Playing with Fire

Eyes blinked at the sudden turn of events, the bitterness she could hear in Lauren's voice and the harshness in which her supposed friend spoke. In that moment, Carina was surprised to feel herself relating to Sven. The only friendship she had in this castle felt like it was being shredded apart before her very eyes, and she didn't dare move from behind the screen. She didn't want to see the look in Lauren's eyes as the other woman spoke and reacted the way she did. She would only see a hateful disbelief, she could tell.

Slowly, she lowered herself into the seat behind the screen - put there when she could no longer bend over to put on socks or tights. Her hands quietly, but tightly, gripped the edges of the chair as more and more spiteful words were thrown in her direction. Her eyes closed but a small smile of sad amusement played along her lips.

"Hard not to take offence after all you've just said, Lauren." She murmured, forcing herself to remain calm. What point would there be in swearing and spitting cruel words back in retort? It would only damage more of a relationship Carina naively thought could later be saved. However, deep down she knew that this was potentially it. She would become just like Sven: cold and lonely. The comment about being of royal blood, of being incapable, hurt. And she knew the maid had said such words in order to cause that hurt. But unlike how Sven may have handled it, Carina kept herself sat in her seat, wrapped in her towel.

They had been together through so much already, and now it was ending because Carina was conflicted about her own emotions. Her mind too scrambled and heart too wounded to focus on what she knew she ought to really be focusing on.

Goosebumps slowly began to break over her skin as she remained in the towel, listening to the door click shut as Lauren finally left. Now knowing she was alone, Carina allowed herself to cry. She hadn't even realised she had been bottling up the emotion during Lauren's tirade, having felt numb during all of it as she attempted to convince herself she had done the right thing. She couldn't focus on murdering Sven now with the birth so close, nor could she think about extracting revenge when she had seen such a vulnerability to him that made her (perhaps naively) think that he could change. He had already shown signs of a tolerable Sven, a Sven she could actually talk to in a civil, understanding manner.

But now she had to worry if it would be worth ruining her friendship with Lauren over. However, could it even be considered a friendship? Had Lauren been using Carina the same way she was using Thorin for these plans? The young queen would never know, and she wasn't sure she ever wanted to.

However, for now, she moved into the bathroom to begin running herself a bath with her favourite scented bubbles. She had to continue on as normal. While she no longer wanted part in the plans she had created with Lauren, she wasn't about to unearth the reality to Sven. So she would keep those secrets safe, and continue along as if everything were as it should be.
 
Continuing on as though everything was normal and as they should be wasn't necessarily something Lauren wanted to do, but felt inclined to do nonetheless. She wanted nothing more than to storm into Sven's room that night and get it all over with, but she couldn't risk jeopardising Carina's safety like that. She and Thorin could theoretically kill the man and leave - but that risked Carina getting the blame; being labelled the mastermind behind the incident who failed to escape in time along with her conspirators.

As deeply disheartened and angry as she was with the woman, as reluctant as she was regarding their friendship that now laid in tatters, she wasn't going to act on her plan without ensuring Carina was safe from the fallout. She would wait for the woman to leave the kingdom first before acting on her plan and taking leave herself - without doing so, the Queen would be under fire despite her innocence over Sven's future death.

She could despise her for turning her back on their plan, for leaving Lauren to continue without her, but the maid wasn't heartless. As infuriated as she was with the idea of waiting so many more months in the kingdom she desired to escape, it was really the only option she had if she wanted to protect Carina from harm. Though that hindered on Carina actually taking leave from the kingdom. If she decided, for whatever mad reason, to stay and live as long as she could in the castle with Sven, then what could Lauren do? By her reasoning, such a turn of events meant she herself couldn't really leave and certainly couldn't kill Sven; not if Carina's safety was so important to her.

She forced herself not to dwell on such a possibility, wanting to believe that however Carina was acting now, she wouldn't ever willingly choose to remain in Ignis alongside Sven if a chance to escape it all ever opened itself up to her. Lauren had to continue to believe that or she would just lose all the optimism for a new life she had allowed to build up.

In an effort to clear her mind and readjust the plans after the news of Carina's refusal to see it go further, Lauren headed to find Thorin. It still astounded her that the former head guard was someone she turned to so often, relied upon even, but his importance to her was now more emphasises than ever before. It was a sad reflection on how distant the friendship with Carina had become that she was relying so heavily on Thorin... but she also refused to dwell on that. For all his faults, she didn't doubt his loyalty to their plans one - and she couldn't say the same about Carina, who she had grown suspicious of even before the bombshell dropped.

With no office to call his own anymore, it had taken longer than it would have before the falling out to find Thorin, but murmurs from a few servants she stopped to talk to eventually helped in tracking him down. Her anger had subdued a little but she was still understandably furious and having someone to vent to, who would share her annoyances, was vital - and the only other person she could be that honest with was Thorin.

She forced a smile at the sight of other guards lingering nearby him, engaged in a conversation that caused them to boom with laughter every few seconds. She despised most of the guards for various reasons, a major one being their apparent belief that they could sleep with any maid they set their eyes on, as though they were irresistible and the girls in question incapable of refusing such charms.The amount of times she had to make excuses to get out of uncomfortable conversations with the men was too high, so having to approach them now only made her teeth grit together in annoyance - but she needed to speak to Thorin.

"...Do you think we could have a word? It's-- important," she emphasised once stood before the man, forcing another smile as she did her best to ignore the less than subtle gazes from the other men. "...Now, rather than later, Thorin. I... I see you're not busy so perhaps you'd be kind and oblige?"
 
Thorin had been doing well when it came to working on the other guards in terms of worming in less than pleasant thoughts about Sven. If the King could so easily turn against his best friend, then what good was there for anyone else? They could work hard for their entire lives, give everything they had, and never see an ounce of gratitude or appeasement. What fun was it, working for someone like that? Knowing that they could risk their lives for their king, but never get any thanks or reward?

Of course such conversations were held in private and with those Thorin knew he could trust. On a night off in a local tavern somewhere, hushed but strong with opinion and fierce with annoyance at their monarch who he had believed was his friend.

