalism she prided herself on and the duties she held dear.

She had taken a while, but warming up to Andrew meant allowing herself to relax fully; to not hold herself to such a high standard when outside of the work environment. To just be herself, though it helped her to know that the man she was with accepted it without argument.

"Anyway," she continued as she reached for her wine again, smiling over the glass. "Is it not possible that you could tell me to bugger off? I'm not oblivious to my shortcomings, Andrew. It's possible you would wake up one day and decide to rid yourself of me."
 
Releasing her hand so she could sip her wine, Andrew's eyebrow raised at her throwing his comment back in his face. The notion that he would want to rid himself of her was laughable to him. While he didn't know the full story, nor the full history, of the relationship Natalia had had (or hoped to have) with his brother or about the fake pregnancy she had concocted, he had heard whispers and rumours. The maids, as they both knew, liked to talk. As did the stable hands. Even more so when they knew that he was courting Natalia.

However, who was he to judge the mistakes one had made in their past. As far as he was concerned, Natalia had learned from what wrongdoings she had made before and had suffered the consequences of them. She had learned, and from what Andrew could tell, she had become a better woman from it.

Either that, or she was an incredible actor. And he was hoping it was the former rather than the latter.

"We all have shortcomin's, Natalia. It's the fondness an' love that we have for that person that makes us overlook them." Andrew replied, smiling quietly, "Or at least... that's what my Ma always used to say to me. 'We like because an' we love despite'... those were her words."

His gaze continued to run over her as their food came, being placed down in silence before the barmaid left again. Andrew watched the woman in front of him for a moment longer before broadening his smile and straightening, reaching for his cutlery to begin eating.

"So... how... how's my nephew doin'?" Andrew asked next, knowing he had perhaps gone too sentimental or too soppy for his own good. He never knew how far to go with something, and if he had made her uncomfortable. He was incredibly aware of the fact that he had used the l-word twice in the same sentence, and while 'I love you' hadn't come from his lips... that all important word still had done. He just hoped it didn't cause her to bolt. Their relationship was still fresh, still young. He knew it could be too soon.

He cleared his throat, swallowing down a bite of potato before continuing, "I don't get to see him, as much as I like. I know you probably don't neither but... you're still in the castle so thought maybe you'd still see more of him than I do."
 
The relative newness of their relationship did mean that any mention of that word stood out. The word would always stand out, of course, but given the short time they had really spent together in the grand scheme of things, confessing any sort of love for one another (even if those specific words hadn't been uttered) was undoubtedly a big deal, and something to take note of. Natalia was almost entirely certain that her union with Andrew was one to last, that it would have longevity, but it was one thing quietly thinking that to herself and another to say so aloud.

Like her boyfriend, she didn't dare utter that confession of the depth of her feelings in the sole fear of ruining what they had; of possibly scaring him off and being forced to endure the weight of his absence for the rest of her days.

She was of no doubt that one day she would be able to speak freely of those feelings, to say without hesitation that she loved and adored him in equal measure, but when everything between them was still so new, such confessions were inevitably saved for the future. For their future.

"...He is your nephew, Andrew. You have that right to see him, and therefore have a justifiable reason to miss spending time with him. I don't. There's no reason for me to need to see him any more or any less than I currently do. I'm a servant in the household and my duties aren't even necessarily to the young Prince - there are handmaids and nurses who undertake those responsibilities," she responded calmly as she examined her food, the professional response not necessarily made for any other reason other than the fact it was the truth. She might have a friendship with the boy's parents, and she may be in a personal relationship with the Prince's own uncle, but that didn't afford her the divine right to see or spend time with the infant outside of those times when her path crossed his own, namely when she had business to attend to with Carina and the baby was simply in his mother's company at the time.

Did she care for the boy? Deeply so - but any longing to spend time in his presence simply wasn't one she would admit to when she knew, deep down, she didn't have that right to. Despite her personal connections to the royal couple -and obviously to Andrew-, Natalia knew her position was as a servant first and foremost.

And servants simply didn't get to delude themselves into thinking they were above their own stations.

Such a mindset was a recipe for disaster.

"But he's doing well; he's a happy baby, which is inevitable given the love he's showered with. Make time for him, Andrew. They grow so fast, you know? You don't want to miss out when he's so little; you'll regret it when he gets older."
 
