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Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Boss Frost, Jul 9, 2010.
Melody stir slightly in her sleep.
I think you make a lot of fair points. Every time I look back on this post I find something else I could've done better, and I 100% agree with you on the rage thing.
Especially after actually becoming a mother myself (this post was written way before I had kids), I came to see I was approaching this far too logically and rationally when it should have been visceral and emotional. She's angry in the post, but she should be fucking seething. She should be irrationally angry and ready to run her sword through anyone and everyone who was responsible for this. Her fucking CHILD just died, her own flesh and blood, someone she raised and cared for, the last bit of legacy she has. Her husband is dead (well, he's not, but she believes he is) and her only child was just killed for no good reason. She should be losing her mind in anger here.
I think you're right that I didn't show properly. For as much as I love to preach the "show don't tell" mantra, I don't feel I accomplished it well. I think, like you said, I did okay. As the writer I'm probably harder on myself than you are, tbh.
The struggle for me is not necessarily where I could have done better but HOW. I remember when I was drafting this post I trashed revision after revision because I couldn't find a balance where the reaction felt reasonable but not overdone.
"Demi?" I ask concerned, now that I see she is clearly panicked. Whatever she lost meant a lot I suppose, even beyond a possible friendship. Oh dear. That better be some item for her to be pushing Penelope away like this. "It's going to be alright Dem just..." I try to speak gently, but that is about the time that Penelope seems to have made a mistake. My eyes nearly fluttered close in annoyance and I adjust my glasses, withholding a breath of impatience. She should not speak to Penny like this. No one should.
"Oh no, you aren't going." I tell her as I gently move myself from Nellie and Helen, making sure that Helen is still asleep and comfortably cocooned. I turn back to Demi and I walk over to her, hands shoved in my jacket pockets. "Not without any help if this means this much to you." Without fear, I reach out and place a hand upon her shoulder. "You don't need to be so fearful, and you don't need to lash out at any of us for this. Just...inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale." I ask of her. "Now, if you are calm enough, we can go. You don't need to inform me too much of what this is...but I want to help out." I scrunch my nose, trying to think about what could have possibly been this important item that she lost.
But then I do recall the day my father almost lost my mother's wedding ring. He was panicked, barely let me speak to him. I try to remember what I told to him to calm him down. Mama isn't going to be mad at you. It's okay...just breathe papa. In and out. Now where was it last? Is it there? Oh, you left it in the wrong jewelry box of hers. It's okay. She's not mad...
My brow furrows. I suppose that worked. "Do you remember where you had it last? My guess is you may have just dropped it there by accident. Maybe when you lifted Helen you dropped it in the kitchen. If that's the case...it's probably still there. Demi?" I ask her gently, biting my lip. "It's going to be alright. I promise, I'll make sure you find whatever it is. I can already tell it means a lot you. I won't say a single word about whatever it is. I promise. Just let me help you." I ask of her gently, squeezing her shoulder.
So I have three pictures
two of which I used before one I have not
Picture one Lion girl
Picture two Cat girl
Picture three Dog girl
All three will be fourteen
As for names I'm honestly thinking about going Reia again XD
take your time :3
“That girl was stuck in a room all her life. I’m not surprised, she has no people skills.”
"I guess." Lucius smiled softly.
lets go with your girl raping my girl.
Mmm....well, I worry about that part..... Mmm....
So, I think for the most part, just go ahead, and post to what I have, and I will re-direct some things in my next post such as the fact your girl had other options.
"They aren't the most pleasant of people."
Mm......so I was thinking either ending the harem rp early, or soon as it reaches 20 posts.....and replacing it with a Hitman Reborn harem. Where your girl would be a civilian sky whom finds out she inherited a spot in the mafia....and she needs a harem- err.....group of guardians. Thoughts?
Kunari laugh, “So shes staying here forever.”
"Melissa's is black?"
“She took after your father. But she had that beautiful emerald eyes.”
"Father's house. She always is."
"I'll kill them."
So I've been thinking about an rp
I'm not sure if this should be a school or a family teaching their abilities to the next generation.
But your girl is taken to get her familiar. The process is normally fairly simple, enter the circle, say some words, embue some power, and poof there is your familiar.
However when your girl does it there is earthquakes, electricity and sheer power rises from the circle. Your girl somehow has seven familiars.
Now this would be amazing in an of themselves, right until it is realized what these familiars are. They are the seven deadly sins. Now demons under these sins are common, lust demons are succubi, stuff like that but your girl didnt summon demons under those sins she summoned the sins themselves, the demons released by Pandora ages ago.
Essentually it will be a harem rp where your girl gets to have seven demons fawning after her, but she also has to keep them in line. Like preventing greed from stealing everything not nailed down
Thoughts? Changes? Additions?
the unwrapping the sword link is the same as the wiki link
*sigh* Did not nap long enough.
Posted. Are you knowledgeable about Reborn series? Or barely watch it, or did not watch it at all? I have watched it, but its been some years, and I do not really follow/remember everything. But I am trying to keep everything correct base off the wiki. But anyways....gave you a small info dump on flames in that post.
As for your idea. Would I make the intro post, or you? You know do you want to setup the world, and my girl's family or school? Or just the ....underworld stuff?