It was tempting, to say the least, to let the call roll to voicemail. Life had been easier, a few weeks ago… Lonely and a little pathetic… but easier. Now, she was standing face to face with a decision she had never wanted to make and never thought she would have to make. Whether or not a man deserved to take part in his son’s life…
The phone rang and Lucy stared at the number, a sigh escaping as she rubbed her brow, “Jake, sweetie. I’ll be right on the front porch…” She called to him. He waved a hot wheels car in her direction and returned to the track as she stepped out the front door and pressed the call-answer button, “...Hello…?”
“Hey, Luce, it’s Tucker,” he answered before pausing a moment, “I..uh..I got a job. I start next week.”
Breathing in, a steady, deep breath, Lucy took a moment to collect herself. It was fast. Faster than she’d expected, and the idea was somehow more frightening than it was disappointing. In truth, it was probably a good thing that he was invested, but bringing Tucker back into her life… into Jake’s life was easily the most terrifying parenting dilemma she’d encountered, yet.
“...Where?” She finally asked, after a beat of silence, “And doing what?”
“It’s at the small diner on the corner of Main and 2nd. The owner gives jobs to guys like me to give them a second chance. I’ll be working in the kitchen probably flipping burgers and stuff,” he told her. Admitting to stooping to burger flipping stung, but he’d do whatever he had to in order to meet his son.
Settling into a chair on the porch, she pinched the bridge of her nose, “...You have a place to stay? A car?”
“I have a place lined up on Anderson Street. I could have gotten a place for cheaper rent, but if I ever had the chance to bring Jake over...I’d want it to be somewhere in town I knew he’d be safe. As far as a car is concerned, old Gallahan at Gallahan and Sons has a car he said I could have if I can fix it. He’s letting me use the garage, and I’ve been working on it. I’m waiting on one part to come in.”
Jaw clenched, Lucy shifted, straightening up a bit. He had thought of a lot, but that didn’t mean he’d thought of everything, “...And how many of the old gang have you talked to? Seen…?”
“None. Eric’s been keeping me accountable, and I’ve not missed a meeting with my probation officer. I’m not gonna mess this up, Lucy. Can’t afford to risk that.”
Eric. Lucy couldn’t deny the man had pulled himself together over the years, and it would’ve been a lie to suggest that of all the old friends Tucker had, he was the worst… Grimacing, she took another breath, and her eyes traveled back to the door, where just a few feet away, the little blonde was driving his monster trucks off a coffee-table cliff…
“...You’re a friend. From work. A friend, Tucker. That’s how you introduce yourself… Twenty minutes. Enough time for a cup of coffee. Understood?”
“Ya, I got it,” his voice carried a hint of excitement mixed with sadness, “A friend from work. Nothing more,” there was a brief pause, “When can I meet him?”
Rising, she moved to the door and peering inside, studied Jake for a moment, before a soft sigh escaped, “...We’re home, now. Twenty minutes, Tucker.”
“Right now?” he asked, “Okay. I’ll hurry there….Thanks, Lucy.”
“Sure, Tuck…” Hanging up, she rubbed her brow. There were so many reasons not to do this, and she could count on one hand reasons in favor of it, but her mother was wrong. Whether anyone else thought so, it was Tucker’s right to meet his son… And Lucy had enough discernment in her to determine whether or not that was all the man got to do or not…
Opening the door, she breathed in, “Hey Jake. Mommy’s friend is coming over for a little while… Can you clean up?”
“Oh! A friend?” Grinning, the little blonde looked up from his mass of car destruction, “What’re they bringin’ me?”
Shaking her head, Lucy laughed and bending, scooped Jake up into her arms, “You better stop asking that, little man, or Grandma is gonna be banned from bringing you presents…”
Pouting, Jake reached out to poke Lucy’s nose, “...Party Poop.”
“...Yeah, yeah. That’s me. C’mon… let’s get cleaned up.”
-------------
Tucker did his best to get to Lucy’s house as quickly as he could. Since his car was still down for the count and Eric was at work, he had to take the bus and then walk the rest of the way. He wasn’t going to let it be a reason he couldn’t see his son. Still, fear and uncertainty paralyzed him as he stood in the driveway looking up at the house. He began to question his motives and wonder if maybe Jake would be better off Tucker just stayed out of the little boy’s life, but what would that teach the boy about his father? That his father was a troubled man who got arrested and then never took the time to seek him after his release? Tucker would not be that man.