But for right now though, he stood with a set group in the weapons room, keeping a good reputation with a few who he knew felt unjustly treated and those who could be persuaded. Even though he had been demoted, he was still well respected and his attitude - since he had been seen to handle the situation maturely and with strength - had been admired by most. Although there were the loyal few who he avoided who believed he deserved what he had gotten.

He wouldn't ever suspect Lauren's manipulation, that the maid didn't truly give a shit about him and had merely used him, at least to begin with, for the information he had provided. He wasn't falling for the maid, but it was a nice and pleasurable mix to have a tumble in bed with her and then talk about murdering Sven the next. He had never suspected that the young woman truly felt such a way about Sven, and had to applaud her for her acting.

A smirk still remained on her lips as he saw Lauren approach, eyebrow raising at her rather brazen request for them to speak in private which obviously earned a few comments from those he was with. Slapping one of the younger lads over the back of the head as he walked past, he motioned for Lauren to follow after him.

It couldn't be somewhere they were seen, so he led her toward the cells where he knew no one would be, especially with them now empty and in no need of guarding.

"What's got you all tense?" He questioned once they arrived, leaning against a wall once they had settled, "I've not seen you like this before, or at least not since Sven burst in on you being in Carina's room. Did something happen?"
 
The cells were perhaps Lauren's least favourite place in the entire castle, for good reason. No end of suffering and torture had occurred within the dungeons, whether that be physical or emotional, and she always found herself shivering whenever she made the journey down into the dark depths beneath the castle.

She rubbed her arms in an effort to keep herself warm as the temperature gradually lowered to a bitter, uncomfortable chill the further down into the dungeons she went, stopping only when Thorin did. She purposely kept her eyes on the guard to avoid taking in her surroundings and imagining just how many people had spent their last days locked behind the bars of the cells, waiting for an execution they probably didn't deserve.

Honest, fair trials were few and far between in Ignis, with the rulers instead opting to pass judgement authoritatively and sentence someone to death even if the crime ought to determine a much less severe ruling.

She forced herself not to dwell on the suffering that had taken place around her and instead kept focused on what she had sought out Thorin for - even if having that brought to mind did little to quash the discomfort within her.

"Carina's out. She isn't willing to see the plan through anymore. She-- effectively turned her back on the months we have spent planning for his death, dismissed all of my concerns with her preferred plan of action without caring to see my point of view. She just wants to flee into the night and hope for the best - it's ridiculous, stupid a-and-- and it hurt me. To have her so easily turn her back on the months we have worked together on this; we're so close and she just... decides against it? I'm sure she's developed a sympathy for that man; a genuine consideration for his health and well-being. It's infuriating."

She exhaled heavily at the sudden outburst, resting her head back against the cool of the stoned wall behind her with her eyes shut in an attempt to keep control of her emotions, however fiery and uncontrollable they felt. She might have just lost a valued, trusted friendship but that was no reason to give up and sulk about - she couldn't afford to be complacent when she needed to remain in control of herself, dedicating every spare second she had into organising the take-down of Sven. A take-down that she knew would be bloody, violent and unrelenting, just as he deserved - even if Carina disagreed, Lauren wasn't going to step down from the plans she had spent so long concocting.

"...It's just you and I now, Thorin. The guards you can bring onto our side will be helpful but ultimately, you're the only one I can truly trust. I... can't say I trusted you when I first approached you - you were so dedicated to that man that I had to be a tad deceptive with you, to tear you from him and make you see what he was like, but then he... stabbed you in the back and you woke up to the sort of man he is, didn't you? And since then I... admit that I have trusted you more and more; no more than I do right now," she admitted under her breath as she dared to open her eyes once again, glancing up at him with a faint flicker of a smile.

"...I want to see this plan through with you. I trust that you won't do as Carina did and turn your back on me? You're-- the only person I have left at this point."
 
Pulling away from the wall at Lauren's words, the shock was clear in his eyes as his arms raised to fold across his chest. It was a turn of events he hadn't seen coming, and it was clear that Lauren hadn't expected it either. How could either of them? Considering all that the young queen had been put through over the last 13 months? If anyone had a reason to want to see Sven's head on a spike, it was Carina, so for Lauren to inform him that the Eirian queen had backed out... it was simply astounding.

"Can't we do something to get her back on side? Even if it isn't nice, Lauren, we can't just let her walk out on this. What if you're right and she has developed that sympathy for him? How do you know she won't just go and tell him everything?" Thorin responded, stepping closer so their voices didn't have to be so loud. Even in an area as deserted as the dungeons, you could never be sure who was listening. "Surely we got to blackmail her or something. Tell her to keep her mouth shut otherwise the same thing'll happen to her. Without those powers of hers, she's no better than me or you. She's human, Lauren. And she's got the child to think about now too. She'll stay quiet if we make the right threat."

Clearly things had changed for Thorin in the past few months. While he appreciated Carina's treatment of him and made sure to make a show of her gratitude of his 'quick thinking' the day of the mob, he knew that was just what it was. A show.

To Thorin, both Sven and Carina were just as bad as each other. Sven for his disrespect and lack of loyalty after all these years, and Carina for her belonging to Eira. They were both as cruel and hurtful as each other, perhaps even as manipulative. He remembered the way Carina attempted to manipulate Sven in the first few months before the wedding, and of course he knew about Sven's plot to twist Carina himself.

"They fuckin' deserve each other." He reached to gently clasp her chin, but there was a firmness to his touch, "You got to remember that now, Lauren. I won't leave you or this plan like she did. But you can't have any mercy for her now. She abandoned you, knowing what you've been through and knowing what he had done to the both of you. She's left you to save her own skin, or at least try to. She's no better than him. Get that in your head now, and things'll be a lot easier later down the line."
 
"Nothing I can say will bring her back to the plan, she made that abundantly clear to me, Thorin. How I'm not pregnant and haven't got a child to worry about, so I can't possibly understand her position - the condescension was more than enough to convince me that she's essentially a lost cause to us at this point," she answered as she let her gaze settle on the stoned ceiling above her head to try, if it was possible, to clear and calm her mind which had only proceeded to be inflamed with angry thoughts now she was forced to recall the moment in the bedroom to the guard.

