MEMBER EVENT PIPS - Discussions (September 2018)

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Pahn

A lovely club full of cute girls
ROLEPLAY DEPARTMENT
DONATING MEMBER
Cruel Mistress
Roleplay Invitations
Not Taking RP Invites at this Time
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week, Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
Anytime, I have no life.
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Transgender, Androgynous
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with both, but I have hard time with others using my character(s) without my prior consent. If the other player is unsure, I will have more of an aggressive style.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, romance, slice of life, anti-hero stories, "you're our only hope", fandom non-canons, soft scifi, transhumanism, magical girls, horror, suspense / mystery, monster girls, fractured fairytales
Genre You DON'T Like
Roadtrip style, already-planned-out adventures, rigid GMs.
#1


Welcome to the second part of PIPS!

In this thread, we encourage you to read the entries and answer the discussion questions provided. Feedback and commentary are of course welcome, but remember this was meant to be fun and light. We're here to discuss the themes of the submissions, not to nitpick how they were written :) Please remain polite and if you do provide criticism, make sure it's constructive.

First of all, thank you to everyone who participated! I received a handful of submissions and they were all quite fun! We're definitely going to be back again in 2019!

Some of the submissions are anonymous -- please respect this request by the writer and do not try to pin it on someone, even if you recognize their writing. There are no winners, but every entry will be featured in a pinned Showcasing thread, along with their entry!

A live reading might happen at the end of the month, more information will be posted if I can make it! As always, those who submitted poems are welcome to read their own poem out loud.


The themes for September's PIPS were:

► New beginnings
► Fear of failure
► Power of silence
► Disillusionment
► Unselfishness


At least one theme encouraged to be used.

* Discussion Questions Courtesy Rules


  • In the following tabs you will have the discussion questions, which I highly suggest using! :) You are also free to simply comment on the submissions and say how you feel about them or how they made you feel.


    • Do you feel the themes selected for the poem were identifiable in the submission? If more than one theme, did a theme feel like it was the main one?
    • If a title was provided, did it mean anything in regards to the rest of the poem?
    • In your own words, what do you think the poem meant?
    • Are there any symbols? If so, what did they mean? Do you think they were universal symbols or did they arise from the context of the poem?
    • Did the poem provide an image? If so, what kind of image?
    • Do you feel the form (poetic form, rhyme scheme, line arrangement, etc) influenced how you interpreted the poem? Were they important elements?
    • What was the tone used? Did any words reveal the tone? Is it consistent, or does it change along the way?
    • What heavily connotative words were used? Did you feel any words had unusual or special meanings? If any words or phrases were repeated, why do you think that is?
    • Did you feel like you understood the meaning behind the poem? Were the writer's intentions clear or ambiguous?
    • If you were to read this poem out loud, how would you go about it? In terms of tone, rhythm, etc.
    • What parts of the poem interested or puzzled you the most?



    • Number/letter grades are highly discouraged as they tend to be arbitrary and to vary widely in interpretation. This applies to any form of comparative grading. It is better to use the discussion points from the previous tab for each entry based on its individual merit rather than assigning a grade.
    • Some entries were requested to be anonymous, please respect the writer's decision.
    • Discussions are encouraged to happen between September 21 and September 30, but if you wish to keep talking about the entries once the event is over, the thread should remain available for a few weeks.



Have fun and even if you didn't submit a poem, everyone is encouraged to talk about the entries! :)




Submissions


By: RJS RJS
Themes: Fear of Failure, New Beginnings
Poetic Form: Paradelle


I find myself a verse to write
I find myself averse to write
Inside I know I need to try
Inside I know I need to try
A verse to try myself I know
Averse to write, I need to know.

And yet I fear the words you hear
And yet I fear the words you hear
Not good enough, I am so sure
Not good enough, I am so sure
I fear, not good enough, and so
Words you hear? Good? Not so.

I fight against my mind, I find
I fight against my mind, I find
A worthy form to face as foe
A worthy form to face as foe
I find a worthy face, I fight
A foe as worthy as my mind.

And so I face my fear, my foe
My worthy mind against my fear
Averse to try, A verse to write
A worthy foe I need to fight
Against my mind, the words you hear
Good? Not good? I need not fear.


