Obsidian L Scarletta - Hey, I like the idea of your character but I think there are a few things that we might want to change to make her more believable and well suited. First off I am going to list things I like about your character and then we can get around to changing some of the other stuff :3
Positives: Your character's height and weight are really accurate, often time you see characters who are six feet tall but only way 120. It is good to see a character that is in the upper end of the reasonable weight limits.
I like that she is sensitive to other peoples opinions, especially people who are close to her. It is a trait I can personally connect with and it makes your character seem that much more realistic. It also isn't unreasonable that she would have experience out in the wilderness (most half-bloods do). I can understand her being able to change emotions although we might need to set some borders. In summery all of her flaws are really legitimate and really realistic :3
You choose an uncommon god and managed to figure out reasonable powers for a child of her, good job :3 Her backstory is also good, you made the response to her first power outburst negative enough as to discourage her from further using her powers (since she associates them with isolation and loneliness).
~ Onto the things we might need to rework ~
- I think her personality could use some altering, just a tad. She sounds like a nice character but I don't think that she represents madness all that well. Perhaps similar to the sons/daughters of Ares she is more prone to rage or anger when things go wrong but she has worked and figured out how to calm herself down due to realizing the potentially dangerous outcomes that come with emotional outbursts? It might just be me but I think a daughter of Lyssa might have a bit of a temper on her.
- I would not include a 'dark side', it would make sense that your character would be scared of her abilities but if those abilities were to manifest as an alter ego of sorts that implies possible mental illness. I would suggest not referring to her abilities as a separate entity and instead just having her fear herself. (Instead of 'oh no I can't control IT/HER' make it 'oh no I can't control MYSELF')
- I remind you that since she has lived on the streets for so long she probably wouldn't be good at making friends although you implied that with the 'shy' trait.
- Her abilities are rather good but I would like a more detailed explanation on how she induces madness, how long it typically last (or else I will assume the max time is one minute like with the incident with her step-sister), and perhaps a few negative repercussions she gets from using them. (Maybe she gets a killer headache?)
- Explain a bit more about the cyclops incident? How did she use her powers to get away? Did she scare it or distract it? It is more of a curiosity question than anything, don't feel compelled to add the answer to your profile.
- Waist length hair is somewhat impractical on the field, perhaps you could shorten it? It could fall to the small of the back or the shoulder blades but waist length hair might get grabbed or caught on something.
I hope to help you work on your character, please respond to each of my questions.
(Tried a different method, I am trying to be nicer and some opinions about how useful this is would be welcomed.)
Hehe thank you, I like yours as well!
Ya I try to make it accurate from height to weight, thank you =)
Ya I connect with it as well, most of my original characters have in someway a connection to my own personality/appearance hehe. I agree I wasnt sure how to explain it, a good way of it could be like Jasper from the Twilight Saga. But she has to keep eye contact with the person shes controlling the emotions of for a period of time for it to work?
It took me awhile to decide on which god/goddess lol it was a tough debate between Nyx, Lyssa, and Hecate. Im glad you like it thank you =) Im going for her powers to be inherintly dark but her personality/heart is light so its a constant struggle to keep the darker thoughts/emotions from rising up and changing her into someone she doesnt want to be. If that makes sense lol.
*gulp* jk hehe
1. Yes that was what I was going for but wasnt sure how to put it. She has a temper but it takes a lot to make it flare, and when it does its a deadly inferno of negative emotions that tend to make her do/say things she would otherwise not. And any time she lets her temper get the best of her she ends up regretting it in the end usually so she has taught herself to become a calm/tranquil person to negate that. Sound good?
2. Okay I'll change that, I think I have a better idea than "dark side" now anyways =)
3. Ya she's nice and friendly to everyone but shy and somewhat closed off so it makes it hard to really connect with her, she's afraid of getting hurt so she tries not to make bonds with anyone.
4. Hmmm okay I have an idea, Ill edit it.
5. Lol she used her powers to make the Cyclops see his most hated enemies causing him to go into a rage and try to attack/find them. Giving her time to run away and hide. If you like I can put that in I dont mind either way.
6. Hmm I like her having really long hair just because it makes her somewhat unique, maybe if I have her put it up in a messy bun or something while fighting or otherwise in a situation where it would get in the way? She tends to wear it up in a pony tail by the way.
Thank you your advice and help is very appreciated =) I like it its very encouraging and helpful.