She had always trusted Carina when she told her that they were equals; that despite her title and Lauren's lowlier status, they were in the plan together as equals and friends. She had fulfilled traditional duties but she never once felt as though the hierarchical structure had a place between them - she felt like she was just helping a friend rather than serving her Queen.

But the incident in the bedroom that morning she changed everything. Not only did she resent the fact the other was backing out of their plans but she disliked the patronising tone she felt had coloured all of Carina's words; the tone of a Queen she never thought she would have to personally witness herself in private. She had endured it outside of their privacy for appearances' sake, but when they were alone together she believed she would always be treated like a friend and talked to as such.

Dealing with any patronising, however inadvertent, made her feel like she was just another commoner in Carina's eyes - lowly and essentially inconsequential.

She allowed Thorin to take her chin in his hand, bristling just a little at the firmness though neglected to say a word about it in response. After all, she probably needed that - it broke her out of her panic and forced her to concentrate on his words, taking them in with a light frown. She didn't necessarily want to lose Carina as a friend when she had been the only person she trusted completely throughout those months, but ultimately, Thorin was right.

Carina knew everything about Harenae and the effects the island's dismantlement had had on Lauren; the desire she felt to avenge her people. It was a desire Carina herself felt in regards to Eira and the population there that had been brutally attacked. They shared a similar eagerness to bring Sven down and put him through the torture that had been inflicted on their people - but now she was abandoning that for her own interests, thereby abandoning Lauren in the process. At least, Thorin believed that and eventually, so too did Lauren, her expression toughening in realisation that Carina was just another person she distrusted and wanted nothing to do with.

"...Alright, I understand; I've got it. I should-- have known not to trust her, I suppose I was naive from the start to believe a royal like her would ever look out for me. They're all self-interested, it was... naivety on my part," she mumbled as she forced her eyes from the floor to meet his own, nodding quickly to reassure him that her mind was still focused on the plan, even without Carina's input and support.

"I want to join you at the next gathering you attend with the guards you're speaking to and convincing. I have no need to remain behind and keep that woman company. I have an active role in these plans and I ought to consolidate that where I can - I'm not the silly little maid who's going to let you men take charge of the plans, Thorin. So next time it's arranged, I want to be there."
 
Releasing her chin, Thorin nodded without hesitation. "Of course, the next one isn't for another few days... but when I finalise the details, I'll let you know." He assured her, eyes moving to check the corridor behind her out of habit. They still had their reputations and an image to uphold. Not that he believed anyone would come down the hall now, but there would always be that risk. Lauren was still seen as one of Sven's lovers, and all it would take was one nosy maid seeing them whispering in a deserted corridor to get the wrong impression and go running to the King.

He then provided Lauren with his attention once more, eyes flickering over the young maid as he considered how best to word his next question. It was a sensitive one, since he knew how Lauren felt about Carina but wasn't entirely sure how those feelings may have changed now.

"You realise that we're going to have to... consider what will be best to do about Carina once we've put the plan in action. We need to factor her in now too. If you're right and she's harbouring new sympathies for him... then we need to be prepared for what that might mean for us. If she'll try and protect him when the time comes, and what we should plan to do about her either way."

He watched Lauren carefully, arms slowly folding across his chest, "Do we kill her too? And for the child... I'm not so much of a monster that I'd be able to kill it. Do we raise it ourselves, for the new era?" He questioned, eyebrow raising.

When Carina was on board, Thorin begrudgingly accepted that she would be their new monarch, but now this change had occurred... there was the possibility he could convince Lauren that killing her was the only option too. But he meant what he said about the baby - he wouldn't be able to murder a child.

"We could raise the child ourselves for the new kingdom we want to see. Imagine that, Lauren. A whole new era... one where we get a say."
 
Assuming that that was far as their conversation would go, Lauren's head snapped back to him at his suggestion. She had only just recently broke off a friendship that had spanned months, one much more intense than normal friendships given the plan that had brought them together in the first place... but that had only made their bond all the more stronger, closer, to the point that she regarded the other as a sister of sorts; someone she cared for as deeply as she would a member of her family.

That bond had only now been disrupted and she was willing to admit to Thorin that, in her eyes, it wasn't ever going to be reconnected. It was a bond that had suffered irreparable damage and, to her own benefit, was better left in her past. If Carina was willing to abandon their plans, abandon her, to put her own needs first, then Lauren was going to do that too; she was going to follow Thorin's advice and focus on what they needed to do to achieve their plans, whatever the cost - and if Carina was no part of that, then maintaining a friendship was a waste of her time and energy.

Particularly when it was maintaining a friendship with someone who had betrayed her so abruptly; who was seemingly showing sympathies towards a man who had damaged Lauren's life and rid her of all the people she had ever known and loved. That alone was worth cutting ties with Carina permanently.

But seeing her suffer the same fate of death as Sven? The idea caused her to automatically frown in disagreement. She may not seek a friendship with the woman anymore, she may even grow to dislike her the more the betrayal had time to settle, but to see her dead indicated her harbouring a hatred of the woman she didn't possess - and couldn't fathom ever possessing. She didn't deserve to be killed like Sven--

But Thorin had a point, yet again, causing the maid's sternness to fade and her demeanour to become unsettled at the idea of Carina at the helm. If she had developed sympathies for Sven that had caused her to not want to see him dead, how would she react if that death did arrive at Lauren's hands? Would she waive it aside and allow the maid to live or would she have her put to death? The latter seemed most likely. As incredulous as it seemed, Carina would need to win trust of the Ignisian people, assure them she had nothing to do with the King's murder... and what better way of achieving that than putting Lauren, Thorin and their allies to death?

Lauren didn't want to die - so if Carina was selfish enough to abandon her and focus on herself, then was it so bad of the maid to do the same, whatever the emotional cost?

"...I... I need to think about it, but-- her death is... the only way I can see us surviving this, Thorin," she eventually admitted, her voice quieter than ever as she let her eyes drift uncomfortably to the ground beneath her feet. She only peered up again at the mention of the baby, her conflicted expression easing at what was an easier question to answer.

