Part 2: In The Confessionals

[Bahiyya]

This is the GIF you shall receive. See what I did there? Hehe...okay anyway! So, as you can tell from the title I put up, this would be the second part of my ranting. @_@ You like this, hmmm? Well, it's not so much a rant as it is a confession thread. To just put it out there, the parts I make depend upon how I feel at the current moment. Could be venting, could be confession time...like now. And even though the focus of this thread is not to receive advice, I won't dismiss it if you supply it. Now...it's time to get deep and heavaaay...

See? I can still be funny in a serious thread. *nods*

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IN THE CONFESSIONALS

1. Neither my family nor I have spoken the exact words. It was like speaking it into existence for them and for me? Well...I just didn't want to put a label on it because I just assumed that everyone has that phase. So, for us, it was me being "slightly anti-social". But that was not the complete truth. From 6th grade (or was it 5th grade?) to high school, I showed majority of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder (S.A.D ...how fitting). I believe it was worse from 8th grade to freshmen year. At the present time, I have managed to progress in a way that makes me happy, but there are the small moments (and, yes, I'm aware of the social anxiety thread that's here, just wiping off my chest). My mother would always tell me that I needed to make friends and such. But I never knew where to start and, honestly, I was too afraid to start anywhere. I would always have concern that the people I talked to would think I'm some weird loner. So, I was content with sitting in class and doing my work alone. One day at the end of school (believe this was sophomore year), I was running up a hill and I nearly fell, so I had to climb my way up. When I looked around me - and at the time, I didn't know if I was being paranoid or if it was really happening - and it was like every stopped to have their little chuckle time before going on about their day. I know for a fact that one of them was actually laughing, but the other people....imagination?

2. My family has a serious problem about therapists and guidance counselors. Mention one and they get all huffy. The thing that pisses me off is that my mother says that I have anger issues and I need to work on them. One question: WHERE DID I GET IT FROM, MOM? WHERE!? (YOU). Now, mind you, I try my hardest to kill 'em with kindness and respect others when they don't even have the common courtesy to respect me. And I think I do a good job. My mother has no filter. -_- And if you think about it, outside people aren't the problem because they don't know you. My anger shows with my family because those are the people that know the exact buttons to tinker with. But anyway, at one point in time, I confessed my concerns about my personality. Said I may need counsling. It was like I was a witch in a room with Abigail Williams and her minions. Frustrating.

3. I'm just going to throw this in here to lighten the mood: Slim Jim, donuts, and sour gummi worms are my life. Perhaps too much. Just know that I was hungry while typing this thread.


Well, that's pretty much it for now. That was all that I could think of too get off my chest. Such a pleasant and freeing feeling you get when you finally shed some weight.

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To be continued...
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[Ai]

I think one of the saddest things is watching someone smile when they don't really want to.

Good job for being so strong about your feelings so far, but don't fret too much. Friends are hard things to make when it comes down it. As a person who has hundreds of 'friends,' the one who are truly there for you are the people who will pull you out of a pile of shit, even if they have to get covered in it themselves; those kinds of people are very hard to come by and it's completely understandable why you wouldn't know where to start, but meeting people starts at saying hello.

Some will talk to you and others will be just as shy as you are, some might be just as frightened or really happy you came to hello to them.

Be sincere with who you are and if you have told your parents that you want to have a counsellor for help, take the initiative and do it. If it's the right thing you feel for yourself then go by your instincts, because you are the only person that knows what is really right for you. As long as you understand, it's okay your mother doesn't like it, it's okay she doesn't feel that way but you do and you will need to get that message to her. A wise man said once "Let us hear the urgency of your crisis" -Shane Koyczan and he's right.

In my personal experience I would not be where I am today if I had not have, it was a great decision and I'm thankful I took the time to give myself the tools to be able to approach my life with a calm state of mind.

Don't hesitate to send a message to me or any of the friends you do have, because as human as we are all our wrapped up in or lives of brick walls and mountains that need to be conquered... all of your friends, they are there for you.

Anyone can listen.

And if you ask, you will be heard.

You may not get the answers you always seek, but that doesn't mean you have to stop searching.

And I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for.