Taking several deep breaths as he walked to the door, Tucker shook out the remainder of his nerves through his hands before he raked his knuckles against the door.
When Lucy arrived on the other side of the door, Tucker was not greeted eagerly, and the expression she wore was a guarded one, but the hostility she had shown him the day of his return had fizzled greatly, and as she pulled the door open, she gestured him inside with a nod of confirmation.
“Just put on a pot… Still take it with two spoons of sugar?”
“Hi,” he started as he stepped through the door, “Ya, thanks,” his eyes took in the home and he nodded, “you’ve done good for yourself, Luce.”
Looking back at him as he commented on the house, she smiled faintly, almost dryly, shaking her head, “...Dad’s inheritance. I’m still at the diner on Main. But the hours work out for Jake…” Heading into the kitchen, she moved to the coffee pot as it finished percolating, and grabbing down two mugs, she filled one, then another, “Jake’s out in his club house… I… I’m not sure how I feel about introducing you to him yet, Tuck.”
Spooning sugar into one of the mugs, she turned, to hand it to him, “I meant what I said… when you found out. He… he’s my entire world, and I… I’m not gonna risk him getting hurt. Not for anything.”
“As badly as I want to meet him, Lucy, and believe me when I say I want to meet him, I don’t want you to feel forced to. I get it..why you’re so protective of him. I made some stupid decisions even when you warned me, and you don’t want to expose him to that. I’d understand if you didn’t want me to meet him ever. I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand, so I don’t want to risk never getting to meet him by making you feel pressured. We’ll do it on your time.”
Tucker looked out the door to see the little boy playing. A sad smile teased at his lips, “Truth is..I’m scared as hell to meet him. I wonder if it’s better to stay away, but then I remind myself that I don’t want to be that kind of father,” he looked at her and swallowed, “Maybe I’m not ready to meet him yet either,” he let out a sigh and washed his free hand over his mouth and beard.
“Good… It should scare you.” Looking away, she addressed her own cup of coffee, before shifting closer to look out the door beside him, a small smile forming as she watched the boy climbing the small ladder that led into the second level of the play house, “My mom… she… I wrote a letter. When you were still locked up. As soon as I found out I was pregnant. I… I wanted you to know, Tucker. After everything that happened with my dad. Mom not not telling me about him till I was older, and then finding him… finding him when it was too late… I didn’t want that for Jake. I guess… I guess a part of me didn’t want that for you, either. But Mom, she… you know how she is… She threw it away, the letter.” Looking up at him, she shook her head, “I’m sorry… that you found out the way you did. I never intended to keep it a secret.”
Looking down at the coffee in his hand, he shook his head before returning his gaze to the boy, “I wouldn’t have blamed you, though, if you kept it a secret,” he looked at her and studied her a moment, “A lesser person might have lied about it the day I saw him just to get back at me for all the pain I caused,” he turned his body toward her, “I’m so sorry for leaving you to raise him alone..for making you walk through the pregnancy without me. I..I should have listened to you, Luce. I shoulda listened.”
“Yeah, well… Hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?” Shaking her head, she took a sip of the coffee, a moment, to do anything else but talk, “I’m not… I’m not ready to let you back in, Tuck. I need you to understand that. I’m doing this because I think Jake has a right to make the decision himself, whether he wants a relationship with you. When he’s ready to make that choice. But you did so much worse than break my heart, and I… I’m not ready to forgive you for that.”
“Ya,” he spoke sadly as he turned back toward the door and looked out the window, “I got a lot to make up for...a lot to fix. Not sure where to start though,” he drummed his thumb against the side of the coffee cup after he took a drink, “Do you think..you think I could just watch today? I don’t know what I’d say to him.”
“...Not everything can be fixed, Tuck… I wish it could, but…” Trailing off, she nodded, before she stepped over to the table and took a seat, gesturing to the chair across from her own, “Is… is there anything… Do you wanna know anything? About him?”
Joining her at the table, Tucker’s mind raced with questions, “Well,” he sighed, “When’s his birthday for start? Anything medical I should know?”
“April 3rd…” She smiled faintly, glancing to the calendar on the wall, “Few weeks ago, actually. Um… nothing medical.” Lowering her eyes to her coffee, she skimmed the rim with the tip of her finger, “...He has your eyes.”
An April baby,” he frowned a bit, “Another birthday missed,” he perked up a little, “My eyes, though. At least he got the best part of me,” he smiled lightly.