"I wouldn't think twice about raising the child; it isn't to be harmed. I cannot, in good conscience, kill an innocent baby, even if it is Sven's. No harm should be done to it, so... I would raise it with you. It does seem rather... a big thing to do, Thorin. What we have isn't loving or romantic in nature, is it? Raising a baby together brings in a domesticity to our current engagement that neither of us have really... discussed," she pointed out, a smile finally breaking on her face at the remark, her head tilting to the side as she awaited his answer.

"Not that I despise the idea of potentially raising a child with you. As horrendous as I once thought you to be, you... have changed my mind during the last few months. I rather like you, in fact. Words I never thought I'd utter but here we are - you're... a lovely man, Thorin. Certainly someone I knew would be a... good father, should circumstances work out the way we're envisioning them to."
 
"Doesn't matter what you thought of me before, all that matters is that you know we're in this together now. I'm not about to up and leave you like she did." Thorin spoke firmly, nose wrinkling at the mere thought at what Carina had just pulled. It was fucking ridiculous, and he couldn't understand it at all either. Even if he didn't ultimately give a shit about Carina's mental or physical health, he had known that some of the things that Sven had put her through was fucked up. Especially making her stay the night in the dungeons with her brother's severed head. Now that was brutal.

How anyone could begin to feel sympathy for a man who did that to them, had to be just as messed up. Perhaps it was Stockholm Syndrome. Who the fuck knew. All Thorin was certain about though was that he couldn't face seeing either of the two messed-up monarchs on the throne now.

Just like Lauren, he was beginning to wonder just what Carina would do if she was kept alive during and after Sven's murder. If the young queen was beginning to feel something for the king, then she wouldn't sit back and allow his murderers to get away with it. Not to mention, if she was now serving her own self interests, how could they know for sure she wouldn't kill them just to win over the people of Ignis?

"We can't take the risk of keeping either of them alive, but we're in agreement about the child. So we wait until after the baby is born, except now we don't have to wait for Carina to be back to full strength. It would be better to strike while she is still weak after childbirth. Sven will be too in awe of fatherhood to be on guard then too. It'll be easy." Thorin thought out loud, back straightening and shoulders pushing back, exuding the confidence he felt regarding the change.

"We'll raise the child as guardians, we don't need to have any obligation to each other, Lauren. This isn't a proposal, trust me." He raised an eyebrow, grinning despite the severity and morbid conversation about murder, "But I'm glad we're in agreement. We'll continue to finalise the details, gather our support... the two of them won't know what hit them."
 
"Oh, you can distance yourself from the romantic inclinations of this little engagement of ours all you want, but you could raise that child alone if you wished. Why ask me to help? Perhaps you might want to ponder that some more and realise that you, the man who would sleep so casually with any woman you met, might have caught a few feelings, hm? Or is that so outrageous a thought that you persist in denying it to yourself? I suppose I'll let you think about it for the next month or two; come back to me when you've figured out that maybe you're not incapable of catching feelings."

With a deliberate smirk up at him, the maid dusted her dress down carefully before taking her leave from the dungeons. The air might have lifted towards the end of their conversation, particularly when she chose to playfully tease him regarding feelings that may or may not exist, but it didn't change the fact that they were still in the dungeons; still in a place full of grimness and torture that the maid shivered uncomfortably at.

She might be planning to kill, including the death of someone who had until very recently being her closest friend, but she wasn't sadistic; she could never take pleasure in torturing someone like Sven could. The amount of suffering in that dungeon made the air thick and unsettling, and the sooner she got away from it, the better it was for her.

She gulped in a fresh breath of air when back out in the castle's corridor, letting her eyes adjust after so long down in the dark. The castle itself wasn't lit brightly, maintaining a dimness as a result of the clouds of smoke that filled the skies outside, but it was might brighter than the dungeons, often entirely enveloped by darkness.

The plan might be coming together quicker than ever, with a renewed motivation to succeed after Carina's betrayal, but the heaviness of her sadness in regards to that still weighed on her chest. She had never envisioned succeeding without Carina at her side, so to go through such a betrayal (as she and Thorin saw it) was... horrible. She certainly never saw herself planning the woman's murder but it was the only way to guarantee her own survival.

Carina was selfishly motivated in wanting to save herself, so that was what Lauren was doing too; simply doing all she could to ensure she survived. Even if that meant killing the one person she thought she would be at her side until her old age.

With a quick intake of breath to compose herself, the maid stopped just once in the mirror to ensure all signs of her upset were forced from her expression before heading to take up her usual duties, this time without any dedication to being at Carina's side. Those duties were ones she would gladly accept punishment for refusing to do if it came to that, the idea of having to be around the Queen at all making her sick to her stomach.
 
When the rest of the day had passed and Lauren was still missing from her company, Carina knew for certain that a bridge had been burned indefinitely. This wasn't a case of the maid needing time to cool down and realise that Carina was simply doing what she thought best for the baby (or at least that was what Carina told herself). This would be Carina's new future, one that saw her with no one to talk to or turn to.

She couldn't bear to think that this was something she had brought on herself, unable to understand why Lauren couldn't see things from her point of view. She was carrying a child, and while they had factored in that variable when originally planning their uprising, Carina couldn't have seen what eventually happened. Never did she think that all these events and scenarios would occur. She didn't ever envision Natalia being in the middle of an ultimate betrayal. Never did she consider that Sven would fall to the depths he had, going out into the public and getting involved in a pub brawl.

Yet that, plus their moments of vulnerability with each other, had made him seem all the more human. And she hated him for that. It made her hesitate, and Carina hated uncertainty. She hated not being sure of what was happening.

With that feeling of anxiety, came also the one of loneliness. Just as Sven felt, Carina now realised she too had no one in her corner. The one person she could rely on was Lauren, and now she had lost her friend.

She had lost her friend and heard some rather hurtful words as a result. However she couldn't hold them against the maid, knowing that they were said out of anger and she, despite deep down knowing the truth, hoped that one day they could reconcile. Little did she know that the friend she longed to have back helping her through the hell she found herself in, was near the dungeons plotting her death.

