Paramount Heights [Summarized]

R

Raven Yung

Guest
Original poster
Like so many others here, I'm trying to get some feedback on a plot I'm working on for a one on one RP. (Or maybe a group RP eventually, just depends on the feedback I get.) So, the following is just a letter from my OC, Raven, to the OC of the other person. This gives the RP its setting, where the OC's will meet, etc. I feel like it is short and encompasses the main plot in a few amount of words, but tell me what y'all think!​




A LETTER
Article:
"Paramount Heights was the greatest city on Earth, and now it is the last. [...]when I travel above the planet and stare back at it from the depths of space, all I can see are ash and dust. Among the debris, however, is a small and faint glow. That glow is Paramount Heights, it's light shining through the blackened atmosphere despite all else being destroyed. That exactly represents the spirit of this city and it's people. Despite the entire planet being in ruins, and billions of people being wiped from existence, [Paramount Heights] has lived on, not only to be the greatest city on Earth, but also humanity's greatest redemption!"​
Rowe, E. (2043, January).
Nationalization of Government.
Speech presented at the Preservation of Democracy Society,
Paramount Heights, UN.


This address was given exactly ten years ago by Elizabeth Ann Rowe, the Chief of Authority, in Paramount Heights' city hall. Now, the reputation of this republic only decreases, with sky-rocketing rates of theft, rape, murder, and rebellion. Thousands of people have fled the city, and thousands more have fallen into the lives of criminals. Then there are the upper-class citizens, dining on caviar and sipping Château d'Yquem from diamond-encrusted goblets while listening to French records, making love on silk bed-sheets without a worry in the world. Among these rich assholes is me, Raven Yung Floraine - a councilwoman's daughter.

I've put up with these ignorant bastards my entire life, watching as we arrive on the brink of war with the lowerclass. The rich have been held up in this tower for as long as I can remember. Its only because they're too scared to venture into the city that they helped destroy, and much too prideful to see the lives that have been ruined as a result of their drunken ignorance and misguidance. Now, they're going to get what's coming to them.

Although I'm going to end up on their hit-list for this, I've decided I want to help. The lowerclass are not the savages the government makes them out to be, and we both know it. They're more intelligent, more strong, and more equipped to fight than the rich are. All statistics say they could win this war - but there's a problem. The lower-class is poor, and the upper-class is rich. I know these people, and they will not give up their wealth without an unfair fight.

I have a plan, and its not going to be easy. I need you. You're the only one I know with the types of connections your war is going to need. I know you may hate me, but don't do this for me - do it for your family. Do it for your siblings and the other families living in poverty. Please. If you're interested, I'm going to be in town square tonight, at midnight. It will probably be packed, but you can't miss me - I'll be wearing something expensive. You will be too, if you help me.


-R.


P.S.
This war your people are trying to wage against mine will take years to win without my help. Just a thought, thief. [A little happy face is doodled here].





So, feedback? Is this interesting or no? What can I add? Should I be more in-depth with the letter, or do a seperate description to describe the state of the world, what happened to wipe out the Earth, etc. Or do people not care for those details? Honesty is appreciated. Thanks!
 

Dahrinn (Groucho)

The Wizard
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
  1. 1-3 posts per week
Writing Levels
  1. Intermediate
  2. Adept
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  4. Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Primarily Prefer Male
Genres
Fantasy, Sci fi, anything in which the world itelf is extremely interesting.
I'm certainly interested.

I guess some things you could add would be are more specific technological levels, and how big the gap is between lower class technology and upper class.
 
R

Raven Yung

Guest
Original poster
I'm certainly interested.

I guess some things you could add would be are more specific technological levels, and how big the gap is between lower class technology and upper class.


Thank you! I agree, I'm writing up a summary right now that should take care of that. Do you mind if I post it here for you to read when I'm done? I'm thinking of just writing this summary and including it with the above letter as is, but I want to be sure there is enough information ✿✿