Playing with Fire

The longer he babbled, the more Carina's concern rose. He wasn't behaving as he usually did when he came across her, alone or in Eris' company. His words weren't cutting or cruel, but laced with uncertainty and lacking in bravado. He seemed like he could barely look at her, and the cigarette between his lips... while it was obvious he had been taking in a few more of those recently, he was indulging in one now. With her in the room. Despite knowing how much she detested them, knowing that they reminded her of her father. Any other time she might have thought he was filling the room with the dastardly smoke purely because it annoyed her... but there was something wrong. He was too lost in himself and whatever it was that was concerning him.

It made her palms begin to sweat as sh started to wonder what was so terrifically bad that it would make him talk to incessantly. Perhaps Eris had convinced him to do something - limit her time with Lorcan, divorce her, send her back to a war-torn Eira. Or perhaps lies had been whispered into his ear again. Maybe he had been told she was wanting his throne to herself, the power of the kingdom to wield in her hand. He had thought that once, she knew it. But it was the last thing she wanted, especially with all she was already battling with.

Carina felt like she zoned back in on him when his eyes finally locked onto hers, her hands suddenly and very firmly pressing into each other. There was something behind his eyes, something she couldn't quite make out. It looked like... guilt... perhaps remorse. However, she couldn't understand why. He had shown her nothing but contempt since the Ball.

Then his next words sent dread through her. Her body felt as if it had been drenched in freezing cold water, the sensation filling her all over. Before she could stop herself, her hands moved to press the heels of her palms against the tops of her thighs, her lips parting at the mere shock of it all.

She remained silent, a stunned and confused silence, perplexed by how he could have known. Surely he didn't truly know, but it was a very extreme accusation to be making if he was merely looking for something to put on her. It was also too soon after her drunken balcony episode with the maid, from which she was incredibly embarrassed.

During the time in which she tried to figure out all of that, her mouth moved with no words escaping. She could feel a warmth, the heat of her mortification, creeping up the side of her neck.

"I-- I don't--" She began, choking up as she tried to figure out what to say, "Y-You don't have any--" She turned her head to face away from him, looking across to the bookcase as she tried to compose herself. Eventually she took a deep breath and pushed herself to her feet.

"I don't know what-- what this has to do with you. I'm surprised you're even concerning yourself with the matter. You've made your feelings towards me quite clear. If this is a... if this is a worry that it'll ruin the pristine image you wish for us to portray, Sven, then you needn't burden yourself."

Carina smoothed out the skirts of her dress, doing so in order to hide the shaking of her hands.

"I'm not about to kill myself. I told my maid I'd cut myself in Eira. She is just overreacting. As are you. This really doesn't need to be blown out of proportion and you really don't need to put on this act of caring even if there was any truth to your words. No one else is here...and it's cruel of you to do so."
 
In order to gauge her reaction, Sven forced himself to keep his eyes locked on her, resisting every urge urging him to glance away. Whether it be because of the guilt eating away at him, the blame he placed on himself for the lengths she had gone to simply to cope with existing in the castle, or the mortified and unquestionably horrified expression she responded with, he didn't know and would never know for definite - but what he did know was that he wanted to look away, unable to look at her without a wave of emotion crashing unfathomably roughly over him.

But he ignored those compulsions, ignored every desire, and kept his eyes focused in on her. As a result, he knew all at once that there was truth to the words his staff had nervously brought forward to him from that place of concern for their Queen; that there was no chance that Carina's real actions had been misconstrued.

That the truth of the matter was that she had been acting against herself, hurting herself. If not, the horrified reaction wouldn't present itself with blind panic within her eyes, nor would her hands move towards her upper thighs, palms pressed against the fabric of her dress. It was mildly surprising that he managed to notice the movement when he was understandably caught up in the throes of his own raging emotions, but the gaze he forced himself to maintain, such was the intensity of it, allowed him to notice the briefest of movements and interrogate them, seeking a reason for how automatic they had been after the announcement that he was aware of her behaviour.

And though it took a few seconds for something to click into place, the moment it did caused the King to raise rather abruptly to his feet. He didn't want to make such sudden movements when he was almost sure that the confined space, and the rawness of his emotions, would perhaps alert her to the last time they had shared such a space under similar emotional states (the incident where he had inadvertently released his flames) but he couldn't help himself, rising to his feet just as his eyes widened in the horror of a dawning realisation.

The recognition of that night and how panicked she had been by the slightest of his touches, as his hand brushed against her upper thigh in the hope of introducing a little intimacy into their marriage; of making his intentions of repairing it crystal clear. She had fled hurriedly from that touch, barely having time to make her excuses as she rushed from the ballroom floor and left him standing confused and dazed in her wake.

At the time he considered the moment rude and hurtful, a rejection of his good intentions and their marriage as a whole. Only now did the incident seem... darker; something that demanded his concern, not his anger and frustration.

"...I am not fucking overreacting, Carina. Don't y-you-- you are the mother to my son; our son. And you are deliberately harming yourself. What if you go too far one day, hm? W-What if you-- you cut a vein a-and-- and bleed out? What am I supposed to do then, without you? What is our son going to do without his mother? Use your fucking brain! I-I love you, I don't want you dying! H-Hell, I don't want to see you hurt, I--"

He forced himself to stop, running a hand over his face before tearing it away, focusing again on the cigarette that at least brought some calm to him. It was a disgusting habit, but he genuinely didn't know where he would be without it over those months - and once again, under such pressure and raw hurt, he could rely upon the cigarette to bring out some calm and restore some concentration to him, however fleeting.

He wasn't oblivious to the declaration of love that had escaped him, and perhaps he would feel mortified by revealing that remnant of longing and love at a later date, but if there was ever a time to make his feelings clear, now was it.

"...That night. At the dance. You were-- hurting yourself then, weren't you? Before the distance between us worsened to this extent - you were-- were harming yourself then. That's why you pulled back from me, isn't it? Because I... ran a hand across the cuts?" He questioned as he fell back into the chair at the desk, resting his head back and expelling the smoke from his lips slowly; heavily. "...I don't actually need you to answer, I... I'm aware that that's the case now. It makes sense, so-- so stop-- denying this. I'm not a fool and I won't be treated as one; the wool isn't going to be pulled over my eyes. I just want to know why, Carina. Why-- Why you'd do this? What I can do to... help you."
 
His abrupt movement did cause a reaction, just as he feared that it would. Carina had put the chair between herself and him (despite the desk also already being in place), grasping onto the top of it with such firmness that it made her knuckles turn white. A soft, faint crackling could be heard, and she didn't need to look down to know that ice had escaped her, crawling over the wooden frame where she gripped it. The tension she kept in her hands kept them from shaking, and she was grateful for it.