So, perhaps blissfully unaware of the treachery that was being conspired against her, Carina had reluctantly continued about her day. She had informed the Head of Staff by the end of the day that she would no longer need or want Lauren's services, despite what may be wanted by Sven. She also didn't want a replacement (if in spite of herself, because she wanted to prove she could do things without any help).

However, by the end of the day, Carina was feeling numb. The fight with Lauren continued to replay in her mind as she sat up in her bed, the blankets pulled up to rest just at the bottom of the bump. The fingers on one hand softly traced random patterns over the top, while the other held the side gently. It was still early, and she had barely eaten all day, too conflicted about what had happened with Lauren and too lost about what to do about Sven and his behaviour.
 
Sven had done his best to distance himself from Carina throughout the day.

He had done so for a plethora of reasons. Part of him was understandably mortified by the drunken antics he had presented last night, another part of him wanted to give her the space she needed from him after his recent suspicions of her faking her pregnancy and covering a miscarriage... but another part of him felt he needed to maintain a detachment from her in order to decipher just how he felt. With that space, he could think clearly without being affected by her being near him, complicating matters further. He knew he needed the space to detect just what the hell was going on with him; why he no longer felt such a burning hatred towards her but rather a strange longing to be in her company, to get to know her and share stories with her beside the fireplace like they had done that night.

All the contemplation in the world wouldn't have cleared things up for him but it was the distance that had let him stumble upon the realisation - the longing he felt to be back in her company was all the evidence he really needed to determine that, however shocking it was to him, he... rather liked the woman. He no longer found her behaviour irritating but somewhat sweet - the rebuttals were no longer indicative of disobedience that needed to be met with fierce punishment, but had taken on a more playful tone in his head; he didn't despise her speaking back to him but welcomed it because of the normalcy it brought.

It wasn't bitterness where he sought superiority, but the normal bickering of a married couple of equals. And while that thought disgusted him even now, he couldn't deny the faint smile it also brought to his face. He could deny it all he wanted, maintain that he despised the woman and wanted to break her... but it just wasn't true anymore. And it was exhausting having to keep that energy up when it was much easier to admit how he felt and... see where things could go from there.

At the very least, living civilly without animosity, without energy put forward into maintaining the upperhand and plotting to hurt one another, was a calmer, more enjoyable way to live his life, and something told him that such a desire was one Carina might share too.

Though he kept his distance, he had a maid alert him of Carina's movements that day... and knowing that she had barely eaten didn't sit well with him. And so, despite wanting to give her the space she had requested and proving that he was willing to honour that, the King made his way into the Queen's room with a tray of tea and crumpets, offering a smile to put her at ease in case she feared a return of the vicious King seeking to belittle her before she could bring up his pathetic behaviour from last night. That wasn't his intention, and so shutting that fear down before it spread was vital.

"...I've heard you haven't eaten much today. I... didn't want to force a full cooked dinner on you so butter and crumpets, with a little meat you've craved over the few months, seemed a good choice. If not, I'll eat it; I haven't had dinner yet," he explained quietly as he set the silver tray on the space beside her on the bed, hesitating at its edge. He had so much he wanted to say... but stood in front of her, feeling open and vulnerable, made him grow uncomfortable and thus hesitant to reveal what realisations he had come to.

"I... will understand if you object, given the time it means spending with me, but I... have decided that I'd like to paint you, maybe. Nothing formal, nothing at all like a rigid portraiture painting. Just something... casual; intimate. To capture the pregnancy. For your benefit, if nothing else. I want you to have some positive memories to recall and... maybe having a painting will... help remind you that it hasn't all been bad," he began with a faint nod, biting the inside of his cheek.

"I realise that this is uncharacteristic of me, Carina; I realise that you might be expecting me to snap at you at any moment and belittle and demean you, but I assure you I have no intention. On the contrary, I've... reached a conclusion today that shocks me but is the truth nonetheless - I find myself... god, I'm making such a mess of this. I like you, Carina. I'm not saying I'm about to declare my love for you, I'm not even saying I want to rush into anything romantic, I'm just saying that I... I've come to realise my feelings toward you are no longer occupied by a searing hatred. That instead, I smile when I think of you; I feel like I can be myself in your company - at least, show parts of myself that I don't show anyone else. I'm aware this is soppy, I just thought I... should tell you."
 
Carina looked up at the sound of the door opening, perhaps hoping slightly that it would be Lauren looking to make amends as Carina wanted to do herself. However she was mildly surprised to see Sven instead, having thought the young king would have chosen to stay away as he had done all day. Of course Carina's avoidance of him probably made things easier.

Her brow instinctively furrowed at the sight of the smile on his face, the hand that was drawing patterns against the roundness of her stomach stilling as he approached. There was food on the tray, but that didn't shock her, he had a knack for forcing food onto her in order to keep the baby well fed, even when she was too nauseous to eat anything. But it was his demeanour that made her frown. The way he entered her room as if he knew he was entering an intimate space in which he didn't belong, keeping his voice quiet and movements silent, only to fidget at the edge of her bed after settling the tray down.

An audible grumble sounded from her stomach, which made her look down to the food instead of him. She didn't want to evoke a lecture from him, or any bitter words about how she needed to take better care of the baby.

Clearing her throat, she reached for the tray and pulled it toward her, still yet to say anything in response. The lack of reply allowing him to continue with whatever he wanted to get off his chest as Carina inwardly debated where to start first with the food. However that was all forgotten at his next confession, head sharply lifting to look at him.

Paint her.

He wanted to paint her. So she had something to remind her of the better times.

Her hand withdrew from the food, subconsciously coming back to her stomach as she struggled with how to respond to such an offer. Intimate, casual. Those two words were not exactly synonymous with him, or their relationship. Positive memories... the only positive memories she would have would be when she was alone, in the library singing to their child or in the bath, laughing at how the bump was beginning to look like a little island in the bath water.

Then came his final confession, in which Carina stared at him, wide-eyed and opened mouthed. Seconds passed, but they felt like minutes as she finally came around, mouth closing and swallowing thickly.

"And... why should I believe a single word you have to say now, Sven? Hm? I can't... you have no idea just how difficult it is to believe you." She finally answered, the hand not on her stomach raising to pinch the bridge of her nose, "I'm so tired... so, so tired of all this. I-- I want... to believe you. But can I, after the past thirteen months we've spent together?"

