Pain In My Ass!

Wooseog Ryu

Edgepeasant
Original poster
LURKER MEMBER
FOLKLORE MEMBER
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
  1. 1-3 posts per day
  2. One post per day
Online Availability
It varies day to day!
Writing Levels
  1. Advanced
  2. Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Male
  2. Female
  3. Primarily Prefer Female
Genres
Modern, Medieval, Odd Pairings
Kadar was at a peculiar place for the center of an empire to be built, it seemed to bring four worlds together with itself at the center. To the north was an expansive and thick forest, that itself sat at the foot of the stone mountains from the west. Eastward looked out towards the ocean whose shore was occupied by several miles of Kadaran docks. There were warships as big as castles, and merchants sailing in and out as frequent as drunkards at a tavern. The south was a grassy highland though, which was the path used by most travellers who were en route to the Kingdom. In the center of it all, the walled city of Kadar was home to countless citizens, workers and warriors with a shadow cast over them, the shadow of the massive keep the city surrounded. It was known as the Spiral Keep for it's dizzying upward climb. At the top sat the ruling family, with their patriarch, King Janos Ravenholdt ruling over it all.


King Janos was an intimidating man, as one approached him on his throne through the large and ornate great hall, it could almost feel like approaching a giant. Guards lined the throne room, all of them with steel armor and crossbows, but the King, who stood at least a foot over all of them, dwarfed them all. His hard, unflinching face framed with it's windswept grey mane and heavy beard was unnerving enough to command respect, but it was hardly enough. Along with a suit of armor that took three men to equip, and twin claymores that hung at his hip like daggers, the King was also known for his brutal reputation. He was a veteran of a hundred battles, who had more scar tissue than skin.


His reputation made some think of him as a God, while others thought he the devil. Janos knew the upsetting truth though, he was only man, and man was only mortal.


Kadar was on high alert that came at a time of conflict. Ongoing battles between the Kingdom and her rival to the south, Linead had been taking place since before King Janos assumed the throne. Their rivalry was bitter, but culminated mostly in skirmishes, but it seemed like that was changing. It had been a year now since their last battle, the battle claimed the life of the eldest Prince, Damon Ravenholdt. It was a period of long grieving not only for their family, but their subjects. While the King was hard and brutish, Prince Damon subverted that behavior; he was gentle and charming, while still excelling at what Kadar was known for, warfare.


There was likely some exaggeration, but it was said a man twice the size of his father, with ungodly speed and strength, had killed Prince Damon. People believed this, it was hard to imagine a man who was touted as the best swordsman in Kadar could be defeated by anything but a mythical sounding warrior. But that was only the first of the sins by Linead.


The King had gathered the denizens of the Spiral Keep to address the lingering fear left by an assassination attempt. A man now screamed in the dungeon, his "brave" attempt to put an arrow through the King's eye foiled by his most vigilant guard, his daughter, Alannah. He expected the people to continue, business as usual, and dismiss any fears that the crown would come under attack again. While people were not exactly calmed, they were all smart enough to avoid asking questions to the King. He dismissed them with a nod, and they dispersed after a militant salute. Business as usual.


"You." There was one person King Janos stopped though, pointing his gauntleted finger towards a guard with who's face he was familiar. It was the Captain of the Guard, Alexandra he had to speak with her.


For you see, it wasn't entirely the fact that Damon died that shook the people of Kadar. And even if their King died, that wouldn't be the most damning part of this chain of events. The thing that frightened people the most, that made the council to the King shake collectively in their boots, was that upon the death of Damon, the heir to the throne became his brother: Valdred Ravenholdt.


---


"You're beautiful, you know that? I just can't stop looking at you."


"Oh Val, give it a rest."


The sun was now beaming through the balcony into a disorganized, mess of a bedchamber. Strewn across every surface, were bottles, some empty some full, but all contributing to the stench of alcohol lingering in the air, that combined with scented oils and human sweat to create the aroma of a high-class whorehouse. There were several plates of fruit, some fresher than others, and a plate with nothing more than the bones of a chicken.


