Perspective Shifts

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For a moment Addie thought that Rita was talking to Jessy, her tone seeming soft and all. Then he realised that she was talking about him...
That quite baffled him a bit. Quite a lot, actually. He didn't know how to respond to her invitation. Of course, he would be happy accept but he didn't want to seem overeager - kind of like a stray dog who was now having the prospect of becoming a pet, he joked to himself.

"Uhm.. sure." he replied, trying not to blurt it out, "I mean, I'll stop by every day to help you out with Jessy of course." he smiled. In the back of his mind he was carefully observing her facial features, looking for any sign that her invitation might have been a 'heat of the moment' thing, but it seemed sincere. Still, the idea that he'd been getting from Rita that she was guarded, so he didn't want to scare her off.

"That mural on the wall... did you do that? It looks really nice." he said, still haunched next to Jessy, who was ignoring him in favour of her now-soaking toy.

-----

It felt like the longest time that Joe sat quietly next to her grandfather, her muscles still twitching periodically. Faolan had to fight the urge to ask her questions and coax her out of her quiet state. That would be a mistake.
... his patience paid off though, and Joe took a deep breath as she sighed through her nose. The twitching in her muscles subsided a little.

The old wolf gave her a reassuring hug and was rewarded with her leaning into his embrace. As he rested his head over hers, he felt small tremors running through her body. He wasn't sure what to make of this, so he waited some more before he spoke.
"It's all right, Joenie." he said reassuringly and in a quiet voice, "It's over. Marshall's gone and he's paid for what he did." there was another tremor, bigger than the others and Faolan decided to risk a question, "... what's wrong, my little lass? You can tell me."

He sensed hesitation, and worried that she might close up but then heard her speak in a small voice, "He's gone. Matt." and he heard the weight of her words.
"No... no, no he's just..." Just what? ... "He just needs a little time. He's not gone, Joenie." he said and stroked her hair. He hoped it was true, though. If the boy left...
He could feel her shaking again, and realised that he needed to reassure her. "He loves you, lass. He won't abandon you." This seemed to work, and she relaxed, though he could sense some lingering doubt.
Please hurry, Rami...

-----

Rami nodded slowly at Matt's answer, "That's understandable." he said.
There was a pause, and then he asked another question, "Do you know why she did it, the way she did?" his voice was still casually calm as he continued, "It wasn't just for herself."

Of course, he couldn't deny that she had enjoyed what she did, but he had his theory about it. The trick was finding out what Matthew's theories were. Although, they couldn't be that bad or that concrete if he was still here. At least Rami hoped so.
 
Addie’s calm response to the half-invitation managed not to shatter Rita’s relaxed mood. She moved out of the doorway to lean against the wall and shrugged, still smiling. “I just… I don’t really ‘live’ here, I mean, I’m kind of technically not alive at all, so…” She hesitated just a little, wondering what she was trying to say. More importantly, would she regret it in five minutes?

“I don’t want Jessy to grow up in a house full of death.” It sounded very melodramatic out loud and she hurried to expand on her statement, “Just don’t feel that you’re intruding, I only use it as a dressing room anyway. And to feed my cat. And obviously while I’m using it, you know, as a dressing room you shouldn’t… yeah, that’s obvious, so…” This little explanation was getting out of hand; she finally managed to stop herself from talking by biting the inside of her lip, hard, so much so that it bled. Dammit.

The question about the mural might have caught her off guard, but in the circumstances she latched onto it as a welcome distraction, and shook her head. “My mother…” How did one finish a sentence like that? “My mother did it. Before… well, when she lived here.”

-----

"Do you know why she did it, the way she did?"
Matt took his time to answer that question, and when he did speak his voice was very quiet. “Not… not exactly. I know that she took pleasure in it, but…” That was an understatement, really, the way she’d looked as she worked on him… and Matt had only witnessed the beginning. “There was something in her that I’d almost take for that Voice, only it wasn't. It was just her.”