Carina raised her gaze, allowing it to settle on his face. Although she knew there was no point to it, she had never been good at telling if he was manipulating her or not.

"And-- and why would I ever stand for a painting for you? Knowing that in a few months time you'll not even let me see the baby you've painted me with? Or-- or knowing that in a few years time you'll probably have had my head once you've gotten what you've wanted. Do you have-- any idea how painful a thought that is to me?"
 
He didn't expect Carina to gush eagerly in response to his offer to paint her, nor reciprocate the admissions of slight affection he had realised he harboured for her, but the extensive doubt shown towards his confessions was upsetting.

Though, he didn't (and couldn't) necessarily blame her for it, understanding why she held such a resistance when he had only proved himself to be an expert manipulator over the months spent with her. Any kindness he had shown her could be construed as an act; a way to encourage her to lower her defences and use that vulnerability against her at a later date, and she would be well within her rights to assume that when he had revealed himself as a manipulator, prided himself on that, and had already succeeded in fooling her when they first met.

Why wouldn't she just assume that this was another elaborate attempt to hurt her?

It wasn't, of course, but he had to concede that she was justified in questioning him, however hurtful it might have been to open up and be honest about how he felt and have that be doubted and questioned.

"...I can't -and don't wish to- persuade you with words about my truthfulness; actions speak louder, after all. I just need a chance to show that to you, because I'm tired too, Carina. I am tired of this. Believe it or not, you are-- the only person I can talk to these days. Thorin hates me, Natalia betrayed me, Lauren isn't someone I wish to call upon anymore. The others around me are yes men; I can't trust a thing they say when they could stab me in the back and betray me; they say whatever they need to to please me and I... I can't trust people like that. You tell me what you think, you're honest, and I value that. I can-- at least talk to you. And I want to do that without being on edge, waiting for you to say something I can use against you. It's exhausting and-- and I don't have the energy for it."

With a faint sigh beneath his breath, he took a seat at the armchair, far enough from her to give her space without actually leaving the room. He would do so if she asked that of him, not wanting to make her uncomfortable and contradict his new admissions of caring for her, but he wanted to stay; to at least make the point that he wasn't being manipulative and instead wanted to expand on the strange desire that lingered in them both to at least be decent with one another.

"...You could have killed me last night, Carina. You had your powers the entire night at your beck and call. Or you could have left the castle; run into the night and raised our baby without any knowledge of me. But you remained," the King murmured with a glance back across at his wife, a smile pulling at his lips at the other's actions last night.

"You... helped me into bed, got me water, said... nice things. Now either that's a plan of yours; maybe you're manipulating me and are planning to take me down in the future... or you've developed a consideration towards me like I have with you. I believe the latter, Carina; I want to believe the latter. I want to give you that chance. I at least want the same in return; a chance to show you I'm not putting on a fucking act. I have-- I don't fucking have anyone, Carina. I'm-- lonely. You're alone in this kingdom, aren't you? Why is it such a horrific idea for us to be civil, be adult, and try and... expand on the newfound sympathies we have for one another; build up an understanding where we can be in the same room without wanting to tear out each other's throats?"
 
The moment he mentioned last night, Carina looked down at her hands. She didn't need to be reminded of how she could have made her life so much easier there and then, but was stopped by something beyond her control. Sven may have accepted his feelings, but Carina was still struggling with hers. After all, he may be lonely, but he wasn't the one who watched their sibling being brutally murdered, nor was he the one that had been captive for thirteen months in an enemy kingdom.

She could so easily point out the fact that there would have been no point in running really, since she knew he would have hunted her down to the ends of the earth if it meant having back his child. Nor did she dare try and find the words to explain that killing him would have dire consequences for her. Because it was like what he said: it was all exhausting.

And what point was there in telling him that she had been planning something, but had given up on it? Pulled out because of reasons she couldn't begin to understand. It would only continue to point her in a direction she was uncertain she wanted to follow; provide her an ending that she knew would match Sven's in the sense that it would mean she actually was starting to care for a man she believed to be a monster.

"It's not horrific... it... it's terrifying." Carina finally spoke, shoulders hunched as she kept her eyes on her hands. Definitely not the image of the strong queen that would bite and spit in his face. "It's terrifying because... because I want-- to believe you... but I've been living the last year... or so... under a cloud that you're going to kill me sooner or later." Eventually her eyes raised to settle on him, but despite her best efforts she couldn't make them harden as she wished to, "So do excuse me if I'm... hesitant..."

Her hand then reached for the tray, quietly pulling it closer to herself although she was still lacking in appetite. Most likely due to the turn of the conversation. It wasn't exactly what she expected to get into that evening.

"But-- but you're right. I am... I am utterly exhausted. Perhaps I wouldn't be as much if... if it weren't for the-- the baby. But I am so tired of having to... constantly retort and snap and snarl back at you. Worrying about this child is draining me enough as it is, let alone having to wonder when the next barbed spike will be coming from you. Even if this is some masterful act to get me to open up to you, I... I can't do it anymore. This baby is more important than any verbal or physical battle with you."
 
"...Do you not think I have that fear too? That I'll wake up one day to find you stood over me with a dagger? I harbour that fear too, Carina - and my death at your hands would possibly more justifiable than yours at mine. That was motivation to want to see you dead; to rid myself of the threat I felt you possessed. I... can't pretend I still don't, but I'm just willing to believe that your intentions are no longer... soaked in revenge, let's say. I want to believe that we can be civil and-- both be alive to see our child grow." Sven continued slowly, firmly, though not because he was determined to convince her to his way with a more serious tone. Rather, he knew he had to adopt a more restrained tone of voice otherwise he'd stammer and stutter his way through his confessions and his voice would end up wavering and ultimately breaking towards the end.

Having had enough of appearing so vulnerable during his drunkenness last night, he wanted to at least make an attempt to seem like he had his emotions in check, however futile that attempt might end up being the more he considered the words leaving his mouth and the repercussions they might bring him.