By: Anonymous
Themes: Power of Silence, Disillusionment
Poetic Form: Diamante


...
Visible, Quiet
Silencing, Feeling, Nothing
Text, Letters, Words, ANGER
Deafening, meaning, EVERYTHING
Tainted, Noisy
"..."​


By: Anonymous
Themes: Fear of failure, New beginnings


I sit alone and stare ahead
Lost in space, far away
I have no words and even dread
To try to think of what to say

I’ve met these friends so many times
We’ve bonded over storm and hail
But even now in verse and rhymes
I fear to speak and somehow fail

Were I to speak my mind,
Would they reject me out of hand?
I wish I could leave doubt behind
And not wear silence like a brand

There are no words I know to say,
That will make them wish for me to stay
Perhaps it's time to carry on
And look towards tomorrow's dawn


By: Jays Jays
Themes: New Beginnings


The fire starts with a spark, like ignited ember.
The storm ends in a breath, like teardrops, lost in the rain.

My love started like ember, sparked, smouldered, ignited.
My love ended like rain, breathless, tear-filled, lost.

Ember ends with a breath, blown apart, rain-soaked.
Tears started in a spark, stormy, volatile, foundless.

My life ended in a spark, like fireless ember.
My life started with her breath, tearless, found in the rain.


By: Aero Blue Aero Blue
Themes: Disllusionment


Draped over her bosom,
is her hair, like strands of gossamer.
cascading over complexion fair,
and the indents of her form.
It’s the promise, and the promise is all of her.

She is a sick-white, a wraith-white,
spectre-grey, face-bloodless-from-hate-white
and she is phantasmal, fading,
and in the same instant she is brilliant silver;
the waning resplendence of our love abating.

I beg of her.
“Climb me,
and I’ll rise with you.”

So she does.
She does it so fiercely, that she sucks me in,

oh, the
pleasure-pink

But she does.
She does it so desperately, that she wrings me out,

oh, the
sadness-blue

It’s the illusion, and the illusion is all of her,
Her ardor-red turned to feeble-pink,
and that familiar-white, that sickly-white returning,
draped over by strands of gossamer,
Upon her bosom,

Upon my chest,
its weft and weave.

Breathlessly,
what’s left of me pushes away
to save us.
But she’s come.

And I’ve come,
and when we come, we crumble like sand,
our last love dissolving through my fingers.


By: Verran Verran
Themes: Fear of Failure
Poetic Form: Free-Verse, AB form


Precarious, I cling
to the Sky-High wall.
Fingers groaning
under duress, I stall.
Breaths, ventilating
preluding my fall.
But before slipping,
I’ll make my call.

So I put my name on the test, and begin.


By: Drama Fraud Drama Fraud
Themes: New Beginnings
Poetic Form: Narrative


Where are we going, Mama?

Whose house is this so big and tidy
With ceiling so high and floor so shiny
Filled with things so beautiful
And everything so plentiful?

Can we really live here, Mama?

Every day eating food warm and yummy
To eat all I want to fill my tummy

Is this really my room, Mama?

My bed has never been this fluffy
My pillow has never been this puffy

I love it here, Mama
I really, I really do, Mama

But Mama, can I ask a question?


Why Papa can't go with us?


Papa, can you come back?

I will tidy up my bed every morning
I will study without saying it's boring
I will be a good boy, the best one ever
I will walk quietly like a feather

Papa, why must you leave Mama and me?

Is it because you kick me when I am naughty?
Is it because you slap Mama and call her flirty?

Papa, can you come here and hug me?

I miss your stories and I miss your warm smile
I miss your kisses and I miss your cool style

Papa, I miss you here
Papa, why can't you be here?

Papa, can I kiss you good bye?

Mama says I have a new Papa and I like him too

He looks very cool and likes to pat my shoulders
He can lift tables and really heavy boulders
He likes to sing with Mama playing along
He is strong and and cool and kind and calm

Papa, without you, I only have Mama
Papa, sorry to leaving you for Mama

Papa, me and Mama have a new Papa
Good bye, Papa

Mama says now I can't call you Papa
 

Jays

Fealty to the Silence
DONATING MEMBER
BITE Fall Community Pick
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, Private Convo Roleplays
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week
Writing Levels
Prestige
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Primarily Prefer Male
#2
I wrote another piece which I'd love to get some feedback on as well if you can spare the time. It's alright if not, I'm content whatever little scraps I can get.