Looking to Tucker, she smiled faintly, shaking her head, “He’s got a few of the good bits… and a few of those bits that drove me nuts.” Twisting a lock of hair around her fingers, she watched as Jake swung down the ladder again, bouncing in front of the shed with a thin stick, waving it like a sword, “...Stubborn as a troll.”
“Me? Stubborn? No,” he said sarcastically before sobering, “It’ll do him good if its tempered. If anyone can do that, its you,” he paused a moment and then continued, “School? Is he going to school or homeschooled? What’s his favorite color? Is he a dinosaur or cars guy?”
Chuckling, Lucy shifted in her seat, lowering her mug again, “Slow down, slow down… I’m gonna need to write these down if you bombard me. He goes to school. He’s um… he’s brilliant, Tuck. Does piano and karate… and he’s obsessed with space. Knows more about the planets than I ever did. His favorite color is green… and he is… definitely a car guy. Dinosaurs are a pretty close second, though…”
“He gets his smarts from you. I’m glad you’ve got him doing piano and karate. It’s better than just sitting at home all the time. He needs to be doing other things,” he pause a moment and took a drink of his coffee, “you’ve done a great job with him.”
“I've done what I can…” Shrugging, she took a sip of coffee, before returning the mug to the table with a frown, fingers pressing into the porcelain, “You missed a lot, Tucker. And you shouldn't have. Was it worth it? That last job?”
“Hindsight’s twenty twenty,” he answered, “if I had known, Lucy...I wouldn’t have risked it. I didn’t know that Josh was going to have a gun...hell, I didn’t know that they were going to hold up that store. I thought we were just..” he shook his head, “nothing would have been worth missing all of this...having you hate me and a son who doesn’t know me.”
“I don't hate you, Tucker.” Looking up, her eyes met his mismatched set and she shrugged, “I was angry… For a long time. I was young and scared and I was alone when I shouldn't have been. But Jake is the best thing in my life. And I wouldn't have him if it weren't for you. I could never hate you… Wanted to hit you, sure. But I don't hate you.”
“You can still have your chance if you want it,” he smirked and looked at his cup of coffee. There wasn’t much left in it, and it saddened him, “Anyone help you out, now? I saw your mom the other day, but has anyone else stepped up to give you a hand since I was away?”
“I might take it. We’ll see…” Her retort was teasing enough, but there was a flicker in her gaze that suggested maybe, just maybe she was considering it, “Mom, mostly. She watches Jake while I’m working…” Biting her lip, she looked down at the mug in her hands, “Hasn’t really been time for… for anyone else.”
“Well, I’m glad someone is helping you,” Tucker took the last swig of his coffee, placed the cup on the table, and sighed, “One cup,” he said as he turned to look out at Jake.
Looking at him, Lucy seemed to take a moment to gather herself, before she rose to her feet. Grabbing the coffee pot, she returned to the table and refilled his cup, setting the sugar down beside it, “...This is it, okay?” Sitting, she palmed her own cup, “...You wanna say hello?”
After running his hands on his pant legs, Tucker took another drink of his coffee, black, and then stood up. Taking a deep breath, Tucker nodded, “Ya, I think I’d like that.”
Rising as well, Lucy took a steadying breath, before moving to the door. Hand on the knob, she cranked it open and stepping onto the back porch, called out, “Jake! Come on inside a minute.”
Mid-sword swing, the little boy dropped his sword and raced across the backyard, excitement lighting up his face. He slowed as Lucy held out her hand and excitement was quickly overrun by a sheepishness, huddling behind his mother's leg.
“Jake, baby. This is Mommy's old friend, Tucker. Tuck… this is Jake.”
“Cool beard…” Jake said, muffled by his mother's leg.
Tucker couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at his son, “It is pretty cool, huh? Maybe one day you’ll grow one just like it.” Tucker squatted and held out his hand, “It’s nice to meet you, Jake.”
“Oh… I dunno about that. Kinda hard to be a superhero with a beard.” Giving a shrug, he eased out from behind Lucy, studying the man before him carefully, with unmerciful scrutiny, “You got mixed up eyes, too…”
“They aren't mixed up, Jake. We talked about this…”
“That's what Billy says…”
“Well Billy's an id-- unfriendly boy, and you shouldn't listen to him. They're beautiful, Jake. Just like you.” Bending to kiss his crown, she straightened, looking to Tucker, “Plus… They give you a really cool super power, right?”
“Your mom’s right, Jake. Your eyes are perfect and have super secret powers. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And this thing about beards,” he smirked, “We’ll get you passed it. Besides, Superman’s had a beard, Green Arrow has a beard, Tony Stark has facial hair,” he shrugged, “There’s plenty out there.”