The rather professional response caught Andrew a little by surprise. The formality of it all, the words being used, the lack of eye contact; it reminded him of when they had first met and she had been forced to entertain him until Carina or Sven arrived. Or equally during their first few lessons together. It made him hesitate for a moment, the stable hand wracking his brain as he attempted to figure out if it had been something he had said or just Natalia being... Natalia.

"...Right, of course." He smiled, a total opposite reaction to the one he felt inside. Inwardly, Andrew was still floundering, desperately trying to figure out if such a tone had been used because of words he had uttered previously or if he had accidentally hit a nerve or equally if Natalia simply didn't care for the boy that much. However, he didn't dare show it. He didn't enjoy showing anyone his more negative emotions. He couldn't see the point in burdening someone else with his own problems.

"An', uh, an' I suppose even if that weren't the case-- you'd be far too busy to really see him as much as I think you would anyway. You've too much work on, I know that. I was just... ah... I was just bein' silly. Makin' pointless conversation." He continued, offering a form of apology as her eyes refused to look up.

Deciding to let it drop, Andrew focused back onto his own food; pushing some potato around with his fork before getting stuck into his pie. It was her addition to the topic that caught him off-guard, leaving him to lower his fork which had some pie balanced on top of it.

He smiled a little again, considering her words carefully, "I'll try... it ain't easy when, well, you know what it's like. It's like what you said for yourself-- my duties ain't necessary for lookin' after a little prince. It's hard to... get away to see him when they got me workin' all hours of the day. I don't need to be traipsin' in horse shi-- horse... manure through the castle. I don't want to get a spankin' from the old housekeeper." He chuckled lightly, not wanting the topic to turn too heavy.

"...But I will try to make time. I promise... I don't want to miss that time with my nephew. But I ain't goin'ta lie... I'd rather the little fellow's parents were... together through this time. If them gettin' back on good terms with each other meant I didn't see him as much as I want... I'd make that change in a heartbeat. No... kid deserves a broken home." His smile faded in the end, unable to help it when his memories turned to his own mother. Not quite a broken home... but he didn't exactly have happy memories of his parents together. Ever.
 
Her eyebrows knitted together at the response she received. As careful as Andrew was not to let the emotions he felt inside leak outward, Natalia prided herself on her observational skills - and when it came to those she cared about, the people she sought to spend time with as often as was possible, like Andrew, she was certain that she would be able to see through any facade they might feel fit to display. It wasn't difficult to see past Andrew's, though she declined to make a deal of it.

As eager as she might be to smooth over any potential cracks and explain -and justify- the response she felt had unsettled him, doing so might just lead to a conversation they were better off not discussing. There was a desperation to preserve the current state of their relationship, to spare it from difficulty and seriousness; to just enjoy the lightness and freedom that she experienced when alone in her boyfriend's presence.

Was it really worth disjointing it all by venturing into serious territory? She couldn't imagine Andrew wanted to hear how difficult she found it to be around the young Prince when his birth simply reminded her of her own biological clock ticking away. She adored the boy, cherished him even, but there was inevitably a sadness that came with cooing over him.

Smartly, she opted not to drag her boyfriend of a few weeks into discussions about her longing for a child. If she had to come across as cold and uncaring, so be it - keeping her relationship in its happy place was of far more importance than a (hopefully) temporary perception.

"We both want his parents to be together - or at least, civil with one another. I want that more than anything. For the kingdom, for their own personal contentment, for the baby. We just have to prepare ourselves for a future whereby that doesn't materialise though. It's... possible they won't end up together, Andrew. Particularly with the prospect of divorce weighing heavy in the air-- let's not go down that conversational route again though," she suggested with a faint smile, doing her best to not dwell too much on the concluding statements. The date night had ventured away from the usual happiness it provided for her, and though she knew she was to blame for bringing up the divorce again, she was eager to rescue the night while she still could.

"...All you need to know is that I care for the baby, Andrew. Don't think me cold-hearted. I can live with the serving staff thinking I'm heartless, I can bat their opinion of me away with ease, but I would hate for you to think I'm that way. I'm not a ray of sunshine, I know - but I'd like to think you see some sweetness in me. God knows how, but-- I hope you manage it," she laughed, the moment of self-deprecation coming without issue. She was perfectly aware of her own flaws, of the hardened personality that she had built up after years within the castle, but Andrew made her want to soften it; to be more willing to unwind and live more freely; less... constrained.

At the very least, she hoped he recognised that effort and saw the difference in her when she was in his company.

"No matter. You've asked me to be yours; you've made your bed, I'm afraid. You have to deal with me, flaws and all."
 