He sunk his head in his hands before continuing, and his next words came out muffled. “She controlled it, a little. Enough to tell me to leave her be. She looked at me and she knew me, and she just told me to go away.” And then there was the other thing… the ‘gift’ she’d tried to give him when it was done. “I’ve changed species for her, and you wouldn’t believe the pain of that… It was my choice and I don’t hold it against her, but then she tries to present me with a dead man’s liver as some sort of trophy and… well, it’s like all of this wasn’t enough, she wants me to change myself as well, right to the core.”

He hesitated again, but the words had formed up now and they were going to get out one way or another. “Why me?” It was a question he’d asked himself over and over, but now it had taken on a whole new meaning. “Am I just here because she knows she can walk all over me? Is that really all there is?”
 
Addie gave a little nod of understanding, seeing as he had been a vampire once, and his smile didn't fade. Her following comment about a house full of death did seem somewhat melodramatic, and his eyes showed his surprised reaction, but still with some sense of joking in them.

He nodded and chuckled as she continued explaining too much and also caught the scent of her blood. Thankfully he was a werewolf that didn't go into a blood-driven hunger at the smell of it... probably because he'd been a vampire or something. He did his best not to draw attention to her over-explanation or the smell.

"Oh..." he answered lamely, feeling like he might have stuck his foot in something. "Are you going to, uh, continue with it?" he asked by way of conversation, but then an idea struck him, "Or maybe teach Jessy how to paint and she can do it one day?" he added brightly. He then looked at her and his eyes caught hers and she smiled - not really knowing why.

Seeing Rita standing relaxed, the little pup decided to try and reach her... by way of a half crawl, half walking on all fours and then trying to unsuccessfully stand up. Addie was about to try and help her up, but then she looked up at Rita with those little big eyes of hers and stretched out her arms, "Mm.. mahmm."

-----

Rami's eyes narrowed in thought as he listened to Matt, and his lips tightened a little. Then one corner of his mouth lifted just a tad.
"That liver she gave you... for werewolves the liver of a successful kill is reserved for the alpha's only." he started casually, "She gave it to you as a sign that she respects you." He plucked a grass and twirled it between his fingers for a moment. "That says a great deal."

"I know it might not seem like it, though. She did trick you to get you away... but." he then looked directly at Matt, "Would you rather she had locked you in the cage and make you witness and hear the rest of what she did to Marshall?" he asked. "She knows you, Matthew." he stated firmly, "She knows you couldn't do what she did, and she didn't want to force you either. That would have been wanting you to change yourself into something you're not."

He gave a sigh as he thought about his next words... "Marshall hurt her a great deal - I know how much because I saw it first hand," there was a pained expression on his face, "and frankly, I can see why she sawed him in half." Then he added, "Not that I'm saying it's right to do that, but yes, the Voice had something to do with it. Not directly-" he said, before Matt might think it had returned, "but it had been with her long enough to leave its residue, you might say."

"You..." he said, pointing the grass stalk towards Matt, "are the one who can help her overcome it, because she loves you."
 
Rita didn’t know how to respond to Addie’s look of surprise, or how to handle the fact that she’d just bitten herself. She’d been a vampire all her life, surely she ought to know by now that biting yourself was never a smart move? Fortunately though, it didn’t look like he was going to draw attention to it. She swallowed grumpily; at least she could recycle the lost blood, and it was already healing over.

Having to mention her mother had caught her a little off guard, although she ought really to have been expecting it. There was even a picture of the woman on the mantelpiece in the living room, for heaven’s sake – of course, it had been taken back when she was still a werewolf. How could he fail to bring her up? Still, she made an effort to relax… she’d had a lot of time to come to terms with what had happened there, and Addie didn’t mean any harm by asking.

“I can’t finish it.” She wouldn’t even dare try, for fear of ruining the whole thing. Her mother’s artistic talents weren’t something she’d inherited; she took after her father, and if something didn’t fit together to whir and clunk and work to some purpose, she was at a loss. “And I can’t teach Jessy to paint… though I’d like to be able to.”