What they were shaking for, Carina wasn't entirely sure. By now, it could be due to the flashbacks of the night he burned her. Or it could be due to the fact that he now knew, and she was disgusted and horrified and mortified that he held that knowledge. Or it could be because he was suddenly acting as though he cared, after everything that had happened over the last few months... he dared to tell her he cared.

"What would you do? What would you do? You'd move on, Sven! Just like you already clearly have!" Carina exploded, her ice abruptly and aggressively taking over the entire top of the chair opposite his desk, "D-Don't pretend that me being Lorcan's mother suddenly makes you have a fucking conscious about me. We both know that me dying is exactly what Eris wants-- that woman, that sordid woman that you brought into this castle, into our home, into our lives. You're so desperate to forget me and everything that we once had that you're willing to overlook the fact that all she wants is the power you accuse me of trying to steal!"

Her mouth suddenly felt dry, her tongue thick and heavy in her mouth as she ripped her hands away from the seat and swallowed thickly, attempting to compose herself. Her hands tangled into the skirts of her dress, pushing down into them until her knuckles hit her thighs. Her breathing was uneven, sometimes two breaths in and one out before switching to one in and one out, but short and sharp.

"Y-You don't. Y-You don't love me, Sven. You just think you do," she whispered, shaking her head finally, "You say all this now, right when you think it needs to be heard. But it isn't what I want. I don't... I don't need that. What do you-- what do you expect me to do, with that information, knowing that you've been taking a woman into the same room I worked so hard on for us? Knowing that you've been fucking another woman in the same bed that I birthed our son? Hm?"

Carina fidgeted with her skirts, dropping her gaze to them before forcing herself to look back up at him. There was no point in denying anything now. She had all but admitted he spoke the truth.

"You want-- you want to know why I do it? Because I deserve it. I believe I deserve it, Sven. You've shut me out. You've accused me of ruining our marriage. You've told me you never want to touch me again. I-- I know I ruined our marriage. I ruined our marriage, I ruined our family for Lorcan. And-- and I have no one. I can't tell Natalia things because she would just tell you. I can't tell Andrew because he doesn't deserve to be dragged into this. And-- and I certainly can't tell you when all I'm met with is scorn and Eris' face." Tears had long started pooling in her eyes, dripping onto her cheeks, "I-- I feel worthless, unwanted... unnecessary. At the moment-- all there is... all there is is Lorcan, keeping me going. A-and even then... even then I question it all. I feel like a failure. As a wife, as a mother, as a queen. A-and doing... that... it keeps... things at bay, it keeps them satisfied... if only for a little while."

For a moment, Carina crumbled in on herself, now that everything had been let out she had nothing to keep her upright. Her shoulders sagged and her head fell forward, leaving her to focus on her breathing. It were a few moments, silence, and she reluctantly straightened. She sniffed and wiped at her cheeks, refusing to look at him, "Go ahead. Use this against me. Call me pathetic and weak and god knows what else. I-- I honestly don't care anymore."
 
"I refute the accusation that I don't love you, Carina. You can't possibly know how much I love you, regardless of how little I've shown that in recent months. That isn't fair." Sven muttered beneath his breath in an attempt at a response, vaguely aware that it was a rather feeble effort (his eyes focused back on his desk and his voice lowered to little more than a whisper) but he felt determined to defend the love he knew he felt for his wife.

No matter how contrary his actions had been over the course of the few months to that declaration of love, it didn't mean he didn't care for her; that he didn't love her. He was almost certain that that level of love would always remain for Carina no matter their personal circumstances - she was the first person to truly believe in him as his true self; who supported his potential and vowed to remain at his side throughout the process of bettering both himself and Ignis.

He would always love her, he knew that - though he also knew she was well within her rights to doubt that protestation when he had brought Eris onto the scene and devoted every spare moment he had with her, within his own marital bed. They were hardly the actions of a man in love with his wife and he knew that, however complex their issues were, the very fact was that he had taken a woman to bed who wasn't Carina.

Of course she would scoff at his efforts to convince her of his love. Who wouldn't?

"I think we've fucking established that I'm a piece of shit, Carina, there's no need to rub it in. I messed up. I treated you appallingly when I ought to have supported you. Been there for you. I can't change that now, can I? You-- took the actions you took because of me, at least in part, and that-- i-it tears me up inside. The fact you refuse to see that I care about you is-- it is what it is, I-I can't convince you of that," he mumble after a further few seconds, having opted to remain silent throughout the other's speech in order to give it the respect it deserved. He had no intention of rising and reacting to it in anger when that anger would be unjustified and misplaced.

Though the upset and the horror that flooded his features had hardly been accepted, however genuine it was. He had form for manipulation and his behaviour the last few months in aiding the distance that grew between them was almost entirely contradictory to the hurt he now presented; now felt. He could understand that the two extremes would make his current emotion difficult to believe - however furious he was that she continued to doubt him.

...Even if he had once doubted her, refused to accept her claims of love and instead cast suspicion on every declaration that left her lips. Whether this was a taste of his own medicine or not was irrelevant - he knew he deserved to feel as bad as he currently did, the only unfortunate thing being the fact Carina had to suffer mentally and physically for him to recognise it.

"I see that defending Eris isn't ideal under these circumstances but she isn't craving power, she's... she was there for me when I felt alone. When I missed you and what we had. I won't defend her to you, I know that it isn't appropriate, but... I think I am to blame more than she is. She's not a bad person," he attempted weakly, his head resting in his hand as he forced himself to see the conversation through; to maturely sit it out and conclude it, rather than storm out and recover from the emotional rollercoaster alone, preferably with a glass or two of whisky on hand. Instead, he remained where he was, biting his tongue to prevent himself defending Eris any further. She didn't deserve to be accused of being megalomaniacal when she was no such thing--

Or had convinced Sven that she wasn't, the King continuing to be oblivious to the truth of the matter.

"What do you want me to say? Sorry? Because I am. Sorry, that is. I want you to-- to be in a content place, Carina. With me or without me. I want you to be a happy, loving mother to our son, to not have to... hurt yourself to cope with-- with everything. Can you at least-- a-at least try and repair civility between us? To coexist with one another happily? What can I do to help with that, because-- I'll do anything at this point. For Lorcan and for our own happiness. I can't... live amongst all this hatred and bitterness, it's... like my childhood under my parents. I despise it."
 
Carina kept her eyes averted as he finally responded in turn, offering his own explanations and his own reasoning for things he had done. Her eyes even closed, refusing to shed any more tears over a situation she couldn't help but continue to view as bleak.