Themes: Power of Silence, Unselfishness, Disillusionment

My love is vice, vision unloved,
Blind, sin-free, blameless.
My pain is her vigour, youth wasted numbly,
Tortured happiness, earned, shameless.

She will love you like a saint,
Will never love you again.
She will own you like a slaver,
Pour your silent faith down the drain.

My lips are sealed, locked, silenced.
My heart is tormented, caged, drained.
She will love you like devotion,
Will never love you again.

I prayed to her, a chanced fate brought me to my knees,
My sins unveiled, maskless blasphemed believer.
My Angel damned me, cast away, exiled.
Stripped me of my dignity, my happiness, my name.

Still I pray, still I yearn, still I can’t see,
She will love you like a lover,
Will never love you again.

Oh man all of these are unique. I'll write a little something later in the day.
 

RiverNotch

Sanguine Bile, Troll and Boy
#3
I didn't submit too late so far as I know, but my sub isn't up there for some reason?
 

Pahn

A lovely club full of cute girls
ROLEPLAY DEPARTMENT
DONATING MEMBER
Cruel Mistress
Roleplay Invitations
Not Taking RP Invites at this Time
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week, Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
Anytime, I have no life.
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Transgender, Androgynous
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with both, but I have hard time with others using my character(s) without my prior consent. If the other player is unsure, I will have more of an aggressive style.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, romance, slice of life, anti-hero stories, "you're our only hope", fandom non-canons, soft scifi, transhumanism, magical girls, horror, suspense / mystery, monster girls, fractured fairytales
Genre You DON'T Like
Roadtrip style, already-planned-out adventures, rigid GMs.
#4
I didn't submit too late so far as I know, but my sub isn't up there for some reason?
I just looked at my inbox and I haven't received any private messages from you in the last month!
 

RiverNotch

Sanguine Bile, Troll and Boy
#5
I didn't submit too late so far as I know, but my sub isn't up there for some reason?
I just looked at my inbox and I haven't received any private messages from you in the last month!
I've determined the problem: apparently, it didn't register you as a participant in the conversation I started. Which sucks.

That doesn't mean I'm out of the game, I think, as I can always post here. And so, in case you decide not to consider my piece --- the themes used are new beginnings and unselfishness.


End Transmission


It's over as our childhood is over. Each span of months
between releases, reruns getting burned into the mind ---

butterflies watching the world
broaden like a bud in spring

then color and smell and tear and fall
and even in its last moments feed

the tree ---
 

RiverNotch

Sanguine Bile, Troll and Boy
#6
And, for a bit of fun, I was to also post a link to the Workshop, basically an archive of most of the stuff I've worked on poetry-wise, especially as the above entry ties into a larger semi-series lamenting/celebrating the end of Adventure Time. This more considerable piece was not, however, my intended submission, since I'd been working on it before I had PIPS in mind. If the hiccup hadn't happened, the link woulda just been a link, but I feel like I have to make up (and Jays did post an extra). The theme that ties this to the event is new beginnings.


Loose Ends: Sketches based on the Adventure Time finale.


Minerva's Ode

Spare me nothing, I
want to feel

as you felt, see
what you saw

in that willow underneath
whose blooms you

lived, in that cliff
where you say

your love once dreamed,
in that deep

blue once feared,
now your bringer of

joy.


Simon's Song

It is not the sky that separates us but
the field of stars that struggle to outshine
your fading image or your broadening image,

I cannot tell. I asked you once to return
and you said no --- or, in horror, I heard
your silence as a "no".


Margles' Lament

He smiles and all I feel
is envy that he should be
allowed his ending. Oh, it is
its own pleasure: what little
of me that remains remembers
what it is, to be alive ---
to not be outlaw even
in the eyes of the cosmos.


The Ballad of Finn and Billy

I asked milady not to build
a monument to my youth,
nor to my brother's ageless mirth
which even his bones prove,

but to shape us sober, as we are now,
each lesson a wrinkle, a scar,
a clump of white propelling its way
through the black earth of a wart ---

She answered me with silence.
And when on my dying day I saw
a sword strapped to my back,
I smiled:

she knew I had not grown at all.


Marcy's Song

Each moment feels like ages then
recollecting them fresh, each anecdote passes
eleven minutes long, a generation compressed
into nine, maybe ten, short seasons,
then the heart cools:

each moment becomes a note
in the grand melody of life
stuck to the staff,
lost friends and fathers and lovers
their voices, their colors, sucked out

so that when they return, as they always do,
each moment feels like ages again
while the weight grows
lighter, shorter, sweeter.