When Jessy started to reach her, she responded immediately by stepping towards the little pup and reaching down to her. As she scooped her up, the little babbling beginning of words took her by surprise, and she gave Addie a startled look over Jessy’s shoulder… but baby babble didn’t mean much, right?
Still, she hugged Jessy tight as she held her, marvelling at how warm she was, and yet quite how easy it was to be near her. “You’re home now,” she murmured, “and we will take such good care of you…” A part of her still couldn’t get to grips with this, the fact that she had a little girl now… it was exactly what she’d always wanted, and never thought could happen. In spite of the tragedy that had led to this in the first place, she was determined to give Jessy the best childhood she could offer.

-----
Matt shook his head a little at Rami’s explanation; so-called ‘werewolf culture’ was one thing, but… “It says that if she knows me at all, she at least doesn’t stop to think.” Sure, maybe most werewolves would take the thing as a sign of respect, appreciate it, maybe even eat it. But Matt wasn’t most werewolves, and to him a person’s liver was always going to be a macabre thing to be presented with.

“So she knows locking me up and forcing me to watch would have been a bad move? Wow. Because I mean, without deep and intimate knowledge of my soul, that just sounds like such a great idea.” For the first time in the conversation, he actually turned to look at Rami. Despite his confusion, there was a good deal of irritation in his expression. The vampire wasn’t helping. Besides, Matt had a permanent niggling feeling that he was in the wrong here, and it was only getting worse.

“Look, I don’t need you to tell me he hurt her. I was there too, and I don’t need a fancy medical degree to recognise bruises and broken bones.” Too many of both of those, not to mention the other thing the bastard had done. “Sawing people in half is just not ok with me. And yeah, people make mistakes,” although this would be a pretty bloody big ‘mistake’ if you could even call it that, “but that’s not what this is going to be. I let her get hurt and I am sorry, and that doesn’t change what happened but it still makes all the difference in the world. But this? … Either I get on board or I keep my mouth shut. I disagree with her and she just drugs me to shut me up. Let’s talk about that for respect.”
 
Right, talking about Rita's mother was a no-no - clearly it was a sore spot but Rita seemed to have made some peace with whatever had happened. Otherwise she might rather have chased him out of the house, right?

There was some ...disappointment? in her voice about not finishing the mural. Addie figured that she'd love to but didn't have any painting skill, or maybe was afraid that her skill would never be enough. Hmm...
Rita's startled look was mimicked by Addie, who was equally surprised at little Jessy's word. It was a word, right? He got up and as Rita hugged Jessy he couldn't help but smile warmly and stoked the pup's curly hair... "Yeah, we will.." he agreed fondly. Then his eyes moved over to Rita's, and he couldn't help but feel like they were a family - even if only of sorts... and even though they didn't know each other very well... and... well.

This was sizing up to become another big awkward moment, and knowing that Rita didn't like those very much, he bent down and gave the little pup a kiss on her head. "Mind if I make us some coffee?" he asked, and only then realised that he was touching Rita's arm like she was an old friend. Hoping she didn't notice he started moving out of the door as if this was all normal to head to the kitchen, but not in a hurry or anything.

His mind was racing though, suddenly worried how Rita was going to take all this... she was doing okay so far but he couldn't shake the feeling that she's somehow bolt at any moment... this was all very new, and very sudden. He was okay with it, of course. He did see Rita as a friend and someone he could trust - but how did she see him?

-----

Rami let Matthew finish and was still observing him for a few seconds before he spoke. He understood the lad's reaction. None of this had been normal at all. Then again, Joe wasn't normal.
"If she didn't respect you then she would have just killed you." he finally said. "Gotten you out of the way permanently." he then held Matthew's gaze for a moment, to see how he would take that. "You have to understand... there are two sides of her at this stage - the wolf, that protects her by instinct and the human, who's vulnerable. Do you remember when she woke and you started talking about what had happened? When things got too much she turned wolf and ran out to confront that fear of Marshall... because it was in the way of her future with you, crippling her human half." his eyes looked carefully at Matthew, "Do you know what happens to rape victims most of the time? Things seem okay and they talk about it, but eventually... they drift away from everyone and then they commit suicide. There's too much hurt, too much inner damage done... but Joe, she's found a way to work out that hurt - and unfortunately it was by hurting Marshall the way she did."