"If I wanted you to say sorry and feel guilt, Sven, I would have told you about this a long time ago." She opened her eyes but partially turned her bowed head away, fingers tightening around the top of the chair. The ice that had crystalised over it slowly began to melt and she released a long and heavy breath, "If I-- If I wanted anything from you regarding how I was feeling... I would have tried to come to you about it a while ago. There-- there would have been a time I would have. I would have spoken to you privately. But... but if we were back in those times, I doubt I would be feeling like this."

Eventually she pulled her hands from the chair, the action jerky and the movement sharp, as if they had been stuck on there and some forced had to be used. "I don't know what to do--" She cut off, her voice breaking as the emotion became too much for her once more. Composing herself, Carina released a short and shaking sigh, tipping her head back as tears spilled out either side of her eyes, "I don't know what to do, Sven. I can't tell you what needs to be done because I don't have the answers."

She truly wasn't sure what could be done to help her get out of the pit she had dug herself into. How could she, when she had been searching for those answers long before Sven had asked her the same question? How could she ever feel as though she was wanted when her husband, someone whom she divulged so much to and had loved unconditionally, doubted her feelings towards him and shunned her ever since their child was born? Yes, she had made a mistake in not telling him the full truth, but he had stopped believing the truth in depth of her emotions. Something he had known she had found difficult to confess to.

"I-- I don't want apologies, Sven. I'm-- I'm tired of those. I'm exhausted in hearing them, I'm tired of offering them... This whole... this whole experience has just drained me. If I could go back in time to the day Lorcan was born... I would do it in a heartbeat, despite the pain and the exhaustion I faced then. At least... at least we were a family and didn't doubt each other."

She wiped her face with her hand, swiping away a few tears as she did so. "I-- I want nothing more than to try again. I started saying that the other night... but then... that same night..." She shook her head, "And I don't know-- before, I didn't care. Your multiple lovers and whatnot, that was fine, we weren't happy then. But I loved you, Sven-- I still do. Knowing that another woman makes you happy now-- how do you think that makes me feel? Especially knowing I can't even tell you to stop seeing her." Both hands pressed to her face now as she swallowed back the overwhelming emotion she was facing, "I can't... and I won't. Because-- because what's the point in both of us being miserable? One of us should have that chance-- shouldn't we? To be happy? And clearly... clearly she offers you that opportunity, regardless of how blind you are."
 
"...This damn selflessness you seem insistent on presenting is nothing short of idiocy, Carina. What the hell is wrong with you?" He abruptly grunted, not necessarily out of anger but more so disbelief, the latter emotion plastered unsubtly across his expression. He wasn't even capable of disguising or manipulating a certain emotion when this was one of the longest conversations he had had with his wife in months, and when the subject matter was as serious as it was, offering an opportunity for transparency and honesty at long last, he had no desire to feign any emotion just to appear less affected by the situation.

No, showing vulnerability and allowing her to see that he was hurting was the truth - and she had a right to it, just as he had a right to know just how badly he had hurt her (though it probably wasn't difficult to work that out when he had paraded his lover around the castle for weeks now).

Thus, he wasn't able to hold back on the fiery expulsion (fortunately only a verbal one, rather than physical - even if he recognised the burning of his fire within his veins, aching for a release to aid in of calming himself down). The confessions of love, a love that still persisted between them despite the hurt and pain that had been given and received since Lorcan's birth, ought to have been grasped and built upon, at least in Sven's mind. Ideally, they would recognise the fact that they still had feelings and worked as hard as they could to work on from that point; to rebuild what had been broken, however difficult the inevitably long process was.

Instead, Carina opted for selflessly allowing him to pursue an avenue of happiness with his lover despite having expressed the pain that seeing him with her brought. It made no real sense to Sven and while he regretted the way he had expressed that, he didn't regret the sentiment.

"...Instead of wanting to work on us, you'd rather I stay with Eris? Do you not realise how-- how stupid that is? How upset that makes me? How much pain you'd be going through unnecessarily? Carina, for god's sake! I'm-- willing to... to work on us, to get back to a better place. To be with you. You turning that chance down out of some ridiculous notion for my 'happiness' isn't what I want. It's hurtful is what it is. It rather has the opposite effect of what you hope to achieve if I'm honest. If you love me, you'd work at the marriage; you wouldn't 'let me go' or however that god-awful cliché goes."

He exhaled hard, only realising just how angrier he had become when the arms of his office chair smouldered beneath his grip. He was quick to remove his hands and rest them on his knees, desperate to avoid causing a fire of any kind. He was confident he could control any flames that might arise when he was perfectly sober - but he wasn't naive to the fact that any fire would just bring back uncomfortable, painful memories for his wife, and he wasn't that cruel that he would remind her of the accident that night.

He let his own eyes shut to collect himself, shakily bringing his cigarette back to his lips and inhaling deeply, allowing himself a few seconds of total silence before daring himself to continue.

"I love you. If you wanted Eris gone, I'd comply with that. I'm aware her presence hurt you - it's why I kept her around. I was petty, Carina; I wanted to hurt you as badly as I felt I'd been hurt. But she also makes me happy because you and I were... distant. I... needed someone, and she fit the role. But I can cut her off, see her only at events and gatherings amongst the kingdoms and nations. I can do that, Carina - you just have to tell me you want that," he mumbled as he met her gaze, continuing: "so tell me, is that what you want? Or are you honestly telling me you'd prefer me to keep her around and for our marriage to remain in the ruins it currently occupies? Because I can't keep doing this back-and-for with you, I... I can't keep torturing us both like that."
 
"What do you want from me, Sven? Hm?" Carina sharply looked up at him, her pain and sadness written all over her expression, "You have done nothing but show just how happy that woman makes you feel. The past three months have been nothing but Eris. In your office. In your bed. In this castle. You literally just said that she makes you happy. You've made it clear how highly you think of her and how much you enjoy her presence. Why would-- why would I tell you to rid yourself of her when the past few months have been clear as anything that I no longer bring you the joy she does?"

Her eyes darted down at the faint wisps of smoke that lingered in the air, moving upwards from his hands to his face. Her stomach rolled nauseatingly as her gaze moved to his hands, watching them cautiously as if they were about to break out into flames at any moment. It distracted her for a moment, and left her looking back up to him with an air of confusion and bewilderment.

His words soon registered, however, and that bewilderment melted into disbelief. She blinked at him, lips parting before closing once again as she forced herself to consider her words instead of verbally vomiting the sudden influx of retorts her mind conjured up.