He wanted to trust Carina but it was hard to waive aside months of paranoia regarding her intentions towards him. He hadn't done himself any favours by acting in the manner he had towards her, and it was precisely that, all that horrific behaviour, that led him to believe she would seek her revenge as anyone would. He didn't want to die anytime soon so he wanted to believe that this could be a moment where they both put aside their suspicions and animosity and went forward with a new civility, one that could blossom into a friendship of sorts.

And he was going to opt for that; to push away concerns and fears because it wasn't healthy to cling to such paranoid thoughts... however difficult it might be to do so when he had believed for so long that if he didn't strike and kill the other first, she would.

"I suppose I wanted you dead for those reasons, to ensure my own survival. Also because I just despised you for all you represented, resented the fact I had to marry someone from Eira in the first place, but-- if we're going to move forward, I... guess it won't hurt to be honest. I didn't want any child of mine having their mother in their life, Carina. I thought I could manage by myself because I didn't want to risk any child of mine having the sort of mother I was raised by," he shrugged as he eased back into the armchair, his face clouding for a moment in consideration of whether he wanted to be as open as he was when it opened him up to ridicule or belittlement -- but how else could he show her of his seriousness, his change of heart, without sacrificing the information over?

"...My father was an asshole, but his hatred for me was at least unsubtle; I always knew where I stood with him. His abuse was physical so... it was bad, obviously, but I knew he disliked me. My mother was... subtle; she psychologically damaged me. She-- would tuck me into bed and lull me into believing she loved me, then I'd wake up in the morning down in the dungeons because she'd have carried me there. I'm aware I have no room to ask for sympathy when I... locked you down there, I'm not going to even bother expecting you to feel sorry for me when I did the same to you, I'm just... my mother really messed me up and I figured that I'd raise my child alone, to avoid them going through the same."

He paused to run a hand over his face, forcing out a shaky breath in order to compose himself.

"...I know you wouldn't hurt our child, I know that. Neither would I. All I want is their happiness and I'm-- big enough to admit that I think both of us in their life is the best way to achieve that. Our child needs you as much as it needs me so-- so please don't-- if you did plan on doing something, on killing me or just leaving when they're born, just reconsider because I... I really want to be a father, Carina. That's the one thing I think I'll actually succeed at."
 
"You're right, you don't deserve my sympathy when you did the same to me and worse - you locked me down there with my brother's head, Sven." Carina answered quietly, struggling desperately with the barrage of emotions she was feeling. Perhaps she had said the words aloud just in order to remind herself of what he had done to her. But Carina knew that, either way, she was already falling too deep into the sympathy he spoke of as he explained life with his parents.

Carina had been lucky, while her father had taken a turn for the worst when her mother died and the war progressed, it wouldn't ever have been what Sven had to go through. Naturally she dealt with a few cruel and cutting words, both while her father was drunk and sober, maybe even a bruising grip on her upper arm when she refused to do what he wished. But nothing like what Sven experienced. Her mother had been soft and kind and caring, even in the lead up to her death. She had always helped her children through things, such as their father's temper, even if it meant exhausting herself to do it.

Ignoring the food she had just pulled closer to herself, Carina raised her hands and bowed her head to meet them, rubbing her hands over her face before allowing it to remain buried within them for a moment.

"I-- I don't know... Sven. I really... really don't know. All I know is that you're manipulative and-- and with the birth so close-- I'm confused. I don't know if you're... doing this so you have fresh material to use once you can torment me full time once the baby is born... or if... if you're actually genuine this time." She breathed, voice muffled behind her hands. Strands of white hair falling to shield her face from either side. "I-- I want to believe you're genuine, I really do. I'm exhausted from fighting with you, of needing to be prepared for a verbal battle every time I come down for breakfast."

Taking a deep breath, head head rose and then tilted back to rest against the wall behind her. The edge of the headboard pressing into the middle of her shoulder blades. Her eyes were closed, and voice heavy with that exhaustion she mentioned.

"You've been acting so odd, this past month. I know now it was because you thought... you thought what you did. And though I ought to know that I should expect you to think so poorly of me... it still hurt. But your behaviour proved just how good you are at-- at making-- making me uncomfortable. At being manipulative. At saying one thing but meaning another or having a certain expression but wanting to react in another."

She swallowed hard, finally opening her eyes and tilting her head so she could look at him, "My survival counts on you surviving. So what would be the point in killing you? Your people would murder me the moment that happened. But you... you could have my head on a chopping block the second our child has been born."

Tears finally began to drip down her cheeks, "I want to be a mother. I want to be a good one. So really it should be me asking you to reconsider murdering me. Not the other way around."
 
"There's no way I can prove to you that I'm serious with words; all I can do is ask you give me a chance to prove it with my actions, and trust that those are genuine. I need time for that, Carina. I need you to give me time and show that I have no ill-feeling towards you. I... know I have no right asking you to be fair with me but I can't prove anything without showing my actions over a period of time, right? Otherwise you'd just assume I'm manipulative and leave before I... I can show you I'm not, not now."

He didn't want to breakdown again, certainly not while he was sober and would just feel the effects of such an emotional outburst even more, but it was difficult to sit in that room as Carina began to cry. He could maintain that he justified his past behaviour and suspicions, and claim with certainty that he had once hated her before even getting to know her because of the rivalry between their nations, but he was also ready to admit that he had formed new opinions, particularly in the recent few weeks.

He understood the doubt that lingered over his behaviour, given how contradictory it was to the character that had personified him for so long. People didn't just have a complete switch of behaviour for no reason, but he felt he had a reason. He had distanced himself considerably from people that he would put on a bravado around, who provoked him into spewing toxicity in an attempt to give them the words he felt they would want to hear. They wanted him to act like his father, and when it came to pleasing those allies, he had done everything he could to win their support.

But distancing themselves from them and having those rare moments where genuineness was shared between him and Carina had allowed his thought to shift considerably. They would still undoubtedly hold differing opinions regarding kingdom politics and the like, but he did think that they held similarities neither of them would have comprehended before their peaceful interactions with one another. He actively wanted to have more of those moments, see what else they had in common, and with that came the realisation that he... liked her.