Blinking himself from his thoughts about his own childhood (a fatherless one at that), Andrew forced himself to continue with that bite of pie he had stopped with when she had carried on the conversation earlier. He listened to what she had to say, not doing much else as the topic of divorce once more reared it's ugly head. He knew he was partially to blame for that coming back up, but it was difficult to ignore now that he knew that Carina and Sven had left it lying on the table. Perhaps literally, if a contract was needed to be signed as a matter of finality.

Rather, though, than allowing it to continue or attempting to find the words to stoke the flames of their talk, Andrew willingly allowed all mention of the proposed divorce to flicker away. His thoughts matched Natalia's - why carry on with such a depressing topic? They were out for an evening alone together. To talk about whatever they wanted. Not the King and Queen and their dissolving marriage.

"Don't do that to yourself," he murmured finally, reaching out a hand to rest over hers, uncaring to if it was being used for eating, "I hate to hear you speakin' so low of yourself when it's undeserved. Or at least in my eyes," he smiled, withdrawing his hand to pick up his knife again. "They just don't know the real Natalia. Not the Natalia I do. S'all it is."

While he knew she was joking, Andrew still faltered each time she made a joke or comment at her expense. He knew how demoralising it was, to be whispered and spoken about. To be thought of as one thing when really, underneath it all, one was just longing to be the truthful version of themselves.

"You're my girl... I wouldn't've gotten into this if I weren't sure. Trust me." His smiles melted into a grin, the stiff response from earlier already forgotten as he fell back into his charming, warming self. "I ain't got a single regret... except perhaps knowin' I'm goin' to be embarrassin' you for the rest of your days, with me speakin' like this. Are you not sure you don't want some fancy Lord who can speak an' write an' read as well as you can?" He raised an eyebrow, but the grin still remained, "'Cause I definitely ain't ever goin'ta be in the runnin' to be some fancy Lordship, I'm afraid."

He hesitated as he looked at her plate before nodding towards it, "We ought to stop talkin'... you've barely touched your food. An' knowin' you this is probably your first proper meal all day so... so I ain't bein' the reason you don't eat now neither." He chuckled, taking another bite of his dinner.
 
The self-deprecation wasn't a fishing attempt to receive not just sympathy but comfort and reassurance from her boyfriend. On the contrary, poking fun at herself and her own flaws was a good coping mechanism - she could remark with apparent certainty that frequent gossiping didn't bother her in the slightest, but she wasn't heartless, nor was she invulnerable. She knew, deep down, that the whispers that followed her (and would always follow her) were entirely of her own doing as a result of her regrettable past actions, but dealing with them hanging around her now wasn't easy, even if she was determined to pretend it was.

If laughing about it made her appear more unbothered than she was in actuality, she had to hope that those whispers (often malicious ones) would dim, if only slightly.

Opting not to make the dinner atmosphere more soppy than it really needed to be, she quietly smiled off his reassurance and turned to her meal to finally tuck into it properly - though his words weren't brushed aside. Far from it, the warmth of their delivery, the heartfelt nature of the tone, comforted her more than she would admit to aloud.

Even if she was regarded in the lowliest of terms by her colleagues, knowing that she always had Andrew to fight her corner right at her side made facing those whispers less... uncomfortable. She knew she had her boyfriend's support, but being reminded of it with such certainty and confidence was the boost she hadn't known she even needed until now.

"I can multitask, Andrew. I've learnt how to over the years with -and not to toot my own horn here- diligence and expertise. Besides, I long to reassure you that... you are the man for me. Why would I want a Lord when I can instead have you? I've met several Lords in my time, at your brother's side, and I promise you; they don't hold a candle to you," she smiled, reciprocating the complimentary, reassuring words without hesitation - not out of obligation to match his energy, but because she wanted to; because they were every word of the truth and allowing them to be spoken out into the world felt... right.

"But you are right, this is the first real meal I've had today. I... don't tend to dine with the servants downstairs. The cook is happy to provide foo for me but, ah... it's awkward, sitting amongst the servants when they-- let's not beat around the bush, they all dislike me," she snorted, rolling her eyes to herself. "Don't fret; I'm not bringing the mood down. Their dislike isn't a new development, I'm used to it. I can discuss it easily without throwing myself a pity party."
 