"...Do you... do you even hear yourself? Are you... are you actually listening to the words that are coming out of your mouth right now?" She breathed, hands shaking and reaching out to hold the back of the chair once more, "H-How is this my fault? How is-- how is my offer of turning away from you and Eris hurtful, Sven? Oh yes, you're right-- it's-- it's clearly been fucking awful for you, that's why you've been fucking her for the past three months!" Carina finally yelled, her voice rising to the pinnacle. "I was forced to let you go the moment you decided that our marriage was only that in name. You made that pretty fucking clear. Even more clear the moment I came back from the bathroom seeing your hand all but grasping the arse of the Litost woman."

Carina's lower lip trembled with suppressed tears, sucking in a sharp and shivering breath as she tried to compose herself once more. Despite him holding her gaze, Carina couldn't match him any longer, and her head tipped back and her hands moved to her waist, grabbing her sides as she desperately willed herself to stop losing her control.

"There's never been a back and forth. There's only ever been back. Back and back and back until we've found ourselves back in the dark days of when we were first married. Except this is worse. So much worse. Because I-- I love you now and everything you do just hurts ten times as much." She tilted her head back down so she faced him, forcing herself to meet his eyes, "...I want to love you and I-- I want to make our marriage work. Of course I do. Not just for us, but for Lorcan too." She took in a breath, short and shallow, as if winded by her emotions, "But I... it's hard to... accept what's been done, Sven. How can I trust you again? To not... to not see her? To not... to not question how I feel? How can we begin to trust each other again?"
 
Sven sucked his breath in harshly through gritted teeth, the -understandably- irked response from Carina not being something he had expected. Naive though it may be, he had assumed that they would make a breakthrough sooner or later; that he had made points that were impossible to argue against. Such a mindset was probably inherently selfish, prioritising his hurt over that of Carina's who had inarguably suffered more over the few months than he had, but he hadn't stopped to consider that fact, choosing instead to think that he had made a point she would agree with.

He hadn't expected the incredulity and the harsh delivery of it, the brief confidence he felt at reuniting with her diminishing almost all at once. The flicker of optimism vanished, replaced instead with the heavy weight of disappointment and dismay. He couldn't see a way out of the dark hole their marriage was rotting in, not when trust didn't exist - and throwing in years of hard work into regaining it when it wasn't even guaranteed to re-emerge hardly appealed, however determined he appeared to be to make it so.

After a moment, allowing her words to rest in silence, he set his cigarette down in the ashtray and turned in his office chair to survey the view of the grounds surrounding the castle. The gardens had always brought calm to him, an oasis within a land of fire and ash that had provided him countless adventures as a child - however rare enjoying such moments of childlike fascination were. Even now, as an adult, he found himself drawn to the grounds whenever he needed to clear his mind, and while he couldn't just abandon the conversation by rushing out to them now, the next best thing was to observe them from his office window, his eyes fixating upon the rows of carefully cared for flora.

"I deserve to be happy, as do you. And evidently that isn't going to happen in our marriage, Carina. You can't trust me and I can't trust you, not fully. If I have a potential to be happy with someone, you said yourself that you would want me to pursue that. And I want that for you, for you to be happy, even if that isn't with me, however... however painful it would be. Do you understand what I'm hinting at? Divorce, Carina. I think that's something we ought to consider." Sven eventually murmured, refusing to turn around in the chair and meet her gaze once more; not when it was far easier to remain focused on the garden, where the tears stinging his eyes couldn't be witnessed.

"I don't want Lorcan raised in an environment where his parents are at one another's throats constantly, we-- we should put him first in this. I want to be with you, I-I love you, but we have nothing if we don't have trust. And clearly we don't have that."
 
That was not the response she expected. After all his talk of loving her and wanting to work on their marriage and get them to a better place... at the first mention of trust, he crumbled. Such was the strength of her reaction to the word 'divorce', Carina wasn't sure what to focus on first. The lump that swelled in her throat, the tightness of her chest that suddenly made it difficult to breathe, the twisted knot that had tied up her stomach, or the buckling of her knees that caught her by surprise.

The weakness in her legs forced her to move from where she stood to the couch pushed up against the wall. The easiest steps would have been to sit in the chair she had been holding onto, but in her daze, she didn't even think of it.

She quietly lowered herself onto the couch, a hand reaching up to rub at her chest as she mulled over his words, "So you... you don't think... you don't think you'll ever trust me again?" She asked quietly, the pain of saying such words out loud causing her free hand to tangle into her skirts again, pressing down against her thighs as she fought the urges that she had given into so frequently as of late, "You don't think you could trust... what I say, even after all-- even after your spiel of... of wanting to make our marriage work and wanting to make us work..."

Her eyes remained on her hands which, in turn, were now both buried within her dress skirts.

"...The only thing I can't trust is you running back into Eris' arms. I might-- I might be fearful of your flames, Sven, but I've come to accept that that... night was an accident. I will always be somewhat fearful of what you can do, I was long before we loved each other, I just... I just never let it show. But I knew, once we were... where we were, that you would never mean to hurt me." She swallowed hard, her voice thick with the lump in her throat as she kept her own eyes averted, "But with Eris... I would always be worried that she would... reappear whenever we have an argument. Perhaps not even Eris, but any woman that is nice to you when we are... having a tough time."

Taking in a deep breath, she continued, "But with you... you're... you're always going to be second guessing anything and everything I say and do. And the fact that you've so abruptly changed your stance on-- on trying to make our marriage work just... it just tells me everything that I need to know." She fell silent, trying to figure out what to say next as he kept her back to her, a quick peek up providing her with that knowledge, "I-- I would be willing... to try and... to try and get over my insecurities. To try and make things work. But if-- if you really find yourself incapable of trusting me and my word again... then I'm not going to waste your time, Sven."

The gravity of the situation made her entire body feel weak and heavy at the same time, the dawning of what could potentially be the final days (if not hours) of their marriage looming in front of her.

"Be happy with Eris, and I will stay out of your way. You won't have to see me once we divorce, that can easily be arranged. But-- but this is your decision now. I've told you. I've said I... I'd try. Put my insecurities aside and look past... Eris. Hope that you won't... that you will focus on us, even when things get tough. Forget what was said and-- and try. But you're now the one who needs to decide what... what you want to do. Because it now seems like you're the one who is in two different minds."
 