"She did it for herself, but she also did it for you, because she wants to be strong enough for you." he said quietly. "She wants to get over what happened, and not let it trigger her defensive instinct every time she's reminded of Marshall."

It was the best way he could put it right now, in the short time that he's had to analyse the situation - he wasn't sure if it would be enough for Matthew, but if the lad had questions, he'd be willing to answer as best he could.
 
Rita in fact couldn’t have been more relaxed about proximity to a relative stranger; it didn’t even occur to her to feel awkward. Jessy constituted a very good reason for them to be closer than they’d otherwise have been, and even if they weren’t typical parents, she was glad to have Addie with her. She smiled back at him, and only realised his hand had even been on her arm when he withdrew it. “Coffee would be nice,” she agreed, “and I think it’s about time somebody had a nap…” Poor Jessy still hadn’t had a proper sleep, and she’d already been tired when they’d finished up the baby shopping.

She tucked the little girl – her little girl, now – into her crib, along with the somewhat soggy little dog toy, and gave her a kiss as Addie had done before she turned to head downstairs. “Sleep well,” she said quietly, “I’ll be back when you wake up.”

The kettle was already boiling by the time she got downstairs, and she quietly got the long-life milk out of the cupboard. She didn’t keep any fresh stuff here, there was just no point. Then she turned her attention to Addie and leaned back against the counter, wondering where to start. Maybe she shouldn’t start at all… but she wanted to say something, at least.

“This house…” she began, and then paused, trying to decide what she should tell him. “It’s where I was the day my mother went out and never came back. And when the police came to the door to tell me that my dad had… well, that he was…” She swallowed hard and changed tack. “And one of my ex boyfriends threw me down the stairs.” Great change of subject, that one. What was he even supposed to say to that? She ploughed on, hoping to save him the trouble. "Look, you have scars all over you but mine are all here, and now it’s Jessy’s home. Yes, it’s hard for me to let you in here, but… well, I don’t think you’re the throwing-down-stairs type and I need help making this a happy place for a child.”
A thought struck her then and she smiled, suddenly excited. “Bring your coffee. I want to show you something.” The ‘something’ in question was in the garage, and it was the one thing in the house that Rita still actually liked coming home to, aside from Angus. And Angus was rarely around in any case.

-----
Matt was beginning to tire of Rami talking at him, not least because he already knew, in principle, why Joe had done what she’d done. He could almost forgive it, as long as he didn’t dwell too much on the details. But that didn’t change the fact that she’d not only refused to listen to him, she’d even attempted to give him Marshall’s liver, as a reminder that she’d gone ahead and disembowelled the guy despite Matt’s protests. And that made Matt wonder if she had any respect for his opinions at all. As gifts went, that one was laden with symbolism. Why can’t you just be a wolf, it said. Stop being so pathetic and get with the program. Being told that she’d simply have killed him if she didn’t respect him hardly helped matters.

Then there was the mention of suicide. Matt clung to the belief that she wouldn’t have taken that road, even if she’d let Marshall go entirely. He’d have been there for her, and in the end he knew that could be enough. Even Mel had somehow managed to steer him away from killing himself, and she’d hardly been the most supportive of souls. “She is strong enough for me,” he said in a low voice, “I’m the one who’s not strong enough for her. Otherwise this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” He swallowed hard and continued, “Torture isn’t strength. Some things you have to get over by coming to terms with them yourself, not directing the pain outwards. I wanted to help her with that… but now I don’t know what to do.”

Sure, all of this could wait and he’d be more than willing to talk it through with her later on, if she’d even let him broach the subject, which he rather doubted she would. For now, though, he was at a loss. He’d shouted at her, things he didn’t even mean, but although he wanted her to be ok, he couldn’t tell her he was all right with what she’d done. He gave a sigh and looked to Rami. Well, there was nothing much to lose by asking. “All right. So how do I help her, for now?”
 