Andrew fidgeted in his seat at the compliments he was receiving, a grin fighting its way onto his lips but he trying to avoid showing it. It was always pleasant to know that one's partner was certain, dare he even say confident, in their decision of ending up with them. Hearing that his lack of propriety, his inability to speak probably and his weakness in writing and reading didn't put her off... well it meant the world to him.

"You've no idea how good it feels to hear those words comin' out your lips." He told her honestly, managing to get a grip on the grin but unable to help smiling, "Especially since you're surrounded by those Lords each time his and her Majesties wish to throw some sort of party. When's the next party, in case you change your mind? Wee Lorcan's first birthday?" He chuckled, as if trying to imagine it for a split second. But then he stopped, deciding that actually envisioning Natalia with someone better dressed, well-spoken and even with just better posture would put a dampener on his evening.

Finishing the last of his meal, Andrew put his cutlery together on the plate and then leaned back, resting his arms on the chair as he studied her. He raised an eyebrow at her comments, shifting slightly to sit up better, "Not all the servants dislike you," he argued before grinning again, "I'm a servant, and I definitely don't dislike you."

His tone with light and playful, as he was eager to go back to their easy-going atmosphere instead of reverting back to anything too serious. They had had that all day long. That evening was for them and them alone.

"Seriously, though... Natalia I'd be happy to sit and eat with you. Any extra bit of time I can steal away with you in a day... I'd do it." He told her, clasping his hands together to rest in his lap so he didn't reach out for hers, wanting her to finish her food, "Lunch or dinner-- I'd say breakfast but I know you either eat with them two or just... skip it altogether."
 
"I'd rather you have your meals with the servants you've befriended, Andrew. I don't want you to distance yourself, even voluntarily, from building bonds and developing friendships with co-workers, especially when they're almost like a family. I want you to be a part of that, to be involved in the banter and having their support should you ever need it. I don't wish to be dramatic, Andrew, but that popularity will be dashed if you spend all those mealtimes with me. The fact they haven't immediately dismissed the idea of bringing you into the fold because you're dating me is nothing short of miraculous," she snorted, eager to maintain the same light, easy energy, even if the subject matter didn't necessarily follow that. She, however, saw no reason not to discuss something as important as Andrew fitting in and finding a family amongst the servants, particularly when it didn't upset her too much to acknowledge her own unpopularity.

Was it something she was entirely indifferent about? Not quite; it did hurt to endure the whispers whenever she entered a room or have to face the fact that she would never find friendships in the group despite being a servant herself - but she was used to it. Hell, she was aware that most of it was her own doing, the superiority she felt in her earlier days in the role at harbouring a friendship -and a romance- with the then-Prince Sven undoubtedly creating distances between herself and the other servants in the home.

She couldn't expect them to offer her a chance when she had held that unearned air of snobbery - particularly after the actions she had desperately undertaken to cling onto Sven; actions she obviously deeply regretted now but still had to face and deal with the consequences of.

"Honestly; let's not make a big deal out of it. I enjoy my mealtimes at the castle. I sit with a book or catch up with a little work I've let slip. I promise you, I'm not sat over a stew, crying about the lack of company. People tend to annoy me, Andrew; I enjoy the peace and quiet," she clarified with another grin, her eyes softening at the realisation that the other would be more than happy to sit with her at every mealtime if she desired it, even if that meant disrupting the friendships he might have already made.

She wouldn't allow him to do that, of course, but just knowing that he was ready to do so was enough.

"I've tired of being soppy, but you are wonderful to me, Andrew. I... don't understand just how I've been fortunate enough to have your attention to myself but... I won't question it too much in fear of losing it," the woman smiled as she dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin, setting it down neatly beside the cutlery and empty plate. "Tonight's been lovely, but-- well, we ought to head back. I need an early night, though I'm not sure that a good night's sleep will really help prepare me for what tomorrow's going to deal to me."
 
Andrew said no more on the matter once Natalia put an end to the conversation over dinner. While he was also slightly disappointed that their date had ended early, he wasn't about to complain. He had spoken only moments ago about his understanding that her work could be tiring and that she needed to rest, so he wasn't about to start contradicting himself. If she needed rest, he wasn't about to stand in the way of it. He would never be prepared to stand between Natalia and her work.

He couldn't help but focus on the warmth of her body pressed against his, however, on the ride back home. His one hand taking the reins while the other hand lowered to rest on her knee. He gently rubbed her thigh as he rode them home, silently mulling over what she had said last about her not wanting him to forgo any potential friendships or put an end to the ones he was beginning to make.