Undisturbed in bed despite the sty around them were two people. A pretty, short girl sat at the foot of the bed, drawing a velvet robe around her naked body, brushing her brown hair over her elbow and sighing pleasantly. Her name was Mika, with an innocent face and enough jewelry to indicate wealth; it came as a surprise to some when they realized she was a whore. She wasn't just a whore though, she happened to be a whore in service to a very special client. The man in bed beside her, attempting to woo her with his hangover words was a Prince, Valdred Ravenholdt. Mika referred to him affectionately, as "Val."


"You know, Mika. For somebody who claims to be the best at what you do, you're not really that great at selling the experience." Prince Valdred propped himself up against the headboard of his bed. His black hair had gotten tangled and wet from sweat, which was also making his pale body glisten. Mika laughed at the Prince's protesting, and spun around to give him wide eyes like a puppy, inching back towards him.


"You mean like, Oh, oh, My Lord. Ravish me again, and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Whisk me away Lord Ravenholdt, make me your Queen!" Mika put on quite the performance; the grand finale was a swoon and fall back into Valdred's lap, who caught her and tried his hardest not to look amused, rolling his eyes to hide the smirk that crept out.


"Alright Mika, give it a rest. And that would be Prince Ravenholdt, not Lord." The Prince propped her back up, and got out of bed himself, not realizing how bad his headache was until he was hit by a dizzy spell upon standing. "Fuck me," he muttered to himself; hoping one of the cups in his room had water in it.


"No time, Val." Mika teased with a wink. Valdred rolled his eyes, again. His time with her for the week had come to an end, which made his hangover feel even worse. He liked Mika; she was good company, for more than just sex. She was clever for a commoner, when he first met her she wouldn't stop expressing gratitude every few minutes. Now that it had been a few years, she seemed to be quite comfortable picking on him, despite the fact he would be King one day; it should have annoyed him but it didn't, it just meant she could be herself in front of him, which was a good thing, right?


But as a Prince, whoring was generally frowned upon. His father despised the women he brought back, so much so Valdred began sneaking the girls in to avoid his father's wrath. He wasn't just a Prince now. Damon, Valdred missed his brother, but cursed his name at the same time. Damon had to go and die, leaving the position of ruler up to him now, once his father passed on. Valdred had always been happy to know his brother was before him, he couldn't handle his own girl problems let alone run a Kingdom.


"My Prince!" There was a knock at the door, and the squeaky voice of one of the servant boys, Toby. Mika and Valdred exchanged a look, and Valdred shrugged, he wasn't going to make her hide behind a curtain. He wrapped a robe around himself, and opened the door. Toby looked out of breath, and kept his eyes on the floor. There was nobody with the boy, at least that was good.


"Well? What is it Toby?" Valdred asked.


"It's Alex, My Prince." Toby said, as Valdred quirked his eyebrow. Alex, Alexandra of course. She and the Prince went way back, to childhood. They saw less and less of each other now that she held the title of Captain. Why would Toby come running to talk about Alex? Was she hurt?"


"What? Is she alright?" Valdred asked.


"Yes My Prince but, I heard her talking to the King. He, uh, he reassigned her. She's gunna be y-you're guard now. A-after the attempt on…" The little boy continued to stammer on, but Valdred heard all he needed to.


"Wait, my guard?" Valdred asked, Toby nodded. "Instead of Captain of the Guard she is going to be, like, my bodyguard?" Again, Toby nodded. Valdred shut the door. He couldn't imagine she would be too happy about her reassignment.


"Shit." Valdred thought.
 
Alexandra Marshall wasn't the typical Captain of the guard. For one thing, she was female. One of the only females to have been accepted into the guard at all, she was the first to become Captain in a hundred years. She had petitioned the King to allow her to train, she'd had to since she was also a noble. While her mother and father were proud of her accomplishments, they still required her to make an appearance as Lady Alexandra and she was still expected to act as a noblewoman would. So no sex before marriage, no leading men on, no inappropriate words, which she rightly ignored. Sure, she was still a virgin, but she was no innocent. But she did still wear the gowns to go to the balls, she still did her best to find a balance, but she wasn't going to marry a man that couldn't accept her for her and that was something her parents and her argued about frequently.