"Don't sit there and pin this all on me, that isn't fair, nor is it fucking correct. I've said that I want to be with you, and you backtracked and admitted that you couldn't see yourself trusting me, Carina. Without trust, there's nothing, making divorce the only feasible option - so don't you fucking blame this idea on me when you had a hand in pushing me towards it. I've-- I've made my thoughts clear, that I want to be with you and work on our marriage, and that was hardly met with a resounding, conclusive 'yes', was it? Oh no, on the contrary, you seemed reluctant to even try - because there's no fucking trust," he emphasised firmly, albeit at the risk of letting the anger get the better of him again. It was hard not to become angry, even after all his desperate attempts to quash the emotion, when he was met with indecisiveness, presented in a way that made him feel like he was to blame if the divorce did go ahead just for suggesting it.

It was the worst case scenario, an option he had no genuine desire to go ahead with when his marriage -and Carina- meant the world to him, but her response, however reasonable in her mind, infuriated him to such an extent that divorce now seemed the more acceptable of the options. If they couldn't sit down and have a mature conversation about something as important as their marriage without one of them getting furious with the other, then what was the hope of their relationship ever getting back on track? Of them moving forward, letting go of the past and restoring even a slither of trust?

He breathed sharply as he rose to his feet to wander across to his drinks cabinet. He wasn't intending to get drunk, knowing how irresponsible it would be when his emotions were as wild and unpredictable as they currently were, but he needed something to help take the edge off; something stronger and more potent than the odd cigarette was. He sighed in relief at the sight of a half-full bottle of whiskey, returning to his desk to pour out an unsubtly large glass of the strong alcohol, the added relief that hit him upon his first sip making the decision to drink -even this early in the afternoon- a wise one.

"You distrust me too, you can't even look me in the eye half the time. Is that honestly the basis of a good marriage? No? So don't stare at me in disbelief for suggesting divorce when it's probably the only option that could make us happy at this point. This-- is a decision we both take. Both of us. Not just me. I will not be painted as the cruel asshole who brought our marriage to an end when we have both played a part in that - me for my actions with Eris; you for planning to fucking kill me, however long ago that might have been. It's not something I can really get over all that quickly, as I imagine you can't get over what I've done with Eris--" He paused before the rambled speech could become bitter or infected too much by his ire, another long sip of the whiskey at least allowing him to recollect his thoughts and centre himself.

"We're both to blame, Carina; let's not pretend you're not in two minds too, you've made it rather clear that you don't know what to do either. It-- It isn't fair for you to absolve yourself of that critique," he continued, tone calmer now the whiskey was having its desired effect in -momentarily- numbing him from the gravity of the situation. "I... suggest we go forward with the divorce. That's my decision on the matter. We'd be in one another's company for our son, I'm not going to shut you out of my life as you suggest. That's immature and, frankly, pathetic. No, we could be friends, Carina. We could be happy co-parents for our son. You could live somewhere you feel comfortable, find love again, have friends. I... I don't think I'm the bad guy for proposing an idea that could make you happy again. But-- that's just my decision. If you disagree, we... can stay as we are."
 
Listening to his sudden explosive rant was painful. It was, once again, something that she didn't expect from Sven as she sat on the couch awaiting his response. However, Carina knew that he was right. In reality, despite her wanting to think she could trust him to remain loyal to her after all they had been through... she knew he was spoke a truth that neither of them really wanted to hear. She had just been so desperate to cling onto whatever hope that remained, she had obviously offended him unintentionally. The idea of losing him, even when they were only slinging insults and cruel, biting words at each other, almost seemed to wind her each time she considered it.

Her eyes closed as she heard him stand, hands rubbing together as she swallowed hard and rolled her lips together. They only opened again when she heard the cupboard of the drinks cabinet open, and it made her mouth water at the idea of having a stiff drink to help her through whatever was left of the conversation.

Because by the tone of it, it didn't sound as if there was much left.

"...How can I disagree when the decision's been made?" Carina finally answered, staring down at her feet with a light furrow to her brow, "I never denied being in two minds. But you know-- you know what the worse thing is? That night at the Ball, I was actually going to accept your offer to start again." A bitterly amused smile pulled at her lips weakly as she lifted her head, nodding a little to herself, "To think, if I hadn't just... run off like that. Whose to know where we'd be now, ay?"

Her eyes flickered back down at her fingers, which picked idly at her one nail. She wasn't sure what else to say to him. There was no point in becoming bogged down in trying to retort to every little point he made because she would have just been wasting her breath. Each point he made was a strong one, and she was just afraid to lose him. To lose him as her first love. As her former best friend. As the father to her child.

Sucking in an abrupt breath, Carina blinked away her tears as best as she could and bunched her hands together tightly, nails biting into the back of each hand as she resisted the desire to leave the room and continue with the habit he had called her in to talk about.

"I'm not exactly about to disagree and... and allow for you to continue being miserable, am I, Sven? I'm not that much of a selfish bitch, no matter how much your depiction of my may be." She cleared her throat with a bracing cough, pushing herself harshly to her feet, "If you--uh-- if you just... get the papers sorted... I'll-- I'll make sure to sign my part." She continued, voice becoming strained as the reality of what she was agreeing to continued to overwhelm her, "You don't need to worry about me not doing so... it's not as if I'm going to get in the way of you... being happy and finding love."

Clearly there was not much more for her to say. His mind seemed fairly made up, and she had been the one to push and poke and prod until he got to a decision. Even his suggestion of them being friends she found to be a joke - they could barely listen to one another without getting irate. As for her having other friends... she didn't dare laugh in his face about that one: he got jealous of the friendships she had developed with Natalia and Andrew.

And for happiness... Carina wasn't sure, without sounding dramatic (and hence the reason why she said nothing out loud), if she would ever really find that ever again. Not after the taste she had had during those magical, few days with Sven and the hours they all had together as a family. Those memories would taunt her forever and remind her of what true love and happiness was like. Something she doubted she would ever replicate.

"I'll... It's probably best if I leave you now. With everything you have going on at the moment... I'm sure getting those papers sorted is just another thing to add to your... already long list."
 
"I don't want to consider how things might have turned out if you didn't leave that night, because what's the point? What happened happened - and blaming yourself for it when I'm equally at fault is... it will only end up torturing you, Carina. Everything happens for a reason. As horrible as the end to this chapter us, another one will open, won't it? It just-- might not be between you and I, I think we've come to a decision on that. One we both agree upon," he continued quietly, his finger resting upon the rim of the glass in a moment of unwanted but inevitable reflection on his marriage, the consideration of how happy he had once been within it making his throat tighten emotionally.