Okay, good. Awkward situation averted. This was good. Yes.
Coffee was good too, and he made sure to first add a tiny bit of tap water to the cups' ingredients before adding hot water. His mother had taught him that - something about not burning the coffee and that way it tasted better. He would have done this with milk, but he wasn't exactly sure how Rita liked hers. Of course, he could have paid more attention earlier in the cafe, but there had been a certain vampire who had made himself a nuisance.

He was stirring the coffee when Rita started speaking, and he was all ears. Addie could relate. His parents had died too, but he had seen it on tv when the news had reported a certain plane crash, with no survivors. His eyebrows and eyes twitched to show empathy and understanding.
Rita mentioning her ex boyfriend throwing her down the stairs had him shocked and his eyes showed it. What a damned ... why would someone do that? Especially to Rita? Addie had only met her and he'd never even think of doing such a thing! Or anything similar.

His expression lightened a bit in the end, and he smiled a little as he handed her the cup. "Heh, I think the only time I'd do any throwing would be if I ever met this ex boyfriend of yours..."

Intrigue had him when Rita mentioned that she wanted to show him something. He was quite excited, actually. This was her opening up a little more, and he couldn't help but let a smile pop on his face. It seemed to be in the garage, and he guessed it might be a car - perhaps an important one? Well duh.

-----

Rami looked at Matt with some doubt at his statement of his lack of strength to have kept Joe safe. "Maybe, maybe not... but either way it might still have happened. Marshall seems to have been the crafty type." he said casually. Where there's a will, there's a way...

He agreed about the torture part, and nodded thusly. There was a pause before Rami said anything. The situation between the lad and lass was unstable at best, and he really wanted to help Matthew.
"The most important thing for you to do, is to give her time." he looked at Matthew again, "I don't mean stay away from her - that would be the opposite of helpful - but let her know you're there for her. Then wait." Glancing in the general direction of Foalan's house, he squinted, seemingly in thought. As he looked back, he rolled the piece of grass between his fingers, "She'll open up to you when she's ready, and there's no use in rushing her - she's confused and scared, and I suspect that Bucky might be helping that along."

He smiled wryly, imagining what the young wolf must be thinking. Joe was quite a piece of work - why him, indeed.
"Then," he said with emphasis and pointed the grass at Matthew, "You make sure you stick to your guns and tell her how you feel about what she'd done. It may seem risky but it's crucial that you do it." The corner of his mouth raised in a half-smile, "But use better words and speak gently... patience and calm will help you to get through to her without provoking her instincts as they are right now."
 
Addie's reaction to her rambling about her parents made Rita feel oddly calm. People normally tried to talk when she mentioned these things, but they never really knew what to say. Sometimes silence was better than words anyway. Something in his expression made her wonder if his parents were still alive either, but she didn't ask. He could bring it up himself if he wanted to talk about it; she wasn't going to pry.

She took her coffee and was pleased to see that he hadn't automatically put milk in it. Not that she minded as such, but it was nice when people didn't presume, anyway, and she smiled her thanks back at him.
His comment about throwing her ex boyfriend made her smile falter a little. The guy was obviously a total jerk, but he was quite a big jerk physically speaking and she didn't want to know what would happen if Addie made him mad. Not that Addie couldn't handle himself, but... Then there was also the niggling discomfort at the idea of this near-stranger beating up the men who had once hurt her. Perhaps one day, if she was stupid enough to let him in, he'd be one of them himself.

Still, she pushed those thoughts out of her head as she went through to the garage, cradling her coffee. Inside was an old, part-dismantled Bentley that made her smile just to see it, and she didn't even worry that Addie might not get why this thing mattered to her. "My dad was fixing her up," she said quietly, touching the paintwork. "I keep meaning to finish the job, but... well, it'd be like closing a door, you know?" Silly, but she couldn't help feeling that he was still alive somehow as long as his work was unfinished.