After Prince Damon had died, Alex had been upset. She'd known the Prince, they'd been friends along with his brother Valdred and so losing him had hurt her but what made her truly angry was her old friend Val's absolute idiocy when it came to the fact that he was now the one to rule. After the attack on the King, she'd already made a mental decision to go and knock some sense in to the man—literally—but then she was being called aside by King Janos.

"Yes, your majesty?" She asked as she gave a curtsy. It was one of the rare occasions where she was wearing a dress because of the kind of gathering even though she had her weapon strapped over top. Her dark brown hair was pulled over her shoulder in an elegant cascade of curls at the instruction of her mother and she just wanted to go change into the trousers and tunic that she was much more comfortable in.

The King looked her over and nodded. "You'll do well. You need to guard my son from here on. We cannot lose the next in line to the throne." He commanded.

Alex's eyes widened. "No offense, your majesty, but I can find someone much better suited than I!" She argued.

"It will be you." He stated in a firm voice. "You are the best are you not? If so, then you need to keep an eye on him and guard him always. I will have your belongings moved into the rooms adjoining his and let your parents known of the arrangement. You will still be captain of the guard. But you will only handle the smallest of duties regarding that. All other focus should be on my son. You will accompany him, at all times."

Alex felt her temper rising, but she couldn't go against her King. Curtsying stiffly, she nodded. "Yes, your Majesty." She was then dismissed and she saw a servant running from the place as quickly as he could and she resisted the urge to rub her temples. This was not what she wanted. She just wanted to go change and go about her Captain's duties as normal. She didn't want to deal with Val, not today. But now she was going to have to, she'd have no choice in the matter.

Walking slowly, so the servant would give Val enough time to get dressed hopefully, she made her way to the Prince's rooms. She couldn't remember the last time that the two had been around one another somewhere other than a public function—probably as she turned nineteen before she was given Captain of the Guard duties.

Getting to the door, she didn't even knock before entering and she immediately wished she had. The room was a disgusting mess and she looked around in annoyance before giving Mika a smile. "Mika, good to see you." She commented.

"You as well, Alex." Mika said pleasantly, but getting up and putting on her clothes as fast as she could. "I'm going to go before you release your temper if that's alright?"

"Good choice. I'll be around to speak to the women later about a change in contacting me to give me information." She told the woman before she looked at Val who just had a robe on. At least he was bloody dressed. But since Alex was only 5'4 she had to look up at the man and that was annoying.

After Mika was gone, she looked around then and blew a strand of hair out of her face before she crossed her arms under her breasts. "What the hell is the matter with you?" She snapped as she looked at him. "You're going to be the King someday. I don't care about your dalliances—they're absolutely ridiculous and if you're not careful you're going to catch a disease—but could you at least keep yourself from making this place so disgusting? Because now I'm having to live here as well." She glared.

Taking another step to him, she put a hand on his chest to steady herself and then stood on her toes to smack him upside the head. "And what's with you not training anymore? That's going to be fixed Val. We're not going to let your waistline increase anymore and you're going to have to put the women on hold. Lord. We have a ball that we're supposed to both be attending and now instead of being able to attend as a guard I have to attend as Lady Alexandra and you know how much I hate dresses. Just wearing this makes me want to scream." She took a step back as she looked up at him with fiery eyes before giving him the charming smile she could use in front of other nobles.

"Now, you're not going to fight me on any of this are you, your highness?"
 
Valdred spun around immediately after Toby fled, gritting his teeth and looking at Mika. "Alex is coming, get yourself dressed," He said in a hurried panic. Mika all the while was quite amused by how his good friend the Captain got him all fired up and nervous. Valdred threw on a loose fitting linen shirt himself, pulling on some pants. "Wait," Valdred stopped Mika before she could get dressed, stepping closer to give her a final kiss, while also placing a hefty bag of coins in her hand.

"I'm grateful, my Prince." Mika had a young son at home, the Prince felt sympathetic towards them both, and would be damned before he let them go hungry. Before Mika could get dressed and flee though, Alex was already in the room. Now it was her turn to feel sympathetic for the Prince, who was no doubt in for a rude awakening. She explained pleasantries with Alex, then left, as quickly as she could. She didnt stop to look back. Alex had a lot of people kicking up information to her, Mika wasn't one, but she knew better than to cross her.