BMO's Lament

I miss you already

will be replaced with

I miss waiting for you

will be replaced with

I miss remembering you.



 The ol' workshop (and by ol' I mean very ol' --- it might be ol'er than some of the participants here!): CRITIQUE WANTED The Workshop 
 
Last edited:

Auphe

Headless
Roleplay Invitations
One on One Roleplays, Chat Roleplays, Private Convo Roleplays
Posting Speed
A Few Posts A Day, One Post a Day, A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week, Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
Varies Monday-Friday. Work starts early and ends when it does. Saturdays and Sundays are free. Usually.
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Transgender, Futanari, Androgynous, No Preferences
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I can do both, though I need more experience being aggressive. When passive I tend to cheerfully throw wrenches into the plot. DMs seem to hate me.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Modern, Fantasy, Historical, Futuristic
Genre You DON'T Like
I wouldn't say I don't like it, but Sci-Fi is something I need a lot of work in.
#7
I am so incredibly sad that I forgot about PIPS. Real life needs to quit real quick so I can get my online life back.

SELF-IMPROVING, SELF IN PROVING

I really enjoyed the repeating of this poem. It was very musical in my brain and I ended up singing it as I read it. I really enjoyed the 'verse' and 'averse' alternation and overall I empathized with the poem a lot. Most of the time the most creative ones are the ones with the worst impostor syndrome. I hope one day you face your foe and win because I really enjoyed this poem.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE STRANGERS

That is one true title. Also, damn. Calm with the feels please. I also empathize a lot with this poem because often I do feel like all my friends are strangers. Especially after moving and only knowing the people my roommate has introduced me to. This poem also read like a song to me, the flow and cadence of the words particularly musical. The rhyming is also very fun to wrap my lips around. Maybe it is time to carry on, but from experience I wish to say that ghosting on people and ending up alone is often times more painful as being around people that are strangers.

CALM OF THE TEMPEST

Very nicely circular. I'm a sucker for imagery, which this poem doesn't have a lot of, but it has a lot of emotion and emotion heavy words which is very nice if you're not a cold hearted bastard. I feel as if the words themselves would have a greater impact if they'd been given their own line as the words you chose are hard, like a punch to the face. Particularly the third stanza.

YES, IT WOULD BE MORE FUN IF I JUST ****ED MYSELF (NSFW)

This reads almost like a romance novel and it's glorious. Might not be your intention, but this poem I found hilarious. (Don't be sad, I find most things sexual hilarious at best and worthless at worst.) It is both vague and detailed enough to get someone hot and bothered, or at least give them enough to work with to make the scene. Very well done.

CLIMBER'S CONUNDRUM

Sky-High made me think of the super hero movie... I like the idea of it, but the continuous 'all' ryhme sounds a little forced at the end. Not enough variations on the A lines to warrant that much 'all' sounds in the B lines. If that makes sense. I get the idea, though. Taking tests is always stressful and some people find it down right terrifying.

GOOD BYE, PAPA

This is my favorite poem of this month's PIPS. It hits all my spots, honestly. The story is relatable, extremely so in this case, and the voice clearly matches the 'writer' of the poem. Very believable in terms of being written by a child who is saying goodbye to a father he both loves and is afraid of. I also don't know if you noticed, but nearly all stages of grief are present here. Which would make sense as a child gets used to and over the fact that his father is now gone and in his place this other man has come. A better man, perhaps, but a different one. The ending is ambiguous, which I also like because it allows people to make up their own mind, but I like to think it's a happy ending. Mama said they couldn't call him papa anymore, but that's maybe for the better.

Thank you all for submitting your poems for PIPS! I am sorry I couldn't be one of you this month, but I am still glad to read what everyone has come up with. Even if I didn't leave you a glowing review I want you to know that you are amazing and wonderful. I am so very excited to see what you come up withe next time!
 