“Woah woah…” His expression awestruck, Jake stared up at Tucker, wide-eyed, “You know Tony Stark??”
Grinning, Lucy shook her head, “You know he can't tell you that, Jake. Gotta keep our heroes safe.”
“Pretty soon, you’ll be one of those heroes. Saving the day and protecting people. You already do such a great job protecting your mom,” Tucker swallowed the lump in his throat, then looked up at Lucy before he continued, “You’re already a Junior Hero in my books.”
Blinking, Lucy looked away suddenly, her fingers curling around Jake's a little tighter, as his smile widened, “You wanna see my costume?” He asked, a little breathless.
“You have a costume?!” Tucker gasped, “Absolutely, I want to see it!” He stood to his feet with wide eyes, “I can wait here while you put it on.”
As Jake sprinted away, streaking from the room and pounding up the steps, Lucy looked to Tucker with a small shake of her head, “You can't get attached to him, Tucker…”
His smile faded and his eyes dulled as he looked at the ground and then to Lucy, a red hue taking to the whites of his eyes, “How am I not supposed to?”
“I… I don't know. But you have to figure it out. Because I don't know how to let you be a part of his life when it hurts this bad to let you be a part of mine, again…” Lowering her gaze, she bit hard at the inside of her cheek, “I don't know how to trust you.”
“It’s not like a switch, Luce,” he told her, “I can’t just ‘turn off’ my desire to get to know him, to spend time with him,” he shook his head, “I don’t know how you’ll trust me either, but I’ll do whatever I have to. He’s my-,” he looked toward Jake’s room and then whispered just so Lucy could hear, “He’s my son,” he washed his hands over his face and continued, “I know I blew it with you, and I’ll live out the rest of my life regretting that, but I’m not going to do that with him. I can’t...he’s all I got out here..and I don’t even have him. So you name it, Lucy, and I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever I have to for you to trust me so that I don’t lose this, too.”
“I… I just need time. I need… I need to see that he's gone, Tucker. The old you. That you can be a father. I don't know that anything else could do it. Wanting to be a part of his life, it's not enough.” Rubbing her arm, she kept her eyes down, distant, “You don't know what it was like after you… after everything. How… how scary it was. I can't go through all that again.”
“I’d take it all back if I could. But I can’t. Only thing I can do is try to show you that I’m not that guy anymore. I’ll show you, Lucy. You’ll see,” he promised.
Footsteps pounded down the stairs again, and Lucy looked as the little boy arrived in the doorframe, wearing a complicated array of costumes - ninja turtle pajamas, a Batman mask and what appeared to be the cape and boots from a Superman costume, with a pair of winter gloves over his fingers. Grinning, he put his hands triumphantly on his hips, “Don’t fear! Uh… The good guy is here!”
Smiling, hand brushing swiftly at her cheeks, Lucy nodded, “That he is… Look at you. So cute…”
“Moooom…” Jake whined, fidgeting, “...Superheroes aren’t cute. Can Tucker come out back and play?”
Looking to Tucker, Lucy flinched slightly before shaking her head, “Tucker has to get back to work, Jake. But uh… maybe he’ll come by again, sometime.”
“It’s okay, buddy,” Tucker squatted again before he bounced his eyes from Lucy to Jake, “Your mom’s right. I’ve got to get back to work,” the lie hurt him more than it did the unaware child, “You can show me everything that awesome costume does next time I see you, okay?”
“Cool! Can I go play, Mom?” Jake asked, bouncing on his feet.
“Sure, bud. Go ahead…” Before she’d finished, Jake was gone, out of the room and turning to Tucker, the smile faded, “...We’ll take it slow. You can come back next week… same time. That’s the best I can do, for now.”
“Then it’ll do,” he told her as he stood to his feet, “Thanks for giving me the opportunity to meet Jake. I know that wasn’t easy for you,” Tucker finished off the remainder of his coffee and smiled, “Good coffee as always.”
“You’re welcome, Tucker…” Moving towards the door, Lucy pulled it open, but not before looking up at him with a small frown, “...Contrary to what you might think… I do want this to work out. Not… not just for Jake, but for you. I’ll see you next week…”
Tucker paused as he began to step through the door, “That means a lot coming from you. See ya next week,” he sighed before exiting her house. Tucker paused one last time at the sidewalk to take in the home before he started his trek back to the bus stop.