His marriage was one he had, at one time, despised, the thought of wedding a woman from the neighbouring enemy kingdom having felt like the worst punishment fate could bestow upon him. He had had plans to rid himself of Carina in due course, once children had been born and, thus, when she ran out of any use to him. Instead, he fell in love with her, found someone who was willing to be patient and nurture him through his demons to become a better man - and despite the stumbles he was having in that progress with his recent megalomaniacal behaviour, he was undoubtedly a better person now than he had been when he met her; when manipulation and chaos were at the forefront of his mind.

Knowing that all that love, tenderness and affection was to be put to bed, that their marriage no longer held any promise to it to persuade them to keep trying to make it work, was a horrendous and sobering thought - but one that was seemingly inevitable. Realising it now, relatively early on, than later in their future when Lorcan was old enough to be affected by the bitterness was, at the very least, one of the only positives in the entire tale.

"I don't need to spend too much time seeing to these papers-" He countered, rising in his chair a little with a gesture to the doorway. Bringing Natalia into the office the moment divorce, as an idea, had been considered and agreed upon wasn't ideal, but she would learn about the decision eventually - there was little point in delaying the inevitable, and so he continued: "Natalia, come in here. I-- well, we require your assistance in a, ah... an important matter."

"Oh? Oh yes, of course," nodded the advisor as she turned into the office, the sight of the two within the space affording her a brief moment of optimism. It came crashing down once she analysed the scene properly, from Carina's wettened eyes to Sven's sunken body language, her mouth parting in worry and confusion. "Is-- Is everything quite alright? Has something bad happened? It's-- It's not Lorcan, is it?"

"No, no, nothing like that, no. It's--" Sven paused to cast Carina a glance, the enormity of his words weighing heavily on him, though he swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to continue, however difficult it may be. "I would like you to prepare divorce papers for Carina and I. Prepare them with the Priest if you can, I'm not sure how the divorce procedure works exactly but he ought to know and aid you in the preparation."

"...Divorce? That's-- You're agreeing to this?" Natalia whispered, far too stunned to even attempt to hide her dismay and horror, eyes having darted immediately to Carina for elaboration. "Carina, I know it isn't my place, but surely you can't-- this isn't what you want, is it?"
 
"...Right, yes... of course." Carina answered quietly, immediately feeling stupid for even assuming he would be the one handling the proceedings. Of course it wouldn't be him contacting the Priest and organising the papers. Perhaps he wouldn't even remember in a few days and the papers would land on his desk for him to sign. She could only, selfishly, hope that he would be filled regret if he did see them later down the line. However, given the way things had gone from the moment he had asked to speak to her... Carina knew that was a childish whim.

Her eyes lowered from where they had moved to view Natalia in the doorway, fixing onto her hands which remained bunched within her dress skirts. She could feel both their gazes burning into her and she hated it. She wanted to leave, to retreat back to her room and fall back under clutches of her habit. But how could she, when Sven knew about what she did to herself now and also with Natalia searching for clarification.

"There's not much else we can do at this point, Natalia." Carina forced herself to speak, but was unable to lift her head in order to face the two. Cowardly, yes, but the pain that she knew she would experience from seeing both their expressions would have been worse.

She fidgeted from foot to foot, forcing herself to clasp her hands behind her back in order to keep them still, "Difficult decisions... sometimes have to be made. This is-- this is one of them," she breathed, closing her eyes for a moment as the emotion swelled within her before falling back down... for now, "We-- we can't just think for ourselves anymore. We have Lorcan. We have the Kingdom. We have.... we have our own happiness. The latter has been absent for a while now and... and if..."

Carina couldn't bring herself to continue, knowing her next words would be about if they could find another to bring each other that happiness, then so be it. Because they weren't words she believed or wanted to utter. She knew, deep down, that she still wanted to be his happiness. Just like how she wanted him to be hers.

"...Just... just get the papers sorted, please, Natalia. There is no point in dragging this out and making it into a big fuss. It-- It can be handled quietly and discreetly." She then added, soon finding it hard to talk around the lump that had formed in her throat.

She couldn't even begin to think that, just minutes ago, he had called her in because he was concerned about her self-harming... and at the end of it all, they were organising a divorce. He had asked her to stop, to think of what one, out of control cut could do. But that didn't scare her, and after the talks that evening... all she wanted was to go to her room and be alone.

"If that's... if that's all you wanted me for, Sven. I think I'll go to bed now. The... events of this evening have rather taken it out of me, as I'm sure they have with you too." Carina reluctantly turned her gaze onto her husband, hand rubbing the opposite forearm.
 
"I know you have Lorcan and the kingdom, but surely those are reasons to-- to fight for what you have? Not to just throw the towel in and take the easy way out, I mean-- again, it isn't my business, but I think this is a mistake and--"

"If you're aware that this isn't your business, why insist on making it so by continuing to talk? We aren't asking for a marriage counsellor, Natalia; that is far from your role here. You aren't even that qualified to offer any advice on it when your relationship with my brother is still in its infancy, so forgive me if I don't care for the so-called guidance. Just-- get the papers written up by tomorrow evening, if possible. That is as far as your involvement in this situation will go." Sven interrupted sharply, the cutting tone unnecessary but inevitable. He had just proposed and eventually agreed to divorcing a woman who he loved with all his heart; who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, raise their son alongside rather than co-parenting kingdoms apart.

But what was there left without trust? How could he ever envision a happy marriage with someone who he felt distrustful of (and vice versa)? Divorce was the last option he had considered, one he never truly thought would ever need to be comprehended let alone agreed upon, but things had evidently deteriorated between them to such an extent that parting ways on a permanent basis was the only matter they could mutually agree on. That acknowledgement horrified him, made his heart weigh heavy in his chest, but that was how it was.

He didn't see a scenario where he and Carina could be together when everything that could go wrong for their marriage had occurred.

Rather than retort in the clipped, short manner she sometimes had to adopt when it came to Sven, Natalia opted instead for silence, her only response to his reaction being to swiftly suck in a breath between gritted teeth - solely because she didn't wish to bite back. Under other circumstances, she had no qualms in emphasising the need for respect when they were long-time friends and able to have that established as a guarantee - but when he had admitted to a divorce on the horizon, with all the stress he was under even before that suddenly materialised to pile on the pressure, he was forgiven for being a little short with her.

Frankly, all things considered, the way he had snapped was hardly that bad, and Natalia was therefore able to waive it off without any trouble, understanding that now probably wasn't a time where Sven could act as though he was okay and everything was fine - and she certainly didn't expect him to.

"...Of course I can, they'll be done for you both by tomorrow evening," she agreed, however reluctant she was to see the duty through to fruition. She cautiously eyed the glass of whisky in front of Sven, though warning him not to drown his sorrows in the alcohol would only be met with further irritation, and perhaps even the petulant decision to purposely drink more just to prove that Natalia had no control in the matter. Desperate for that not to be the case, she held off from even mentioning it and instead turned towards Carina, offering a small -and obviously strained- smile in her direction.