-----

Matt listened patiently to Rami, even though he was painfully aware of his fingernails cutting into his palms. He might not be sure about the vampire, but he himself had no clue how to handle Joe and at least Rami seemed to have an interest in keeping the Voice down. Matt himself was rather worried that the thing might be resurfacing, even if it hadn't quite shown itself yet. Maybe he just didn't want to believe that Joe could have done that to Marshall...

"I will be there for her," he said, very quietly, when Rami had finished. "But I don't know if I can actually help." He had reservations about sticking to his guns once she'd calmed down, too - standing up to Joe didn't often work out very well. On the other hand, he genuinely wasn't sure what it would do to their relationship if he tried to back down and be okay with this, either. Some rifts were too fundamental to be overcome just by pretending they weren't there.

"Do you think she'll recognise that this was bad?" he asked Rami, to avoid having to think about what he'd do if she didn't. He was looking towards the house now, wondering if he ought to go over there and apologise. Probably. A tiny, conflicted part of him hoped he should be apologising, almost hoped that his words had hurt her. If they hadn't, it was hard to see in what way she actually cared about him at all.
 
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Addie caught Rita's slight change in expression when he had mentioned about meeting her ex boyfriend - thank you, spy training - and made a mental note about it. She didn't like any kind of violence, did she? ... even if it was to teach a bad guy a lesson? Perhaps. Let's not mention that, not even as a joke. Right.

At the sight of the car Addie stood still and took in the details. Bentleys were impressive machines, and this one looked like it would be quite a gem. He stepped closer to the car and knelt down to inspect it, letting out an impressed whistle.

"I keep meaning to finish the job, but... well, it'd be like closing a door, you know?"
This made him look up to her, and his expression was soft as he gave a little smile. He knew what she meant... Although, "Doesn't have to be..." he said with a hopeful tone, and searched her eyes for a moment. A memory nudged him and he looked down with the fond thought of it, his smile shrinking. When he looked up at Rita again the smile returned, "My mum and dad had this tailor shop that they started up after they got married, and of course my sister and I were taught the ways of the trade.." he said as he got up, "I wasn't the best at it, but I had a good eye for details and helping my sister with her designs - with small things, you know?" There was a pause and he gave a soft sigh. "Anyway, there was this leather jacket that we secretly worked on for my dad - a real piece of work, but.." some pain showed in his eyes, but also nostalgia, "She and my parents died in a plane crash... and for the longest time the jacket remained unfinished. I just couldn't do it and almost threw it away..." his eyebrows furrowed as he remembered that time, "but in the end, and after so many pinpricks I did it."

He looked again at the unfinished Bently before him, and his eyes wandered to Rita. He gave her a warm smile that he secretly hoped would give her some encouragement.
"I still wear it to this day, and every time I do, it reminds me of all the good times we had... like a lasting memory and it's like they're still with me." he swallowed as there was a small throb in his throat, and took a sip of the coffee to get it down. The smile didn't go away, though.

-----

"Oh she will..." Rami said after a while. "The only problem is... how do I put this." he scratched his chin as he tried to come up with a good explanation.
"If I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I am, her mind is kind of foggy at the moment. The reason being that the Voice had most likely always been contained in a corner and kept some secrets and memories from her, and it had its own way of thinking. What was wrong to her, was right to it - like morals. It always tried to poison that, and she always tried to stop it. She had a constant struggle to maintain her ways of thinking, and that may explain her aggressive nature, but I'm not sure."

"Anyway. Now," his hands formed a ball and he opened them up, resembling something of a gate standing ajar, "that bad part is slowly leaking in, muddling everything like ink in water. She's struggling to distinguish between herself and the Voice's leftover personality and this causes stress, which in turn makes her instincts try and protect her from... well anything that seems to be a threat." he shrugged. "Not knowing which part is her makes it easier to lose herself, and the protective instinct triggers but it doesn't know which ways are hers and it goes for the most "effective" ones to deal with these threats. If her mind wasn't so confused then she could take a different route - like not sawing Marshall in half but maybe just beating the living daylights out of him and then killing him."