His mind was already made up on the matter, regardless of what she said to convince him otherwise. He couldn't know for sure the full extent of the history within the castle. That is, the history of Natalia's time there, but he sure as hell wasn't about to let it bother him. As he had thought before, the past was in the past. Clearly, regardless of how difficult Natalia may had once been back then, she was better now. He knew that. Even if he didn't know her before, he knew that surely the woman she was now wouldn't be subjected to the alienation she was experiencing.

Once they arrived back at the castle, Andrew hitched the horse up in the stables to take care of once he had walked Natalia to the back door. Before she could escape inside, however, he tightened his fingers around hers and gently pulled her back to face him.

"I know you all but said that you wanted it let go, but I can't think about what you said. About not wantin' to let me ruin my chance at makin' friendships," he began before holding his other hand up to stop her from arguing anything more, "But you listen to me... any person who don't want to be my friend because of their attitudes an' thoughts towards you... well... they ain't a friend I'd want'ta be havin' anyways. You understand?" He told her, using the hold he had on her hand to pull himself closer to her, his serious expression breaking out into a smile, "Friends who ain't happy when I'm happy... then they ain't friends at all. An' not people I want in my life."

He raised a hand to cup her cheek and leaned in to press his lips to hers, drawing the kiss out for as long as he dared before pulling back, "I'd be more than willin' to come an' sit with you. Even if it weren't every day of the week. Once... twice... how ever many times you'd be happy for me to be there. Since, y'know, people tend to annoy you." He smirked playfully, eyes dancing.

Eventually, Andrew stole another kiss before stepping back, forcing himself to do so before he dared to even consider allowing himself the chance to take another kiss and take her into his arms, "I'll say goodnight now... before I become too greedy an' try an' steal even more of your radiant company." He brushed some hair from her face, the smirk melting into a cheeky smile, "See you in the mornin'?"
 
The ride back to the castle was spent mostly in silence, though it was one she had no discomfort in. The moments of silence at Andrew's side were content, the comfortability at simply being in his presence meaning that even the more prolonged periods of quiet and solitude were to be enjoyed. It was yet another sign to her that the bond she had with Andrew was no flash in the pan.

She had been careful to enter a relationship in the first place, only agreeing to accepting her feelings when she was sure that, together, they had something special, but that hunch had only been strengthened as the days passed, each one bringing with it further evidence to prove that Andrew was simply the person she was destined to be with. Hence the comfort within their brief silences together, where she could sit back and enjoy the journey back towards the castle without feeling an obligation to break the quiet with unnecessary conversation.

Sometimes, it was just nice to ease back and take in the moment for what it was, in all its simplicity - and when her working life was often so hectic, more now than ever, such a simple moment was needed, and one she would look back upon fondly.

She didn't anticipate that enjoyable silence continuing, but she also didn't expect for the inevitable parting words to involve a return to a prior discussion; one she had naively believed Andrew would accept her viewpoint on without argument. She was so used to making her case and having the final word, and while she knew possessing that mindset in a relationship wasn't ideal (and thus, she hadn't presented that energy once during her time with Andrew), she was guilty of assuming that her declarations would go unchallenged.

Granted, she cursed herself for believing that when it was obvious Andrew wouldn't willingly allow her to spend mealtimes alone, saddened by the knowledge others were enjoying those times in the company of their peers, if he could be at her side instead. That was the sort of person he was and she loved him for it - an acknowledgement she wasn't afraid of admitting to herself, but didn't dare to utter aloud just yet.

"I understand that, Andrew," she finally began once given a small window of opportunity to do so, though any argument she herself had prepared was undercut by the kiss to her lips; an action she was powerless to resist. As eager as she was to continue the conversation and reach an inarguable conclusion (one that went in her favour, preferably), she was more eager to return the romantic expression. A minor part of her considered the embarrassment that she would face if their openness was witnessed - but a larger part of her simply didn't care all that much.

"...You can't do that every time I want to argue against a decision of yours, I won't allow you to. But for now, for tonight alone, I... suppose I can shut up and accept it," she laughed, her own cheeks a rosy pink at the second, final kiss to her lips, her finger resting at the corner as she replayed the moment within her mind, only forcing herself out of the reverie when the heat crept to her neck. "...Yes, I'll see you in the morning for breakfast then, I suppose. I'll leave you to get to bed, no doubt smugly knowing you've won our little... disagreement. But you deserve to feel smug, not many people can shut me up and have me listen, Andrew. Only you, it seems."
 
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