"Allow me to walk with you to your room, Carina. We don't have to talk about anything, I just wish to accompany you. Ensure you are... alright."
 
Given she received no further response from Sven, Carina dropped her gaze from him and swallowed back the hurt that bubbled painfully inside her. He was purely focused on the divorce now that they had agreed to it, and she could hardly blame him. Why make any more civil talk with the person about to be your ex-wife? Especially when one had the bottom of a whiskey glass to turn to for distraction.

This was the time that she ought to build her walls back up again; to become the cold ice queen that he had accused her of being weeks ago. It was obvious now that their relationship had gone so far that showing any emotion was pointless. Offering him the words of love and desire want to try had fallen flat the moment both of them had confessed to a lack of trust. And he said about moving on... how could she move on when this experience, her first love, had been as painful as it had been? Carina couldn't imagine herself ever wanting to open up to another as she had done with Sven.

A drink might not necessarily be such a bad thing... Carina wondered if she would be able to get a bottle of wine from the kitchens again before bed to bury herself with. Or perhaps she still had that little bottle of sleeping pills that she could take just one of in order to have an undisturbed sleep. Neither options were healthy, of course, and would not help her with coming to terms with what was about to happen to her marriage... but what did it matter? Soon she wouldn't have to worry about the image she would have to uphold as a queen. The divorce would take care of that.

The sound of her name brought Carina out from her thoughts, the confusion evident on her features as she wondered what Natalia had just said to her, having been too occupied by her thoughts to have been listening (especially since the two had been conversing between themselves without her input).

"Hm? Oh... ah, if you wish." She replied simply, feeling far to empty to respond with anything further. Or to argue against any company.

Without a parting comment in Sven's direction, Carina left his office. Once outside, she was quick to wipe at her cheeks and under her eyes, not wanting to look like a mess as she walked through the halls of the castle. When Natalia eventually joined her, Carina forced a faint smile to her lips and started to walk, the expression dropping as soon as she looked away from the other woman.

"I'd appreciate not... talking about all that has just been decided please, Natalia," she warned, voice tired and soft, "I'm exhausted and... it isn't something I would like to dwell on when the decision has been so clearly made."
 
"I know. I wouldn't wish to perpetuate your upset, Carina. I've made my opinion abundantly clear on the matter, but you and Sven are in agreement, evidently, or it wouldn't be put into motion. I know it isn't my place and so I won't comment on it - however ridiculous this whole decision is," responded the advisor, unable to help herself to one more disparaging, disbelieving remark. She had made her opinion on the divorce clear, her thinly-veiled astonishment at the decision they had both come to just as unsubtle, but however much she wanted to scream at them for being blinded to the idiocy of their choice, she knew she couldn't.

Her place was as an advisor secondarily, primarily being their close friend and confidant, but neither position afforded her the right to force them to be together if they had reached a place where they didn't see that as an option anymore. Their love for one another had always remained obvious to Natalia, but she wasn't in their marriage; she couldn't tell them to continue to put themselves through the pain and the hurt if they couldn't find a way past it that didn't involve separating on a permanent basis.

It wasn't easy to accept that the two people she saw as dear friends were preparing to part ways for good, nor was she comfortable with the changes that would bring, but she refused to overstep the mark when it simply wasn't her place to intervene in such a way. On the contrary, she somehow had to bite her tongue and keep herself from letting her anger at them both out, instead having to trust that the decision they would come to was the right one.

Even if she inherently disagreed with the way things, currently, seemed to be heading.

"...I'm sorry, just ignore me. Would you like me to bring you some tea to help you sleep? Camomile, perhaps? A storm is supposedly supposed to hit tonight and I'm not sure how you are with thunder and lightning, Carina, but I know it terrifies me. I can't make it through without a cup of camomile at my side," she continued, diverting the conversation to something a little less emotionally-wrought. As much as she would have wanted to delve deeper into the topic of a divorce, if only to support Carina through the difficulty of it all, she respected the fact the other wished to discuss anything but that.

"I... I was going to head to the tavern after I've completed my work for the night, Andrew and I were going to have dinner, but I can happily postpone the date night if you needed my support tonight. I have no qualms in doing so, Carina; just say the word. Andrew will understand, he's rather good like that."
 
Carina wasn't about to tell Natalia it was alright. Because it wasn't. The situation wasn't alright. She wasn't alright. This divorce wasn't alright. At least not with her, not really. She agreed to it, yes, plain and simple. But she wasn't really sure why. It wasn't because she didn't love Sven still, it wasn't because she thought it was the easy way out... So that meant she had no real reason why she agreed to a divorce.

It was just about the trust and... and surely that trust could be worked back... right?

"...No, no. Don't... cancel anything with Andrew. Don't be ridiculous." Carina answered, shaking her head as she drew herself back out of her thoughts.

She forced herself to smile, knowing that the advisor didn't approve of the decision the monarchs had made, and thus her moping over it probably wouldn't help anything that Natalia was feeling towards either of them in that moment.

"I'm fine with the storm... but I appreciate the heads up, I'll be sure to check in on Lorcan a little more often since I'm not sure how he'll... react to it."

After being so close to Sven and having a painful conversation with him a moment ago, Carina found herself thinking of more cutting scenarios that just tormented her even more. Specifically what it could have been like to have ridden out the storm with Lorcan in her arms and Sven holding the both of them by her lying between his legs, back against his chest.

An ache burned in her throat, a sign of the tears that would soon appear in her eyes if she didn't stop herself from going down that road before it was too late.

Quickly, Carina cleared her throat, suddenly even more eager to just make it back to her room and just have that time to herself. To explore her thoughts and figure out where she stood with herself before making any further drastic decisions. The divorce meant that she had a few new things that she needed to consider: where she would live, who she would see, how she would see Lorcan... because she couldn't imagine Sven being happy with their son going back and forth the castle to wherever she was living next. And then... and then there would be Sven's second marriage. Because surely he wouldn't leave his Kingdom queenless. And there was only one person she could imagine him taking on, and that was Eris.

"But you be safe, alright? You said there's a storm coming and then the next told me that you're heading out for dinner." She concentrated on what was going on with Natalia... because that was the easiest thing to do in that moment, "I'm... I'm honestly so happy for the two of you. Like, after everything that's happened in this... bloody place... it's so nice to see you both happy, you know? I'm glad you... you gave him that chance." She stopped not far from her room, turning to look at the advisor with a sincere, if slightly small, smile, "You enjoy yourself tonight, alright? Please don't worry about... all this. Go out and focus on you and Andrew, that's a-- that's an order." She chuckled, clasping her hands behind her back to keep them from fidgeting.
 