RJS

Already getting hyped for the fiesta!
DONATING MEMBER
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week, Slow As Molasses
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm often fairly passive, but I have no trouble being more aggressive if I know that I won't be stepping on other people's toes or upsetting anyone by doing so.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy and SciFi are the two genres I most enjoy. I absolutely adore Dark Fantasy/Dark SciFi, and I quite enjoy RPs with at least a facet of comedy in them too.
Genre You DON'T Like
Not really into pure Romance (although I don't mind it being present as part of a bigger story). I don't mind sexual content, but I'm not a fan of RPing a sex scene in its entirety.
#8
I want to preface these comments by saying, as usual, that it's been a great pleasure to read through your entries. I really enjoyed reading all of them, and the comments below are my purely subjective thoughts on them. I'm not a professional poetry critic, hell PIPS is about the only time I try to flex my weedy poetic muscles. I hope there's something useful in here and that I haven't tragically missed the mark on anybody's entry. If I have, feel free to let me know - it's always nice to read something with a new perspective!

I quite enjoyed this poem. Reading through it really conveyed the feelings of biting one’s tongue at something that you disagree with but knowing that saying something won’t have any effect. The use of ellipsis was well placed as well. I do feel like with that poetic form word choice is really crucial, and I felt like some of the words didn’t really fit in with the progression as well as some of the others. Nonetheless it still carried those sensations across impressively well.

Man this poem hit close to home. As someone who has anxiety over starting conversations even with some of the closest people to me, I could really vividly relate to this one. Even without that personal element though, I feel like the sensations were conveyed really clearly. I guess the one comment I would make on this one is that moving on isn’t always the best choice - I know from my personal experience that a lot of it is usually in your head. Don’t give up on your friends unless they’ve given up on you, in which case ditch those bitches.

I really like the word choice in this poem - the recurring motifs give it a great cohesiveness. It was also quite interesting reading through a couple of times and finding a new possible interpretation each time. I’d be interested to hear what Jays’s original intention on this was, but I alternately read it as being about a relationship starting and ending, then about the start, end, and then moving on to a new start. Then I saw about love starting for one person as another’s love ended...I’m genuinely curious as to what the original intent was.

First off, definitely a winner of the best title. I really liked the structure of the whole thing, the immediate contrast of the pleasurable physical and yet the disengaged mental really carrying across that sensation of a love that is over, and both participants have been clinging onto it. There’s nice little repeating motifs too - promise turns to illusion. In fact even as I’ve reread it for this review I’ve found more and more to it, and I think this might actually be my favourite entry both in terms of the technical and the emotive.

Simple, short, and brilliantly concise. A small, well-constructed poem that perfectly acts as a metaphor for the true topic. One thing that I think might really help to keep the rhythm in the poetic section is to try to keep the number of syllables on each line the same, to help build up a predictable rhythm and help with the flow. In spite of that, it was a very nice idea that was smartly executed.

Hoo boy, this was a close contender for my favourite. The narrative voice is polished to perfection, not a single word feels out of place.The interweaving of the questions and the stanzas works well, and the rhyme schemes within the stanzas help to keep the overall poem flowing. I also like the undercurrent of guilt towards the end as the child realises that they really like their new papa. It really conveys the emotion and story clearly. I was searching for an improvement point, but I honestly couldn’t find one.
 
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays
Posting Speed
One Post a Week
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, magic, power, those kind of things, mostly.
Genre You DON'T Like
No horror! Pure Romance. I like romance but only if it's a side plot.
#9
Auphe Auphe RJS RJS thanks for reading thereview I'm a bit new to writing poetry so I didn't know how well it will go but I'm glad you enjoy it ^^
 

Pahn

A lovely club full of cute girls
ROLEPLAY DEPARTMENT
DONATING MEMBER
Cruel Mistress
Roleplay Invitations
Not Taking RP Invites at this Time
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week, Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
Anytime, I have no life.
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Advanced, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Transgender, Androgynous
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with both, but I have hard time with others using my character(s) without my prior consent. If the other player is unsure, I will have more of an aggressive style.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, romance, slice of life, anti-hero stories, "you're our only hope", fandom non-canons, soft scifi, transhumanism, magical girls, horror, suspense / mystery, monster girls, fractured fairytales
Genre You DON'T Like
Roadtrip style, already-planned-out adventures, rigid GMs.
#10
What's up beautiful people!

I will be reading the PIPS submissions out loud this Sunday October 7th @ 4 PM Eastern time. As per usual, I will be reading the entries and giving my thoughts about them and everyone is invited to listen in and chat in the voice text channel :D Once the readings are done, everyone's free to unmute and join in on the conversation, though while I read it is preferable if you're muted!

I look forward to it >:D