"Having said that," His hands then closed again with his index fingers pointing to Matthew, "and this is reinforced by the fact that she didn't just kill you when you started protesting - you are a beacon for her, a light at the end of the dark tunnel. You can help her sort though all this confusion and find herself again. She trusts you, and even though her instincts get in the way sometimes she wants to be herself again. That's not to say she's just using you, no. She wants to be herself because she knows that that is the 'her' you fell in love with and she wants to be with you because she loves you. You are probably the single most important thing in her life, and that's why you have the most power to help her."

He hoped that this would clear some things up for the lad, and help him not decide to just give up and leave. Oh good heavens, if he left... Rami didn't want to know what would happen to Joe then.
 
Something about Addie’s voice when he started talking told Rita not to interrupt him, so she didn’t say anything as he told her about his parents and their tailor shop. She just nodded now and again, letting him know she was listening. As he continued she noticed the past tense he was using to talk about his family, and her eyes tightened, but she tried not to leap to any conclusions. He’d been born human, that much she knew from the fact that he’d managed to change species, but there were all kinds of reasons a werewolf might not have his human family in his life any more.

… such as a plane crash. She reached out to touch his hand gently, but she didn’t say anything – there was no point. Nothing she could say would make it any less hard, and he already knew she’d understand what it was like to lose your whole family, so she just let her sympathy show in her eyes. It was kind of him in a way to drag this up, just to tell her about something that might help with her own situation and with the car. She’d never throw this away, finished or otherwise, but…

“He’d never have driven it,” she said sadly, turning back to the car. “That wasn’t the point. He’d have sold it or traded it in and gotten a new one, started all over again – it was the work that counted.” She swallowed hard, fighting back a sudden flash of memory of him leaning over the engine, grease-smeared and smiling. “So if I finish it, I can’t drive it and remember him. I can only let it go, this last part of what mattered to him, and move on to something new all of my own.” Perhaps that would even be the right thing to do, just to get on with her life and try to be happy, and perhaps carrying on fixing cars in this garage would be enough. She just wasn’t quite ready to let go.

Realising she was still touching Addie’s hand with her own brought her attention back to him, and she brought her hand back to cradle her coffee, suddenly a little embarrassed. Who even cared this much about a car with a dodgy engine, anyway? Rita’s mother had never understood her husband’s bizarre obsession with internal combustion engines; probably Addie wouldn’t get it either.
She’d loved her mother, of course, but she’d shared so much more with her father. What she couldn’t voice to Addie - what she quite possibly would never manage to voice to anyone, ever - was the horrible fear that might never be answered, that her dad had chosen to leave this car unfinished, that he’d gone out that day knowing that he’d jump and fall and never see his daughter again.

-----

Matt’s brow furrowed slightly, hearing Rami talk about the Voice. A part of him was uncomfortable with listening to this coming from the man who’d somehow managed to make everything that had happened when the Voice had been around, awful as that had been, immeasurably worse. True, he had saved Matt’s life, but it had hardly seemed a mercy at the time and it was difficult to accept the logic of it even now. Still, this wasn’t about the Voice and what Rami had done to stop it, not really. This was about Joe and what it had done to her. Matt had been willing to die to save her from it then. If he could show her a way to escape its influence now, he’d do so, whatever it cost him.

Not that it made a lot of sense, in his head. Knowing right from wrong might get difficult if you had two lots of emotions running wild, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out that sawing live men in half didn’t sit well with conventional morals. He was, in truth, a little worried about Joe’s grasp of those at the best of times. Forgiveness made you weak, and she was strong. Quite probably you couldn’t survive in their world by being a good person; heaven knew he’d tried, and it kept ending in her getting hurt.

“Right,” he said at length, and pulled himself together a little. “Well.” He was still hesitating about approaching the house, he realised; he was afraid of what he’d find there. But at some point he would have to face up to what had happened, and the longer he left it, the worse it was going to get. He took a deep breath and started walking. A part of him felt perhaps he ought to thank Rami, but he hadn’t quite got that far in forgiving the guy yet, so instead he just glanced back at him as he headed towards the house. “Are you coming? Could be more heartbreak and bloodshed. Seems like your sort of thing.”
 
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