And he wanted nothing more than to prove that to her given that this was perhaps one of the moments in his life where a real companionship could be formed; one not created out of necessity or a desire to fulfil his life with powerful contacts, but merely because he liked her and wanted her around him. But he also needed to ask a huge favour from her in allowing him that time to prove his sincerity: a favour he probably had no right in asking for.

"I'm not going to... kill you, Carina. But you could still choose to escape if the chance ever arises, right? That's what I... that's what I'm really asking you to reconsider, if the thought had crossed your mind. I want to prove to you that I'm genuine but I can't do that without you here, giving me that chance," he eventually remarked as he lifted his head from the cradled position he had rested it, leaning on his enclosed fist to avoid eye contact with the woman, knowing the sight of her tears would bring forth the guilt he probably knew he deserved to suffer with.

"God, I... can't have every conversation of ours to be this emotional, it'll ruin me," he weakly laughed in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, reaching down for the hip flask of whiskey in his pocket. After the amount he had consumed last night, the last thing he needed was more alcohol - but a little whiskey was something he knew he could manage without too much trouble.

"Give it some thought, about the painting. If you decide against it, I won't take offence. I understand. I'll just paint the scene from my bedroom balcony for the umpteenth time if I have to. Finding new things to paint when my art is restricted to my bedroom is difficult, but I can only imagine I'd get crucified by people in this kingdom if they knew I enjoyed painting. My father would ridicule it; call it too gentle a hobby for a proud Ignisian King to indulge in-- you met the man. He'd rather beat the living shit out of someone than even pick up a paintbrush."
 
Hastily tears were wiped away from her cheeks and she sniffed a few times, eyes raising to the ceiling in an attempt to fend off any remaining tears. "It's the pregnancy hormones." She mumbled quickly, not wanting him to think it was her in case it was all some cruel joke on his behalf. She would always be waiting for some sort of trickery from him, and it would undoubtedly take a certain amount of time for her to finally start believing that he truly had changed.

But for him to want to paint her. That in itself was something so huge that she couldn't overlook it. Not even his tutors or his most trusted people knew about his talent, yet not only had he confessed to her about it a few weeks ago, but now she was to become the subject of his art.

"I-- I need to think about it. There's-- there's a... a lot to think about." She confessed finally, hand running through her hair to push it back off her face. "It's... it's not just something I can agree to here and now, Sven. I... this painting... you said intimate... I just-- after-- after--" She stammered, unable to to herself from thinking of how he stormed in a few days ago, demanding she stripped. Her tongue darted out to wet dried lips and she cleared her throat. "I need to think about it."

Carina then turned her head to look outside through the nearest window, fingers fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. "But... you're-- you're the king now. Painting as... as a skill should b commended, not humiliated. Seeing you paint will only help change... the way it is viewed. People look... look to their monarchs for examples, for what is interesting and what is new. Your father may not-- not have liked it, but he is also no longer here."

It felt odd giving him such advice, speaking with actual passion about something she knew he enjoyed and wanted to encourage him to continue pursuing. However she knew it wasn't something she could help. Seeing him, watching him as he sat in that chair talking about his father and the former king's behaviour in such a way only made her want to bolster him more.

Perhaps it was something she would do for their future child one day.

"You... you shouldn't let... you shouldn't let the opinions of the people stop you from doing something you enjoy. They loved... your father, but they-- they also love you. It's easy to see. You... you painting will not damage that."
 
He wasn't seeking advice or further sympathy - he was just venting and getting everything off his chest, deciding that not only was it good to share with Carina and show that he was making the effort to be more open with her, but it was good for him mentally. If last night had proved anything, it was that he had bottled up so much over the years that it was bound to explode out of him eventually - and he didn't want to have to get drunk every few months just to speak openly about how he felt.

Especially when he really didn't have anyone to talk to anymore. All he had was Carina; she was quite literally the only person he could discuss such matters with without criticism. Others in his inner circle would look down on such emotional admissions as weakness, gently remind him that he was King and confessing such matters was quite unlike a man of his status - and he only had his father to thank for that. The man had set a precedent for how a King of Ignis should behave. He was the one to conquer Eira, the ruler who would go down in history books as their finest King.

Living up to that was difficult enough, but if his people also saw him expressing emotions they didn't associate with a King, he was almost sure public opinion on him would deteriorate - fast.

Like hell could he show them his artwork and expect positive responses to it. However talented he was, the comparisons to his father would be his undoing - one was a brute of a man who guzzled beer and held outrageous feasts each night that ended in debauchery, the other was more civilised, more intelligent and enjoyed turning to art to relax. Unfortunately, people in Ignis wholly preferred a King in the mould of the former.

"They may love me now, but that's purely because of the manipulation; I've convinced them all that I'm my father's son, that I hold the potential to be like him. How else do you think I managed to win around his closest allies? They wouldn't have supported me as loudly as they have done if they didn't think I was like him. I can't... just enjoy my art, Carina; it's not as simple as that when you're in charge of a kingdom like this. There are expectations of me I have to live up to. Thanks to my father, I have to maintain a certain image. I'm trying my best not to sink to the depths of depravity he did, and I've achieved that so far, but... I can't enjoy my art outside of my bedroom, it'll be devastating to this image I've curated."

He laughed bitterly to himself at the restraints he was under; the constant pressure to be a certain way. It was why he had enjoyed last night's foray into the village - he had felt free for the first time, where he had no such expectations placed upon him. He loved his throne and wanted nothing more than to be King... but the fact he couldn't be his idea of a King when he would unjustly be compared to his father (and deemed unsuitable as a result) was crushing. His only choice was to display certain behaviours that his father had done, to keep his approval high.

"...I won't be like that to our child. If we have a son and they find happiness in a hobby that this kingdom deems too gentle, I won't stop him pursuing it. Same goes for a daughter. She can enjoy sword fighting or... or the traditional Ignisian martial arts and I'll be her biggest supporter, even if the expectations from those around me will be that she takes to sewing or something of the sort," he murmured, realising towards the end that he had began to babble, his tone perking up and words quickening in clear excitement at the prospect of sharing quality time with his child, whatever hobby they picked up.

"...I'll leave you to it; I've disturbed you enough tonight. I won't make a habit of, uh... ruining your evenings, I've done that a lot recently."
 
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