"The matter with me?" Valdred was annoyed, but he wondered if he was more or as annoyed as Alex? The Captain of the Guard was a highly respected position, well, so was Royal Guard to the Prince, but he and she both knew she wasn't a "guard" as much as she was "someone to make sure he doesn't fuck up too royally." He was surprised the slap wasn't harder, but it still made him rub his head in discomfort.

"She isn't diseased," Valdred looked personally offended by the perceived insult of his favorite whore. "She's lovely, actually. Smarter than you'd expect for a woman of," he paused, "a woman of her standing." He wasn't winning himself annoy points though, if anything, Alex was probably more mad that he was wasting his time on a commoner, he knew his father would be. But she was right, right about it all. He would be King, and he would need to get some semblance of a grip.

"Training aside, Alex, I'm still one of the finest swordsman in our keep." Finer now without Damon, and he wasn't boasting. Valdred was gifted with his sword, however, he had never been able to beat his brother, or his sister; there was also pretty good chance that Alex could take him, but the two hadn't trained together since they were young. They hardly saw much of each other since then, but some things never change, she did hate being Lady Alexandra, and he sympathized.

"I won't fight you, Alex." Valdred conceded. "But don't pretend I like this any more than you do. I never asked to be King, and I never imagined I'd be much good at it." He mumbled as he began to look around the room for pieces of his armor. It was a mess, he hadn't called for a maid in quite some time. Awkwardly, Valdred looked down at the ground, knowing he might earn another smack for what he was about to say.

"As for the cleaning. May you send for my maid, Alison? I'm afraid we haven't been on good terms." He couldn't remember everything he said exactly, but he remembered "stupid peasant," and he remembered her crying. Perhaps his father was right to re-assign Alex, but it didn't make it any less frustrating.
 
Alex rubbed her temples slightly. This was going to be a nightmare. Did she care about Val? Of course she did, their friendship and the memories that she had of them as children hadn't just disappeared, but she also knew that if he didn't get into shape and start being more of a king that people were going to start rioting and that wasn't good for the countries stability in and of itself, nor for the war they were currently dealing with.

"I'm not saying that Mika is diseased, Val. But she's not the only whore you're around and you should start actually trying to get a wife. It may not be the most pleasant task, finding a wife for you, but it is necessary. If I'm having to suffer with dances you better damn believe that you're going to suffer as well, your highness." She said with just as much sass as she would've used when they were children. She wasn't going to change her attitude with Val when they were alone. When they were in public, she'd be more proper, but in his chambers--which were filthy it just wasn't happening.

At his next set of words, the brunette stayed silent and just let her eyes watch him for a few moments until he asked for her to call his maid and she groaned. "I swear Val, what the hell am I going to do with you?" She muttered. But then, before getting the maid, she walked over to him and cupped his face in her hands and made him look at her. "You can be an incredible king Val, I know that. But you need to start changing and act like it. I know you never asked to be king, but we don't always get what we want. It's time to be the man I know you can be and step up. Not just for our country but for yourself as well."

Letting him go, she made her way out of his rooms and started searching for his maid. It didn't take a long time, the woman was taking care of a few rooms nearby as well. "Alison, would you mind taking care of Prince Valdred's rooms?" She asked politely. Seeing the woman's eyes fill with anger, Alex sighed. "What did he do?" She spoke in a blunt voice. "Actually, I'm sure I don't want to know." She changed her mind as she held a hand up. "I'll scold the Prince and make sure he treats you better. But I'm unfortunately living in the rooms attached to his and it's disgusting, the smell alone is going to make it difficult for me to sleep so would you please do this as a favor to me?"

Getting an agreement from Alison, Alex made her way back to Val's room and when she walked in she walked over to her own rooms and sighed as she saw people bringing in some trunks and hanging up dresses. She looked over at Val and smirked slightly. "Can you even still dance properly anymore?" She asked in amusement. "Because you know you're going to have to dance with all the eligible, unmarried, and unbetrothed noblewomen in the city over the next few months." So, teasing him was a bit fun.