"The storms here don't frighten me. How could they? I've been born and raised amongst flowing rivers of lava, Carina; a little thunder and lightning really isn't going to deter me from enjoying a night out with my boyfriend," the advisor responded, seizing the chance to firmly leave behind the discussion of the divorce... if only for tonight. It would inevitably have to be the focus of their conversation come tomorrow, when she proceeded with the new duty of preparing the appropriate papers, but for now, for tonight, she was willing to accommodate the other and abandon any mention of the matter.

Though, the new focus of their conversation wasn't ideal either. She had always felt a little uncomfortable with the fact her relationship was going from strength to strength whilst Carina's seemed to languish until any hope of repairing it had faded to the shadows. How could she, in good conscience, gush about how wonderful Andrew was, about how perfect they were together, when Carina no longer had that in her marriage? She wanted to be open and transparent, to show the other that she valued their friendship enough to share these details with, but doing so when her marital circumstances were as difficult as they were never felt... right.

It was why she hadn't shared many of the details with the other, having gotten together with Andrew when Sven and Carina's marriage was already on the spiral downwards - and it had only worsened from that point on. She had neglected to even use the term 'boyfriend' in the other's presence until now, even that seeming to epitomise the drastic juxtaposition between their lives, with her relationship thriving and Carina's practically non-existent.

And Natalia cared for the woman enough not to wish to remind her of that latter fact.

"...I would happily stay here if you wanted me to, but if you insist, then... then fine, I suppose I shouldn't let Andrew down. He's been looking forward to a hearty meal and a few beers, so I won't begrudge him that," she smiled, the expression controlled, albeit for good reason. She doubted Carina would feel comfortable having to witness the worry and concern that would have otherwise flooded Natalia's expression, so if she had to feign a smile and pretend all was well just to avoid making her friend feel any worse, she would do without hesitation.

"Try and get a good night's sleep, Carina, after you tend to Lorcan at least. I'll bring you your tea in the morning, we can talk more then - even though I'm sure you don't wish to hear about my evening. I would invite you to join us, but... I suppose your status rather suggests you can't be seen enjoying a meat pie and a beer in a lively tavern, doesn't it?"
 
"...Well, give it a few days... I'm sure that will change." Carina forced herself into another smile, "I won't be Queen soon, Sven'll find another for the people to gossip over-- I can cut and dye my hair, then I'll be able to join you for all the... meat pies and beers a lively tavern can provide, won't I?"

She didn't mean for it to sound sad or bitter, but the reality was that it could be a possibility soon enough. It allowed her to consider, if only for a brief moment, what new and unexplored avenues the divorce could open up for her. She could seriously become no one, just mingle into the crowd and become lost within a sea of people. But... she couldn't bare the thought of abandoning Lorcan. Her first and, so far, only son. She knew she would kill for the bundle that laid in his cot, probably sound asleep, just a few corners away from her.

And Sven. Could she really be that happy experiencing all those new things if she had no one to talk to about them?

"Please don't... hold back on your relationship with Andrew, Natalia. I want to hear you and about the happiness you have with him. If anything, it helps allow me to live vicariously through you," she reached out to quietly take the other woman's hand, holding it for a moment, "I know you're worried about me-- to the point where you've just said you aren't fearful of thunderstorms when a moment ago you were just telling me that a cup of camomile tea helps soothe you during them," her smile was faint, but grateful, "But honestly, please don't be."

She took in a deep breath, "I'll have Lorcan this evening to... help keep me distracted, and I am happy with that. Content with that. He is my... first priority now, without dispute or consideration for anything else. So... so I'll be in the nursery this evening, once I've bathed and gotten ready for bed properly."

Carina had already had her nightly bath, plus had been in her nightgown for that talk with Sven, but given all that happened... she hoped that another, fresh hot bath would help her soothe the tension in her neck and back.

"...And go now, with Andrew. Don't worry about the papers until morning, they can wait until then. If... Sven has an issue with it, blame me. I want you to enjoy yourself as much as you can this evening without... that looming over you."
 
"I wasn't planning to get to the papers tonight, it's far too late to go wandering about, disturbing the priest from his slumber, so I'm sure Sven will understand. There's no need to even contemplate a confrontation with him over it, I promise you. No, I'll get to them tomorrow, I think that would be more appropriate," she clarified, her voice remaining quiet and almost subdued - both because the talk of 'papers' and 'divorce' was best remaining between those involved in the proceedings, rather than become knowledge for the staff notorious for gossiping, and also because there was no real necessity to talk any louder; to sound upbeat or chipper about a possible event that would, in her eyes, only create more negativity and misery.

Naturally, she spared the other of those concerns. Evidently, there was only so much Carina could manage and deal with, and after the revelation that Sven considered divorce a suitable option for them, she had probably had the fill of what she could emotionally contend with for one night.

It was why she didn't respond to the earlier remarks on the possibilities that awaited her post-divorce. They were possibilities that could have been framed in a positive light, to emphasise the freedom she would gain that, as Queen of Ignis, she currently didn't have, but Natalia didn't expect her to see any positives when the news of the oncoming end to her marriage was still so recent - hence the bitter tone she also picked up on.

She could have easily rushed in to reassure her, remind her that divorce didn't mean the end to her happiness (even if Natalia was of the opinion that the divorce was a bad thing, she wasn't blinded to the potential benefits it could provide) but there was little point in doing so when everything was as... raw as it was.

"...Enjoy your night with Lorcan. I'm sure he'll sleep through the storm -or I hope he does, at the very least- but you should comfort him nonetheless. I imagine that being with him is your happy place, isn't it? So go and enjoy it, I don't want to take your time up when you could be with your son," she eventually nodded, offering the other's hand a light squeeze in reassurance. Her enthusiasm for her own night had dimmed slightly, knowing she couldn't fully enjoy the date when Carina and Sven's predicament would be weighing heavily on her mind, but she knew the Queen well enough to know that she would insist that she head out to enjoy herself, rather than remain in the castle offering her support. She was happy to sacrifice one evening with Andrew for her friend (the same went for Sven too, of course) but when she would be faced with firm insistence to go and have fun, she held her tongue to spare what was only inevitable.

"I'll-- get going then. But send a guard to the tavern if you need me for anything, Carina; I won't hesitate to come to your aid should you need it, no matter how unserious it may be."
 
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